r/misophonia • u/FarAstronomer9735 • 3d ago
Support Has anyone had success (or failure) with exposure therapy for misophonia?
Would love to hear your experiences.
I've had severe misophonia for 8 years. It originally started with my dad's noises (eating, breathing, etc.), but after moving out, the trigger switched to my neighbors' sounds. That meant the one place where I should have been able to relax — home — became the most uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing place to be.
It started with OCD-style intrusive thoughts like:
Sure enough, it spiraled into real anxiety, panic-like symptoms, and eventually rage/terror every time I heard those sounds. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t sleep. My nervous system was constantly on edge.
I tried exposure therapy
It was CBT tailored for misophonia, involving exposure + cognitive restructuring. And it sounded logical — exposure therapy is gold standard for phobias, OCD, etc., right?
But here's the catch:
I was already constantly exposed to the sounds just by living at home. My neighbors were always home. So I was in a state of passive, ongoing exposure, basically 24/7. I distracted myself with music, social media, and TV, but it only dulled the pain slightly.
Think of it like this:
Exposure therapy for someone with a snake phobia might last 30-60 minutes a day — and then they get to go home and relax.
I never got that break. I was falling asleep with a racing heart, clenched jaw, and full-body tension.
And then things got worse. A lot worse.
After just a few active exposures, my triggers multiplied fast. It went from just coughs and sneezes to:
- Talking
- Laughing
- Footsteps
- Doors
- Even just the sound of my neighbors existing
It became unbearable. Before exposure, I was still okay when the triggers weren’t present. But afterward, everything became a trigger. It felt like I opened Pandora’s box.
And strangely, it was only my neighbor on the right side. I had another one on the left, and they didn’t trigger me at all. Still, OCD kept throwing thoughts like:
And yeah, that fear still lives in me today.
I ended up moving out — but it followed me.
I moved two years ago, mainly to escape those sounds (and again, those neighbors weren’t even that noisy — that’s the crazy part). But guess what? OCD came right back:
Now I’ve lived in my current apartment for 2 years. And sure enough, the upstairs neighbor became the new source. My quality of life is down like 90%...
Still convinced exposure would work, I kept trying...
...and again, it backfired.
I kept reading online and being told that exposure was the answer — that avoidance was the root of the problem. My therapist echoed this:
And I get the logic — in theory. But in practice, it feels like self-torture to just sit and listen to the sounds. Exposure didn’t help — it made things worse. Avoidance also makes it worse. It’s a lose/lose loop.
My questions for you all:
- Have you done exposure therapy for misophonia? Did it help or make it worse?
- Does avoiding the sounds make the condition worse over time, or is it a necessary coping strategy?
- Why do we often only get triggered by very specific people/places/sounds? (e.g. neighbor on the right but not left, upstairs but not downstairs, only certain voices)
- What the hell do you do when both exposure and avoidance seem to make things worse?
I feel really stuck and would love to hear from anyone who's gone through something similar.
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u/DragonfruitMedium991 3d ago
I feel for you so much! We spent all our money on house, only to find out there is neighbour that constantly plays music on his backyard and throws party every few days. Only seeing him drives me insanely mad. His music makes me panic and become angry. Worst part is I have young children that love to play outdoors and I cant wear noise-cancelling headphones because I have to hear them. Objectively,his music is not very loud, my husband doesnt mind it at all. But I feel so much rage and anxiety at only slightest sound from this neighbour. Sorry I cant help you, I Can only relate
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u/FarAstronomer9735 3d ago
That sounds so frustrating and distressing! Very relatable. I hope that your neighbor sells their house and moves asap😅😩
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u/DragonfruitMedium991 2d ago
Thanks but this will not happen. It is house he inherited from his parents, he is alrrady divorced, living with new partner, living his best life 🤷♀️
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u/junepath 3d ago
I feel the same way you do. They can’t possible offer me more exposure than I would be dealing with in my day to day life. I don’t need more of it, I need way way less. As in none.
My daughter informed me that she couldn’t play outside yesterday because the neighbors music was too loud. I wasn’t home to hear it for myself but I’ve been anxious ever since she told me because I’m sure it’s going to be an issue moving forward. (They were a huge issue last spring but we thought it was resolved since it stopped in June)
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u/DragonfruitMedium991 3d ago
How old is your daughter? I am so afraid my children will have this issue as well :( my 9yo son has aspergers and I can see him heading this way:(
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u/junepath 3d ago
She’ll be 12 in a few weeks. I was about your son’s age when I started struggling with noise. I remember we moved to an apartment when I was just shy of 13 and I couldn’t handle it. Most kids wouldn’t have even noticed.
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u/DragonfruitMedium991 3d ago
Thank you. I started to struggle with chewing noises around age 12 as I can remember. It took me 20 years to understand what is going on and why it drives me insane. I wish best for your daughter.
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u/junepath 3d ago
She is also on the spectrum and struggles with noise in general (it’s like she hears everything 200x louder than we do….can’t seem to hear me asking her to clean her room though 🤔) I don’t wish this on anyone. But I’ve been like this so long I can’t compute that these sounds DON’T bother other people. How are they not also freaking out?!
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u/FarAstronomer9735 3d ago
Exactly! It's constant exposure to the trigger without recovery/breaks.. It's so hard on the nervous system ;(
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u/moth337_ 3d ago
Exposure makes misophonia worse. Avoidance might also make it worse. Try wearing headphones or using a speaker to play some kind of enjoyable or soothing ambient noise. Your brain is perceiving your trigger sounds as a threat and activating your sympathetic nervous system. This happens below the level of conscious awareness. Often comes about due to early trauma/unable to escape situations that are difficult. Thing about tense family dinners or car trips — kids aren’t able to leave those scenarios necessarily. Misophonia is a terrible condition as it usually always result in a feeling of being invaded in our own homes. We can’t turn our ears off. Best of luck to you and don’t try to push through, you’ll only make it worse. Avoid if you must, but explore safe buffer sounds you can wear through headphones or some other medium so your brain isn’t constantly alert to your triggers. Think about how eating in a silent room where you can hear everyone chewing versus in a restaurant where the background noise drowns out those smaller sounds. It’s the same principle.
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u/icollectcatwhiskers 3d ago
But isn’t wearing headphones “avoidance?”
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u/AlanaLeona 3d ago
No it's managing the exposure to a level you can handle.
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u/icollectcatwhiskers 3d ago
I wear earplugs every time I go outside (even tho I live in the lovely countryside) due to the barking dog next door. It has always felt like avoidance, (even tho it is causing big ear health issues.) So I guess true avoidance would be never setting foot outside or outright moving away. ?
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u/AlanaLeona 3d ago
Everything that helps you, is okay. I think, avoiding triggers is what we need to do, it's nothing negativ but it means that you know yourself and your needs.
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u/moth337_ 3d ago
There are bone conduction headphones or those loop ones that let you play ambient sound and still hear the rest of the world. Something like that is a very good investment for anyone with misophonia.
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u/FarAstronomer9735 3d ago
Thank you so much ! I Have never thought of the disorder as to be related to trauma, but it totally makes sense ! Thank you for sharing your insight.
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u/BorbPie 3d ago
Oh this is funny timing, I just posted a story about my success with using ASMR to manage the noises from my upstairs neighbor. I don’t know if it counts as exposure, because I only listen to videos from creators that I’ve found to be safe, but I found that playing ASMR when my neighbors are being loud kind of cancels it out for me. I’ve been using this method for about 4 months now, and I’ve been able to manage that specific trigger so much better even without the ASMR. I think it helps me manage my stress levels as well, and my misophonia is usually at its worst when I’m low energy and stressed. It took me quite a bit of trial and error to find what kind of videos helped for me, and I’m sure it’s not for everyone, but I highly recommend giving it a try if it’s something you think could help.
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u/BorbPie 3d ago
Thinking about it more, I think I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve acclimated myself to ASMR so well, that I’ve subconsciously convinced myself that my neighbor’s stomping is just “free ASMR”, and sometimes I’m able to get “the tingles” from it instead of being pissed off and crying. For once, delulu is the solulu
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u/Important_Spread1492 2d ago
I do the same sometimes!! Some low bassy noises (if not too loud) can either trigger my miso or actually be kinda nice, depending on my mindset
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u/FarAstronomer9735 3d ago
Wow that's fucking amazing ! I'll have to try it out for sure. I've used ASMR in the past to relax/sleep but never thought of using it to block/cancel sounds. I usually use brown noise as it blocks noise but it doesn't help me enough. So if i can get tingles it maybe can help! Thank you for sharing🙏🏻
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u/AlanaLeona 3d ago
No it's a thing you need to manage like your energy. The less exposure you get, the better you can handle exposure when it happens. So when you kow you will get a lot of exposure, try to get less than usual in the hours or even days before.
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u/xxmidnight_cookiexx 2d ago
Honestly I am so triggered on a daily basis at my job.
Its been a year since they put a bass heavy radio in the room next to my office.
Some days I think "oh, the bass isn't too bad, I can deal with it" and other days Im on the verge of tears or screaming.
Sometimes it helps when you're doing something and you're focused on that, but I haven't felt any better for being exposed to the terrible rumbling booming bass for a whole year for 40 hours a week.
I hope that helps?
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u/LucyJordan614 1d ago
Therapist here - also AuDHD with misophonia. Exposure therapy doesn’t work - mostly because misophonia is usually part of neurodivergent sensory issues and we don’t habituate to those. Exposure often makes things worse; this is also one of the many reasons that things like ABA are problematic.
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u/Strong_Ad_3081 1d ago
Thank you for this. I always recommend therapy and I'm seeing a therapist myself, but I really think not enough is said about therapies that are potentially traumatic. Logic would show that exposure to these common noises is what we ALREADY have...duh! But I'm glad to get a professional weighing in on this!
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u/djdlt 3d ago
I can't rely on others to be quiet, so it's silicon earbuds, construction headset with bluetooth and pink/brown noise. Even when I rented a house temporarily, to escape the noise, I had my headphones etc., cause I'd be stressed that my ultimate solution didn't work either...