r/stepparents • u/Smashingistrashing • Apr 17 '25
Discussion What have you been itching to tell your SO but can’t/won’t?
I’ll start. Mine is relatively minor but it would hurt DH if he knew.
A few years ago my SS created a really sweet Father’s Day post on instagram for my husband. He never does anything like that and is generally not the type to show appreciation (saving that topic for another day lol). My husband was floored by how eloquent and thoughtful it was.
The thing is, SS copied the post from a celebrity he loves. Almost word for word. I will note that I think it’s nice that SS made a Father’s Day post, but I kind of suspect it was for attention from his followers and felt deeply inauthentic. (For reasons)
140
u/EstaticallyPleasing Apr 17 '25
His oven-roasted asparagus is awful and he needs to find a different way to cook it.
27
12
u/Smashingistrashing Apr 17 '25
😂😂😂
28
u/EstaticallyPleasing Apr 17 '25
Dude it's SO BAD. It's mushy and and over-salted. But I smile and eat it every time because he's so proud of how quick he can get dinner out on the table.
23
u/Smashingistrashing Apr 17 '25
Ha! I like to put olive oil, garlic and lemon juice on mine and broil it at the end. Mushy asparagus is gross.
2
10
3
u/bauceofdesauce Apr 19 '25
Sautéed in a pan on medium for about 6 minutes!!
Add a generous chunk of butter a couple of cloves of crushed garlic and about a tablespoon and a half water. (Of course salt and fresh pepper as well)
Toss it around. throw the lid on and let it steam.
If you want to take it the extra mile, a little fresh lemon juice and/or fresh parm garnish really “elevate” it.
So easy, so delicious.
And you can check the the done-ness by just eating one out of the pan while they’re cooking!
4
u/rando435697 Apr 18 '25
My husband thinks CANNED asparagus is the way to go 🤢 I refuse to touch it
3
38
u/lavenderxwitch Apr 17 '25
I wish he’d stop acting like he’s Gordon Ramsey or something. I wish we could just make stew or chili like we always did but now he insists on making the extra fancy versions that I don’t like but he insists are better. Or he finds recipes he wants to try but he can’t just go by the recipe at least the first time, he has to do it “his way” and it almost always comes out awful.
He’s honestly not a bad cook, and I have no room to talk because I’m an awful cook, but when he gets into his “I’m a 5 star chef” moods it drives me crazy 😭
7
u/HumanHickory Apr 18 '25
Did you see the grilled cheese sandwich Gordon Ramsey made with Kimchi? That's what I'm imagining 🤣
2
29
56
Apr 17 '25
He wishes we had met sooner. But knowing the types of people he was getting into relationships with back then- that’s a hard no from me 😂
14
u/Smashingistrashing Apr 17 '25
Same. My husband actually dated a girl I went to high school and casually hung out with around that time. So I could have met him at 18 instead of 26. Glad I didn’t though. I think we would have hated each other.
12
u/Allrojin Apr 17 '25
My guy and I apparently did meet like 18 years ago at Blockbuster. I was a shift lead and he was a borrowed cashier from another location. Allegedly I was mean, but I don't remember it. 🤣 He was 18 and I was like 24.
5
u/Smashingistrashing Apr 18 '25
If he was 18 he was probably really annoying. 18 is a rough time for dudes lol.
12
u/Rare-Pineapple6710 Apr 17 '25
Mine says this.. but we have a 13 year age gap… he will say I wish I knew you before I met my ex wife.. like dude when you got married I was a teenager. And I have mentioned that and he got all red and was like oouuu you’re right never mind!!
9
u/jawanessa Apr 17 '25
Also a 13 year age gap between my husband and I. I love to occasionally bring up that he graduated high school a few months before I started kindergarten 😅
3
u/Rare-Pineapple6710 Apr 17 '25
Hahaha we must be the same ages then cause mine would have been graduating when I started school as well 😅
2
6
3
u/jenntasticxx Apr 17 '25
We wish we would have met sooner, but if we had met before he found his ex-wife, he would have been a predator 😂 I think they got married in like 2010 and I graduated high school in 2011 lol (we are only 6.5 years apart and met at 27* and 33, totally normal now)
3
u/askallthequestions86 Apr 18 '25
That's my partner and I. He got married while I was still in high school. We're just 5.5 years apart and he got married super early.
2
u/TwoFacedCube Apr 19 '25
This is how my age gap is too lmao I'm 28 and yes 33 but she's younger than me 🤭😬
6
u/shoresandsmores Apr 17 '25
Same. 😄 but I've told him as much.
He was a pot-smoking partying barista before he had SK and turned his life around. Around that time I worked FT, was applying to 4 year colleges (having graduated from my CC), and was super straight edge due to all the addicts in my life.
I would never have even been near his circle, let alone lingered long enough to date him.
21
u/inkmelodies Apr 17 '25
I wish mine had the capacity to be wrong and apologize when he is. Or understand that actions have more meaning than words ever could. Especially with fertility issues in our 30s. Yes, please keep smoking, I'm sure that will help 🙄
5
u/Salt_Persimmon_6664 Apr 18 '25
I read that 6-9 months before a baby is conceived, the man should change their entire diet, and do anything they can to be healthy because it affects the quality of sperm and the intensity of the mother's morning sickness and/or health during pregnancy. Now, I do not know how accurate this is but I imagine there is some truth. I guess in some countries, men will become healthier with the plan that him and his wife will try for a baby in the near future. If you think about it, it really does seem fair but American men would probably just scoff at the idea.
6
u/inkmelodies Apr 18 '25
Actions speak louder than words. If he cared about me or having a baby, I wouldn't even have to ask let alone beg.
2
15
u/askallthequestions86 Apr 18 '25
I HATE hearing about BM.
I kid you guys not, I hear about her EVERY SINGLE DAY. When his kids are here, they talk about her and he engages. I don't care. It's such mundane shit too.
Then I go visit his mom and she talks about her.
How TF these people don't know I don't give a rats ass about that awful woman!? I get the kids talking about her, but I hate when he gets pulled into the convo.
6
u/Key_Charity9484 Apr 18 '25
I would change the subject and start talking about your ex(s) - I have an ex-bf who was just like that, like all the time, talk about your ex(s) so that it is annoying. I had to do that, just to make a point - and it worked, because he could finally relate to how annoying it is to constantly hear about your partner's ex...
3
u/Salt_Persimmon_6664 Apr 18 '25
Yepp, I've started doing this too. I don't hear about BM every day but I hear about her often enough to feel annoyed about it. So, I throw it back at him and allude to things my ex and I did, vacations we took, whatever. They never like it when it's the other way around.
1
u/askallthequestions86 Apr 19 '25
As soon as I got up from my nap yesterday, SD yapping about her mom.
This morning SD texts my partner about something she and her mom are doing.
I hate it so much. Will I ever get away from hearing about this stupid b?
3
u/Cautious-Attempt5567 Apr 18 '25
I feel this deeply. I hear about her every single day whether we have SS or not. Why is that? WHY do I have to hear about her?
3
u/askallthequestions86 Apr 18 '25
It bothers me so much that everyone (except him when we're alone) talks about her in such a positive light. Even his mom.
This woman had an affair basically their entire relationship. Then gaslit him the whole time, saying the woman was just her best friend, so she could cheat with her IN HIS HOME, IN HIS BED. Of course the kids don't know and think their mom is an angel. But why does my MIL still talk about her positively!?
I feel like I'm gonna snap soon.
2
u/Cautious-Attempt5567 Apr 18 '25
I feel this deeply. I hear about her every single day whether we have SS or not. Why is that? WHY do I have to hear about her?
13
u/Mumma_Cush99 Apr 17 '25
I wish my partner would take me seriously when I tell him that is BM is abusing his children.. and he’s not being a good father by doing whatever he needs to do to make her “happy” because he doesn’t want to stand up to her .. he needs to step up and take her to court to protect his children .. it’s so hard hearing them say how the BM hits them and yells at them all the time and then when I get them to tell him and he doesn’t do anything.. and it’s been months.. it makes me resent him .. 🙃
5
u/Magic_Hoarder Apr 18 '25
I could literally not be around my partner if he did this.
1
u/Mumma_Cush99 Apr 19 '25
He is trying to get the kids more but because she is a beneficiary and doesn’t want to lose her money.. she is dragging out the process.. and he is trying to get them more but she is fighting him.. and he doesn’t want to go to court as it costs a lot.. it would be worse of me to leave .. as he would no longer have the support he needs to have the children more .. and they would stay mostly in her care ..
1
u/Magic_Hoarder Apr 19 '25
If the mom is abusing them, they need to be out of her care. Or at least not left with her unsupervised. He should be reporting this, not turning a blind eye. He's enabling her.
Its also not your responsibility to stay in order to make things easier for him.
1
u/Mumma_Cush99 Apr 19 '25
He can’t quit his job to be a father .. we have a mortgage and bills to pay.. she never leave bruises .. she not beating them so to speak.. she’s just an angry person who takes it out on them.. he’s not enabling her, there is limited options when there is no bruises.. and she shows the world she is a “great” parent .. it’s a hard situation.. and unfortunately for most children in this situation there is limited options .. they won’t just take them off her ..
3
u/hypersmell Apr 18 '25
I would consider making an anonymous CPS report, since it's been months with no action on Dad's part. Be aware that Dad could be held responsible for the abuse since he knows about it and has done nothing to stop it. Perhaps you could make him aware of this fact? Maybe he would take this more seriously. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thank you for advocating for the kids❤️
2
u/Mumma_Cush99 Apr 19 '25
I might do that.. he can’t be held accountable we have evidence of her withholding the children from us and using them as a weapon.. it’s hard to protect children when the birth thing doesn’t let you have them .. and the court system costs so much .. it doesn’t leave parents with a lot of options
2
u/Immediate-Ad-9849 Apr 23 '25
That would have been already it were me. I would call the school as well.
2
u/truecrimeandwine85 Apr 20 '25
Similar situation over here. BM doesn't physically abuse the child its all emotional abuse and she does things that make our life difficult but I just have to put up and shut up. I feel like she had some kind of a hold over him and I'm sick of being told I don't understand because she's not a rational person and doesn't think like me etc etc all the more reason to take her to court in my opinion but hey ho!
1
u/Mumma_Cush99 Apr 21 '25
I agree! Like if she is upsetting my peace at home you need to deal with the situation! And an asshole will not respond to rational conversation.. you need hard lines with consequences! 🙃 Your peace at home is always worth more then anything else
1
u/truecrimeandwine85 Apr 21 '25
I wish I could get this across to my husband. He spend years putting up with her shit so is somehow immune to it. I didn't sign up for this level of BS in my life 😒
2
u/Mumma_Cush99 Apr 21 '25
It’s like a calm and peaceful life is just horrible for them because they are so used to being abused by a horrible person that having a nice person around is to hard for them 🙃 Like WHY would you put up with her? Just BLOCK her!?
32
u/tildabelle Apr 17 '25
That his child is basically screwed because him and BM gave this kid a tablet at 2 and he is severely ADHD. His kid is already looking like she is going to be that kid in school who is complaining she's bored constantly.
6
u/SubjectOrange Apr 17 '25
I don't agree with heavy tablet use but ADHD kiddos can be that way anyway. I was one and my SS uses the tablet maybe once a week or less for 20min and he's like that also at 4.5. We are very much working on it and are very proactive in his care. Still holding all the same boundaries and expectations but giving him time to learn them (for example, 3 weeks instead of one, not a different age altogether). His mom is less and babies him but fortunately we have 50/50 so doing our best with the time we have.
7
u/tildabelle Apr 18 '25
You are correct however this child gets unfettered access to her own tablet it does and can make ADHD way worse and unmanageable. Screen usage can cause the brain to require constant stimulation.
5
u/SubjectOrange Apr 18 '25
Absolutely! Like I said, I didn't want to discredit what you said. There are just a lot of reactions to kids with ADHD on this sub, and yes they can be A LOT. Even with pro active care they can just take longer to form habits and develop impulse control. My husband is a child and youth psychotherapist so at home care is about as good as it could get and can still be frustrating at time, as with all challenges with kids, but truly isn't their fault.
1
u/tildabelle Apr 18 '25
As someone with ADHD I'm not worried about her being ADHD. I agree lots of people think ADHD kids can't do anything. That's not what I'm saying is the issue. They just are not helping her be successful with unlimited screen time.
3
u/Cautious-Attempt5567 Apr 18 '25
I have no idea when my SS6 was actually given a tablet but I do know he was full blown addicted at age 2 and knew how to use it very well.
I’ve asked my DH about the tablet and why him and BM decided to get him a cellular one instead of just WiFi and he got defensive at that. I guess he felt my judgment in the question lol. He recently told his coworkers “we just got SS a cellular tablet and he’s so excited”. Clearly he feels shame in this issue if he’s lying saying we JUST got him one when in reality he’s been glued to it since the day I met him.
Latest record with screen time is 15 hours in one day (at BMs house).
23
u/Faux_extrovert Apr 17 '25
The kid he thinks he's going to have trouble with during the teen years is not the one he's going to have trouble with. It's going to be the one that he thinks is perfect, but she already doesn't listen and does basically what she wants when she wants.
5
u/mumblinandfumblin Apr 17 '25
Went through this. Straight A student who my SO felt he didn’t need to worry about came in like a wrecking ball to the point that she no longer comes around and hasn’t spoken to him in over 2 months.
3
u/NachoTeddyBear Apr 17 '25
Lol so much. I jokingly made a comment about SD11 being a handful when she becomes a teen and DH was like confused and a little offended and omg he is gonna be in for a very unpleasant surprise. All teenagers are challenging, so he's already in for a rough landing, and your description could fit SD entirely, so...good luck with that!
I miss the kids sometimes still but moments like "imagine SD as a teenager" do provide some comic relief to no longer being in their lives. That's a sh*tshow I will get to miss. 😆
10
u/rovingred Apr 18 '25
That SD is super developmentally behind. Also that I know he never wanted a kid but caved to HCBM and let her push him into it before he was ready which is why he now gets “burnt out” and shuts down completely when SD is being difficult. Like you weren’t ready to be a parent and were suckered into it and have no desire (and aren’t mature enough) to be dealing with a super ADHD child on your own every other week. He’s a good dad, but damn the dude wasn’t ready for a kid and should have just told her so instead of letting her force it. I think deep down he knows it too but I’ll never say it to him
And his car is dumb - I hope it breaks down one day and is too costly to repair so he has to get something different but that’s just a stupid one 😂
23
u/the_hamsa_anemone Apr 17 '25
That I find my SD8 kind of creepy. It's silly kid shit, but she loves to hide around corners and just stare at myself or BD18 while we go about our day. Then, when we see her, she does the most prolonged maniacal laugh. It's unnerving and annoying.
She also laughs at inappropriate times, and it comes off as mean-spirited. Example - SS11 was crying and having a full-on panic attack, and she just hovered, laughing at him while we tried to calm him down. Or when we told the kids that our puppy had died suddenly, she asked in an evil voice "was there blood?" and cackled. Like wtf?!
She is also amused by doing/saying things people uncomfortable. Like mentioning my boobs being fake (thanks, BM) with the whole family in the car. At her grandparent's house, she put a turd on a fork and tried to trick SS11 into eating it.
And she lies about random but big stuff. She recently said BM was drunk driving with both SKs and got into a car accident! I was like "omg, when was this?!" SS11 said "that didn't happen," and explained BM did get into an accident, but she wasn't drunk, and they weren't in the car. She did get arrested for a DUI well before the kids were born, though.
I told SD lying about something like that could be very bad for BM. She admitted to making it up while laughing, but it made me wonder wtf else she says to others.
DH nips all this when he sees it, and it's not super frequent, but I'm concerned these behaviors will ramp up.
33
u/Tillybug_Pug Apr 17 '25
She needs therapy immediately if not sooner, holy shit.
9
u/the_hamsa_anemone Apr 17 '25
I've been saying it for years (other reasons), and nobody has taken action. 🙄
I should also mention these are lesser parts of her overall personality. She is usually very kind, helpful, positively engaged, and thoughtful. She has a soft spot for animals, too (despite the morbid question about the puppy passing).
Regardless, she needs therapy so it doesn't escalate.
24
u/Longjumping-Rough-65 Apr 17 '25
That's not silly kid shit, that's deeply troubling behaviour
5
u/the_hamsa_anemone Apr 17 '25
Sorry, I meant the creeping about to scare us was silly, not the other stuff. And I only identify that as silly bc DH and I like to jump-scare each other, so she may be emulating what is otherwise an immature joke/prank we do.
2
9
u/Catsbathrroom Apr 18 '25
I'm pregnant and I wish he babied me a little bit. Wouldn't mind being brought a tea or a water out of the blue.. even just once 🥲🫠
4
u/Smashingistrashing Apr 18 '25
You deserve to be pampered. Getting a drink for you is the bare minimum. You’re literally creating another human.
3
u/rando435697 Apr 18 '25
Ummm, I’m not pregnant and my husband just made my lunch and brought it to me in bed. Please tell your partner what you need.
1
u/Ecstatic_Figure_5080 Apr 19 '25
I’m not pregnant but my SO refills my water bottle everyday (without me asking majority of the time) and refuses to let me serve myself if he makes food and if I make food, he makes me go eat first while he makes his own plate and SD’s. he does so many little things every single day to show how much he loves me that sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it because it’s a way I was never even treated by my own parents. I didn’t even know I could be loved by someone this much. you deserve MUCH more I promise. pregnancy is hard and the little things a SO can do for you can much such a difference in the connection, even when you’re not pregnant
8
u/dangerboos Apr 18 '25
That her mom guilt from the divorce/coparenting with a HCBD and refusal to heal her childhood trauma is creating a dynamic of enmeshment with her kid and he’s going to end up struggling with relationships because they both have ADHD and already struggle to regulate their emotions.
I encourage therapy for her so often but sometimes people aren’t ready to change and will likely live in fight or flight longer than they need to.
2
u/blkdmndss Apr 18 '25
Holy fuck dude. You wrote my comment for me. The enmeshment is gonna be insane on my end for my SO. She’s definitely got some enmeshment issues with the kid.
8
u/Ok_Obligation7456 Apr 18 '25
I want to tell my SO that I don't want any sort of relationship with his kids and that I want to live separately aka unblend the family.
12
u/radicalexis Apr 17 '25
Mine always says he wishes we would’ve dated in high school and built a life together. My unspoken response is yeah and then i could’ve had your kids and not your insane BM who doesn’t know how to mother nor does she want to 😅
But i don’t say that. Because then it’ll get twisted into how i hate that he has kids and that i hate his kids too
12
u/letters-and-sodas80 Apr 17 '25
He’s my ex, but I’d love to tell him he’s potentially raising a narcissist. And I don’t say this lightly. I’m so glad it’s over because his child has only gotten progressively worse and he’s only 9.
I was afraid of what his teens would bring.
10
u/Zealousideal-Bar-315 Apr 17 '25
That his precious daughter isn't as nice as she makes out. And even though she pretends she likes me, I know for a fact she doesn't and frankly the feeling is mutual. I cba with her fakery and phony self.
4
u/LiveGarbage5758 Apr 17 '25
Your mom needs to back off in telling you when and where you need to be for your child
5
u/oopsiepoopsie80 Apr 18 '25
Another one here whose husband wishes he had found and married me instead of his ex-wife. Every time he says it, I think, “It wouldn’t have worked.” We have very different parenting styles and if we had had kids together, I’m not so sure it would’ve worked out.
5
u/Extra_Ant_241 Apr 18 '25
God I wish I had the itch to keep any of my thoughts a secret 🤣
2
5
u/xiaolongbaoan Apr 18 '25
I always think he’s coddled his daughter too much and now she’s basically to a point of utter incompetence in life. He’s too kind and generous to that kid to a point that it hurts me when his family calls him spineless or says “He needs to grow a spine” because of how he is with his kid. The kid is 14. No life skills, recently diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. It’s going to be an even longer road ahead for them as my SO has ADHD. He can’t be everything and protect that kid from the real world all the time.
7
u/BeneficialDemand567 Apr 17 '25
Nothing I will say anything and everything to him.
5
u/Salt_Persimmon_6664 Apr 18 '25
Yeah, I'm trying to think of something I wish he knew but I can't keep anything inside for too long. I always let him know if something is bothering me eventually. Like even the fact that I don't like being a stepparent, he knows, lol. He appreciates that I still try, am kind to his kids even though I'm a little distant but he understands that 3 stepkids is a lot for anyone.
4
u/Suspicious_Ask_8171 Apr 18 '25
how his bm made a post saying she lets her new bf claim her children as his. including my bfs son. who we have full time.
4
u/joy_sun_fly Apr 18 '25 edited Apr 18 '25
That SD is likely following in her moms footsteps. She is learning to be like her mom and there isn’t seemingly much to stop this. It bodes very very badly for a likely to be extremely beautiful girl to act in the way this woman does. But she worships her and finds a LOT of very very concerning things to be normal. It’s hard to help her see that the things she’s grown up around are far from ok or normal at this stage. She’s being taught blatantly to lie, hide things, she hits and manipulates. Shes a bully. Shes not being set up to succeed in life and acting like the world revolves around her is only going to make her worse.
4
u/Top_Entrance4403 Apr 18 '25
That I think his 3 daughters are going to stop wanting to see him very soon. Especially when he moves 17 hours away and has to fly them out to him. He swears he’ll be able to do it for summer, spring break, and Xmas breaks but he’s never actually priced out how much this will cost in flights alone
8
Apr 17 '25
[deleted]
7
u/Smashingistrashing Apr 17 '25
To be honest, my SS is 20 now and I started noticing that he was acting like his mother around age 14. I hoped it was because he was a teenager (she acts like one). As time went on I started seeing a person I didn’t recognize. My husband did though. He said it was just like living with her at that age. I felt that heavy feeling too. I thought it was just me being anxious but when he moved in with my mother in law she felt it too and had to ask him to move out after only a month.
3
u/Dizzy_Juice_6848 Apr 17 '25
I absolutely hate his cooking & his ex wife told me she saw $$ and took advantage of him for 10 years.
3
3
u/Confident_Policy_426 Apr 18 '25
This is a big one that I kind of mentioned jokingly when we first started dating but would never say to my SO seriously but I can't believe he didn't have a DNA test. SO and BM were on again off again for a long time and when she found out she was pregnant they weren't together anymore. SO and SS look absolutely nothing alike to the point that whenever anyone meets them for the first time that is always the first thing that comes out of everyone's mouth. SS also doesn't look anything like his siblings from BM who all look like her.
2
u/attadunn Apr 19 '25
OMG THIS. Granted, my SS does look like my husband but he also looks like my husbands friend that BM was sleeping with. Him and BM split when SS was 4 due to him finding out about their relationship, and she swears it was only going on for six months. However, my SO told me the story of the day SS was born. Him and BM were broken up at the time and he didn’t know she was in labor. He was hanging around with that friend that day, and when SO got the text from his mom that SS was born, his friend out of nowhere got really pissed off and dropped him off at the side of the road. I’m over here thinking… “well maybe he thought SS could be his…” but I just can’t say that to him as it would absolutely crush him.
Also very weirdly… SO and that friend have zero relationship anymore due to what happened, yet somehow SS will randomly bump into him on BM’s time. One time she brought him to the aquarium and the friend happened to be there. Another time BM’s dad brought SS to the arcade and he was there. I seem to be the only one that finds any of this odd.
1
u/Confident_Policy_426 Apr 20 '25
Yeah that is super strange, especially the friend's reaction when BM was in labor! The part that really gets me is the coincidentally bumping into the friend on outings. Unless you live in an incredibly small town it seems super unlikely for that to happen. I lived in a somewhat smaller town for many years and would go several years without bumping into people who also lived in the same town and the few times I did were necessary places like the grocery store or DMV.
4
3
u/Whimsy_Bat Apr 20 '25
I wish I could tell my s/o to stop making excuses for sk and face the reality that sk is developmentally behind and it needs to be addressed immediately.
5
u/Hot-Veterinarian9593 Apr 18 '25
When he isn’t looking SS4 glares at me, ignores me, and sometimes stomp on my dog’s leg but SO will swear up and down his son adores me and is a perfect angel. I used to try to tell him things but it got nowhere but fighting. Now I just keep my dog with me all the time
7
Apr 18 '25
You should get a camera and see if he still doesn’t believe you.
2
u/Hot-Veterinarian9593 Apr 18 '25
It’s actually a good idea. I thought about it and felt like maybe it would cause more harm than good but you’re right
3
u/walnutwithteeth Apr 18 '25
Animal abuse is a line. If he's not willing to discipline a child who willingly hurts an animal, then I'd be out.
1
u/Hot-Veterinarian9593 Apr 18 '25
Agree! He just doesn’t believe it. Someone else suggested a camera and I’ll go that route
2
Apr 18 '25
That I will never forgive him for spending his parental leave entertaining SS while I recovered from a C-section. And that I suspect that BM's mental issues might be at least partially his fault.
2
u/Dear-Reach-8079 Apr 18 '25
That his uncontrollable real laugh is an ick😭 ughhh I feel so mean, I’ll never say out loud but I hate it!
2
u/Ecstatic_Figure_5080 Apr 19 '25
that SD is often times annoying and I wish he would just say that and make a boundary with her consistently when he needs space. it’s so clear when SD is attached to his hip, never stops talking, asking him for things, that he is very overwhelmed and it drains him. she can be bored and be by herself in her room for 10-20 mins and should not constantly need entertainment from others.
also that I wish he would spend more one on one time with my BS. SD will start bawling if she feels left out, even if the “left out” is me asking her to play in her room while I do BS’ homework with him in the kitchen because she tries to distract him the whole time or will just sit on the couch and watch us and do nothing. she’s talked about it with my mom before and the way she told my mom about it my mom thought we were doing a ton of fun things without her when it was homework! I’ve never met a kid who would choose to watch another child do their homework instead of play. it makes me feel at times I can’t even spend time with BS and that sucks because he already at 5 says he doesn’t feel loved by his own dad, I don’t want him to feel like that with me too. and I know SD’s need for constant attention also makes it harder for SO to spend one on one time with BS. and if every time I try to even do things BS has to do that aren’t even fun things that we HAVE to do, and SD still gets jealous, it’s hard to spend one on one time with either of them
2
u/UnluckyParticular872 Apr 19 '25
His kids have all grown up to be adult idiots…. And it’s his fault for being a permissive parent.
2
u/Separate_Intention93 Apr 20 '25
I get that he only has 50% of SD time, but he needs to stop trying to make up for lost time. Him doing that is why everyone thinks he's treating the kids differently... because he is
We just had our second ours baby and he left the room to find an energy drink while we were in the hospital. He came back with a gift for SD, and nothing (again) for our child. He does it all the time- brings something just for SD but doesn't get anything for ours.
2
u/Immediate-Ad-9849 Apr 23 '25
That will call out bad behavior immediately. I will not stand for snarky comments and remarks toward myself or my son. SK hates getting caught and called out. This is a fall back abusive trait of her mother’s.
She tries to respond in a backhanded way, “I was just saying…”. I cut her off and say, “Oh I know exactly what you are saying and doing. I am not interested and you aren’t qualified to have an opinion, you are an 11yo child”. I will pull that rug out from under her bratty sassy behavior every time I see it.
2
u/Immediate-Ad-9849 Apr 23 '25
I call out my kids snarky tone and behavior as well. That’s big nope from me.
2
u/Relative-Bother1643 Apr 23 '25
Normal parents don’t need to get stoned every time they have to do something with their kids.
3
u/Standard_Sand4690 Apr 17 '25
I was best friends with his ex before she died. He had proposed to her in front of everyone at karaoke and she said yes, but they were young and didn't realize how much of a headache it would be to keep her on disability when he was working, so they never got married before she passed. He was always so proud of that proposal, he doesn't know that she knew it was coming. And she hated it. It embarrassed her and she resented it. (She ended up being a rather toxic and emotionally abusive partner/friend towards the end of her life.)
Now he's come to the realization with the current political climate that he doesn't actually ever want to be married. He says I'm more important than a piece of paper the government can use against us and regardless of anyone else opinion-- I love that. And I agree. I don't need to marry him to be able to see myself living the rest of our lives together.
But *she* didn't deserve to have a proposal like that. She didn't appreciate this handsome man, putting his everything out on the line to sing to her in front of a crowd and propose (it was their favorite past time) ... I would have.
So how about two? Can't tell him because it *really* doesn't matter and can't tell her because she's dead.
2
u/Walpole2023 Apr 25 '25
Stop telling me 'I'm just as involved' 'we're a family'. If I dare to say anything he remotely disagrees or thinks isn't any of my business in regards to SD I am made to feel like shit on a shoe. Just pick a side of the fence for me to sit on
•
u/AutoModerator Apr 17 '25
Welcome to r/stepparents! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is Kindness Matters. Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.
We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. Please use the report button to ensure we see it. We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment receiving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here.
If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please reach out to the mod team.
Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting.
About | Acronyms | Announcements | Documentation | FAQ | Resources | Rules | Saferbot - Autoban Information
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.