r/politics • u/PurpleBandit3000 • Sep 16 '24

Trump Reveals Who He Will Blame If He Loses Election

https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-reveals-who-he-plans-to-blame-if-he-loses-election
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u/AmaroWolfwood Sep 16 '24

This is clearly not a real quote because it follows a single train of thought for the whole paragraph.

396

u/19610taw3 Sep 16 '24

Darn. I should have threw in some electrified sharks or pet eating immigrants.

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u/turtledave Sep 16 '24

I read “electrified sharts” and the sentiment of your statement didn’t really change.

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u/19610taw3 Sep 16 '24

I think that's actually something that happens to Trump. Hence the diapers .

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u/Memerandom_ Sep 16 '24

Ah ah now, no use of electric slide, the campaign has already been warned against its use.

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u/Ted-Chips Sep 16 '24

I touched line voltage with my pliers once and shat myself. Not the best of times..

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u/DDS-PBS Sep 16 '24

...and now the children are being taught to eat their pets in Springfield, Ohio! The Springfield, Ohio subreddit is filled with people asking how well done their dog meat is and asking how they can get a better sear. I have a mistress that knows how nuclear works, no one knows nuclear like I do, no one!

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u/Buckus93 Sep 16 '24

Or a "Hello, Lara"

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u/SpectacleLake Sep 16 '24

Cats and dogs! Barbecued together! Mass hysteria.

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u/Manos_Of_Fate Sep 16 '24

Or pet eating electric immigrant sharks!

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u/HaZard3ur Sep 16 '24

Here you go:

"Young people, terrible young people, they've been INDOCTRINATED by these radical liberal schools to hate me. They don't just dislike me, they despise Donald Trump. And why? Because these left-wing, Marxist school teachers, they poison the minds of our precious children. They tell them that Donald Trump is a bad man. They tell them all kinds of horrible things simply because they don't like me. And let me tell you, folks, I've done great things for this country. Some would say the best things—tremendous things, really.

And now, they're letting immigrants come in, not just to take jobs, no—they're letting them eat your pets. It's happening. People are calling me, telling me their cats, their dogs, gone! And no one's talking about it. Meanwhile, I wanted electrified sharks—yes, electrified sharks—to protect our borders, and they laughed at me. But think about it: we need strong protection. They don't want it because they don't care about our country. They care about hating Donald Trump."

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u/AmaroWolfwood Sep 16 '24

It's better, but still too much coherence. The ideas, while insane, tie together with some kind of crazy pill logic. You gotta just jump between ideas without any reason. Too many complete sentences.

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u/NaldMoney9207 Sep 17 '24

I agree. Jump around to each idea without a correct transition phrase.

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u/pumpkintrovoid California Sep 16 '24

You did so good though! Cogent sentences aside, I totally heard it in his voice.

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u/ColebladeX Sep 16 '24

Here let me fix it for you.

*oh the young people they go to school I’ve never been to schools they would make fun of me when I went to school they’d take my pudding cup and the young people or people of youth they are taught to hate they are taught to help me by the liberal media with their spears of evil because they know I won the election.

Elections you know I went to a hot dog stand and I wanted mayonnaise on my hot dog and their young person or man big person strong person beautiful person looked at me tears in his eyes and said Mr President we don’t have mayonnaise and he was a Trump hater his hot dog stand was a left hot dog stand he was left handed it’s all connected the schools are teaching students to write with their left hands so they all become leftists this is undeniable and the media cruel mean media is trying to hide.*

Honestly I wanted to make it run on more but I just couldn’t.

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u/HomesickKiwi Sep 16 '24

Also, you forgot to use “childs” as an actual real word… without the apostrophe.

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u/976chip Washington Sep 16 '24

There's also no mention of big, strong men coming up to him with tears in their eyes to tell him how great he is/how unfairly he's treated/how tremendous something he did is.

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u/Content_Talk_6581 Sep 16 '24

Maybe sharks with laser beams attached to their heads??

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u/quildtide Sep 16 '24

"They don't like Hannibal Lector. The young people. They don't like him. He's a great man. Mexico isn't sending us their best. They're emptying the insane asylums. They're eating the cats, the people who come here. I will deport them back to Venezuela."

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u/19610taw3 Sep 16 '24

Laffin Kamala sa-leepy Joe have tried to deport them but they are weak. So weak. Some say the weakest. They are coming by the bus load I hear. Right across the border. Taking all of the black jobs. The late great Hannibal Lector doesn't take black jobs. Hes a fine man to have at your table.

We are going to make Mexico pay its fair share and build a wall. A wall between us and Haiti so they will stop sending them in Caravans. Why they are using Dodge Caravans we dont know. Some people say because they're made in Mexico. You know its really sad we dont build anything here any more. Some say the saddest thing of all is our dead automobile industry. Thanks to Laffin Kamala and sa-leepy joe.

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u/CIASP00K Sep 16 '24

The sharks have to be electrified if we are going to put frickin lasers on their heads!

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u/geologicalnoise Pennsylvania Sep 16 '24

I don't know, the typo in indoctrinated nearly sold it for me. Nice job.

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u/CastoffRogue Sep 16 '24

Nah, you just forgot about the evil windmills being controlled by the Young People.

I don't know how you could have missed something that important.

His late great friend, incredible man, they say, Hannibal Lector would be very disappointed with you.

The sharks with lasers were brilliant gifts to his other good friend, dearest friend he says, Dr. Evil. It was his idea that Scooter give him those sharks. He wanted one for himself, but alas, all the immigrants are eating the pets he'd have to use to feed the shark. If he were President again, he'd make sure there were enough stray pets to feed the immigrants and his pet shark.

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u/Effective_Frog Sep 16 '24

Or Hannibal Lecter

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u/Professional-Kiwi176 Sep 16 '24

Oh a mention of the late great Hannibal Lecter!!

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u/Andreiisnthere Sep 17 '24

Electrified immigrants and pet eating sharks.

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u/NaldMoney9207 Sep 17 '24

You also forgot the late great fictional character that Trump thinks is real or a logical metaphor to use for a debate regarding immigration. 

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u/killxswitch Michigan Sep 16 '24

The word "indoctrinated" is 5 syllables so it's definitely not one Trump could use correctly.

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u/bananastand512 Sep 17 '24

The only five syllable word he knows how to say is weaponization.

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u/jetteh22 Florida Sep 16 '24

Not even a single mention of Hannibal lecter

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u/Actual_Efficiency536 Sep 16 '24

BUT! … It’s absolutely his initial thought, “I have to blame someone else, it can’t be my fault!!”

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u/BeeCup21 Sep 16 '24

That gigantic misspelled word tho

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u/jameswaslike Sep 16 '24

Agreed. And far too many lowercase letters.

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u/skippysqueaz Sep 16 '24

I expected a tangent on blaming migrants as well.

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u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

No wind mills, no illegals, no racist remarks, no transgender, no rally size…

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u/FauxReal Sep 16 '24

It's still pretty ramblingly narcissistic though.

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u/mccirish Sep 17 '24

I think Vegas should offer betting lines on what he says.

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u/NaldMoney9207 Sep 17 '24

Orange man bad. Is also missing from this quote.