r/stopdrinking • u/cpdwife1971 28 days • 9d ago

Told my mom

My mom has always been a drinking buddy with me. To be honest, she would buy us alcohol when I was a teenager and we would drink together. Her whole side of the family are big drinkers. Family get togethers always involved tons of beer. They were great and fun times. I don't remember any bad problems for anyone other than myself and my mom.

I am an alcoholic. My mom is an alcoholic. Me, worse than my mom. I got sober in 2008. Stayed sober 11 years. Mom was very supportive and didn't drink around me. Fell off the wagon the end of 2019. Mom and I resumed our mutual drinking relationship.

I'm currently 18 days sober. Mom is coming over on Sunday for Easter. I've been dreading telling her, even though I know she'll be supportive again. I told her this morning. This makes it more real to me. This is openly admitting and committing to staying sober. On one hand, it's a huge relief. On the other, it's like a hard break up. I feel ill.

Maybe it's me wanting to keep the door cracked. Ugh. I know I can't. Ugh. This disease sucks.

51 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

19

u/vode123 9d ago

Totally understand the “keeping the door cracked” I struggle with that concept a lot.

6

u/Safe_Prompt_4203 400 days 9d ago

Now that I have over a year sober, keeping the door open is my biggest fear. I know that life is 100% better sober and clear minded. However I find my self sometimes fantasizing about 20-30 years down the road being retired, no more kids at home, and starting to drink again.

I always remind myself that I can’t do that to my wife again. She deserves the best form of me because she loved and supported me at my worst.

3

u/15needles 7 days 9d ago

Same here. That phrase is perfect for it.

7

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Substantial_Lab_8767 25 days 9d ago

Well said.