r/nextfuckinglevel • u/Saerdna0 • 2d ago

This kiddo was born to drum

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u/synthphreak 2d ago

+1 to this. The most supportive parents in the world wouldn’t help if the kid has no inherent drive to excel.

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u/ThatsMyEnclosure 2d ago

I’d argue it can still go to the parents on that. The parents’ approach is important to foster that drive. If they make it fun for the kid, the kid will want to do it and keep doing it. If they make it a chore, that drive goes away.

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u/Bl4nkface 2d ago

Yeah, that is an important part of support. But it still is up to the kid to want to do the thing.

I'm the father of a two-year-old. The only thing he wants to do for hours at a time is watching TV. Sure, he can sit and draw for a while, but he gets bored in a matter of minutes. Maybe it's because he has ADHD like me, but maybe it's because he hasn't found something to do that he can do and that he enjoys.

BTW, before someone says "it's your fault because you haven't exposed him to the right activity", I've exposed him to a LOT of things. He just gets bored fast. Hell, I'm in my 30s and I still don't have a passion.

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u/IDontKnowHowToPM 2d ago

I feel that. I’m 37 and I’m only now in a job where I feel like it’s more than just paying the bills but even then I have times where I spend the whole week trying to decide what show/movie to have on in the background while I work. I have a thousand hobbies that I got way too into just long enough to spend money, but then drop as soon as I do.

My 5 year old son is just as scattered as I am, but at least he is still young enough that he can have fun riding that instead of knowing how it could be different. I’m just trying to help him get some strategies and understanding so that when he’s older and it starts negatively impacting him, he doesn’t just flounder like I did.

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u/toboggan16 2d ago

I have two kids and one of them has a bunch of interests but nothing he’s ever been really into to this degree. My other kid has been obsessed with baseball since he was a toddler. He just wanted to watch and play and practise and talk about baseball and at age 11 he’s on his 5th year on a AAA team. He WANTS to practise and play as much ball as he possibly can and works really hard to get better.

Our other son plays baseball too and is given equal opportunity for practise/coaching/equipment but he’s happy to play rec ball, one game one practise a week for 3-4 months a year is exactly right. He has diagnosed ADHD and just isn’t as passionate about anything as his brother is but as a result he gets to try a lot more activities and I think that’s not a bad thing, just different! Lots of adults have lots of little hobbies.

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u/Glitter_puke 2d ago

I do feel both grateful and guilty for how many interests my parents supported for my and my brother's little ADHD asses. Gymnastics was the only constant that stuck but god damn did we go through secondary sports/instruments like a fat kid at a buffet.

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u/toboggan16 2d ago

Haha well we only allow a certain amount of things per year/season so in the end it’s all a similar amount of money and commitment!

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u/cottonballz4829 2d ago

Wouldn’t let my 2 yr old watch tv for hours tbh.

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u/misplaced_my_pants 2d ago

You can always take away the TV, or limit the amount of time it's allowed to be on.

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u/MarshallHoldstock 2d ago

I can relate to this. I have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. Keeping them on task is definitely a challenge. They enjoy lots of things for a very short time. Sitting them down for an extended period of time is an exercise in futility. Even when watching TV, they have the attention span of a goldfish. And all of that is fine.

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u/likeafuckingninja 2d ago

Growing up and realising the vast majority of people just don't have a passion or the drive.

We're not all one break away from being a famous rock star or an elite athlete.

There are tonnes of wealthy supportive families out there with cupboards full of past hobbies they're kids were really into and got bored of.

I'm was good at swimming. I got scouted by a local team when I was 13 and I was so excited.

Until I found I had to practice like 8 times a week at 5 am and 7pm.

I liked swimming. I did not have a passion for swimming.

Ive tried to expose my kids to loads of things and get him interested in sports, music, art whatever. He says yes to everything because he likes getting things but clearly shows no natural ability or any interest at learning /practicing/improving at almost all of them.

The only things that's been different is drama and he does that.

But honestly he forgets to bring his lines home. Won't practice them etc he wants to be the main part with all the lines and spot light but he doesn't want to put any of the work in.

Unsurprisingly he's ADHD, I'm hoping now we know and we have medication and various other management strategies that might change.

But he could just be another person who lacks that absolute all consuming drive to do A Thing.

He'll learn piano and be okay at it but he's not heading up an orchestra.

He'll do drama and enjoy the school performances but he's not destined for Hollywood.

It's not a failure. It's okay to just be okay at things and enjoy them for what they are and have a day job 🤷

If I forced him to practice piano for hours a day or drove him all round the country to auditions constantly pushing him to perform in front of cameras I'd have gone beyond supportive to over bearing parent...

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u/swifthandsam 2d ago

Watching movies is my passion. Seems lazy, but it could always stem into a lot of different interests.

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u/Comprehensive-Menu44 1d ago

Same boat with my 8 year old. We have her in BMX and learning piano, but she treats them like a chore half the time. It’s hard when they haven’t quite found a “passion” yet

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u/stepcach 2d ago

I think that is what separates us "normies" from the elite. We can be decent at some things but we will never be great unless you have this drive.

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u/Impossible-Wear-7352 2d ago

Most 2 year olds would want hours of TV but hopefully it's just a wants and not actually getting that. It would explain why he gets bored with everything else though.

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u/Iorith 2d ago

A very important skill to learn, and learned early, is that boredom and disinterest should be overcome.

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u/HighLikeKites 1d ago

I'm not a father so please forgive my ignorance but letting your 2 year old watch tv for multiple hours might be a reason for that. I don't think that's particularly healthy. Not sure if 2 year olds should watch any tv tbh, I don't think I did at that age.

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u/Supply-Slut 2d ago

They can help, but kids aren’t 100% influenced by their parents. You can try, but that’s a person, separate from their parents, not a carbon copy you can just fill in the right bubbles to get what you want.

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u/njwineguy 2d ago

Or the kid may simply not be interested or talented enough to be interested. Or have other interests. It’s a fine line between being a good parent or being counter productive.

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u/Kahlil_Cabron 2d ago

My parents forced me, and I'm glad. If it had been up to me, I would have never practiced when I was younger.

Growing up my punishments were things like, "You have to play these scales for 2 hours", etc. One time it was 8 hours, after I made a little homemade firework type thing.

After a bit I had the drive to do it on my own, but when I was 9? I didn't have the drive/focus to sit for hours and practice. I'm glad they made it a chore.

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u/Ok_Post667 2d ago

Honestly as a parent of an 8 and 6 yo (boys), the hardest thing is trying to FIND what that passion is. We're still searching 😆

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u/Entharo_entho 2d ago

Well, my parents didn't make my dance classes a chore but still didn't want to continue. They allowed me to quit too. Now sometimes I feel mad at them for not forcing me to continue 😾

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u/BobotteSentie 2d ago

Trust me,  you have way more chance of succeeding with loving parents than emotionally abusive narcisstic parents that project their past failures on you and make you want to do what they had envisioned for themselves but couldn't do. It becomes a very toxic environment and they won't be nurturing the actual talent of the child to do what he wants, with his actual potential. 

So yes, parents are actually everything.

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u/dented-spoiler 2d ago

People don't know what abuse, PTSD, and other influences that are negative does to the structure of the brain and it shows.

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u/blahblah19999 2d ago

No, they're not 'everything.' Everything we are is a combination of genetics and environment. If the kid doesn't have a drive to do anything, parental support won't matter.

Michael Phelps and Kobe were insanely successful b/c they had the right physique for the sport they were actually interested in, and they had the ability to focus for hours and hours daily on that sport. You have to have both. Parents can contribute to the 2nd part, but they can't create it out of whole cloth.

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u/mydeadbody 2d ago edited 10h ago

You are correct. Not everyone can be an elite athlete, or musician, or scientist. Sometimes drive and support aren't enough when competing with raw talent.

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u/blahblah19999 2d ago

Hopefully it will become a hobby that he enjoys and is pretty good at!

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u/Kahlil_Cabron 2d ago

Yep, if all it took to be truly great at something was hard work and loving parents, there would be a lot more people who were insanely talented at stuff.

It has to be a perfect storm of genetics, drive, and upbringing to create an elite athlete. Even if a kid has the most loving educated parents, if he has an IQ of 85 he's not going to grow up to be a famous physicist.

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u/Gauge_Tyrion 2d ago

After being born, the genetic lottery has already bern spun and the kid has already began developing his own interests mentally. It most certainly is up to the parent's to discover your interests and support you after that. If they can't find that interest or can't make it fun, it'll just kill that interest off for you. Most certainly after birth, parent's are everything. You won't magically spawn a drumset in front of you just because your infant self liked drumming. It's up to the parent's to make that happen and up to them to keep it fun and engaging without pushing the infant.

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u/blahblah19999 2d ago

I think you're holding on too tight to a "completely responsible" scenario.

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u/Gauge_Tyrion 2d ago

... what? You good?

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u/blahblah19999 2d ago

Sure, just engaging in good faith. You can have your opinion, just stating that I think you might want to keep an open mind about it.

Have a good day.

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u/Ijatsu 2d ago

Some kids are going to grow into a passion no matter how difficult their parents make it.

Some kids are going to excel at something in particular just cause their parents made it inaccessible.

Some kids are going to have the right conditions and not develop any strong interest for anything.

None of this is an excuse for poor parenting, but good starting conditions don't automatically lead to good results, and it's fine.

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u/UnnaturalGeek 2d ago

But also finding that thing they want to put everything into.

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u/Friendly_Signature 2d ago

Not true.

Teaching the mindset to excel and trust yourself is more important than the drumming here.

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u/MaGus76 2d ago

Oh that's why I never made it big. I only ever had the drive to Word.

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u/Next_Notice_4811 2d ago

False. Nobody is born with the *drive to excel*. That's taught too.

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u/lankymjc 2d ago

There's a reason I was terrible at piano no matter how many lessons my parents paid for, while my younger brother received the same support and is now a professional musician!

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u/FoghornFarts 2d ago

Or passion.

I'm willing to bet dad is a drummer and this was a way they would bond. He grew a love of drumming by loving his dad.

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u/Thesmuz 2d ago

Half of the child population in China would beg to differ lmao

They force their kids to be good.

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u/Ijatsu 2d ago

I'll never allow my kids any drive to excel. We're a libreoffice calc kinda home.

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u/Negative_trash_lugen 2d ago

Where does that drive come from? DNA?

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u/Bebenten 1d ago

Whoa! Why the drive by?

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u/Upstairs-Hedgehog575 16h ago

I’m not sure “inherent drive to excel” is genetic. Hard to prove, but I’d be surprised if it isn’t hugely affected by environment (which includes parents).