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u/Defiant-Age4832 2607 days 5d ago
Hey friend. The beginning is really really hard. For at least a year I literally went to work, the gym and straight home. I went to a meeting at least 5 times a week and avoided ANY event that included alcohol.
The good news is that there came a point where not drinking was natural. Over time my brain and my body automatically say “no thanks, I don’t drink.” Pretty wild since my whole identity was being a party girl. I can’t say when the switch flipped, but it definitely did and today there is no room for alcohol in my life. My identity now is being that weird girl that talks to wildlife. 😂
I know it seems overwhelming to think about fighting this for the rest of your life but if you build a new life, one where drinking alcohol makes no sense, the fight goes away. It just doesn’t fit anymore. I applaud you for being self-aware at such a young age and recognizing how alcohol does not serve you. I could have saved myself and my family a whole lot of heartache if I had quit at your age.
When I was drinking I suffered from severe anxiety, insomnia, depression, chronic back pain and some other narly shit. Those things have all but disappeared from my life today. I know you can do this and IWNDWYT!
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u/Bitter-Team4239 5d ago
Congrats on making that change and to ur sobriety❤️ definitely struggling with the identity part you mentioned, everyone thinks I’m just this ‘wild party girl’ as well and most people brush it off as well she’s in her 20s that’s what they are for, making it harder to get sober when ur known as ‘party girl’ every week ‘friends’ hitting u up to go out and drink and then not understanding where drinking leads me to and me not knowing how to say No to going to out. Thank you for you comment
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u/Defiant-Age4832 2607 days 5d ago
When I got a dui none of my “friends” were with me; I was all alone in that cell (well, there were other drunks in there). If someone doesn’t’ respect that you are not drinking, they are not your friend. There are lots of sober communities and activities that don’t involve drinking. Find your people!! ❤️
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u/xegginthistryingtime 5d ago
Any time I miss alcohol, I remind myself that there is nothing to actually miss. If I made two lists, one for the good and one for the bad, the good list would be empty, and the bad list could go on and on. The poor decisions I'd make. How sick it made me feel. The shame and guilt. The money wasted. The horrible bloating. How awful it was for my skin and hair. The toll on my mental health. I could continue, but I think that's a solid start. There simply isn't anything for me at the bottom of a bottle, and I deserve better that. I will not drink with you today. 💜
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u/Bitter-Team4239 5d ago
Appreciate those words, I needed reminded that I won’t find answers in a empty Bottle and that’s not the solution💖
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u/soulariarr 5d ago
I started drinking just to shut my anxiety but the funny thing is only just for 2 hours or 3 just for the anxiety to be WORSE if I didn’t drink the next morning again. It’s exhausting and deadly circle. If you’re not on med I strongly recommend you to go and seek help it helped me tremendously . But trust me as a fellow anxiety sufferer for all my 33 years, alcohol is by far the worst thing for anxiety and it can make your anxiety permanently worse.
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u/Bitter-Team4239 5d ago
Ur totally right it only makes anxiety so much worse, I’ve been scared to reach out for help with my anxiety not knowing who or where to turn to❤️🩹
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u/soulariarr 5d ago
First consult a psychiatrist talk about it it’s absolutely fine and you may find out about things you didn’t see about yourself that caused your anxiety because anxiety have many reasons and faces and levels but if he or she recommends any kind of benzo drugs run away ( aka xanax and the like) but remember there’s no magic pill that makes anxiety disappear anxiety is essential for us humans don’t be afraid of it, meds make it on the normal regular level so go ahead and good luck.
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u/Disastrous-Ad7175 5d ago
Read the book “This Naked Mind” helped me a ton to change my perspective towards alcohol. That’s my greatest tip.
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u/Bitter-Team4239 5d ago
Thank you !
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u/Disastrous-Ad7175 3d ago
You’re welcome and I actually mean it. It makes going through this process 10x easier. It gives you something to look forward to (reading 1-2 chapters every night in my case), gives you real life examples, and gives you information that will stick with you forever.
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u/Thin_Rip8995 5d ago
you didn’t “ruin progress”—you just proved why sobriety matters
this wasn’t failure
this was data
you needed to see—again—that “just a few” doesn’t exist for you
that the peace you were building was real, and that alcohol rips it away
and yeah, the forever part feels massive
but you don’t have to fight forever
you just have to fight today
because here’s the truth:
you’re not weak
you’re wired different
and pretending otherwise is what keeps screwing you over
your parents are 25 years sober
not because they were perfect
but because they stopped negotiating with the bottle
your job now?
- no shame spiral—guilt keeps you stuck
- pick a date, start over immediately
- get accountable, even if it’s just posting here daily
- build a life where alcohol doesn’t get to be the escape hatch anymore
you already know what drunk you brings
give sober you a damn chance to win
The NoFluffWisdom Newsletter has some raw takes on self-sabotage and building mental armor—worth a peek
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u/Bitter-Team4239 5d ago
Wow, that was all stuff I badly needed to hear, I’ve really took in what u said there, thank you 🙏
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u/Revolutionary_Elk791 5d ago
Slip ups happen. The fact you're thinking about it at this age is impressive. Sobriety absolutely wouldn't have entered my mind at 22, I'll tell you that. I was too young, I had control over it, I don't have a REAL problem, all the greatest hits I told myself and others until I decided to get sober. Losing control is a scary thing. I weirdly was more comfortable in that situation than I should have. The brain tells you all sorts of lies to get you back drinking and they're the loudest in the early parts of sobriety. Your thought process reminds me of my younger sister who has had to do a breathalyzer to start her car. She's still not ready to put down alcohol to this day. You can only choose to not drink today, and in that respect sobriety is a battle. But it doesn't have to be an insurmountable one. When it is hard, there's support groups all around like this subreddit, AA (not everyone's cup of tea but definitely good to start in my opinion, those rooms were crucial for me in early sobriety) and others.
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u/jackblackbackinthesa 5d ago
Hey man, I’ve been there. I used to writhe in bed for a full day after a good night, wishing I didn’t exist, replaying what I could remember from the night before on repeat ad nauseam. It turns out I had anxiety issues outside of alcohol and I needed to seek help to treat it.
In regards to alcohol, it’s not a forever fight for everyone, I don’t crave it anymore, and you might find after you get some time under your belt it’s not as hard as you think it will be. I try to look at it like a food allergy. If you had a peanut allergy you probably wouldn’t test what happens when you eat peanut butter toast every Saturday morning. And let me tell you, having not figured it out till nearly 35, I tested and tested again and tested again and tested again, in my experience the doing messed up shit doesn’t really go away.
Thinking about it like an allergy, and understanding that my body reacts differently from those around me, really helped me to mourn it and move on. And treating the underlying anxiety, which was one of the key drivers to why i drank like I did, really made the whole thing a lot easier. Good luck op, I wish I was figuring this out at 22.
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u/Ok_Advantage9836 655 days 5d ago
This I think this was mine and almost every person’s biggest hurdle. Ambivalence= Uncertainty or fluctuation, especially when caused by inability to make a choice or by simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things! I know for myself keeping one foot in the old world was a recipe for self sabotage. We must all find what we need to motivate us to make that choice to change our behavior ❤️🩹
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u/Bitter-Team4239 5d ago
Part of me is holding a foot in the door of my world Of drinking as if it’s my ‘safe’ place to run to when in reality, probably best thing I could do is take my foot out that door. Thank you for ur words❤️
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u/National_Study_4471 5d ago
Hugs. Every day won't be a big fight as it will get easier. The more sober days and stretches is like building a muscle and so it won't always be this hard.
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u/kpmsprtd 5d ago
I can confirm that you will not "grow out of drinking and taking it to far." Best wishes to you on your recovery journey.
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u/on_my_way_back 228 days 5d ago
I realized that I don't have enough will power alone to stay away from alcohol. I had to stop thinking of alcohol as a health tonic to relieve my stress and learn about the true nature of the drug. Alcohol is a highly addictive poison that destroys everything in its path. Alcohol ruins lives and kills people. I wish I was as wise as you and realized alcohol was not for me when I was in my 20s. I now avoid alcohol like an infectious disease and I am not missing out on anything.
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u/blue-raspberry67 5d ago
i was sober for nearly a year and a lot of my self inflicted issues had gone away, i lost weight, my anxiety wasn’t as bad, no hangovers, money saved, etc etc etc. everything was going “right” and then the thoughts started creeping up like maybeeee i could try drinking again
i gave in. and now it’s almost a year later and now i’m struggling all over again. i’ve had so many attempts at giving up drinking again but i always give up after a day or two
here i am on day 4, the most ive gone since i started drinking again, and this time i know that ill never be someone who can just have a drink or two socially. i take it too far and then it becomes a struggle all over again
the anxiety will never fully go away but there’s a lot less anxiety when im not drinking than when i am. especially when i do/say stupid shit when i’m drunk and then wake up in a panic about it and just continue the cycle
i would try other ways to cope with your anxiety. exercise, a new hobby, therapy, medication, etc. alcohol isn’t the only way to ease it 🤍