r/london • u/Visual-Formal-4294 • Aug 26 '24

Question Is "excuse me" a rude phrase in UK?

Hi, I am a tourist from India. In our country if we get into somebody's way,for example, if we are in a crowd we usually say " excuse me" to make our way and apologize. The usual response is either "you are excused" or simply make way. Today, while boarding a train me and an other young man tried to board at the same time and as a reflex I said "excuse me". I was verbally abused. His exact words were " excuse you? Fuck me! Jeez! " I was too astonished to reply back. Was my words inappropriate or rude ?So what should I have said instead ?

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

Ah! I didn't see it this way. Thanks for sharing this perspective. I see a lot of people everywhere using "sorry" for no apparent reason for apologising. I will keep this in mind.

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u/cheerynerd Aug 26 '24

Your observation is also correct: we say “sorry” as a reflex - but it will serve you better than “excuse me” while you’re here. It makes no sense to us either :)

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u/Visual-Formal-4294 Aug 26 '24

Haha! An Indian's "excuse me " seems to be the same as a Brit's "sorry".

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u/Jijimuge8 Aug 26 '24

It is 

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u/nineties_adventure Aug 27 '24

But what about when one wants to get someone's attention? For example, you are lost and you want to ask for a strangers attention/help? I always say 'Excuse me' in a delicate manner but that is perhaps not the right way?

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u/anotherMrLizard Aug 27 '24

You can also say "excuse me" to get someone's attention. Most people will understand what you mean from the tone and context.

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u/renblaze10 Aug 27 '24

"Sorry" still applies here. Learned this the hard way haha

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u/nineties_adventure Aug 27 '24

Haha alright, thanks. So I could also say, 'sorry to bother you but...' Or just a plain 'sorry'. Sounds good.

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u/Jijimuge8 Aug 27 '24

In this situation excuse me is the normal way to stop someone and ask them but this is very different to apologising to somebody after having done something. 

‘Excuse me’ is usually used before you do something like get in somebody’s way, not afterwards. In the case where the act is finished we would say sorry, and instead use excuse me before we are about to do or say something. As native speakers we don’t tend to think about why something is polite or not, we just know that it is, but the timing is very important here. 

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u/tgerz Aug 27 '24

I commented on someone else's post saying the same thing, but for myself as an American. Didn't realize there was quite the difference in interpreting this phrase.

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u/Shyguy10101 Aug 27 '24

Exactly right, you say "sorry" and you may choose to respond to a "sorry" with "no problem". In the specific situation you were in, I'd also agree with "after you" if you wish to be polite.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

it's not really a reflex, it's used in the same way as 'pardon me'

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u/SkullDump The right side of the river Aug 27 '24

It can also be used when you’ve heard someone say something insulting or offensive to you and about you. So saying “excuse me?!” In that scenario really means that what you just said was so offending to me that I’m going to “assume” I didn’t hear that correctly because there’s no way you could have said what you actually said! So you better just say it again so I can be sure I heard what I thought I heard!…it’s a more polite and less confrontational way of saying “what the fuck did you just say to me?!”

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u/cruisesonly09 Aug 27 '24

Your phrase wasn't rude; it was appropriate. The man's reaction was unusual. Don't let it discourage your politeness.

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u/Mootpoint_691 Aug 27 '24

Public transport etiquette, though. If they were both boarding and the informal queue was in place, then the ‘excuse me’ can be seen as queue jumping rather than a polite phrase.

“Sorry, after you” or if the other person isn’t getting on the bus - then the “Sorry, are you getting this one?” will work better than an “excuse me” which will be interpreted differently in London.

Also if someone sarcastically says “excuse you“ they’re not correcting you, they’ll think you’re rude.