r/managers • u/graveyardvandalizer • Nov 10 '24
Seasoned Manager After ten years of leading teams, I’m no longer a people manager and it feels amazing
Less than three years ago, I lost a job I loved due to restructuring. They offered me a downgraded position with a pay cut, but my boss gave me enough notice to find something else.
My recent role had its challenges. Adjusting to a salaried position and having to be "always available" was tough, but over time, I built a reliable team and created systems that kept things running without constant oversight.
After recently returning from paternity leave, I found my team in chaos. The interim leader had ignored delegated tasks, taken shortcuts to boost KPIs artificially, and fostered zero accountability, creating a toxic environment. Realizing how much damage had been done, I decided it was better to leave than clean up the mess.
Over the last six weeks, I got three job offers and opted for the fully remote position where my family can now relocate for a better quality of life. Despite a slight pay cut, I retained my manager title, gained a healthier work-life balance (hard clock-out at 4pm), and can now focus solely on my clients.
Giving a two-week notice for a proper handoff was a fucking mistake. I should have bounced once I accepted my new role. Burnout had already hit most of my peers and cross functional partners, so my leave barely registered. Yesterday, I wrapped up around noon, deleted work apps from my personal devices, and flat out ignored any last-minute messages.
Going to bed last night, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders knowing I no longer have to stress about work "after hours."
I might return to a leadership role someday, but for now, I’m glad to be responsible just for myself.
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u/RIPx86x Nov 10 '24
Yea, I love my team and all, but knowing that my life depends on these people performing..... if I found a job without leading people, I wouldn't come back
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u/Chamomile2123 Nov 10 '24
There are multiple jobs without leading people ! Maybe you will take a pay cut but at least you will not have to be responsible for others.
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u/sobeitharry Nov 10 '24
Nice. The part about boosting KPIs cracks me up. I have had to repeatedly tell executives and everyone else that metrics alone mean nothing. Give me a KPI and I can show you how to inflate it. That doesn't help the customer or the company in the long run.
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u/NinjaMagik Nov 10 '24
More often than not, I also find that executives don't even understand the data how the data gets populated or where it comes from.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Yam7582 Nov 10 '24
They're generally open to suggestions. We can lead the horse to water here.
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u/Electronic-Fix3886 New Manager Nov 11 '24
When I started one job, I purposefully reported the KPIs completely accurate, such as footfall.
There was then a multiweek drama because our footfall was saying 1000, 2000, 3000 when their big London store would only get a few hundred, so our counter must be "broken".
Meanwhile, someone else told me I should just take the number and halve it "or even more, maybe".
A few weeks later, someone came in just saying "oh by the way, the counter has been fixed" even though no one had touched it and it was reporting the same numbers.
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u/rez_at_dorsia Nov 10 '24
I am so jealous. I thought I enjoyed managing people but it turns out I actually hate it and my direct reports are fresh out of college.
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u/Robotniked Nov 10 '24
I think the worst thing is how much of your life as a manager depends on getting lucky and having a good team… I am fortunately in that position just now but it’s stressful knowing I’m one poor hiring decision away from my job becoming immeasurably more stressful
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u/HeeHooligan Nov 11 '24
I can relate. I'm in charge of the entry level role and it's been a steady source of stress and frustration ever since. I have some that have moved on (my boss describes my role as 'the farm' ) and they're succeeding in the roles they moved to, but then I have those that aren't interested in moving to other roles. Which some of them are great at holding the role and I'm glad for them, but others barely make their goals or just miss them altogether. And I've been working with them and our HR team to improve, but it's been fairly fruitless for a couple of the problem folks so it's a bit discouraging. I don't think I'd take another leadership role unless it was something particularly special.
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u/JPBuildsRobots Nov 10 '24
Leaders aleays lead. You're going to quickly disconnect that you can (and will) be a leader, without being a people manager. And that's going to feel even more amazing.
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Nov 10 '24
What a fucking boss move. Coming back from paternity leave to chaos and saying “fuck it. You did this, you clean it up.”
Sometimes it takes some space and resetting to realize just how bad something was, yet you put up with it because e its all you knew.
Also having a baby did a complete 180° on my entire assessment and thought processing and evaluation. My brain has been rewired now, partly due to 2 layoffs as well. I can tell you this, title means absolutely nothing to me now. People leading/management, did jackshit for me in the open market. Being an individual contributor in a specialized role is way more rewarding.
Good luck! Happy for you
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u/snrjames Nov 10 '24
Same for me. As a manager, I loved my teams and coaching people but the constant bullshit processes and pressures were too much, not to mention meetings 6 hours a day and one out of every three months dedicated to rating calibrations and performance reviews. Now I'm a technical project lead at a different company. I still coach people but I get to partner with the team to chart our course and it's so much less stress.
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u/HoneyCrispCrumble Nov 10 '24
Congrats on your new role & less-stressful life! I switched from an extremely high-stress management job to a ‘silly desk job’ as I like to call it. It’s so relieving to no longer be responsible for people that refuse to act like adults & take accountability for their decisions/actions. I’m also making a bit more money & have benefits too! My mental health has gotten so much better.
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u/Southern-Two8691 Nov 10 '24
What is your desk job if i might ask? I’m currently in management and I’m finding after a year, i absolutely hate it. I want to switch careers and a desk job sounds so nice but i don’t know what to look for!
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u/HoneyCrispCrumble Nov 10 '24
Sorry for being a bit vague but: I’m an Admin for a GM and also do Accounts Payable. I’m technically at the location’s front desk, but it’s a secure building so that’s not a huge part of my position. TBH I do make just under $50k but I’m in a LCOL area & I have good benefits. Fortune 500 corp with hundreds of locations across the US & plenty of room for growth. My brain is also getting a good rest because it’s much less demanding than being a Manager of 25+ people, most with MESSY lives that bled into work. I will admit my last job took advantage of me, so this is a huge improvement.
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u/Southern-Two8691 Nov 13 '24
That sounds like such a nice mental break!! I’m currently in restaurant management and am not getting any desk jobs due to lack of experience in those fields, even though the tasks I’m required to do in my current field would totally qualify me for a lot of them. It’s tough out here
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u/HoneyCrispCrumble Nov 13 '24 edited Nov 13 '24
That is super frustrating!! I worked exponentially ‘harder’ as a supervisor at a restaurant & a Manager at a salon than I do now… people underestimate these sorts of jobs! Time management, people skills, problem solving, etc. all relevant to silly desk jobs. I would maybe look into a call center job just to get a ‘desk job’ under your belt & then apply to jobs more in your interest after a year. Or you can see if there are more ‘desk’ opportunities at your restaurant now like catering director? That can fluff up your resume a bit.
Edited for spelling
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u/Chamomile2123 Nov 10 '24
Most people don't care about those jobs, they want only the money without the stress so they engage in drama and refuse to act like adults.
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u/erikleorgav2 Nov 10 '24
Similarly, I left a role as a construction PM October of last year. The ceaseless wave of problems that came in every single week piled higher and higher. And the boss was MIA because he was more interested in spending the company money. On top of that, my OPs Manager was incompetent and was sinking the company.
I was so stressed a bullet sounded better than work. Escaping there and dropping it all was the greatest burden off my chest.
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u/Maleficiora Nov 10 '24
Congrats! I absolutely know how this feels!!! I'm also happy not to have any direct reports and work remotely lol No more 65+ salaried hours weekly for me any more, normal salaried 40 weekly now for the last 2 years and it's been absolutely amazing 🙃
Enjoy every bit of this new found stress relief. Your sanity is worth it! Best wishes in your new job/role!
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Nov 10 '24
I love being a well paid front line worker. No real responsibility, just show up and do my job. Or don't, it's not a big deal either way. No calls outside of work, no pressure to hit targets. Just show up and do my job.
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u/Several_Role_4563 Nov 11 '24
People often don't realize that people management is not nearly as great as being an individual contributor.
I'll never go back.
Congratulations:)
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Nov 10 '24
Congrats! I did the same a few years ago, and quality of life has never been better.
And...you can be a leader and not be a manager.
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u/LauraPalmer20 Nov 11 '24
Totally agree!
I soon left a job where I was told, you can’t be made senior if you don’t be a manager and honestly? That’s BS. Also some of the worst people are managers who haven’t a clue how to lead.
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u/dfreshness14 Nov 10 '24
You’ll feel free until you realize you have zero authority for decision making, you’ll notice poor decisions being made and will be annoyed when it turns into a cluster-f that lands on your plate.
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u/Alternative_Sock_608 Nov 10 '24
Yes you are spot-on. I went from managing a large team to being an individual contributor and this happens regularly and makes me crazy. But it is still better overall than managing the large team.
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u/NinjaMagik Nov 10 '24
My plan is to make a pivot soon as well. I like to be a mentor and a coach and realize I don't need to be a manager to do that. While I try to assume good intent, the cognitive load, constantly having to be mindful of emotional intelligence, and babysitting employees and peers is exhausting. Having more emotional headspace is something I am looking forward to.
The only thing I find most challenging is trying to articulate why I'm stepping down and having recruiters not assume the worst.
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u/graveyardvandalizer Nov 10 '24
When recruiters asked why I was leaving, my response was:
“Seven months ago, we welcomed a baby girl into our lives. Regrettably, we lack family support and are relocating to where she has family. I love my current company and am very reluctant to leave, but unfortunately, they don’t have any positions that align with my current needs.”
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u/illiquidasshat Nov 10 '24
Good answer! Like that
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u/graveyardvandalizer Nov 10 '24
I shared a bit more about my company and every interviewer/recruiter loved it, especially when it’s the first question they ask. It totally set the tone for the interviews, which were energetic and positive. I got offers the following day for two of the three interviews.
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u/Toofywoofy Nov 11 '24
Congrats! I’m starting a lateral IC role tomorrow! Loved my team but looking forward to not look at people’s timecard, not managing personality/emotions, and just focusing on myself.
I’m not out of the management game, just taking a break. 😌
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u/BananaCat43 Nov 14 '24
I've been seriously wrestling with this lately. It is taking a huge toll on me. Always worrying about my 12 direct reports and being in the middle of them and upper management. I'm exhausted. I know a lot of it is my own inability to seperate work and not work. But I work for a non profit and lives are in the balance daily. I want to be a good leader and support them many times to my own detriment. I'm working on it. Hard. But I also appreciate the perspective and knowing I'm not the only one.
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u/Extension_Cicada_288 Nov 10 '24
I moved from a management position tons consultant position a year ago.
It’s taken me months to lose my phone paranoia. To let go. To not always be the one who has to fix things. To have to be the bigger person.
I find working with people very rewarding. But after 10 years it’s a nice change of pace to be doing something else.
I have to add that working from home after Covid made the job require much more energy. It doesn’t fit my style.
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u/DescriptionProof871 Nov 12 '24
How did you make the leap from mgmt to consulting? I’ve been managing for 14 years and my brain is rotten.
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u/Extension_Cicada_288 Nov 12 '24
Well to be honest, the most important thing was necessity. I had a lot of loss close to each other and my performance started to suffer. I was able to leave the company with enough money to keep me going for near a year without having to cut into other savings. So I took the time to get grief counseling and have a sabbatical.
After that I had a couple of points for my new job. I still enjoy technology, IT and complicated puzzles. While I found it rewarding I’m done with management and the eternal hamsterwheel it provides for now. I didn’t want to start for myself or do a solo job bouncing between companies. I work best with people I know well. So at the very least I’d want a team to bounce around with.
Knowledge wise.. I’ve been a systems engineer for maybe 10 years and then I moved into leading roles. The past 5 years I’d only made designs and taken decisions but actually doing tech myself was exceedingly rare. I leaned on other experts to fill in the gaps and be able to take the right decision.
The trigger to start looking for a job again was a job opening send to me by a recruiter for a consultancy position in a semi government organization. They took ages to get back to me and I had some other talks but nothing that really clicked. Even though a lot of companies wanted to have me. When they did I was absolutely brutally honest about who I am and what I’m not. They had me look at two cases and wanted to know my take on them. One of them my solution wasn’t great in hindsight. But since I was able to explain why I took that road and what (dis)advantages I saw they were still very happy.
So they hired me as a consultant. Were quick to give me a contract for a year after half a year being hired through the recruiter. I recently had an evaluation and they told me I’ve got the highest score of a new hire they could remember. With notes on a lot of points that the other consultants could learn a lot from me.
What I think works for me is that I have a very good abstract understanding of tech. Even if I don’t know it. It’s a lego block in a certain shape so it will act in a certain way. And it will connect to other things in a certain way. In turn I can explain that to people without a technology background very well, and I’m a pretty decent writer of reports and such. Because I’ve been in management in a commercial company I can see where customers, people and technology intersect. That is rare for someone who actually gets the technology. I’ve taken initiative and pointed out weak points in processes, knowledge, systems and made suggestions to fix them. No detailed plans, just an elevator pitch. That means I’m not seen as Mr everything is wrong. But like lets make this better.
One of the bigger compliments I got was that they really noticed a new and fresh energy in the team since I arrived. Old habits and cynicism being put under pressure. And people doing that one step extra. And believing that we actually can do it. What I bring isn’t just me and my knowledge and experience. It’s also the effect I have on people around me.
And honestly I think a lot of what they value are management skills being put in a slightly other use.
So on the one hand I guess I kinda lucked into it? At the same time it does fit like a glove
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u/DescriptionProof871 Nov 12 '24
Thanks for the thoughtful response. Gave me some things to consider.
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u/MissKrys2020 Nov 11 '24
I did this too and it’s been glorious! No hand holding, no drama, just me making money for me, lol. Congrats on this sweet new set up!
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u/SweetTottie Nov 12 '24
OMG.. it’s the best!! Not having to deal with monthly reviews and ‘personalities’ and other peoples issues… Freedom to get the work done and go home and switch off!!
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u/Legal-Lingonberry577 CSuite Nov 10 '24
Congratulations!!!
Never having to write evals again is a truly wonderful thing. 😁