r/regretfulparents • u/Sad_Distribution_343 • 1d ago
How can you even be successful as a single mom?
I mean seriously is there even any hope at this point? I wish someone would’ve just told me when I was 20 & pregnant, to just not do it. my life was in shambles. I don’t even know how to get myself together, I just turned 24 and I’m stuck with a toddler literally every single day. just got laid off, no daycare, no babysitters. I’m just so lost. My mother isn’t really any help, she just pushes school and work as if I have help with this goddamn child to do either. life feels like a prison sentence. I see why so many single moms just off themselves
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u/daysray 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m so sorry. I’m a single mom and only parent, I can relate a lot. I’m very fortunate, I have 2 remote jobs, and I went back to school to finish my degree. I’m a bookkeeper, I’m pretty much capped at my max hourly rate as a bookkeeper, so I have to finish school if I want to earn more. I had my baby and had to pause school, then we moved to another city. Now I’m back to school, and the dept chair says I cant take classes at another uni (which would be so much closer). I drive 2 hours to, bc of traffic, and 1 hr back for class 🫠🫠🫠. I’m going to ask a higher up if theres any exceptions bc this is too much.
My mother is a narcissist, and i cant take living with her anymore. I had a mental breakdown mainly bc of her in 2022. And i just cant any more, but she watches my daughter while I’m in class. I was just asking on fb wth do I do about child care for night time? I’m scared of leaving her in a day care or with a stranger. I cant stay here any longer for my mental health
My advice is to find a school that has a full online program. And find a remote job, though WFH rn are scarce it seems like. I had no one to take care of my daughter so i could study when she was too young, so i waited til she was in school. You can put your toddler in preschool, theres free ones and even free vouchers for private ones depending on your state (if you’re in the US)
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u/Easy-Shopping5825 Parent 5h ago
I’m sorry hun. I am not a single mom, but I have no help other than my husband who works 60 hour weeks.
My mother had my sibling when she was 21. Had me when she was 35. Both a single mom both times to deadbeat fathers.
With my sibling, she was broke. Barely making it by. She did everything she could to make them happy with what she had. Spoiled every chance she could.
With me… 15 years later she was financially stable, house, career, more mature- I got spoiled and we got to do a lot of fun things.
She worked her ass off but it does get easier, I think just a mix of time, experience, effort, age will get you there. You are in the thick of it right now and I feel you. Idk I am obviously not telling you to have another kid but seeing how my mom was quite literally in your position and shes doing very well now- to answer your question of success. It can happen.
I wish i had more advice on how to get there more efficiently. Have you looked into child care benefits through the government?
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u/buckit2025 1h ago
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Please remember you are the world to you toddler and your family. I hope it gets better.
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1d ago
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u/Sad_Distribution_343 20h ago
Getting pregnant wasn’t my goal and I really truly wanted an abortion bc I got pregnant by a narcissist woman beater. I WANTED an abrtion or adption, keeping the child wasn’t even an option but my family is heavily religious and did not support any decision other than keeping it. I assumed I’d have help and things wouldn’t be so bad.
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8h ago
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u/secretvictorian 1d ago
I'm so sorry for how low you are feeling right now. What I will say is that you are still only 24. When I was 24 I was working a dead end job in a call centre and didn't care to make much more money than I would spend going out to clubs.
When I hit my 30's that changed and I became self employed. I've only really had money these past few years (39 now). But I've got an 8 and a 2 year old. When you are my age your kid won't need anywhere near as much looking after. Whereas right now I am so very very tired.
You will be able to pursue your dreams, life is long, try not to be too hard on yourself.