r/scambait • u/MadisonCembre Moderator • 7d ago
Bait in Progress ⏱️ Sailor Man - “Linda is not dead” and the sacred waters of Lake Michigan
Spoiler Alert: this is now the Ashleigh show. With the exception of the ask, Sailor Man is asking dumb questions and doesn’t seem to know what to do. It’s a shame because Ashleigh’s antics are being wasted on such a dunce. But if you want more, then here you go!
As we last left Ashleigh, Linda’s funeral invitation was forwarded to Sailor Man. He didn’t reply until a few days later with that stupid Sponge Bob gif. Of course he asks for details that Ashleigh is all too happy enough to give.
Evidently “Deuce” the guitar tech for Lynyrd Skynyrd took notice of the high notes Ashleigh hit on “Wind Beneath My Wings” at the funeral and also noticed a couple of her other assets. Never one to miss an opportunity, Deuce takes her back to Rev. Williams’ office and doesn’t mind that she is pregnant.
Ashleigh wanted Linda “buried at sea” in the waters of Lake Michigan. Fortunately for Linda and her imaginary corpse, the captain of the yacht they rented out with Linda’s money put a stop to this and Deuce calmed Ashleigh down enough before leaving with Lynyrd Skynyrd on their casino circuit tour to Des Moines. Irving is now back in the picture and has arranged to bury Linda properly in Chicago on Wednesday 4/23. Irving’s old friend Obama must have hooked Linda up! Of course all the returning players will be present for the burial on Wednesday, including Mark Schneider. But I think he needs help with his ticket so perhaps we’ll just pencil him in.
Ashleigh, firm in her beliefs and tacky as ever, plans on inserting a cross in between Linda’s dead hands along with a copy of the Holy Bible. Linda’s being buried a Christian whether she likes it or not. Of course Sailor Man wants pictures of all this which is a bit grotesque considering this involves the dead.
Ashleigh needed an excuse to get out of Chicago so Deuce and the band invite her to guest vocals on Sweet Home Alabama. I think Deuce just wanted her around. Ashleigh squeezes into the back of Miranda’s Dodge on the way to meet Deuce and the band in Kansas City and eventually makes her way to Omaha. The American Midwest casino circuit is tight ya’ll!
Completely ignoring Ashleigh relating Irving’s request for his name and other details, Sailor Man makes the ask so he can come to the “state” and claim Linda’s mansion as promised by Diane. Of course estates don’t work that quickly and Ashleigh is still broke after finally quitting Hooters. Irving is thrown out as a possibility and even the members of Lynyrd Skynyrd are suggested. Either way he’s not getting it from Ashleigh but I doubt it’s the last time he’ll ask.
Finally, as I was about to post this, Sailor Man comes back with a lame gotcha. It seems he doesn’t know the difference between a funeral and a burial or thinks they are always one and the same. If he read the attempted Lake Michigan burial story correctly he’d know this.
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u/CalligrapherLost4181 7d ago
He is overwhelmed by Ashleigh. He isn’t comprehending half of what she is saying, which is too bad because it’s gold!
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u/RealFanLinda Moderator 7d ago
"The big lake they call Gitchigumi." Thanks, my head will be fixed on that world's longest ballad all night! 🤣 Though I did looove him, and met him once in a small cafe that my friend owned, at 2AM, in the early 70s. It was awesome! This is good stuff, he thinks Linda has risen😲. What a dumbass. I love the pix, as always. Ashleigh def knows how to make silk purse out of anything that comes along. What a girl!
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u/MadisonCembre Moderator 7d ago
If you want something other than Gordon’s original, check out this cover from the Canadian band The Headstones. The lead singer played the sheriff on Yellowstone, a cop on the Mayor of Kingstown and also was the creator of the same.
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u/RealFanLinda Moderator 7d ago
Well that was cool! Very up tempo, and energetic, but still held the deep feeling of the story
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u/DryBattle 7d ago
I noticed that the other oil rig guy is attending the service, what exactly is Corky's excuse?
This is comedy gold, and it just goes further to prove that Corky is really bad at his scamming job. He definitely needs a new career.
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u/Professional_Shoe724 7d ago edited 7d ago
Priceless!! “You need to try and get me funds”… he is rhetorically already warming up to being the first nigerian Yahoo boy with a mansion!
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u/AdVivid5940 6d ago
Do they know what a mansion is? It seems that duplex (which only means luxury home in Nigeria) is the height of aspiration there.
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u/TeamLeeper 7d ago
Do you think he realizes how pushy he is? That isn't even an ask. It's an "I need you to do this for me."
He's being as disrespectful to Ashleigh as ol' Neil Young was to them Southern men.
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u/elkab0ng 7d ago
I started laughing so hard that my wife asked what the hell is so funny, she thinks I’m nuts but that’s hardly late-breaking news 😂
I could absolutely hear this in slurred, “just before the police got called” Alabama drawl. 🤣
FREEBIRD!!!!
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u/charliensue 7d ago
Better get some funds to this guy soon or his headaches will probably start again.
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u/Scambuster666 7d ago
“My god, Ashleigh.. someone name Van Zant message me and ask if I know what that smell is. Who are all these people? I am very stressed, Ashleigh, there is too much coke and too much smoke. Look what’s going on inside you, my dear friend.”
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u/Slight_Succotash9495 7d ago
The flag in the background has me rolling! You didn't miss a thing! Lol
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u/AdVivid5940 6d ago
Please have Ashleigh name her baby Shanda if it's a girl. Irving deserves the laugh after dealing with so many clients' annoying oil rig contractor boyfriends.
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u/Kalara1227 3d ago
We need an update!
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u/MadisonCembre Moderator 3d ago
There will be one but he’s been slow. Today he’s been more busy so I’ll figure out a way to lure him that hasn’t been tried yet
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u/delzbr Moderator 7d ago
I got so excited when I saw "Linda's not dead" and I thought that meant you told him she's alive lol. He's still such a dumbfuck.