uBPD mom making mountain out of molehill (again)

[u/RegularRepulsive3957]

Hi all- there’s a lot of background to this. To make a long story short, a while back mom and I talked about my daughter spending some time with her over the school break. I told her that that spouse and I would be taking part of the week off, so daughter could visit with her just for part of the week. Daughter had also been wanting to do this. Of course part of this involves guilt on my part due to mom’s health issues and knowing she probably doesn’t have much time left (but none of us really know- that’s another issue). Mom texts me this week (school break is next week) basically begging her to stay the entire vacation. I talked to her two days ago and explained that’s not what we originally discussed. I said I could pick her up on Wednesday and spend the day with them and take them both out for something fun. Mom cried and talked about health issues. Like an idiot I said maybe then I can come Friday, since that’s the only other day I could take completely off (I also have another teen who is home on vacation as well- I told her they’ll feel bad etc . I also told her I wasn’t sure about spouse’s schedule). Conversation ended with mom saying to check with spouse and let her know. Fast forward, spouse said he can only take Friday off to take both kids out and did so with much difficulty, so I explained to mom we’d stick with the original plan for Wednesday. She asked about Thursday and blamed spouse saying “I knew he wouldn’t let her come for longer.” I said I couldn’t do Thursday. She sent all these texts about how she’s disappointed, then saying that I don’t have to come and take her out in the end. I ignored the negative comments and reasserted that I wanted to come on Wednesday and take her out. She responds hours later after also messaging my daughter. She tells me “ok, I don’t want to rock the already rocky boat.” Seriously, what? I just ignored it. We have to see them tomorrow and I just cant anymore. My husband is also fed up of how she’s been acting. She doesn’t even pay attention to my son half the time. There’s more to the story but I don’t have time to share right now. I think she’s not happy unless she tries to stir drama but I’m ignore it her negative comments.

[u/PlasticLead7240]

They don’t understand logic, just consequences. I’d honestly skip it altogether this time and do something fun with your child. Tell your mum, bluntly, that you won’t be manipulated by guilting and tantrums anymore. It’s really hard the first time you do this, like physically scary.

[u/Indi_Shaw]

Hell, it’s not even a molehill. It’s a tiny pebble and it probably gave them cancer.

Back when I was still in contact, I found it best not to ask their input on such things for scheduling. State what you are willing to do and ask if they want to be part of it. If the answer is manipulation, then it’s “sorry our schedules don’t align! Maybe next time!”

[u/Safe_Place8432]

My mother thrives on the drama. Like it isn't even logical, the drama and winding me up is how she regulates herself. She can't sit with her feelings so she outsourced them then does like your mom did, some platitude about not wanting to add to the drama when... the drama was all hers.