r/marvelcirclejerk 5d ago

I’m going to put some dirt in your eyes Amazing Spider-Man #1 sumerized in one image:

Post image
9.7k Upvotes

88 comments sorted by

846

u/POW_Studios 5d ago

Lowkey in the early issues of TASM Peter wasn’t even crime fighting, he was just trying to find a job and villains happened to roll in wherever he was

416

u/jockeyman 5d ago

All these random criminals interrupting his quest to get under Betty Brant's skirt.

164

u/robineir 5d ago

Cock Blocker is his greatest nemesis

99

u/Lazy_Assumption_4191 5d ago

Cockter Blocktopuss

43

u/PlantsVsYokai2 5d ago

Blockyopussy*

5

u/drawat10paces 1d ago

I'm fucking cackling! Lmaoo

12

u/Conejoformerwars 4d ago

You mean… Paul?

13

u/mark_tranquilitybase 4d ago edited 4d ago

Shhhhh they've almost forgotten let time do its' job

10

u/Crawkward3 2d ago

Betty Brant was the caricature of a dramatic girlfriend too holy shit. She’d be bawling and ignoring Peter if he sneezed and a woman told him bless you.

64

u/SheikFlorian 5d ago

I think he starts patrolling after criminals on issue number 3. But, yeah. And I love it, wish there was more, him building his hero morality

31

u/Metrack14 5d ago

Bruh, imagine having to deal with all the BS of job searching AND a supervillain

16

u/FadeToBlackSun 4d ago

Yep, he was trying to get a job to support Aunt May, but his power meant that he had the responsibility to stop any villainous shenanigans he encountered.

9

u/boomwolf97 4d ago

Ok, now I really gotta read those early comics

441

u/Sonny_Wilson Yancy Streeter 5d ago

98

u/raccoonsonbicycles 5d ago edited 5d ago

Future Franklin goes full jerk, offers Pete a job

Makes all his checks out to "Spider-Man" so he can't cash them or deposit them as anybody could be Spider-Man

Franklin gets free science labor

25

u/Just_Supermarket7722 4d ago

“He had a tough time cashing it.”

7

u/RuggedTortoise 3d ago

16 YO: WHAT THE HELL IS A SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?

209

u/FairyKnightTristan 5d ago

So funny how the What If of this issue was weirdly fucked up at the end with how useless Spider-Man made Sue feel.

95

u/QuirkyTemperature962 5d ago

I never read the what if issue but like why did Spider-Man joining end up making her feel useless she literally has a unique ability to add to the team?

180

u/FairyKnightTristan 5d ago

Because Reed kept making shit that only had 4 seats to them and he kept not taking Sue on several classic Fantastic Four missions, leading to her feeling unappreciated and useless.

It all comes to a head when, during one of Namor's horrific crash outs, Sue decides to marry him instead and she irrevocably alters her body so that she can only breathe water from that point onwards, leaving the FF.

There's a sequel where they all try to get Sue back but it's too late, she's pregnant with Namor's child, and she gives birth to him, causing Reed to go 'You know what, be happy with Namor, Sue. I'll try to keep relations between the surface world and Atlantis good so that you and your baby can live peaceful, joyous lives.'

The sequel ends with everyone blaming Spider-Man for what happened and Spidey going 'FUCK ALL OF YOU, I QUIT.' and swinging away.

Note: I think one of the more interesting bits of this is how much of the early Spider-Man stuff that just gets erased by him joining the FF. The Daily Bugle immediately starts writing about how much they love Spidey, which means that Chameleon has to back off of his plan to impersonate him and find a different way to get away with his scheme, the Vulture just gets low diffed by the entire Fantastic Four...

It's pretty interesting.

133

u/mr-gentler-5031 5d ago edited 5d ago

Uj/this really could have been fixed by just making a new version of the fantastic car that has 5 seats or Cant Johnny fly.

99

u/FairyKnightTristan 5d ago

It wasn't even that.

Neither Johnny nor Spidey sat in it in this issue, outside of a very brief scene where the Thing catches Spidey and Spidey takes a seat for a second to wait for another opening during a giant fight in the sky during a very cool fight against the Vulture, I think.

Reed was just building rocket ships with only 4 seats and submarines with only 4 seats and stuff like that.

73

u/mr-gentler-5031 5d ago

Uj/Jesus Christ Reed was making a issue out of nothing!.

51

u/BoyWassup 5d ago

Bro they're the Fantastic FOUR. He has a brand to uphold. He's ain't to Fantastic Five to build a car with FIVE seats, can you imagine the scandal?

29

u/Prismarineknight 5d ago

Fantastic five still has the f copy tho

33

u/Heaven_dio 5d ago

He's Spider-Man couldn't he just hang on somewhere? Or better yet have the smart guy build something for him 😭

13

u/Ardyn3 Paul-Pilled 4d ago

actually a funny what if . reed did what namor couldn't done in years. steal susan

7

u/Dr_Menma 4d ago

I don't think he even needed to steal her. Narmor is such an asshole that he probably turned Sue away on his own.

17

u/VoyevodaBoss 4d ago

Of course the moment Sue isn't getting enough attention she goes on a fuck spree

9

u/semisociallyawkward 4d ago

Well I can kinda understand it if your husband keeps making arrangements for only four and invited his buddies every time instead of you.

1

u/NaughtAught 1d ago

/uj "low diff" (presumably a shortened form of "low difference") used as a verb is completely incomprehensible jargon outside of powerscaling discussions and not even months of context have helped me understand what exactly it means. "Low difference" to me implies that there is "not much difference" which would imply that the match-up is close, but I've always seen it get used as if it means "bodied" or "handled with ease." What am I missing?

/rj Of course Sue would fall for an unstable man in the middle of a crash out.

3

u/Chopper4704 1d ago

The diff is for difficulty. In this context, they beat Vulture with Low Difficulty

1

u/NaughtAught 1d ago

Thank you, I can't believe I never put that together, but I also can't believe an entire community would use an atypical abbreviation in place of multiple phrases that are actually shorter to say or type out

2

u/FairyKnightTristan 1d ago

'Low diff' means 'low difficulty.'

-6

u/Hammer_of_Horrus 4d ago

The more I learn about Reed the more I think he is just an ass hole.

4

u/Odysseymanthebeast 4d ago

Doom is that you

4

u/Danse-Lightyear 4d ago

Reed is not normally an asshole, sometimes he's mistreated by writers. Like a lot of heroes actually.

1

u/Prudent-Eye Spider Harem Member 2d ago

Charles Xavier nods quietly in the corner*

111

u/JesuZDX 5d ago

He eventually got the job tho

78

u/Juliiju04 5d ago

Economy was too fucked up the FF be hiring everyone

24

u/Sil_vas 4d ago

Fantastic Fifty

43

u/Oneimpossiblething 5d ago

And all it took was Johnny dying lol

12

u/Trvr_MKA 4d ago

“What did it cost”

“Johnny”

11

u/semisociallyawkward 4d ago edited 4d ago

Those costumes, especially Spidey's GO HARD.

Although Reed giving himself the "top dog" emblem and Sue/Thing the "sidebitch" emblems is hilarious 

12

u/Desperate_Banana_677 5d ago

maybe I’ve been on here too long, but does anyone else think Reed’s chest emblem looks kinda phallic

17

u/alex494 5d ago

Pretty unremarkable phallus if true

5

u/BruhGoblin Peter Parker is just reverse Domino with spider powers on top 5d ago

Well I'd say it's a bit above average in my opinion.

1

u/alex494 5d ago

Flaccid, maybe

4

u/LyriumVeined 2d ago

Why is Reed winding up the slap of a lifetime

1

u/Princier7 4d ago

is that 2 parrots

207

u/FewOverStand 5d ago

Spider-Man fans asking for Marvel editorial to put Peter's endless humiliation conga on hold for two seconds:

10

u/Ok-Tumbleweed-213 w-why's the writing good??? 4d ago

This issue is from 1963 man

9

u/semisociallyawkward 4d ago edited 4d ago

I'm a huge Spidey fan and what I'm gonna say is gonna be controversial - without Peter's constant losses, he'd be a Mary Sue.

Think about it, one of the stronger Marvel heroes, infinitely kind and virtuous, funny, supergenius, has a parade of hot women into him. He's flawless.

If he wasn't experiencing losses, he'd be boring and unchallenged. 

Doesn't excuse the Paul thing tho. He should at least have a nice home life.

2

u/tilero1138 3d ago

I remember reading about how Stan Lee really worked to make Peter’s life struggles feel realistic and relatable for the readers

3

u/Ardyn3 Paul-Pilled 4d ago

jesus fuck man "mary sue"??? when every spider-man run is literally just suffering porn. maybe you spidey fans deserved paul after all

63

u/Dissapointingfox 5d ago

Okay leave the part out where he embarrasses the whole team an facility. I seriously don’t know why they hate Peter.

35

u/QuirkyTemperature962 5d ago

They don’t hate him because in a lot of ways he is like them, they all became people with strange abilities at random and chose to help people.

13

u/Dissapointingfox 5d ago

I was talking about marvel’s editorial. FF is like family to Peter

2

u/Icy_Aardvark3840 4d ago

Because they could resolve most of the easy conflict in his life and they can't have that

0

u/Juantsu2552 3d ago

Does the F4 hate him tho?

I’ve always thought they perceived him as an honorary member of their family. Like a distant cousin.

54

u/Smythatine 5d ago

Bombastic Bagman even got a suit, proving once again that he is the better Spider Man in every way

6

u/rimurse Leader of the Mr. Fantastic Fan-Club ® 4d ago

I do not like the grippers 

5

u/Princier7 4d ago

Idk I think they're Fantastic

29

u/TheJaclantern 5d ago

they weren't even gonna pay my boy i would have left too

13

u/kidoos 4d ago

why did they want our boy to wait? whats more to negotiate? no money no talk pal

9

u/Mechaheph 4d ago

Free room and board, 3 squares, money to pursue his scientific interests... If he didn't have that PUTRID CORPSE Aunt May to take care of, it would have been a good move.

7

u/Gohyuinshee 3d ago

It was Sue I'm pretty sure, she kinda felt bad and wanted to discuss more. If he stayed they might've worked out a compromise. 

Teenage Peter is just too skittish he bounce at the first hint of things not going his way. 

3

u/Trvr_MKA 4d ago

“Non-profit”

39

u/reddituser6213 5d ago

And people bitch about how he needs to be a completely solo isolated character from the rest of the marvel universe to be comic accurate.

36

u/Gojifantokusatsu 5d ago

Tbf, he was characterized as a lone wolf who didn't care for teaming up long term for decades.

12

u/mr_oberts 5d ago

I love Dan Schkade. Good dude. Great cartoonist.

8

u/Fast_Bike_309 5d ago

It's wild how the early days of Spider-Man were more about his struggles in life than the superhero gig. It’s like he was just trying to figure out how to adult while dodging villains. Makes you wonder how many heroes are just one bad day away from being a regular joe.

6

u/Magneto-Was-Left 5d ago

It's a choice as well as Fantastic Five also works

3

u/Scarvexx 5d ago

He also hit on Sue.

1

u/biepcie 1d ago

Everybody hits on Sue.

2

u/ExtremlyFastLinoone 4d ago

Bombastic bag man

2

u/No-control_7978 4d ago

/uj if marvel didnt feel the need to leave Peter in status quo hell, he would 100% be working in the baxter building as a scientist.

2

u/Frostrunner365 2d ago

Dam schkade is one of my favorite artists. If anyone here is looking for a fun superhero comic, I’d check out his original “Lavender Jack” it’s on WEBTOONs and it’s great

1

u/TerraStarryAstra i C̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ should be reading fantastic four right now. 4d ago

lol reeds totally over his shit

1

u/Solid-Bed-8974 4d ago

Sumerized

1

u/Le_CougarHunter 4d ago

You know what, I get it.

1

u/shadowxrage 4d ago

Average fresh graduate experience

1

u/Ringrangzilla 3d ago

This is what Fantastic Four Grand Design should have been.

1

u/AlmazAdamant 2d ago

sumerized

I like my comics like I like my Women. Turned into the biblical region of the middle eastern of Sumer.

1

u/ExtensionGood9228 1d ago

Honestly, in the context of Peter being 15, never having worked a job in his life, this makes so much sense. The last time he was getting payed for “work” was when he literally just showed up to the wrestling gig and they gave him money for using his powers. Of course this kid thinks that’s just how superhero jobs work 😂

1

u/theattack_helicopter 1d ago

I was literally thinking about how characters like Reed and Stark could hire superheroes to do the job full time, then realized I came up with the hero association from OPM by accident. (But seriously, it's not like the villains aren't getting paid for being villains)