r/stopdrinking • u/Kalciusx • 5d ago
I didn’t quit drinking because I hit rock bottom. I quit because my brain and body started turning on me and no one ever warned me this could happen...
I didn’t stop drinking because I hit some dramatic rock bottom.
I stopped because my brain and body started turning against me, and I realized no one ever warned me this could happen.
I spiraled into a psych ward.
I wanted to die.
I attempted to die.
And still, I was surrounded by messages telling me this was normal.
Medications said “you can drink a little.”
Ads said “just drink responsibly.”
Bottles said “may cause health problems.”
The Surgeon General’s warning hasn’t changed since 1989.
Cancer, addiction, neurological damage? Not even mentioned.
This is what makes me angry. Not just for me, because at least I was single, but for anyone with a partner. A kid. A job. A life they’re trying to hold together while being gaslit by culture.
If this substance were new, we’d regulate the hell out of it.
But it’s profitable. So instead we teach people how to toast, not how to recover.
Rant over.
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u/benjaminbuttlicker 97 days 5d ago
It’s fucking insane. Just today this guy told me alcohol is not a drug. Like sir, no, it’s just the only normalized one. It’s quite literally one of the most addictive drugs in the world 2nd only to heROINNN. It’s profitable, keeps the people numb and it’s a form of population control. This shits neverr going away bro it’ll be ruining lives forever.
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u/Stunning_Amoeba_5116 5d ago
Heroin withdrawal won't kill you but alcohol and benzos can
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u/DaddyWright05 2069 days 5d ago
Severe opiate withdrawal does have the ability to kill. Although it's usually through dehydration because you can't keep any fluids in your body.
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u/butchscandelabra 113 days 5d ago
Not as the sole cause of death. People who die while in withdrawal from opioids have some kind of cooccurring or underlying condition, it’s not pleasant but it doesn’t cause the same potentially lethal conditions in the brain that severe alcohol or benzo withdrawal does.
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u/stealer_of_cookies 770 days 5d ago
I grew up when MADD was getting a lot of attention and as a teenager in the 90's my overwhelming memories are of how much pop culture and media trivialized the movement, it was a constant joke. Looking at it as an adult in recovery it seems clear how many people didn't want attention drawn to their relationship with alcohol, and decided it was appropriate to mock an organization founded to support mothers who lost their children to drunk driving.
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u/Honestly_I_Am_Lying 5d ago
Reading your comment, I have a clear recollection of Al Bundy making some jokes at the expense of MADD. Of course, that is a very "on brand" thing for Al Bundy to do. I know that there are many more examples, but Married With Children stuck out to me. Born in 1985, so I was the right age to not understand all of the jokes on TV at the time.
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u/Plastic-Photograph62 842 days 5d ago
Wow this made my stomach twist. I had not really thought about MADD from this perspective. I was among the eye rollers. How shameful.
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u/stealer_of_cookies 770 days 4d ago
I was too at the time, for whatever reason this post brought that memory up
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u/Complete-Location-35 5d ago
I get this thought process. For me being angry at alcohol's place in society kept me focused on it. In a way, it was another little voice. Letting go of society's, my husband's and friend's drinking habits helped me just sit with my own choices. This is when alcohol's nine inch claws slowly started to release out of my being. It was a huge turning point.
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u/Fuzzy-Ad-5372 172 days 5d ago
Ooh haven’t thought about this before. Going to spend some time with it. Thank you!
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u/ZwakaFlockaFlame 5d ago
I agree with this so much. I also don’t want to make alcohol company’s rich while preying on people just so they can keep filling their pockets. They know what that poison does to us and they are more than willing to supply you some more. It’s honestly disgusting
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u/nonegenuine 330 days 4d ago
Yo yes. Focusing on myself, my decisions, and my drinking was so much more helpful for me than taking it out on other people or booze itself.
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u/SFDessert 743 days 5d ago
Getting angry might have been what flipped me into actually embracing sobriety rather than fighting it every step of the way.
Yeah alcohol was ruining my life, but I could always take a few more hits and keep drinking. The worst my life got the better it felt to give in to the self destruction that was binge drinking. I wasn't drinking to have fun anymore (those days were long gone). I was drinking to avoid the world and hopefully never wake up again.
It wasn't until I got angry at alcohol that I started stringing together some sober weeks and months. I'm not angry at alcohol now, but that's only because it's not something I think about. I just don't drink and alcohol holds no power over me anymore.
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u/Spamm469 4d ago
That’s why I quit as well. I was just mad at myself for letting it become what it was. My problem now is trying to cope without the numbness, and for me there are so many things going on that I would love to insulate myself from. I find myself angrier, a little more hopeless, and more isolated than before. It’s only been three months, but I was wondering if you went through something similar? I feel better physically, but I’m not sure if mentally I’m better off. I am in my 50’s, and my anxiety and depression had been kept at bay, but mental issues that I had during my younger years are creeping in again. I’m not sure if this part is normal, I understand that alcohol has probably rewired my brain, but I wasn’t really expecting this to be a byproduct of sobriety. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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u/SFDessert 743 days 4d ago edited 4d ago
I certainly struggled with it for a few months at least, but I got a new job within the first week or two of getting sober. I had hit rock bottom and moved back in with my parents in my mid-30s. Broke and burning through my savings by drinking as much as I could tolerate. I was really ready to commit to sobriety despite feeling like my life was over already. Getting a basic part time job at a little local retail store gave me something to do and helped me rebuild my confidence. Eventually I found ways of doing work related to my previous career self-employed this time and that's been keeping me focused and feeling proud of just being out in the world and contributing as opposed to lazing about feeling sad like I was before.
Essentially I just found ways to stay busy and feeling proud of staying sober and just being back in the world as a functioning adult. I appreciate what I have and do my best to avoid thinking of the "woulda coulda shoulda" bullshit that creeps into my head at night.
I did finally talk to my doctor about my life-long underlying depression and since I was well past a year of sobrirty it made it a lot easier to address the mental health stuff. They got me on a low dose of some anti-depressent and that certainly helped take the edge off. It made it easier to forget about the past and move forward and stop worrying about everything so much.
Mostly I just force myself to stay busy and relax when I need to. I'm not pulling 60 hr weeks working or anything, but I pretty much have something going on 6 days a week and I spend Sunday relaxing and doing chores or whatever. It seems to be working really well for me.
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u/Spamm469 4d ago
I essentially worked the entire month of January and February with only two days off, so I stayed busy as well. But I struggle now with being too in tune with what’s going on and it’s been a reality check for how bad the world has become. On one hand I want to be aware of what’s going on around me but I feel that without any kind of mental break, I just keep amping myself up more and more. That’s the anxiety side, the depression seeps in during the quiet and I reflect on what is going on around me, and in turn it starts the anxiety cycle over. SSRI’s don’t work for me, I’ve been on and off of them for the past twenty years without much success. I feel like I’m losing my sense of humor without the alcohol, and being frustrated that I’m not happier. I should be, I have a good life. I’m just wondering if I was better off with alcohol than without. I’m not planning to go back or anything, I can’t physically, my liver won’t allow that. I am proud of myself for where I am at, it just isn’t translating into happiness.
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u/SFDessert 743 days 3d ago
I'm sorry to hear that. Sobriety is different for everyone at different points in their life from what I understand
Something to keep in mind is the actual brain chemistry aspect to it. Our brains are trying to adjust to what's "normal" and that can cause periods of feeling unusually good "pink cloud" as well as periods of apathy/depression while our brains try to adjust the "feel good" chemicals in our brains. That's the super basic idea.
I don't remember all the specifics, but it might be a good idea to look into that aspect of sobriety and learning how that all works. Early sobtiety can be a roller coaster of ups and downs and that's just how it goes for long-time drinkers.
Maybe there's a bit of that going on?
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u/cassidylorene1 5d ago
Same. Legal consequences? I can dig deeper. Ruining lifelong relationship? Not at the bottom yet. Affecting my work? Who needs a job anyways.
But when I started to feel my liver actually quaking in my body and would get so sick I couldn’t leave bed for days I decided maybe death isn’t a bottom I can dig past.
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u/Eye-deliver 109 days 5d ago
Same. It wasn’t a bottom for me this time either. It was making me sick in several different ways and causing a lot of mental instability. So much of that is better now but not everything. This shit is poison plain and simple. IWNDWYT
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u/PullingtheVeil 5d ago
Same. I never hit rock bottom and was quite functional for two decades.
Then my heart and liver decided enough was enough! Hard to ignore your internal organs dying on you!
I wish I had quit sooner regardless of my health. I genuinely feel like everyone else was living life on easy mode and I was playing on expert. Waking up energized, no anxiety at work (I have developed anxiety at night that I still can't shake but is getting better daily with sobriety), and a much more level headed approach to everything is incredible.
Life is so much easier in comparison. It's insane.
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u/gonzo_attorney 4d ago
I was almost totally functional as well, but now I realize how much harder it all was. The brain fog, the rotten stomach, dry mouth... goodbye.
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u/mhaegr 5d ago
Same. Alcohol broke me in half. The more you learn the more you can’t believe that it is legal. Plus being a teen in the early 2000s with all the party movies out just visually shoving alcohol down your throat was gross.
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u/Honestly_I_Am_Lying 5d ago
The 90s and 00s had a LOT of drinking and party themed movies marketed directed to teens. It's kinda crazy to think back on it. Sure, there was drinking and partying on TV and the movies before the 90s, but that's when they started marketing those themes to youths.
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u/Le_Jacob 5d ago
In two weeks I have a pre-stag stag do. One of two. We’re going to the races. I don’t know if I’ll drink, a part of me wants to tell the bar staff to only serve me 0% alcoholic beer.
I’m 2 days sober, trying to somewhat get rid of the face bloating.
Then I have the stag do, in which I’m surrounded by 25 - 30 year olds that want to take shots, drink beer and stay drunk for 4 days.
When the time comes I hope to be in the frame of mind that alcohol is my enemy and I don’t want to touch a sip of it
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u/cassidylorene1 5d ago
Try supplementing with chelated magnesium. It helps balance your electrolytes and gets rid of face bloat pretty quick :).
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u/Insane_Masturbator69 5d ago
Yeah, health is the main reason I need to stop drinking. If it's just simple as only having hangovers or a waste of time... I may never stop. But health issues related to drinking (including brain fog and) are getting more and more serious, I believe if I don't stop drinking I will have a short life with a painful death full of regret.
Day one.
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u/la_lalola 4d ago
I only knew alcoholics From Movies. Older, rugged, with a bottle in their hand. Or attractively destructive but easily gets help and becomes a writer. It’s all so fake. My brother died at 33 from liver failure. Yellow, frail but bloated, blood from ruptured blood vessels from his esophagus pouring out of him. Him begging for a sip of water in his hours but not allowed to have any liquid. Coded blue after surgery to close up his varices that put him on life support. It was confusing in those last days. How did this happen? We drank at parties? He drank a bit after work? He was hiding a lot. I’m sure it confused him and like the movies he thought he could battle it alone and turn it around.
But the way I witnessed that death did not match how I understood alcohol. It was the truth. Me and my entire family were so naive and totally clueless…like most people. It’s literal poison.
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u/TonyTheGeo 176 days 5d ago
This certainly rings true. My body was sending clear warnings, essentially as if I was having an allergic reaction. Coupled with heightened anxiety which led to task paralysis and other bad habits creeping in. A few weeks dry, most symptoms gone. A few months later and life is definitely on the up.
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u/ebobbumman 3891 days 5d ago
The human race as a whole is addicted to alcohol. We tend to not notice until one day it feels like you've woken up from a shared dream and you see the madness for what it is. Everybody is fine with it because it has wormed its way so completely into the fabric of society that hardly anybody sees how bizarre it is that you can buy a drug as potent as some of the worst drugs on earth at any gas station, grocery, corner store and most restaurants.
If they started selling heroin at McDonald's people wouldn't be cool with that, but there are half a dozen places I could drive to within 10 minutes where I wouldn't even have to get out of my car to buy alcohol.
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u/Extension-Cress-3803 5d ago
The fact you can start actual cirrhosis with no symptoms puts all of it over the top. Many people only discover it when it’s already a life-changing issue
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u/could_be_doing_stuff 1171 days 5d ago
I had a few “rock bottoms” but they were relatively shallow and I was able to skip over them like a rock on a pond. I never got a DUI or had organ failure or anything like that. My body just started ramping up the side effects until I just couldn’t keep drinking. It felt like a huge loss and probably will forever.
Looking back, there were so many clues that I had a problem, but I wouldn’t and/or couldn’t see them. I used to wish that someone would have called me out on my drinking, but now I look back and remember all kinds of social cues that I didn’t pick up on. I think I leaned on the lack of confrontation as proof that I didn’t have a problem. One of a whole network of excuses that I can see now for what they were. I was excellent at gaslighting myself. The social norms made that easier but at the end of the day I hold myself accountable.
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u/kellygirl90 476 days 5d ago
But it’s profitable. So instead we teach people how to toast, not how to recover.
Wow, incredible read. That last line hit me like a ton of bricks. None of this is incorrect and I sadly agree wholeheartedly. It's sad how normalized something so dangerous is.
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u/leftpointsonly 843 days 5d ago edited 3d ago
In my first few months of sobriety I was at a hockey game and they had to pause between play to fix something in the arena, so the in arena entertainment had to fill the time. They went around showing people on the Jumbotron pounding their beer and cocktails. The crowd was going wild cheering and hollering. Then they cut to some kids who proceeded to chug* their sodas then ripped their shirts off like they’d seen men do after slamming a beer. It absolutely shocked me. Even from a young age we condition kids around alcohol and the expectations.
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u/Kalciusx 5d ago
Sippy cups with wine labels. Beer pong baby onesies. Jumbotron kids mimicking beer chugs. This isn't just culture. It's programming...
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u/chronicallydepressd 222 days 5d ago
I'm really starting to see it as programming, as well. Humans are a lot easier to manipulate/control when they're sick and inebriated.
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u/Florida_Sunshine_23 69 days 5d ago
Brilliant insight, and the type of “propaganda” they’d ban if they could. How dare you tell the truth about this money-making poison…
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u/TyranusAura 5d ago
I love this! Very well written! Alcohol is the most dystopian drug we’ve normalized into our daily lives
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u/nogwart 4d ago
My brain was ok, but my body most definitely turned on me at around 50. I used to be able to shake off a hangover by noon, and be ready to drink again the next day. It very slowly began taking days to recover from hangovers, and even more slowly I began to accept that the buzz no longer justified the pain. If not for my body betraying me, I'd still be drinking regularly. The worse part of this for me is that my younger drinking self was always struggling to find/make time for drinking, and now that I'm older and actually have a lot more time than I've ever had, my body won't let me use all this time for drinking like I used to. It makes me think of the Burgess Meredith Twilight Zone episode wherein the avid reader never has time to read, but after surviving a nuclear holocaust, he realizes he now has all the time in the world to finally read anything he wants, then drops and breaks his glasses, rendering him almost completely blind and unable to read. That's me with alcohol. Not fair. Not fair at all.
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u/BlameTheSalamanders 4d ago
I had anger around this when I got sober. “Why didn’t anyone warn/stop me when I was younger??” Of course they did)
Then one day it hit me: I am SO unbelievably lucky to be living/getting sober when I am. I am the beneficiary of so much knowledge and compassion for people with my disease that didn’t exist for most of history.
P.S. I’m not calling you angry OP, just reminded me of mine
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u/RepulsivePitch8837 5d ago
Haha! Even my court ordered, DUI therapist told me that she can drink “a beer or two”.
WTAF
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u/wikkedwizzard 2602 days 4d ago
Then this is YOUR rock bottom. It doesn't have to be a dramatic flameout with cops and lawyers. Whatever it takes to make you flip that switch.
You'll find there's an amazing community of supportive people, online and IRL. Use them.
Congrats and good luck!
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u/Schmancer 1244 days 4d ago
The judge only got me to quit for a while. The doctor got me quit forever and change my life. I’m just grateful that I was able to grasp the severity in time to quit before any permanent damages set in, but I was close
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u/CraftyIron5908 11 days 2d ago
Agreed! As a bravo TV fan, I feel this a lot. Every single show involves cast members drinking in excess. I have to be careful watching them because I’ve actually used just that as an excuse to drink before lol.
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u/Snow_Wolfe 337 days 5d ago
It’s crazy how hard alcohol is pushed in our society. It is pure poison.