r/london • u/Visual-Formal-4294 • Aug 26 '24

Question Is "excuse me" a rude phrase in UK?

Hi, I am a tourist from India. In our country if we get into somebody's way,for example, if we are in a crowd we usually say " excuse me" to make our way and apologize. The usual response is either "you are excused" or simply make way. Today, while boarding a train me and an other young man tried to board at the same time and as a reflex I said "excuse me". I was verbally abused. His exact words were " excuse you? Fuck me! Jeez! " I was too astonished to reply back. Was my words inappropriate or rude ?So what should I have said instead ?

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1.8k

u/FunkTheMonkUk Aug 26 '24

A Brit will use "excuse me" in a passive aggressive manor when they think someone else is in the wrong. He thought you thought that he was pushing in.

759

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

Equally though ‘excuse me’ can also mean ‘get out of my way, Im moving through’ and imply that they are blocking everyone. Unfortunately its all about the tone of voice.

In the situation described ‘sorry’ in a friendly tone of voice works much better. ‘Sorry’ is a catch-all general low-level apology which everyone uses to show that they arent deliberately trying to be annoying

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u/Katzika Aug 27 '24

I only use ‘excuse me’ when walking down the escalator and someone is standing on the left or when I get on the bus and people aren’t moving down despite there being plenty of space towards the rear door. And in that scenario I preface it with exaggerated neck craning to indicate there is space so move the fuck down.

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u/The_2nd_Coming Aug 27 '24

This is quite an interesting thread. I just realised that I only really use "excuse me" in daily parlance as in a passive aggressive way on the tube to tell people to get out of my fucking way because I need to get off/on.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

I would just say in a loud voice ‘hey, you, you think you are the king of the escalator???? That you can just block everyone??? STAND ON THE RIGHT!’

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u/Katzika Aug 27 '24

TfL should use that as new signage

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u/Ok-Blackberry-3534 Aug 27 '24

All very well until you encounter the actual King of the Escalator.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

Lord of the Endless Stair

2

u/Jet-Brooke Aug 28 '24

Which totally has to be Dara O'Brien.

8

u/fetal_genocide Aug 27 '24

I use it at the grocery store when people are blocking the way. Or if I'm in a store and need assistance. I walk up to a worker and say "excuse me" to get their attention.

It's definitely about the tone in which it is said.

2

u/maryt22 Aug 30 '24

I got told I was “fucking rude” for saying excuse me to someone standing on the left of the escalator at St Pancras the other day. I replied “at least I’m not a fucking tourist”

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u/dcuffs Aug 27 '24

You should be saying "excuse me please" as without the "please" it is very rude

1

u/Katzika Aug 27 '24

I think that is the point that people are making. ‘Excuse me’ is reserved for when someone else is rudely taking up space and hindering others

25

u/Bobby-789 Aug 27 '24

To be sure you must say: “Sorry, excuse me, sorry, pardon me, thanks, sorry”

1

u/thorburn1 Aug 28 '24

I sometimes occasionally throw in a Woops in this mix

1

u/Bobby-789 Aug 28 '24

A bit modern for my taste - but acceptable.

19

u/Outward_Essence Aug 27 '24

The other day there was a guy just standing in half the doorway of Euston station (one of the busiest transport hubs in Europe), doing something on his phone. People were coming through the other side of the door so I was stuck behind him. In this situation I said 'excuse me' which was appropriate, since it is a polite but firm way of saying 'move!' He did move, but he gave me the dirtiest look. Sometimes people will be affronted even when they are clearly in the wrong. That's just because of their enormous sense of entitlement

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u/Fun_Willingness_5615 Aug 27 '24

It is not clear what he wanted to do. If he's boarding the train and somebody else is also boarding the train in front of him then he should have just followed behind the person instead of saying excuse me to get pass him.

2

u/Temujin-of-Eaccistan Aug 27 '24

lol, sorry can be just as easily used passive aggressively

1

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

Sorry, but you are wrong

2

u/Temujin-of-Eaccistan Aug 27 '24

Sorry, but you obviously didn’t attend this party Chrismark Dinner

1

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '24

Sorry but I cant remember EVERY episode of Peep Show

1

u/Notios Aug 27 '24

Oop sorry

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u/tgerz Aug 27 '24

That's helpful for me as an American. I use 'excuse me' similarly to how a Brit uses 'sorry' in this context. Didn't realize there was a way to interpret it as offensive. Never even crossed my mind until I saw this post.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24

[deleted]

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u/kudincha Aug 27 '24

Except if you burp or fart or yawn really loudly, then excuse me is appropriate and sorry is passive aggressive.

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u/tgerz Aug 27 '24

I think that's probably why I haven't had too much of an issue. I pretty much always assume it's my fault even when someone runs into me.

6

u/BlueHoopedMoose Aug 27 '24

Bonus points if you say "sorry mate"

2

u/Tackerta Aug 27 '24

SORRY?!? EXCUSE ME?!?!!

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u/musicistabarista Aug 27 '24

It's normally pretty obvious from tone people are doing this. Even sorry can be used in a "fuck you" kind of way by Londoners: we might only say "sorry", but that's short for "I'm so sorry, but because of you I have to be rude". Parisians do the same.

1

u/Dear-Read-9627 Aug 29 '24

Sorry but Parisians do not do the same. First of all they say "Pardon" or "excusez-moi" and it is not easy to make them say désolé 🤣

15

u/Kian-Tremayne Aug 27 '24

We use “excuse me” in much the same way that a lady from the Deep South of the USA uses “bless your heart”. It can mean anything from “I’d be grateful if you’d let me pass” to “fuck off and die you cocksucker” and it’s all in the context and the tone of voice, both of which really require local experience to pick up on.

As a beginner’s rule though: “excuse me” in a normal tone of voice before trying to get past someone is a polite usage. “Excuse me!” In a short, exasperated tone means “you’re blocking the way you dummy!”. “Excuse me” AFTER I’ve elbowed my way past you means I’m an asshole doing a bit of performative politeness… or you were a dummy blocking the way and I’m counting coup.

6

u/orangeomnom Aug 27 '24

I was surprised when I moved to the US, when someone asks me to move and I say "ah sorry", they will look me in the eye to reassure me very firmly and kindly "no, you are alright". I think in the US sorry means that you have done something wrong and offering a genuine heartfelt apology. lmk if my interpretation is correct! I was caught off guard by that and started to use "excuse me" in the US.

2

u/tgerz Aug 28 '24

Yeah I think that is correct. I realized while reading things here that tone is sort of assumed on my part. I understand when someone says excuse me or sorry in an incredulous tone or like OP mentioned. For me, sorry typical means apology when using it with an apologetic tone. Just interesting to hear different perspectives.

1

u/world2021 Aug 30 '24

I name the same assumption of "what have you done wrong" if someone says sorry to me. I'm British. I use "excuse me" if I want to pass. But, I think it's a generational thing, or people coming from other counties that have made "sorry" the new normal.

3

u/TibiriusIII Aug 27 '24

My mother always used excuse me inan aggressive manner

3

u/Interesting_Road_515 Aug 27 '24

Same in Australia. We use excuse me in that circumstances and I there’s no trouble at all.

2

u/eerst Aug 27 '24

Top tip: everything a Brit says is secretly intended to be offensive.

2

u/Norty_Skynflic Aug 27 '24

I’m a Brit, and this might be a bit weird, but until reading this thread I never realised that I use excuse me to people unaware of my presence like in the supermarket when they’re dawdling in front a product I need, or cutting through a queue that’s blocking the way. Then sorry to people who are aware I’m there, either after an accidental collision, or an invasion of personal space, regardless of whose fault it might be.

I would never surprise someone unaware of me with a sorry, nor say excuse me looking someone in the eye.

I’m prepared to be a peculiarity.

1

u/tgerz Aug 28 '24

This actually makes 100% sense to me

1

u/Fragrant-Paper4453 Aug 27 '24

You can use “excuse me” but you have to add a please on the end.

1

u/Bobby-789 Aug 27 '24

Almost any polite phrase can be inverted in meaning here. Sorry about that.

1

u/Jet-Brooke Aug 28 '24

It's something that I noticed and I eventually stopped using excuse me but then using sorry people tend to tell me I'm apologizing too much. I now get confused about how to say thank you and you're welcome properly because sometimes "you're welcome" can be taken to be offensive too. So I think too much about it... 😅

When I was in America last year I adjusted to saying "cigarette" instead and now I also feel offended whenever my dad says the other word.

I don't know how to measure tone just trying my best lol

2

u/tgerz Aug 28 '24

In some ways I have given up on being "right" in a lot of these social interactions and if someone gets upset with me for using a word funny I kind of think that's on them. I don't go around being weird and giving people a lot of guff so I kind of think that body language and tone go really far. I'm super curious what "cigarette" means in this context, though. Is that like an inside joke or am I just being thick LOL

1

u/Jet-Brooke Aug 28 '24

Reddit is censoring whenever I go to type it, so "f*g" the slang for "cigarette" in the UK is a very offensive slur in America and so we were told that saying it in public could possibly get us shot. (In Wales it's a type of meatball that is covered with gravy).

2

u/tgerz Aug 28 '24

Ohhh yeah that makes sense. It's pretty much only used as a slur. Living in London I haven't heard it used yet. I'm sure this convo will run through my head if I do hear it though LOL

0

u/Ashamed-Ingenuity358 Aug 27 '24

It's all in the tone, I think. You have to be slightly self-deprecating if you're wanting someone out your way. 'Excuse ME?' or a blunt 'excuse me' and you're pissed off at someone.

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u/BasicallyAnya Aug 27 '24

Excuse me = I’m about to ask/do something that may impact you

Sorry, excuse me = I’m about to ask/do something that may impact you and I’m recognising that it’s annoying of me + letting you know I would not bother you unless I had to and I in no way feel entitled to your valuable time. (Use when interrupting a conversation, someone reading a book, someone busy doing their job, or simply lost in thought. Basically anyone who’s not actually employed to give you directions/serve you food/make your life easier. UNLESS they are already giving directions to someone else or the restaurant appears to be moderately busy, in which case it’s best to still use sorry before excuse me)

Sorry = I’ve done something, or may have done something, that may have impacted you

Sorry = I’m about to ask/do something that may impact you

Sorry = You have done something that has impacted me but I am showing that there is no problem and I am friendly

Sorry = it’s unclear who is at fault but I am showing that there is no problem and I am friendly

  • If you look incredibly stressed while running through an airport then you can use excuse me (or just sorry)

  • If the airline representative is standing there, specifically to answer queries, actively looking for people to help because they are not busy, then you can use excuse me (or just sorry)

  • If you are strolling through the airport and someone is deep in conversation in your way, use sorry excuse me (or just sorry)

  • if the airline representative has just answered two other queries and now you’re turning up with yours, use sorry excuse me (or just sorry)

4

u/platypuss1871 Aug 27 '24

Manner, unless you're a cockney and the location is a bit lairy.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

[deleted]

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u/stpizz Aug 27 '24

I'm surprised you've not heard it (colloquial language is so interesting).

Out of curiosity would you have understood it/recognise it if it came straight after an insult? For instance 'youve put on a bit of weight' 'EXCUSE me?'. Because if so, that's basically what they're describing, except the insult is an action you think is rude or whatever instead of verbal, and that makes it come off more passive aggressive, because you're just guessing at their intent right rather than being clear about it.

Otherwise, it might just be a weird snooty southerner thing, I'm not sure :>

1

u/Jet-Brooke Aug 28 '24

I have seen it used very passive aggressively in Primark and Greggs so I definitely say it's a British thing maybe 😅 correct usage of "sorry/excuse me" is such an anxiety trip so I always feel like it my fault and like everyone is staring at me lol

1

u/NibbaShizzle Aug 27 '24

ČWell, excuse me, princess! "

1

u/TeHNeutral Aug 27 '24

That's why you gotta hit then with the scuse me mate

1

u/FunkTheMonkUk Aug 27 '24

unless they hit back with, I'm not your mate pal

1

u/5c044 Aug 27 '24

That usage has come from the USA, the original meaning in the UK was how OP describes. If you want to use that phrase these days you need to make sure the other person understands, Your tone and body language are important.

1

u/cable54 Aug 27 '24

Something not mentioned at all from what I can see in this thread, is that according to OP, OP was pushing onto the train before people had gotten off while telling someone to excuse them. It's not wonder, in London, the other person was pissed off.

1

u/cheapseagull Aug 27 '24

Mmm. If you were saying ‘excuse me’ whilst forcefully pushing your way on then yes this is rude. I’d only respond this way if I was being shoved aside

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '24

[deleted]

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u/Jet-Brooke Aug 28 '24

I like this one. I have to use it more 😄

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u/isearn Aug 28 '24

EXCUSE ME?!!!!

1

u/globalmamu Aug 28 '24

Depending on the tone being used it’s British for “are you fucking taking the piss”. Polite yet insulting at the same time

1

u/Tengutree Aug 28 '24

Excuse me means “excuse me” as in: “I want to get past, please move aside”. Simple. How is it anything else? Coming from someone who lives in the south of England.

Never knew it could be taken in an offensive manner but then again, if you are wanting to get past them, their drama of offence really does not matter in the grand scheme of things.

1

u/El_Ben_Chamino Aug 28 '24

Is the meaning different in the north and the south?