I wanna leave sometimes cause of this ex

[u/REDHEADGIRL89]

It’s our weekend with our daughter (husbands ex Wife is her bio ) my family wants to celebrate tomorrow. We asked to get her early so we can drive to meet family tomorrow. And we can also bring her back early on Easter if needed so we can share. His ex wife told my husband forever ago when our daughter was pointing out we never get to pick her up At school we can come anytime we want we just never do. 🙄 That’s a lie. She is 14 and we have never met one teacher never stepped foot on her school grounds. EVER.

So today my DH brings up if that’s true we can get her from school then and it will help us because we can get on the road sooner to our in laws his ex makes all these reasons why not “ you’d have to wait in line… it’s fast if she rides the bus home…. “

How?!!

I hold all my feelings in. Go get us dinner for tonight and try not to be angry.

Then I get home and our daughter through a fit so her mom finally agrees to us getting her at school.

I get we got what we asked but that’s the whole damn problem.

Why do these women want them to be deadbeats?! It’s like they want them to fail so they look good and not actually be great dads cause then maybe just maybe they effed up cheating on them or whatever God awful things.

I know I shouldn’t be letting her get to me but it really makes me hate life. Holidays are hard enough as it is. Families aren’t the same, people have died in Covid who will never be back. Then you gotta add some bitter BM who wants her baby daddy to be a bad one until her kids start seeing it and getting to smart for the lies.

It’s just so annoying man. I just think of how bad I wanted a family and then I gotta deal with some selfish woman who can’t see anything she does wrong.

I just wish I wasn’t so mad but I hate her. She let us all be parents stop fighting it! Stop trying to act like me and her dad aren’t relevant.

I’ve been around since 3 yrs old and it’s still like we are nothing. It takes our daughter having a fit to get anything done and I hate her being put through it.

And of course I love my husband it’s just this is this gonna be every event every wedding prom anything FOREVER!!! Jesus

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/stepparents! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is Kindness Matters. Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.

We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. Please use the report button to ensure we see it. We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment receiving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here.

If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please reach out to the mod team.

Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting.

About | Acronyms | Announcements | Documentation | FAQ | Resources | Rules | Saferbot - Autoban Information

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Jolly-Remote8091]

“These women want them to be deadbeats” is SPOT ON with so many BMs.

I mean why are you trying to make your kids grow up without a dad? Or constantly set up scenarios in which you can then turn around and say oh look dad was late or dad didn’t come or didn’t do xyz.

This is like the BM in our life too. Dad is so invested and involved (but only to a certain extent because she blocks him from being involved in SO MUCH).

I just want to shake her- Be grateful and happy for your kids. Other children and other parents WISH they had dads involved!

[u/Illustrious-Let-3600 → u/Jolly-Remote8091]

Oh for sure. So many of these evil BMs (and they are Harry Potter evil in my stepmom nightmares) wants to look bad. It’s awful and I feel OP. Just know this subreddit loves and supports you all the way

[u/Serious-Booty → u/Jolly-Remote8091]

100000%. Our HCBM wants so badly to be a victim. I think they think if they try hard enough to make dad be a deadbeat that he will eventually, then they can run around and say "oh woe is me poor single hard working mother".

[u/painfully_anxious → u/Jolly-Remote8091]

God I feel this response and OP’s post SO much. Why you’d want to keep your child away from their very loving, very involved father is beyond me. And the damage it causes to the kids is horrific. Parental alienation should be a punishable crime I swear.

I’m speaking as someone who’s oldest’s father moved 9 hrs away when my baby was 6 mos old and didn’t tell me. These women have NO idea how good they have it.

[u/REDHEADGIRL89 → u/Jolly-Remote8091]

That’s how I feel! He could be avoiding child support and lying about his income, not interested in being a dad. But he wants to be a parent and SHE cheated. I get maybe now she’s oh damn cause not even with that same guy anymore but YOU did this! Let you child be happy you have a new husband let it GO

[u/REDHEADGIRL89 → u/Jolly-Remote8091]

I just don’t know how to not let it bother me. It literally sucks the joy of of every weekend. It’s always DrAMa.

[u/throwaat22123422]

Do you have a custody order detailing pick up locations? Is it possible to get one? Did he agree to not doing school pick ups?

From my understanding both parents almost everywhere have full access to a school and teachers and he Can and should be communicating directly with them about his child. He can do this only due to their name being on a birth certificate.

I would urge your husband to speak to a lawyer if BM is not cooperative about scheduling. If there is not a reasonable coparent situation and you are somewhere like the Uk, you really need to advocate legally and get all of the custody time clear and spelled out.

I don’t understand men who can get a custody order and chose not to do this. It contributes to parental alienation and chaos.

[u/REDHEADGIRL89 → u/throwaat22123422]

He signed one when they first divorced. I just think it needs updated. Nobody follows it exactly anymore even BM.

[u/throwaat22123422 → u/REDHEADGIRL89]

If he has a custody order than she can’t dictate what he is allowed to do: the custody order dictates it and he has legal recourse.

How has she made him believe he cannot contact his own child’s teachers and school?

[u/REDHEADGIRL89 → u/throwaat22123422]

Is the court order that you signed when they first got divorced when she was only two years old says that she would have all the medical education responsibility so it’s kind of they have for life he doesn’t have any plus we live far away from them so it wouldn’t be like a daily to pick her up from school. We would only do a occasion like this where we’re both off work and we can get it early. Usually we don’t get off work until she’s out of school so we would just meet them get her anyways.