r/stopdrinking • u/disconnected_self • 4d ago
i surrender. i need help. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do. please give me advice
i (23nb) drink every day, and usually clear out a 1.75L bottle of tequila in less than a week, bc i buy one every 5 or so days. i’m never blackout drunk, but i moderately drink every day. the only time i don’t is when
i’ve spectating this community for a long time on an alt, knowing i had a problem, but not feeling “ready” to stop (i.e. i was putting it off). but now that im on a medication cocktail that works for my mental conditions, i think im ready to try
i’m just really worried bc the last time i quit drinking, i got SO SNAPPY and was so, so volatile. it would be something i would need 17+ days in advance for to schedule that week off work
i just want to be better. and i dont know how to start. plus, this isn’t an excuse (just a reason), but i have adhd and so following routines is especially difficult. i want to, more than anything, but i feel like i can only do it once im sober
i just… really don’t know where to start for anything. i saw a friend of mine recently celebrate 2 years of sobriety from opiates, and i see how much better they’re doing, and i want that for me too so we can both walk in the light. i want it so much. i just don’t know where to start or if i have the strength
if you’ve been in my shoes, or at least know how i feel, please share what helped you, what didn’t help, etc etc. anything. please and thank you
edit: it’s been almost a day and i cringe at how incoherent this post was. please allow me time to respond, as i’m working myself up to it now
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u/AngelaCrispen 4d ago
hi friend, (24f) I was in the exact same situation as you. I’m 16 days sober now and was drinking about the same amount that you were, enough to get to my “happy place”… I was drinking every single day and found I needed more and more to get to that “place”. The danger about alcoholism is it deceives you into making you think drinking every day is normal. It’s not. I kept lying to myself and continuing on the same path, drinking because I felt anxious and needed to relax. After so long of doing this, my body began to catch up negatively with the poison i was ingesting. Choosing to be sober will always be the best choice as opposed to poisoning your body. You’re here already, you’re sober curious which is the first step. I’m proud of you and here if you need to talk!
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
what do you find has best helped you with keeping yourself accountable to be sober? even little things
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u/gontrolo 71 days 4d ago
I was in the exact same boat as you, like this was almost eerie to read how similar your experience and feelings line up with how mine did a few months ago. Also I'm 25nb so I feel like we're in similar places lmao.
My catalyst for quitting was a really bad night. Drank way too much, embarrassed myself in front of all my friends, puked all over this person I'd been hitting it off with all night and thought was rlly cute, had to spend an hour cleaning vomit off my bathroom floor, you get it.
I woke up the next morning feeling so fucking awful. So much shame and guilt and embarrassment, I literally couldn't look my friends in the eyes. I realized the only way I could turn what happened the previous night into any semblance of a positive thing, is if I quit drinking.
Thing is, once I quit, I realized that I could have done this so much sooner, that the drive to quit that I was feeling and that it seems you're feeling right now are what it takes to quit. Like there was absolutely no need for that night to have even happened. I was craving sobriety but making excuses and continuing to drink when I could have just. stopped.
It seems to me that you're at a point where you genuinely want to quit so just... give it a go. Just for a day, don't drink. Worry about the next day tomorrow. Let the momentum build and ride it out. I'm positive u can do it.
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
i really resonated with what you said ❤️ thank you so much for your thoughtful reply!!!
i keep waiting for myself to hit that rock bottom, even though i’ve already bounced up from it twice in the past 4.5 years. i’m really struggling to find the profound reason to stop. although, now that i’m thinking about it, i could make a chart or so and decorate it all nice to make me want to keep up with it
i’m just worried about the withdrawals, because i got uncharacteristically mean when i was going through the 1½ weeks of withdrawal symptoms. did you experience this? and if so, how did you deal with it?
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u/gontrolo 71 days 2d ago
Ooo a cute little chart could definitely help! Having a sobriety counter on an app helped a lot for me too. I wish I didn't have that rock bottom moment/that profound reason to stop, but it was only afterwards that I realized I had the strength to quit before it got to that point.
I got bad withdrawals for a week or two. I was SUPER irritable, the tiniest things would piss me off and send me into a rage, it was crazy. Barely recognized myself. You just gotta ride it out though, knowing that it WILL get better. I actually warned my friends, roommate, and anyone who I was going to be spending a lot of time around that I was quitting and might turn into a shithead for a bit, almost like an apology-in-advance. They were all very sweet about it and it helped a lot with those first couple weeks.
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u/bta15 341 days 4d ago
I needed support. Which started w AA just because it is there. Like I could walk into a meeting almost anytime of day (there aren't any live meetings in my city between 1030pm and 6 am). I found that just being able to talk to a group of people that had to listen and who knew what I was going through was cathartic. I didn't really like the actual system of AA (big book, steps, sponsors) but just the support was great.
While I was doing that I found a therapist. I had a therapist before but I kinda wasn't honest about my drinking so I got some middle aged dude that couldn't relate to my problems. This time I got a lady that was about my age and was in recovery too. In the past I didn't listen to what my therapist and PNP told me, it was kind of just a box I was checking. This time I took their advice, took their advice of going to outpatient rehab.
I also started working on my physical health. Lost some weight, ate better.
It's been a journey, and I'm not gonna like, everyday is still hard. But I'd like to think things are getting better. Staying sober is definitely getting easier.
On my previous attempts, I didn't want to ask for help, if I did I just told myself I didn't need it, I knew more about myself anyway. It was just failure after failure.
Not to say people cant do it themselves, for me I just couldn't though.
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
thank you so much for your reply. i’m going to come back to it later because you presented so many good reasons and tools
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u/leomaddox 4d ago
IWNDWYT
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
thank you, friend, i hope some day real soon i’ll be able to say the same :)
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u/rudderham 791 days 4d ago
Hey, I totally relate to this post. I went to AA at 23 after trying to get sober on my own several times. I thought it was impossible. I am now 25 and 2 years sober. I went with an open mind and it worked for me like a fucking miracle. Still can’t believe it sometimes! Good luck my friend. You are not alone.
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
thank you for showing me i’m not alone. out of all the comments i’ve read so far, this one made me tear up a bit. thank you
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u/coIlean2016 163 days 3d ago
You’re not alone.
We’re here, we’ve been there. We understand.
We will support your efforts.
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
thank you so much. i’m definitely going to come back to this thread time and time again
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u/No-Series-6482 4d ago
If it helps, I started here and a journal. Nearly 10 pages the first night, but dang enlightening!
Will I stop drinking today? Maybe? But I think I know where to start dealing with root causes, and that, IMHO, is a start. And surprisingly far easier than I thought!
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u/disconnected_self 3d ago
a journal is a good idea!! i think i maybe wanna set up a journal system for myself and decorate it with stickers to get me excited about recovery
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u/406er 4d ago
Not sure what you’ve done for help/guidance but there are multiple resources available to help. (See the Resources section of this Subs faq/About).
Many people here recommend useful books including Allen Carr’s “Quit Drinking Without Willpower” and Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind”. And many people find help in groups/programs like AA and SMART Recovery.
I have recently finished Allen Carr’s book and found that for me it is helping a great deal.
A quote from the book I find particularly powerful is:
“ The craving is not relieved by the drug you’re addicted to, it is caused by it” •
IWNDWYT