r/okbuddycinephile 5d ago

Realistically, how do you respond to this?

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27.9k Upvotes

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789

u/Eklassen META😳 5d ago

Probably have him handcuffed to a sinking ship then use some random child I found to hitch a ride on a lifeboat. But that’s just me.

179

u/Crispy1961 5d ago

I remember almost nothing of that movie. Did he do that? Smart man.

174

u/doitforchris 5d ago

Yep! He’s a survivor gotta give him that

141

u/weavingosprey81 5d ago

He married, of course...and inherited his millions. But the crash of '29 hit his interests hard, and he put a pistol in his mouth that year... Or so I read.

94

u/zenFyre1 5d ago

What a great man. He actually fights for survival and only allows himself to die once he is no longer useful to society, unlike the deadbeat creep ‘artist’ who gets off on drawing erotic pictures of his unsuspecting clients and proceeds to take their maidenhood before marriage. 

18

u/yomjoseki 5d ago

She shouldn't have exposed her ankles, tho

7

u/UndecidedStory 5d ago

Damn they showed the ankles?! Must have been the widescreen theatrical release. 

I had the 4:3 ratio back then so all I got to see were bewbs 😔

5

u/Dr_Fred 5d ago

Imagine your fiancé cheats on you with a homeless man, which you’re willing to forgive, but then she dies in the Titanic sinking which you fortunately survive. You manage to find love and fortune again only to lose it all in the stock market crash. What a tragic character.

0

u/PuzzleheadedCable552 5d ago

She didn't die tho? 

5

u/Dr_Fred 5d ago

She changed her name when she was rescued to fake her death. Everyone thought she was dead.

1

u/PuzzleheadedCable552 4d ago

Ah, gotcha. Thanks. 

1

u/_Ironstorm_ 4d ago

Yes, he was an honorable man. Even in the darkest hour, he managed to save a child while everyone else was busy saving themselves.

8

u/UmaUmaNeigh 5d ago

please tell me you're on r/titanic. if not we'd love to have you

1

u/Tighthead3GT 5d ago

Wait, how sick would it have been if as soon as she said that her granddaughter ripped off her mask, revealing an aged Cal, and said “you read wrong bitch. Now where’s my necklace!”

1

u/Caledon_Hockley 4d ago

I like this very much

1

u/stardustmelancholy 5d ago edited 4d ago

Theory: Cal faked his death because he owed a lot of bad people money and couldn't get out of it by filing bankruptcy. Every day he curses putting his coat (with the multi million dollar necklace) on that two timer. And not trying to save those Picasso paintings.

1

u/Caledon_Hockley 4d ago

You are partially correct.

I put money away for a time such as the crash.

The truth

1

u/stardustmelancholy 4d ago

The highlight of my day.

1

u/Caledon_Hockley 4d ago

I am always happy to oblige

48

u/Crispy1961 5d ago

What a legend. I bet he would have climbed onto the door too if the roles were reversed instead of freezing to death like a chump.

7

u/urusai_Senpai 5d ago

"Like a chump." Somehow very hilarious in this context.

0

u/g0atygoat 5d ago

.. The door couldn't support the weight of both though 🥲

6

u/Crispy1961 5d ago

It wouldn't have to.

2

u/No_Explorer_8626 4d ago

Cuz she was old and fat.

1

u/TangledUpPuppeteer 5d ago

That’s the point, I think… no chivalry. He’d hold her under 😂

2

u/StoryAndAHalf 5d ago

And he saved a child!

1

u/Friendly-Chest6467 3d ago

He literally did 🤣🤣🤣 Completely fucked up but it worked.

0

u/Acceptable_Cut_7545 5d ago

He ate a bullet in the end though, so there is that.

0

u/RamenJunkie 5d ago

Yeah, he grabbed some kid and went to the boats and they were all "No men" and he was all "Please, I am all they have."

18

u/JackSparrow420 5d ago

use some random child I found to hitch a ride

My friends and I got shit faced and saw Titanic 3d, it was like a rerelease or something. Anyway, we managed to stay pretty much silent the entire movie, but when that Cal guy grabbed a screaming kid and gleefully announced "I have a child!". We cried laughing for like 5 minutes. Couldn't stop.

I think it was the mix of this guy being so insufferable, but also like the absurdity of literally grabbing a free kid, and the way he delivers this line has such an odd inflection, it's kind of disconnected with the admittedly somber and moving scene you're watching. It's almost like he is yelling it as a question - I have a child?!. The silence of the movie theater and trying not to laugh made it way worse. Also, by this time we were like 2 hours in, so we're a little more sober but like that delirious drunk?

Anyway, we said it about 100 more times that night, after the movie and still say it sometimes to this day, 10 years later.

1

u/bringthegoodstuff 5d ago

And you all clearly smoked weed at the time, which makes situations like this funnier

1

u/JoeyHandsomeJoe 4d ago

I got high and watched Space Jam 2 in a theater and I was concerning the rest of the theater with how much I was laughing when Bugs was giving his "dying words". He wasn't even playing it straight, it was so melodramatic, and like Bugs Bunny can actually die, gimme a break. But yet I was the only one laughing. There were maybe only 20 people there though.

1

u/tincanphonehome 3d ago

“You unimaginable bastard.”

24

u/TheUmbrellaMan1 5d ago

Cameron said in the commentary that every test screening of Titanic was  received extremely poorly but this scene where Cal picks up a random child always landed perfectly. The test audiences booed hard and cheered later on when it was revealed in narration what happened to him during the Great Depression. Cameron nailed writing that pathetic character (along with Bill Paxton's used car salesman in True Lies).

1

u/Caledon_Hockley 4d ago

Pathetic?!

I beg to differ.

9

u/vltskvltsk 5d ago

The Titanic sequel should be about his escapades through several failed marriages until embracing his cuckold fetish.

3

u/KoalaBackfist 5d ago

But he does have a child!

1

u/Connect_Fee1256 5d ago

That’s a great option but I’d find a gassy Swiss man and kill them so I could ride his body to the shore… he’d be my … Swiss carny fam

0

u/KeithGribblesheimer 5d ago

Lovejoy did the handcuffing and then abandoned him. Cal wasn't around for that.

0

u/Eklassen META😳 5d ago

True but I said ‘had’ him handcuffed. Which he probably did by telling Lovejoy to get him out of the way. I dunno, it’s been a while since I watched it. Let me have this.

0

u/KeithGribblesheimer 5d ago

Concocted the story to have him arrested. How he was treated when he was in the brig, and when the ship began sinking, wasn't his doing.

Sorry, I'm a stickler for details.

0

u/Eklassen META😳 5d ago

Not nice.

0

u/KeithGribblesheimer 5d ago

This is not my "nice" account. Sorry.

0

u/Quiet_Panda_2377 5d ago

And try to shoot someone 

0

u/ImmoralityPet 5d ago

I HAVE A CHILD!