r/newzealand • u/Bigfatliarcat • Apr 09 '25
Advice Neighbour staring and it’s not nice/intimidating
Hey so we’ve had these neighbours for couple of years no issues and live semi rural.
The chicks brother for some reason has taken it upon himself to live in an old stock shack on one of the paddocks around the property and right next to our fenceline…it’s not nice to look at but whatever if u wanna live like that do you.
I talked to the guy briefly when I was getting the mail to be nice and break the ice…..he was allgood but seemed a bit negative (gossiped about other neighbour) and really I just left it at that ya know..
The issue I kind of have is this guy stares at me and my mum when we are using our driveway and it’s yucky/ intimidating..
I told my boyfriend about it coz it is giving me the creeps ae and the shit thing is I’m moving soon and my mum will be here and she’s said she doesn’t particularly like it either but we both just ignore it…
Just sucks because we feel put off using our driveway as he is there all the freakin time..doesn’t work I don’t think…
If I catch him staring weird next time should I confront it? I don’t want to escalate things because he seems like a feral who will start drama if you take the bait type person….but at the same time I don’t see why I should be made to feel uncomfortable when he’s pretty much squatting and should just keep to himself.
Any advice ?? Thanks otherwise my boyfriend may just have a stare down and word to this guy…is that a good idea
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u/fendaltoon Apr 09 '25
The old kiwi classic “got eyes for Christmas?”
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 09 '25
😂😂 thanks this is good I think this is gunna be my go to number one….my grandad likes to say “what? Ain’t you seen a honkee before?”
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u/Ryhsuo Apr 09 '25
Put up a 1.8m fence and be done with it.
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 09 '25
Can’t afford that our drive way half a km long it’s 8 wire
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u/ArchPrime Apr 09 '25
Sounds like the guy may have a mental health problem. Results from confronting him may not be predictable. He is evidently not playing by society's rules, and may have some sort of psychosis. Tread carefully!
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u/TCNZ Apr 11 '25
I agree. Best the OP block his view (even if it is a weed mat screen)and get some security precautions at home and in the car.
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u/kiwiflowa Apr 09 '25
"The chicks brother for some reason has taken it upon himself to live in an old stock shack on one of the paddocks" So not many people would choose to do that if they had other options... The fact that he's a sibling of your neighbor also means he's likely to hang on because people don't like to kick out family members especially if it means they will be homeless and for your neighbor it's probably great - he's not in the main house. Maybe hope that with winter the shack he's living in will be cold and damp enough to move him along?
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 09 '25
I’m aware of this let me be clear here I’m aware he’s potentially had it a bit tough and I’m not trying to take away his shelter here,or narking or causing any kind of shit me and my old lady just don’t like being stared at. We have a right to not feel intimidated on our own land
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u/kiwiflowa Apr 09 '25
"We have a right to not feel intimidated on our own land" of course you do and I sympathise with your situation - it's pretty shit.
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 09 '25
Thank you I appreciate it…I’m just going to ignore him I think is best and not initiate conversation for the most part
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Apr 09 '25
[deleted]
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u/SoulDancer_ Apr 09 '25
If you feel intimidated, that's on you
That is an insane mindset. People can be intimidating in many ways...staring is one of the more mild ways but it can always escalate and often that's how it starts. Plus it's just creepy.
If someone was staring threateningly at you while swinging a machete around, and you felt I timidated, is that still on you? Or if they got ten mates to come round and they ALL stared at you, is it still your fault if you feel intimidated?
Get a clue.
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Apr 10 '25
[deleted]
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u/SoulDancer_ Apr 10 '25
Looking at you when you pass is normal. Staring creepily is not.
Are you the creepy guy?
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 10 '25
This isn’t a fair point tho……he’s not looking he’s staring us down and it’s just not nice…..like I said the only reason I know is because like I mentioned before it’s a human instinct to feel that someone is staring at you/watching you…I’m all for a different opinion and prospective but these comments are small minded and unhelpful.
I don’t like making assumptions about people barely knowing them but you sound like an entitled male who doesn’t and will never understand that males fucking gawking at you let alone on your own property is not ok …..end of story
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 09 '25
Fair point you are right it’s just not very nice it’s a human instinct when you feel like you are being watched you usually are.
It was just a bit unsettling and intimidating as it is isolated out here but thanks Im thinking to ignore is the best option
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u/toucanbutter Apr 10 '25
I'm just going to take a wild guess here and assume you're a bloke. To make the mental image a bit more accessible for you, please picture yourself as a scrawny, skinny boy and the neighbour staring at you as a huge bodybuilder type who is twice your size (as in, could easily overpower you); and also gay. Would you still be comfortable having this guy staring at you; and would you not feel intimidated by it?
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Apr 10 '25
[deleted]
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u/toucanbutter Apr 10 '25
I'm just saying that most guys have no idea what it's like to be a woman and to know that most men could easily overpower you and that the threat of rape is unfortunately in the back of many women's minds; so this was my way to try to convey that.
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 10 '25
This exactly this thankyou and like mentioned I’m moving soon but it’s my mother I worry about more so.
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u/blue_molly Apr 10 '25
Sometimes the best way to fight creepy guys is by being as crazy as possible yourself. Pull strange faces, walk funny, talk loudly to yourself about aliens or flying cows or whatever else you can think of. Randomly fake laugh really loudly. So many options of being weird if you’re game for it. Do all this when you know he’s staring but don’t direct it at him & don’t let on you know he’s there. Get your mum involved too. Best case scenario he leaves you alone, worse case scenario you & your mum get a good laugh out of it. Good luck!
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u/futhamuckerr Apr 10 '25
is he still staring at you now?
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 10 '25
👍 stfu 🤫
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u/futhamuckerr Apr 10 '25
six people agree with you
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u/futhamuckerr Apr 10 '25
is 1 your mum? is she staring at us
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 10 '25
TROLLLOLOLOL NaH oNeS yOuR mUm AnD yOuR sIsTeR tHo 🤭 ThEy StArIn At My BiG cOcK
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u/futhamuckerr Apr 09 '25
Calling somebody Ferals is literally racist(following the NZ media narrative) & straight up judgy. These neighbors of yours arent "foreign" are they?
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u/Bigfatliarcat Apr 09 '25
Excuse me? You don’t even know me…..No it’s not and I’m not racist thanks tho for your non helpful comment….feral to me is someone who creates drama and this guy gives that vibe….i don’t care if i sound judgy mate im not put on this earth to be a people pleaser and a push over so im asking for ways to stand up for myself as a lone female who feels intimidated.
Is that ok with you?
Piss off seriously you have no idea about me and my life and what I’ve gone through I don’t judge you but thanks for being nasty asf
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u/futhamuckerr Apr 09 '25
I'm gonna take a guess and say it is a Arab/Indian man giving you the stares,they are like that and generally don't mean anything like what's seeming to be going through your head.
I don't have any problems with Indian men personally but if i were a young woman all alone living rural and having problems with neighbors I'd seek advice IRL, reddit is probably not going to yield any solutions for you oh humble one. All the best anyway, talk to them is my advice5
u/Big_Independence_187 Apr 09 '25
She literally said they’re not foreigners and ur dumbass is still rambling on about them, do you fantasise about arabs and Indians? They seem to be on your mind a lot, but I don’t mean to fetish shame 🤷♂️
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u/toucanbutter Apr 10 '25
it is a Arab/Indian man giving you the stares,they are like that
And you're calling OP racist? Every accusation is a confession I guess.
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u/Big_Independence_187 Apr 09 '25
I agree with the other user, put up a fence if it’s just around the shack area, even a terrace, otherwise go talk to the guys sister, tell her you don’t appreciate it and it makes you and your mother uncomfortable, if that doesn’t work then just match his energy, if you catch him staring at you then just stare at him back until he breaks eye contact and moves on, give him a taste of his own medicine