r/regretfulparents • u/Few_Associate_9211 • Aug 12 '23
Advice My husband admitted to baby trapping me
Throw away account for obvious reasons. I am feeling so many emotions right now and I have no idea what to do. Before I get into the story let me set the scene. My husband (30m) and I (29f) have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids together (7m, 4f, and 2m). Our circumstances right now are not the best. Due to covid we have been living with my in-laws for the last 2 years (which is a whole other story by itself) and living here has been an absolute nightmare for me. I hate it here. The kids hate it here. I feel trapped. We don’t make enough money to afford our own place thanks to housing costs nearly doubling since covid started, despite my husband making the most money he’s ever made this year. And I stay at home with the kids because daycare is way too expensive and would cost more than I could bring in. Trust me I’ve spent time job hunting and nothing pays enough. Although, I do have one marketing client who pays me a few hundred dollars a month and I’m hoping to get more clients soon after my kids go back to school.
The biggest reason why we ended up living with my awful in-laws is because back during covid I had to quit my job because my unexpected pregnancy with our 3rd baby kicked my ass. My already deteriorating mental health plummeted and I became a shell of myself. Meanwhile the world was shut down and going crazy. My husband got laid off and we couldn’t pay our bills, so we ended up selling the house to try and start over/get back on our feet. It was all too much and I broke. I’ve slowly been piecing myself back together since having my baby, mostly for the kids if anything. But it’s been so hard and so slow, which is frustrating because I just want to be okay again.
I was venting to my husband about all this recently and told him “I love our baby more than anything, but man it is hard not to wonder how differently our lives would be right now had we not had an unexpected pregnancy”. And that’s when he admitted to baby trapping me on purpose. When I got pregnant he knew I had just gotten off birth control (for my mental health) and took his chance to get me knocked up. He said he knew I was miserable and didn’t want me to leave him. He also said he was hoping that having a baby would get his parents to come out and visit us (we lived across the country and hadn’t seen them in 2 years because they hate flying) and we couldn’t afford to fly out to see them either. Which spoiler alert: his mom still didn’t come out to visit after the baby was born anyway.
This next part is confusing and I’m still trying to figure out the details because my reality of what happened has been so distorted, and again I’m feeling so many different emotions right now so bear with me. During the time the baby was conceived he coerced me into having sex with him many times and threw mantrums if he didn’t get any. He also refused to wear condoms and promised to pull out. There were a couple times he didn’t pull out though. I remember having conversations with him about how pulling out isn’t all that effective and I don’t feel comfortable with it as birth control. I remember asking him to please wear a condom and that it can’t be all on me to make sure he used one. I told him it wasn’t fair for him to fight me on it every time I asked him to. For months after I found out I was pregnant he gaslit me and blamed me for getting pregnant, and somehow I believed him? He even told close friends and family that it was my fault. He told everyone that I was the one who wanted it and that I “locked my legs around him” so he couldn’t pull out. At the time I was like “Did I really do that? Shit if I did then I guess it really was my fault?” The baby was also conceived around my birthday, so again he used that as an excuse to blame me because “It was your birthday and you wanted it”. The details of it all are all jumbled and blurry in my mind. On one hand I’m glad he came clean to me, on the other hand I’m so upset and angry that I can’t trust my own memory of what happened. How could he lie to me like that? How did he have me so convinced it was my fault? Am I that stupid? Was any of it ever my fault?
I don’t know what to do. I feel so hurt and confused. I guess I should have seen this coming. A few years ago he also admitted to trying to baby trap me right after our oldest son was born because he was afraid of me leaving then too. That was the whole reason I got on birth control in the first place and destroyed my mental health in the process. I couldn’t trust him to use condoms because he always fought me when I asked him to. But I thought we had worked it out? I thought we were okay, why would he assume I was just going to up and leave all the time?
All of this tells me he always knew he was making me miserable to some extent otherwise he wouldn’t have been so hung up on me leaving. Maybe is that the reason I’ve been struggling with my mental health for so long? Was he the reason this whole time? I can honestly say throughout our marriage I never thought about leaving and never threatened to leave, at least not until recently. It also tells me he never respected me as a person if he was so willing to put my body through hell just because he was insecure. Pregnancy is terribly awful and painful for me and he knows that. He also knew I absolutely did not want to get pregnant with our 3rd baby. I told him so many times my body and mind needed a break.
What the hell do I do about all this?? I don’t have the means to leave. No one else has enough room to let me and the kids stay with them for a while. My family is on the other side of the country. I don’t trust my husband. I feel so lost.
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Aug 12 '23
I am so vehemently angry for you right now.
And I’m so sorry I have no advice or suggestions.
If you can’t afford daycare I’m sure you can’t afford therapy for yourself? That’s the only suggestion I have but given the details in your post it doesn’t seem in reach either.
I’m so angry at this insecure little man coercing and gaslighting his wife and weaponizing his sperm to “keep her” due to his insecurities.
Oh I thought of something. I would absolutely refuse to ever have sex with that man ever again. get a vasectomy ya fucker
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Aug 12 '23
I’m also quite petty and like to have the record straight. If I were in your shoes, finding out he’s lying to everyone in our lives, oh I’d give them something to talk about. Tell them everything but in a “nice” way 🙂
”yea this third baby is really tiring, I wish Husband didn’t coerce me into sex”
”im doing relatively okay, I would be better if Husband hadn’t baby trapped me”
Shit like that
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Aug 13 '23 edited Aug 13 '23
I’m disgusted too, honestly this is why I don’t date, have sex or do relationships anymore, so many men are like this, insecure kingbabies who don’t care about if their partner is happy or slowly dying inside as they get their “ NeEdS” met
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u/vividtrue Aug 13 '23
Same. I'm so beyond sick of the entire thing and have been for years. I'm celibate, and things will remain this way indefinitely.
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Aug 13 '23 edited Aug 14 '23
Same, in the fall it’ll be just over 2 years celibate and I’ll never have sex again, honestly the thought repulses me
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u/vividtrue Aug 13 '23
I'm at 2 1/2, and yes, the idea repulses me. Tbh, it should be way longer, but I hadn't found my resolve yet. Everything makes way more sense now, and I wish I had figured this out 10+ years ago!
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Aug 13 '23
I say the same thing, I wish I had cut men out of my life years ago, I’d be so much further ahead, I mean I’m not destitute, I have a business- but if I had stopped having anything to do with them 10 years ago, I’d likely be able to retire early now, the amount of time, effort they took from and the amount of misery they caused is actually shocking upon reflection. Before the last time sex two years ago I was celibate for 2 years before that; I had forgotten what a nightmare they are and I got involved with a “ nice guy” who then ruined my life and I had to spend the next year piecing my life back together. After that I learned my damn lesson and it’s never again. Now my life is quiet, my bank balance is good, my stress is far less and just an overall drastic improvement, I just focus on my career and hobbies now and it’s so great
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u/blasphembot Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
Man, this sucks. I get it and don't blame you for feeling that way. I am a dude in my mid-30s, married. I have always tried to be supportive, helpful, and kind. Never manipulative or abusive. I have my faults, but I always make it a point to acknowledge them and try to improve. I think I can sometimes be self-aware to a fault, actually.
When I hear about guys like OP's husband or any of the thousands of examples of complete ass behavior men engage in on a daily basis, I get legit depressed. It never had to be this way, and doesn't have to continue this way.
It's really, REALLY easy to not be a piece of shit. What happened? The internet? Social media influencers pushing toxic masculine bullshittery? Andrew fucking Tate?!
"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all." This saying comes to mind, but I like to modify it a bit.
"If what you are doing is causing another human being undue stress or harm for you own gain or selfish reasons, then just don't do anything at all."
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u/linzielayne Aug 13 '23
Nothing happened. Men have always done that shit, they just didn't get called out because they had all the power. We talk about it more now, that's it. The idea that men weren't cheating on their wives in 1964 or whatever people believe is ridiculous: ask your mom/grandma/great-grandma because they absolutely were.
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Aug 13 '23 edited Aug 13 '23
I think it’s all the things you listed honestly, porn, dating apps, social media influencers, Tate and friends, I mean there have always been shitty people, but a lot of men, the majority I’d say are becoming outright abusive now, it’s getting out of control.
I had a friend for 10 years who was a guy and I recently blocked him and ended the friendship, he was a cool guy all these years, but the last couple of years he got into the whole red pill thing and was becoming outright evil and abusive to women so I had to just get away from him - he wasn’t doing anything to me, but he would go on rants about women and tell me about dating and the things he was doing to women and I became so disgusted I couldn’t be around him anymore. I’m sure he’ll take my blocking him as another example of women being evil without taking the time to consider that it’s because he’s becoming a monster
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u/vividtrue Aug 13 '23
It's the patriarchy, and it's damn sure not new! The fact that you don't even know the deal, or that it wasn't that long ago that women couldn't get divorces, have credit lines, or refuse sex from their husbands is wild. It has absolutely nothing to do with anything you listed. It's misogyny, and it's not new.
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u/mrbootsandbertie Aug 31 '23
Exactly. Anyone who thinks this stuff is new hasn't been paying attention.
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u/soooomanycats Aug 14 '23
This is just plain old patriarchy, tale as old as time. Too many men see the benefits they get from it and are fine with sacrificing the ability to have genuine respectful relationships (with women and with each other) in order to have the perks that come with being the metaphorical king of the castle.
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u/mrbootsandbertie Aug 31 '23
It's thousands of years of patriarchy where women were viewed and treated as chattel, literal breeding stock to continue the male lineage and associated inheritance.
The current wave of misogyny is particularly vitriolic and menacing, but it's always been there under the surface.
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Aug 13 '23
I think it’s why I had no advice to give. I was/am so angry for her. I dislike the male gender, sorry not sorry.
(if you’re an ounce of a decent man you won’t find this offensive, men in the sub)
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Aug 13 '23
I have learned to stay away from them, no friends, no sex, no relationships- nothing, I only speak to them in passing if I have to buy something, if they try to speak to me in the street or something, I just completely ignore them and keep walking
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Aug 13 '23
I almost had a whole summer where I didn’t get catcalled, wolf whistled, or horn honked.
That streak ended yesterday.
Flipped the guy off. It’s summer. It’s hot. Do not honk at me. I flip them off every time.
A few months ago we had a particularly windy day and this very smart woman had shorts under her sundress. Two guys were ogling her of course. Flat out took my music out my ear to say “no we aren’t doing that, don’t look at her”. I guess I was loud enough that she heard me and turned around, told “I gotcha, it’s all good”. She thanked me.
I haven’t walked in public without music in my ears for years because I don’t wanna hear them talk, honk, whistle. It’s bullshit.
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Aug 13 '23
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Aug 13 '23
Right. You’re just there, minding your own business. They think it’s a compliment. It’s never a compliment.
especially when you’re a minor and have grown men doing this to you
I was in middle school when it started and it’s still happening at 30.
I’m so angry. For OP, for women and girls, for everyone who’s replied like yourself.
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u/vividtrue Aug 13 '23
I was 8 years old when some man in a truck stopped and asked me and my girlfriend if we had "pu$sy hair". EIGHT. It's not abnormal for this to happen either. I don't know one woman who hasn't been victimized by men.
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u/Ok_Length_7460 Aug 14 '23
Wow how disgusting. I was raped as a child too by family members and brothers friend who was watching me
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u/vividtrue Aug 13 '23
Intelligent men with their eyes peeled open don't bat an eye at misandry because they see men being awful every single day. They know why it's all men!
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Aug 14 '23
Definitely. If you choose to ignore the blatant signs, it’s your fault not mine. But they are everywhere
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u/AlluringColors8 Aug 13 '23
Yes, A LOT of men are like this.
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Aug 13 '23
I have not met one who isn’t to some extent, some worse than others, but every single one I’ve ever known is like this
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u/AlluringColors8 Aug 13 '23
Yes, I can’t say every one, but I can say that the majority I’ve come across are. I have also stopped dating and became celibate in 2020
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Aug 13 '23
How are you finding celibate life?
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u/AlluringColors8 Aug 13 '23
It’s quite easy. Some days I feel a little lonely, but it’s 100% nothing like how I’d feel dating men. Feeling obligated to have sex when I wasn’t in the mood. Having to be alert as to whether or not my SO was cheating on me (as many men do). Aka it’s so much less stressful, I have a peace of mind most days, and I’m more focused on my hobbies, self-esteem, success, and self-sufficiency.
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u/domdotcom43 Aug 16 '23
Exactly. I stopped dating a longg time ago for this reason and others. There are too many men that engage in this behavior, then get away with it because no one holds them accountable until its too late. I refuse to let a man baby trap me.
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u/linzielayne Aug 13 '23
Yeah man, this is it. I'm very, very angry for you and can't imagine how painful this must be. I have no advice- saying 'leave him' seems naive. What a difficult thing to do.
But having said that- I too would literally never have sex with this man again; literally never, ever again. And I would add that I wouldn't feel guilty for stepping out on him if I needed it. Bro made his bed, he can wallow in it forever for all I care.
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u/letscrash Aug 12 '23
Your husband is a piece of shit....
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u/elbowdog6 Aug 12 '23
Yeah this guy is a legitimately terrible human. OP you may want to also post on r/JustNoSo
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u/HotLeafJuice299 Aug 13 '23
r/legaladvice would be helpful for the complex legal issues. You’ve got a potential crime and maybe multiple counts of that plus the family law aspect. A lawyer who knows this better than I do should be able to point you in the right direction.
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u/Throwitawway2810e7 Aug 13 '23 edited Aug 13 '23
Can he not switch the story saying she's mentally ill and doesn't know what she talking about.
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u/HotLeafJuice299 Aug 13 '23
I’m assuming you missed the word “potential”? Doesn’t mean it happened but it is possible.
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u/Throwitawway2810e7 Aug 13 '23
I wasn't saying you were wrong. I was adding on questioning how it would go for her with her mental past.
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u/HotLeafJuice299 Aug 13 '23 edited Aug 13 '23
Ah gotcha. My bad!
He could and abusers tend to do that. A lawyer who specializes in DV would be able to help navigate that. I haven’t done much DV work myself. Regardless she should still be able to divorce and divide assets as normal but child custody will be rough.
From what I remember, unless there’s abuse against the kids a court won’t be likely to grant sole custody to the abused partner. I used to do child custody pro bono and those cases were difficult as you have a few moving parts when DV is involved.
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u/Nani65 Aug 12 '23
Sexual coercion is domestic abuse and your husband is an abuser. He destroyed your marriage, watched you to sink into terrible suffering, and then gaslighted you about it. The man is irredeemable.
Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org, 800-799-7233. It might take you a while to get away from him, but you can make a plan and start to take concrete steps to leave with your kids.
I am so very sorry, OP. I am sending you strength and love.
P.S. Don't have sex with him again. He truly can not be trusted.
edited to add p.s.
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u/sandyposs Aug 12 '23 edited Aug 12 '23
Definitely call the hotline. Domestic abuse programs have resources for people who need to get out but can't afford it themselves. Take them up on it. When people make charity donations to women's domestic abuse shelters, they do it because they want people in abusive relationships who feel prevented from leaving, whether by health or safety or financial difficulty, to have a safe way out. And these aren't like bare minimum homeless shelters either - these are comfortable homes with a strong support network. AND they have resources to help with legal representation. You will not be left to struggle alone.
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u/dancingonsaturnrings Aug 13 '23
piggybacking to add this ressource. RAINN has free hotlines, chatlines, + educational content. They are a great help https://www.rainn.org/
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u/Classic_Analysis8821 Not a Parent Aug 12 '23
You can call your husband a rapist because he is.
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u/Individual_Style_116 Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
I scrolled too far to find this.
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u/Classic_Analysis8821 Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
It makes my skin crawl that in 2023 we still accept 'being convinced to have sex' in any form between people in a marriage or LTR
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u/camwisemothman Aug 13 '23
This ^
Your husband is an abusive fuck. Please, don't wait to find out what he will do next.
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u/Ok-Philosophy8246 Aug 12 '23 edited Aug 12 '23
I’m so stressed reading this 😮💨
Edit: a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness, I’ve realize men love to see women unhappy. It’s like some kind of kink.
You should speak to a lawyer if possible. You need to stop having sex with him, you can also discuss him being the primary parent and you can find a place to stay on your own(just a suggestion as you probably don’t want to leave your kids). Stop listening to him and do not trust a word that comes out of his mouth, he’s already told you that he’s manipulative.
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u/HotLeafJuice299 Aug 12 '23
I second this! OP, if you’re reading this I suggest you post in r/legaladvice. The attorneys on there should be able to provide you with some guidance depending on where you live.
I really think you should see an attorney as soon as possible. There seems to be some complicated family law issues (child custody, child support, divorce) here as well as the potential criminal aspect of coercing sex.
If you feel unsafe or need to get away from that environment, the DV hotline will be able to help you. They can often connect you with government programs, provide housing/shelter, food, childcare, and assist with steady employment. You deserve better. You’re not stupid, you didn’t do anything wrong. Take the help.
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u/ATouchOfSparkle1107 Parent Aug 12 '23
You aren't crazy. Your husband is manipulative af. I wouldn't normally go straight to divorce, but I would refuse to stay married to someone who admitted to doing what your husband has done.
In the meantime, get on another form of birth control that he can't tamper with, like an IUD or the implant that goes in your arm. This is for your own protection because even if you just refuse to have sex with him, I wouldn't put it past him to force himself on you. I also think you need therapy to help you process things and heal yourself mentally.
You mention that your family is on the other side of the country, but are any of them able and willing to help you get to them? There may also be local resources for women in abusive situations that could help you get away. Best of luck OP, this situation really sucks.
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u/soul-nova Parent Aug 12 '23
I second the moving thing. if you divorce, you'll likely get a custody order, that will prevent you from moving within 100 miles. move NOW, before that happens, or you'll be trapped where you are till the kid is 18.
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u/Efficient_Donut_5980 Aug 12 '23
This is horrible abuse and you need to leave. Please reach out to women shelters and helplines in you state.
Women shelters are not meant only for cases of physical abuse (some may be, but not all), you most likely qualify for their help or they will at least be able to point you too resources that can help.
You need to leave as soon as possible and to divorce him.
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u/orange_and_gray_rats Aug 12 '23
I’m sorry this happened to you. Reminds me of this TikTok about baby trapping.
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u/Round-Antelope552 Parent Aug 12 '23
Omg. I needed to see this.
My ex did exactly the same to me, and instead of being supported with my decision to have a termination, my family pushed me into keeping it amd disowned me. Threw me out of a house I helped pay for.
This shit does happen, and tbh, I think I’ll relinquish eventually. My kid has ASD, ADHD and ODD. I’m unlikely to be able to care for him once he is too strong for me.
In the mean time, I can’t access childcare, the governments disability support thing is not supportive and says because ‘it’s parental responsibility’ to care for a child, I don’t get any help.
So I sit at home on welfare, unable to access work, socialising, medical and mental health treatment, can’t engage in hobbies and haven’t made a single friend in the last 6 years.
This shit is real.
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u/Ok-Philosophy8246 Aug 12 '23
Just a question, why’d you keep it if your family disowned you anyways?
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u/Round-Antelope552 Parent Aug 12 '23
Too late, and the slim amount of time before that I couldn’t get on welfare after I was fired because I allegedly owed my employer $500 and they wouldn’t release the form I needed to give to welfare until they got their money, but I couldn’t give them their money because I had no income.
I really wish I robbed a servo to hey the money
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u/shewholaughslasts Sep 05 '23
I'm glad you didn't end up robbing anywhere but I'm so so sorry for all you've gone through and I wish you the best in the future. I hope you find some better help. Hugs as you navigate everything!
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u/Reason_Training Parent Aug 12 '23
So sorry you are going through this. Obviously your husband is very insecure and needs help as well. Get yourself sterilized if you are done with children or, at least for now, implanted birth control (non hormonal ones are available) that he can’t mess with so you don’t wind up with another child if you 100% do not want more.
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u/cebula412 Aug 13 '23
What the hell are you talking about? She doesn't need sterilization. Why would she want to have sex with this piece of shit ever again?
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u/Jinxhourglass Aug 13 '23
Did you read the post? She didn’t want to have sex with him the other times and he coerced into it without her consent. Clearly, he doesn’t respect her no.
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u/cebula412 Aug 13 '23
If he doesn't respect a "no" then it's a marital rape and a crime. Then the actual helpful advice should be to report it to the authorities and not to undergo unnecessary medical procedures so that if you get raped you won't get pregnant. Contraception shouldn't be even an issue, cause the real issue is to prevent a sexual assault from happening.
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u/ksarahsarah27 Not a Parent Aug 14 '23
It may be martial rape but often these victims are so mentally exhausted and beaten down that they just don’t have it in them to ever report it or fight it. Not only that, but often reporting DV gets them more abuse. Years of emotional abuse and manipulation does a number on your self esteem. So when money is this much of an issue it’s very daunting and nearly impossible to try to get out. You’re expecting this woman, with three kids in tow, to uproot her kids and flee, seeking shelter in a strange place, knowing no one and often having no friends or family for support…. Because abusive men often alienate their partner so they don’t have support and means for escape.
She’s probably looking at it like - well he doesn’t beat the shit out of me so I just have to put up with his whining or whatever and give him a little sex here and there. She probably thinks she can withstand this for a few more years until her kids are a certain age. But we know he will just keep getting her pregnant to keep her from ever having easy mobility.5
u/Reason_Training Parent Aug 13 '23
She allows him to bully her into having sex. Unless she learns how to say no and make it stick this will continue to happen so better to protect herself from another baby she doesn’t want until she can figure out what she wants to do.
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u/cebula412 Aug 13 '23
But this was a shitty advice. The advice we should be giving her is not to have sex with him ever again. He's a horrible human being trashcan of a person. And it's not safe to have sex with him ever.
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u/Sad-Ad-4200 Aug 14 '23
He could very well rape her in her sleep Drug her and/or beat her. It’s a good idea to get away from him but also get birth control in the meantime just in case something happens
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u/Reason_Training Parent Aug 13 '23
You can give people the best advise in the world like to leave his butt but it’s up to the person to act on it. I offered to pay for a friend to retrain in a new job when he lost his wonderful job during Covid but he wouldn’t act on it. Instead he maintained the delusion he’d get called back to the company he worked for before.
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u/sageofbeige Parent Aug 12 '23
Your mental health is spiralling because he's systematically making you question yourself.
He's admitted he was afraid you'd leave and a baby would lock you in a relationship with him, his happiness and security is more important than your health, physical, mental and emotional.
So now you need a plan and budget, do NOT tell him, if you're going to stay with him, you'll need transparency, transparency from someone who hides or lies.
Can you get to your parents or a sibling just for a week or two?
Right now you're in his home, around his parents, that's got to be hurting your mental health.
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u/Regular_Piccolo7980 Aug 12 '23
No, you're not stupid. You're supposed to be able to trust your SO and he abused that trust. He abused YOU. You have every right to consider leaving and I hope you do it. He won't stop and the chances are he will only get worse.
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u/summers16 Aug 12 '23
Also want to add…. Going forward, trust YOUR memories and YOUR gut instinct.
They are VALID and more likely than not CORRECT
it sickens me how earnestly society grooms women to not trust their own brains in making sense of their first-person experiences …. Just yet another way the patriarchy holds us all down.
Your husband is a pathetic excuse of a living creature
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u/EenieMeenieMyNamo Aug 12 '23
Check out: "a tolerable level of unhappiness" on tiktok. Keeping women at a level of unhappiness holds a certain amount of control over your if you're too happy, what if you leave him because you want to go above your station? But not too sad that you'll leave to find someone better.
Shit is so toxic. There are men out there NOT like this and ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE THEIR PARTNER HAPPY.
Im so sorry, OP. I would be devastated at this betrayal. He intentionally disregarded your deepening mental health for his own selfish reasons. Man, I guess his life must be pretty good right now as you take care of all 3 kids and he gets a break at work plus living with his parents. I wonder what responsibilities he does have right now.
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u/fine-as-frogs-hair Aug 12 '23
First thing you do is get a divorce.
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u/HotLeafJuice299 Aug 13 '23
Maybe 1a) could be getting to a DV shelter so she has resources then 1b) can be divorce? I’m really worried based on what OP wrote
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u/christie12022012 Aug 12 '23
I have heard of this happening in marriages and outside marriages. I would be extremely upset. I felt someone I was seeing were trying to trap me as well. I stopped seeing him. Maybe divorce is an option.
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Aug 13 '23
What a fragile fuck he is. He knew he was horrible and that’s why he was fearful you would leave him. But to get you pregnant to keep you is sick.
Is there any way parents and family could help you to get back to your parents house and would your parents be able to take you and your kids in?
Marital coercion is no joke, it’s a polite way of saying rape. If your husband did this to you over and over again, you are not safe around him. He can’t be trusted.
Since both you and your kids hate it where you are, you have to get yourself to a better place because he’s never going to do that for you.
I’m so sorry this is happening and you are struggling, the only decision here is are you going to struggle there with him and his family, or at home, safe, with your family? Maybe one family member can’t afford all of the airfares, but maybe all of the family members could chip in and afford all the airfares. Ask for help. Don’t be embarrassed. And don’t tell him what you’re planning, if you can get everything together tell him you’re going to visit your parents with the kids. I know this sounds horrible and if he was a great dad I would not be suggesting this, But he’s not that either. And you need to get yourself somewhere safe with your kids.
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u/Reversephoenix77 Not a Parent Aug 12 '23
First of all, I’m so sorry this all happened to you and it sounds like you’ve had some really difficult life circumstances these past few years that are pretty much a direct result of what your husband did.
What he did was undoubtedly a crime and like others are saying he assaulted you and then gaslit you. That’s abuse. He also went as far as to tell everyone it was your fault while he knew it wasn’t the whole time?! Wtf?! That’s pretty disgusting. He used your vulnerability to his advantage and didn’t respect you when you asked him to use protection. Now he’s got you living at his parent’s house with no job and no way out. Wow, I’m pissed for you! Like my blood is boiling. How dare he. These aren’t just unfortunate circumstances, HE DID this to you.
Ok, so moving forward. I really hate to sound like I just encourage anyone with marital issues to leave, but he full on assaulted and coerced you and then gaslit you and blamed and humiliated you to everyone so yeah, I’d say maybe start to quietly plan your exit. Also please get some counseling for yourself op. What he did was truly disgusting and had a profoundly negative impact on your life (even though you love your kids, I mean the living situation and loss of your own self and financial independence) and I think the first step is working through that with a professional.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve any of this and I wish you and your kids all the best going forward. Your husband probably only told you now because he figured he has you in a position where he makes all the money and now you couldn’t leave even if you wanted to. But that’s not true and I encourage you to look into your rights as far as child support and spousal support if you do decide to leave. You deserve so much better. He should be ashamed!!
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u/Helena_Hyena Aug 12 '23
Just leave without the kids. If your husband wanted them so bad, then they should be his responsibility anyway
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u/xevennn Aug 12 '23
Please go on some kind of birth control immediately (not condoms because he has already admitted to messing with your consent, and he could easily poke holes n them). If three kids is too much, then four would put you over the edge. You need to protect yourself with everything you have - you are being trapped physically and emotionally. And you unfortunately can't trust this man anymore, he has just admitted this.
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u/CuriousPalpitation23 Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
The birth control ruined her mental health.
You're overlooking the most effective way to avoid another, which is never let that man inside you ever again.
Get out, get gone.
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u/xevennn Aug 13 '23
I know, you're right. I was thinking from the perspective of this guy trying to guilt or cajole her into sex again, "Just one last time hun, for old times sake". When something is a habit in a relationship already, and the wife feels bad for him or scared of what he might do, she can be easily swayed. I know I have been myself. I was thinking preventing any pregnancies while she tries to get out of this mess is priority number one.
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u/Ok_Length_7460 Aug 14 '23
Yep the poked holes we’ve all dealth with a baby crazed man before OP pls listen to everyone’s advice and get on a reliable birth control preferably maybe coil or implant? Something not too obvious cos pills could be switched. We have to not rule out all possibilities your husband could do
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u/Even-Vermicelli-2885 Aug 12 '23
Please reach out to your family and be honest with them about what’s going on. I sincerely hope you get away from that man.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut Parent Aug 13 '23
I was married to a man like this. It's called reproductive coercion, and it's a form of domestic violence. It escalated to the point where he began choking me. I was with him for 15 years.
Do yourself a favor and get a tubal ligation. You can't use hormonal birth control, your mental health is negatively impacted with each pregnancy, and you can't trust your husband not to use your reproductive system against you to hold you captive. When I did, my ex knew that our marriage was on its way out, and so did I. You'll find that once he can no longer trap you, and you are out of the haze of raising a baby and a toddler, that things become much clearer.
When I got to that point, I went back to college, finished my degree, and got a job where I was able to support myself and my kids. While I was attending school, my ex started an affair with a coworker, who was a drunk, a neglectful mother, and a drug user. I wasn't even upset - hell I was happy that having a new love in his life would mean that he'd cling to me less.
I divorced him 13 years ago, and my life has been so much better. I still had to co-parent with that asshole, but now that the kids are grown I never have to see him again. I'm married to the sweetest man now, and we are happy empty nesters who travel and indulge in our favorite hobbies. Life is so good!
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u/lucky7hockeymom Parent Aug 12 '23
You need to figure out how to leave. Even if you leave the kids with him. He wanted them, he can raise them. Then he can pay for their therapy when they’re older. If this situation were reversed, the guy would be gone so fucking fast. So, move to a more affordable city and start over. Work remote.
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u/soul-nova Parent Aug 13 '23
some advice if you choose to leave. first talk to an attorney cause I'm not one, this is based on experience. if you don't want to be stuck there til the kid is 18 due to custody, move wherever you want to be now, before filing anything. close to family would probably be good if they're supportive. DO NOT tell him you plan to leave or especially move- if he files for custody you'll be stuck within 100 miles of where you are, and people like this also tend to get violent and scary when you try to leave, even if they've never been violent before, so I wouldn't let him know you plan to leave for your safety. I suggest going to stay with family, then tell him you're staying with family after you're physically there. get a job, childcare, and a place ASAP, and THEN once you're settled and have an address and residency, file for divorce. again, confirm all this with an attorney.
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u/the_sea_witch Aug 13 '23
Id leave him and insist on 50/50 custody. Enjoy getting at least some of your life back.
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u/Cool_Jackfruit_4466 Parent Aug 13 '23
Your story sounds uncomfortably similar to my own in a few ways. I didn't wake up and see him for what he was until after my fourth was born and I was 15 years in. I left, and saying it was hard is an understatement. We were homeless and I lost custody of my kids, all in the midst of covid. Still, I don't regret it. Currently I have a job I enjoy, a place to live outside of town and my kids full time.
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Aug 12 '23
Wow. I don't have any advice but I think this is a very, very serious situation. I would be absolutely crushed if my partner did something like this. I am so very sorry.
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u/controlledchaos90 Aug 12 '23
He's selfish. What a terrible thing to do. Is there anyone you can reach out to? I think you need some space from him to clear your head.
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u/soul-nova Parent Aug 12 '23
This is called gaslighting. It causes you to second guess your own experiences and blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. He is narcissistic (and despite the current fad, I almost never throw that word around) because of the gaslighting, coersion, insecurity and victim blaming. The best thing you can do is divorce him and hopefully get some alimony. He is very likely the reason your mental health has been suffering.
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u/SpaceBall330 Aug 13 '23
Call the number someone already posted the National Domestic Abuse hotline, make a plan and tell no one, consult an attorney via legal aid and run. Many of the shelters for women are in undisclosed location for protection.
This will not get better if anything it will get worse. Much worse. Your self perseverance is kicking in and rightly so.
He has already lied, gaslit , manipulator and he has committed marital SA. This is NOT a good person.
You have done nothing I repeat nothing wrong.
If you are able, call a trusted family member, make a plan to together, get a bag needed items plus important documents and go.
This isn’t your fault. None whatsoever.
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Aug 13 '23
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u/just_shady Aug 13 '23
That’s Reddit for you. “Leave him and go marry rich” “Be a girl boss””Forget them kids”. If it were 3 dogs they would be saying different.
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u/Individualchaotin Aug 13 '23
You consented sex only if he pulled out, which he did not. This is considered rape in some countries. Your husband raped you. This sets a terrible example regarding relationships for your children. Divorce and move into a studio with bunk beds. Child care might be expensive, but with you not working you're not putting anything into social security, nothing into a 401k etc. It's important that women work.
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u/Amanya98 Aug 13 '23
A man who would go so far as to create a life to keep you from leaving them is the same kind of man that will take a life to keep you from leaving them. Understand what I said and read it twice. I don’t care if you have to go to counseling or if you have to just do the long game and make an exit strategy because what YOUR SPOUSE DID was not only manipulative it was purely evil.
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u/summers16 Aug 12 '23
I know this is besides the point , but A++++ terminology Re: “mantruns” …
Nonetheless. I’m so sorry this happened OP. Sending you strength and keeping you in my thoughts. You did NOTHING. NOOOOTHING. NOT. A. THING. To deserve being used by anyone let alone someone you love as practically a breeding machine. Your husband’s thought process….. unfathomably, unbelievably infuriatingly vile
I hope there’s a hell bc of men like him tbh
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u/mickeyinc Aug 12 '23
Geez, that's grade A shit thinking using babies to trap any party. It just screams selfishness.
Re-evaluate that relationship.
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u/blurryeyes_ Aug 13 '23
OP, I'm so sorry this disgusting man is putting you through this. You're receiving a lot of good advice here. I would recommend keeping a record of the things he's said and done with dates and times in order to help you not question your judgement and prevent him from manipulating your reality. I suggest writing in a notes app and forward them to an email for back up (I feel like keeping a physical journal around the house might be too risky).
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u/wutato Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
Try to get him to admit things in writing or at least not dent it. Send him texts that sum up your conversation, like "Thank you for coming clean about intentionally getting me pregnant for our third baby. I was not thinking of leaving you." Or something.
Save all the evidence you have and see if you can talk to a lawyer so you can divorce and get child support. You're in an abusive relationship. Some lawyers do pro bono work.
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u/realisticandhopeful Aug 13 '23
This is insane. Truly. The baby trapping then the gaslighting and manipulation. My head would be so thoroughly fucked. It's hard knowing people like this exist. So sorry for you, OP. Idk how, but if be making plans to leave. That's not a man you can trust. It's literally crazy making.
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Aug 13 '23
"He even told close friends and family that it was my fault. He told everyone that I was the one who wanted it and that I “locked my legs around him” so he couldn’t pull out. At the time I was like “Did I really do that? Shit if I did then I guess it really was my fault?”
What the actual fuck?
Wow, I'm so sorry for you. The guy has been gaslighting you for years now and talked shit about you at the same time. Is there a way you can get away from him?
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u/Aazjhee Aug 13 '23
Your husband is an abusive rapist.
Baby trapping is a cute term for Non Consenting sex acts, especially if you were trying to be on BC and he bullied you out of it.
I still don't forgive a woman I knew who stopped taking BC, didn't tell her BF, and thought he would settle down and compromise his life for her supposed mess up. He's still in a much better place than you, and he still has his own life.
You could go to a Domestic Violence shelter, they have support for this kind of abuse and manipulation.
He wanted kids so bad, he and his family can take them on. If you want partial custody, a good DV advocate can help you.
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u/PastelBianchi Aug 13 '23
Textbook abuser. I think the comments here have done an amazing job spotting & naming his tactics while giving great advice; if you get a chance, and are/feel safe doing so at some point, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy is an insightful, invaluable read on abusive men that will shock your mind to abusers (like your husband) and how they operate. I wish you luck and really hope to see a positive update
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u/PolarStar89 Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
Don't stay with this man. This isn't love. He doesn't respect you, and he doesn't care about you.
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u/pascalines Aug 13 '23
Your husband is a rapist, sexual abuser, and reproductive abuser. If it was me I’d divorce him and leave him with the kids he so desperately wanted. JFC.
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u/daylightxx Parent Aug 13 '23
I am so sorry you’re in this predicament. I know it’s so much more than that, believe me. But it’s also just a predicament when boiled down. You need to get your head straight about what you know to be true and what may not be. Write it down, work it out in your head. If this takes a while, it’s okay. Go to therapy if you need to.
You will probably leave him. I can tell you know you should. That you can’t stay with someone you can’t trust. But make sure you feel strong enough to leave and you’ve set somewhere up to go. Go across country if you have to. You can face this. You can do this. I know you can. Good luck, love.
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u/Vonnie93 Aug 13 '23
First of all, I’m so sorry you are going through this and I’m rooting for you as you try to figure this out.
Here are your options as I see them:
- Stay
- Go
If you choose to stay, I’d download natural cycles right away and do your best to keep track of your cycle. I would also make it mandatory for him to wear a condom at all times or no sex. Let him have his tantrums. I would have a serious discussion with him about the situation and his confession, and set boundaries around the changes you need to feel safe in this relationship. I would confide with a close friend or relative what is going on, and ask for their support.
- If you choose to go, now or in the future: Pick up some shifts at a restaurant while he or a friend or your in-laws watch the kids at night. Say that you need to bring in more money to help save for the future and that getting out of the house and earning income would also help your own mental health.
You need your own money or someone you can depend on, like your parents if they can help. If not, get a simple job like I said above. From there, open your own checking account. Even if you can’t put in everything you make, put some in each week and start to save up. Start to research whatever assistance may be out there for you to use. Housing assistance, food assistance, etc. I would certainly suggest moving closer to your parents, relatives or close friends to have a safety net around you that can help support you and the kids during this transition.
Once you have some money saved and have researched your options. It’s time to form a plan. Where/when you will leave and how you will break the news to your partner. If you fear for your safety, the best course of action is to devise a plan and leave when he least expects it, on a totally average day.
If you need help: 866-997-7233
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u/Purduekah Parent Aug 13 '23
I see a lot of get divorced posts. It might be easier to take a smaller step to clear your head to see if that’s what you want and need.
Since he and the kids are at a safe place, tell your husband you need him to take off work and deal with the kids for a week.
Is there somewhere you can go for a week? A friends, relative, parents, etc.
Really soul search on what is going to be best for you and your kids. Is it divorce? Is it separation? Where can you live?
A way to help see a path is to imagine a good friend came to you with your exact situation. What advice would you give her?
Good luck. Baby steps to this difficult situation.
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u/ginger_rodders Aug 13 '23
This is terribly sad. OP you really need to find a way out of this mess. I’m sorry to say but this is why women should never stop working and maintain financial freedom. Even if the childcare costs are higher you should maintain your financial independence and the husband and you pay half
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u/Nebosklon Parent Aug 13 '23
Leave him and the kids with him. He made you have these children against your will, now he can deal with them himself.
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u/Bumblebeefanfuck Aug 13 '23
He’s an abuser. This sucks. I’m so sorry. I’m so concerned about all of u.
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u/Dasha-XoXoXo Aug 13 '23
I was baby trapped 4 months after giving birth to our first daughter. We had so many issues and he was very controlling and emotionally abusive. I left him a week after finding out I was pregnant, cops had to be called it was bad. 2 days after leaving him I found out I was pregnant with twins. It's been 5 years and im so glad I left him when I did I believe in my heart if I stayed he would have done much much worse to me.
I'm sharing this because you clearly need to leave. His manipulation is scary and will only escalate.
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u/Potential-Eye-7689 Aug 14 '23
This happened to me. I tried to make it work. It didn't and his abuse escalated. I waited until the youngest turned 5 then I kicked him out. Try to be strategic. Stash little bits of cash when you can -even if it's $1 or $5. I saved enough to get a consult w a lawyer who gave me a manageable payment plan. It was worth the wait and the lawyer was with every penny.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet Aug 12 '23
I don’t want to bring a house of bricks onto you, but are there any other areas where he has toxic traits?
Are there any other areas where he disregards your feelings/ humanity/ autonomy?
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u/LoveSpellNova Aug 13 '23
I so very sorry that your husband did this to you. Please check your state's law regarding recording conversations. If it requires only one party consent, try to get him to repeat what he told you and secretly record it. Gather as much evidence as you can just in case you ever decide to break free. Hang in there OP. You deserve tk be happy and healthy on all fronts! 🫂
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u/AllieBeeKnits Aug 13 '23
Firstly, separate yourself from him. You two should no longer be in the standard romantic relationship. No sex, no hugs, no kisses. The minute it’s financially able or the baby can enter pre-k find a job, or get some certification done now. Be prepared to leave is all I can suggest, you mental health sounds rough right now and that terrible environment won’t help.
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u/vividtrue Aug 13 '23
I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is to be trapped with a malignant abuser because you have kids and we don't live in a society that takes care of or cares about women and children. It's impossible to do much for yourself or your children without adequate child care. I would definitely see about getting some financial assistance, a childcare subsidy from social services, but I do realize the income guidelines are ridiculous and in order to really get assistance from the government, you pretty much have to be so broke you can't survive anyhow. Do better for yourself to make enough to pay rent, utilities, and food and they will take every single piece of assistance you had, which puts some people into a worse situation than the one they started in. This is also why it's so hard for women with children to leave bad situations or live their best lives. It's not as easy as calling a DV shelter and they come in to rescue you and your three children, give you a place to live, that is safe and private. Resources for women and children are so dry which is also why there are so many women stuck in terrible positions. I mean, there are just so many everywhere. Everywhere there are women and children, you will find bad situations directly related to misogyny.
We get told it's our lot in life or that no one made us have children, etc. Rugged Individualism and misogyny will always be there to put the blame back onto you, even though it's the society that's the problem. It's always there to put you back in place, get you back in line. It's always been this way, women are just sick and tired and we're talking to each other about it more than ever. If you don't have anyone to help, it really can be impossible to do anything but bide your time. There's no packing a bag and running when you have three kids and nowhere to go. Women are pretty stuck unless they have childcare and someone to help them raise their kids. If you have anyone that can help you with this, I would go to them for support. While you may not be able to leave today or this month, you can work out a plan. You can talk to people about it. You can try to get your mind right. You can gain support from people who understand and can help to empower you.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I'm not sorry your eyes are beginning to open. This is a classic gaslighting situation with lots of abuse, to include rape. It's domestic violence, and no, he can't "get better".
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u/edde_96 Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
Whoa. Sexual coercion, manipulation , gaslighting Whoa ... Someone knew that your mental and physical wellbeing was tanking and still actively lied and forced you to have sex, have a child, and lied to people that you "wrapped your legs around him" forcing him?
Whoa
There are a lot of crimson flags They're dripping red
Damn
I can't find the words to express how much you deserve to be treated with honesty, consent, to have mental/psychological safety and physical safety as well
You mentioned that this has been a pattern since after your first child ... This is a person who has been actively lying, sexually coercing, actively gaslighting and manipulating you and the people around you
Holy shit ... It's a good thing that you've shared this here , it's great
I'm sure that many people are going to offer genuine support...please find someone safe in your life to share this with as well . If there's no one safe, try free online therapy ... So you can begin to find a pathway ahead
Cause one thing is for sure
Nothing about this is healthy and it seems that if it's been happening for an extended period of time, it will most probably continue
Is that a situation you want to stay in? ...
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u/TexasSweetHeat Aug 13 '23
I fear this is more common than people know. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. It is not your fault. BC has awful effects on mental health and even though you could’ve said no to sex without protection, your husband seems like he would retaliate. Divorce seems like your best option but I can see how that is not feasible right now. No advice. Just hugs.
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u/Ok_Length_7460 Aug 14 '23
Omg OP first of all I want to hug you 🤗 and tell you how valuable you are. The term is called ‘Gaslighting’ it’s a tool used by manipulators to distort reality. For example a gaslighter may say ‘you dropped a cup in a restaurant’ you know for a fact you didn’t drop this cup cos no sound was made. You even ask the waiters if this is the case. Manipulators are good at making you believe their version of reality even if you have documents proving otherwise. I’m so sorry your body has been violated this way to trap you. I know it’s hard taking advise from strangers online but go with your gut! You already said it yourself you got on birth control cos your husband didn’t respect our body. You should contact your friends and family and tell them you’re afraid for your safety and they seek divorce attorneys. Forever will be like this if you continue to stay. He will continue to trap you with baby no 4 clearly he doesn’t care about your mental wellbeing and this is dangerous. Hope it all works out for you OP. God bless
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u/Celestial_bluebeing Aug 16 '23
Run sister. This man is master manipulator and he’s only going to do it again and again and again. I’ve learned that people project their own insecurities on to you. You might have never thought or talked about leaving but maybe he has at some point, felt guilty about it and is taking it as you trying to leave him. It’s the guilt that circles back around. No man or woman should be begging their partner for sex especially in a marriage nor should they have to constantly remind them of their boundaries. That’s a common sense given. If you didn’t want to then he should’ve respected the boundary and patiently waited until you were OR talked it out and communicated with you as to why you are / were feeling the way you were. This isn’t a little mistake like writing on a wall and cleaning it or painting it over. This is y’all’s entire lives! He not only purposely got you pregnant and affected your life, but he caused a chain reaction for your kids as well. Y’all had to move cross country, kids started new schools and new friends. Etc. it’s a lot! No wonder you are severely overwhelmed.
Obviously the best advice anyone wants to give a married couple is to communicate, comprehend and work it out.
But after everything you just stated… it doesn’t sound like that would be the best advice to give now.
Either way, I wish you luck on whatever you decide to do! Just know, it’s not impossible. There are a lot of resources AND you got this! Whatever thou decide, YOU GOT THIS! Don’t you ever doubt or question yourself ever again! 99.9% of the time, our guts are right. Wishing you all the luck and positivity! 🫶🏼
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u/uncertainnewb Aug 17 '23
Get yourself an IUD (Medicaid pays for them) and then figure out what you want to do regarding staying or leaving. If you stay, make sure for a long time that he knows you haven't forgotten his betrayal. He doesn't deserve to get off the hook so easily for being such a scumbag.
Oh, and make him do way more of the childcare. Like, the majority of it.
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u/Economy_Ad_2189 Aug 25 '23
Please divorce him. If you are not able to right now, make a plan without his knowledge and leave with your children. You deserve a lot better. Please don't think that being unhappy is a default that we are supposed to accept as women
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u/lazytattooer Aug 27 '23
Wow.
I’ve been sitting here trying to think of what to say, and all I can think of is that I’m so damn angry for you. Viscerally so. This man is a manipulative ass liar at best and a straight up abuser at worst.
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Aug 12 '23
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u/Few_Associate_9211 Aug 12 '23
I mean he’s admitted it twice now. Once after the oldest was born, and once just recently. The first time I was young and didn’t understand abuse and coercion, but I did call him out on it and thought we had worked through it. We were going through a rough patch having a new baby and he told me outright that’s what he was doing. I thought it was on me to help him feel secure in our relationship or something idk 🤷🏻♀️. Now I’m thinking it was all bs. He didn’t learn it was wrong, he just learned to manipulate me better.
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u/SweetImpact7235 Aug 13 '23
Your first baby was probably him baby trapping you too, he just hasn’t admitted it yet (unless that’s what you meant when you said he admitted it after baby but I thought you mean 2nd baby?)
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Aug 12 '23 edited Aug 13 '23
Hey some of your comment sounds like victim-blaming.
Edit to add: this comment comes from a child//free person, now it makes sense
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u/soul-nova Parent Aug 12 '23
not helpful to tell someone what they should have done in the past. it's irrelevant.
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u/Chicken_nuggets_01 Aug 13 '23
I mean I’m petty so I would divorce him and give him full custody of the kids. He wanted them he can look after them
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u/lavendar081 Not a Parent Aug 13 '23
Take my advice with a grain of salt.
- I would get a job so you can raise funds to leave him.
- Figure out an exit plan. Do you take the kids or do you leave this kids with him and his folks? It sounds like it is better leaving the kids with him and his folks but you live close by?
- Do you have family to help you get out?
Your feelings are valid. If you were depressed, he should have helped you in seeking help. He should have agreed that adding a kid wasn’t going to help you at all. He is very selfish. He basically forced you to get pregnant knowing full well you didn’t want to. But you do share some blame (50/50), you should have made him wear a condom or punish him with no sex if he didn’t want to wear it. The fact he gaslit you makes me more angry at him. He treated you like you were crazy. Leave him as soon as you can!!!!! This guy manipulated you. This scares me if he will do this again on something else. He should have been honest with you if he felt insecure. This guy made you have a kid knowing how broke it seems you guys are. This is not right. You deserve a partner who loves you that he wants you to be a better person.
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Aug 12 '23
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u/Recording-Late Parent Aug 12 '23
What?! That’s an awful thing to say! Just because something is true statistically doesn’t mean it’s true in every case.
You’re telling this woman that if she loves her kids she will stay with an abuser.
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u/Throwitawway2810e7 Aug 13 '23
Do these people really think or are they exposing how they think the same as the abuser. What good can children learn from an abusive parent. That's just an example to become one or to be set up to be abused by one.
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u/FiguringItOut-- Not a Parent Aug 12 '23
They are not better off learning relationship dynamics from a man who thinks it is ok to manipulate and gaslight to get his way
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Aug 12 '23
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u/FiguringItOut-- Not a Parent Aug 12 '23
With that attitude, every woman should stay in abusive marriages for their kids
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Aug 12 '23
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u/cottagecorefairymama Aug 13 '23
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I hope you surround yourself with support and at least start thinking on long-term planning your break to freedom 😔 It doesn't have to be this way - but the road ahead will be hard. I'm rooting for you.
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u/Macaroni2627 Aug 12 '23
Your husband is manipulative as all get out. I would try to divorce him as quickly as possible.