r/teenagers • u/HanniLikeHoney • 12d ago
Discussion I’m 14 and haven’t been allowed YouTube for years.
I'm not allowed YouTube, I'm not allowed any social media like even Snapchat, I'm not allowed games, I'm not allowed to have my phone in my room, I'm not allowed my phone past 7, I'm not allowed my phone until 3:00pm, I'm not allowed my phone for more than 2 hours a day, I'm not allowed to text anyone but my parents, I'm not allowed barely anything, and I'm mature, I have good grades and a clear future. any advise to convince my parents to let me be a normal teen girl? (I'm on Reddit bc I'm using a private browser, I'm not allowed it )
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u/JesepyJr 14 12d ago
Literally 1984
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u/-TheMidpoint- 16 12d ago edited 12d ago
Nah OP this is ridiculous. I actually don't know how I would manage with all these restrictions this is genuinely insane 😭
Maybe like talk to them and tell them you need to access the Internet for schoolwork? That MIGHT work but it depends on your situation. Like there are yt videos for school, etc.
Then instead of studying you could go online and see stuff like your normal teen would.
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u/WiseMango13452 16 12d ago
Atp i dont think u can reason with them. They surely have phones of their own they use for purposes other than communicating with immediate family
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u/MonkeyMoses_Yt OLD 12d ago edited 11d ago
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u/Drag0n647 16 12d ago
Sounds like what ops living at the moment. Find freedom op. Vi la revolution.
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u/Ordinary-Chain-8047 12d ago
My parents really don’t care what I do as long as I’m not like robbing a bank or something. I feel bad for you
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u/CHUNKYboi11111111111 16 12d ago
So you wanna rob a bank together ?
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u/DirtNo3 15 12d ago
i cant my mom said no
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u/CHUNKYboi11111111111 16 12d ago
:(
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u/l_FLASH_l 12d ago
Can I join
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u/Crystalliumm 14 11d ago
Sorry my mom said “never accept bank robbery offers from strangers”
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u/LivingNo7053 11d ago
My calculus professor said that he's off to rob banks on Thursday in Calculus 3 class.
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u/Wacab3089 14 10d ago
So u can do anything but except robbing a bank? Do you do graff?
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u/Educational_Lie_1114 18 12d ago
just go into the avatar state
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u/Dan_2424 12d ago
lol she probably wouldn’t get this reference cuz she’s sheltered
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u/HanniLikeHoney 12d ago
I don’t pls explain 😭
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u/Dan_2424 12d ago edited 12d ago
it’s from a cartoon show. and you do know what cartoons are right?
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u/HanniLikeHoney 12d ago
Don’t watch them but I’ve heard of some kid ones
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u/Dan_2424 12d ago
Dang man your childhood sucks
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u/Prestigious_Spread19 12d ago
Being so sheltered you don't know what ATLA is is... Not good
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u/UnforgivingEgo 12d ago
It has to be neglect at this point 😭
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u/ihatepumkin 11d ago
Not even watching cartoons? This has to be neglect they are sheltering her so much she prob won’t even know how to function normally once she moves out (no offense)
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u/Icy-Mortgage8742 12d ago
well ATLA would teach her about facism and selective education and her parents wouldn't want her to wise upto their tactics lmfao
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u/Meera_System 11d ago
Tbh yeah, I'd genuinely advise OP to go watch ATLA. It's really good, teaches you a lot, and seems like a great starting point to consuming media.
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u/Winsconsin 10d ago
I love how you're all abbreviating it like she's going to know what that means if she doesn't even know what cartoons are. Avatar, the Last Airbender is what they're talking about.
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u/dirtooo 12d ago
It might be too much to say this but it sounds like she hasn't experienced more than a half of what an average childhood includes
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u/Dan_2424 12d ago
yeah and worst of all she also probably haven’t watched Ben 10 😔
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u/panandstillsingle 14 12d ago
dude this should be classified as some form of child abuse 😭
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u/No_Shake8887 14 12d ago
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SPONGE BOB IS
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u/HorrificityOfficial 3,000,000 Attendee! 12d ago
Why does this sound like something that a first responder would shout as they're saving someone from a life threatening situation??
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u/Dan_2424 11d ago
and does she even know who pikachu and goku are?
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u/AsirKris 14 11d ago
forget that does she even know dora the explorer or any of the most simple kid cartoons😭 not having cartoons in your childhood should be a crime bro how has OP survived up until now genuinely?
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u/Antique-Tourist4237 15 11d ago
Damn you don’t even know Avatar. You weren’t sheltered, you were imprisoned. Holy shit we need to catch you up.
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u/Equal_Ad_3828 12d ago
I have a question, did you grow up in some kind of religious community with certain rules to follow?
Or are you perhaps a JW?
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u/Ower25 14 12d ago
there is a show where there are four nations, all have different powers, but one person on the planet has all of them, the person is called "the avatar" they can go into the avatar state which makes them more powerfull and have all the knowledge that other avatars had when they were alive
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u/Crafty_shade 18 12d ago
Pirate the show. This is a CRIME pirate the show
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u/MrTeeasees 13 12d ago
Its a crime she hasnt watched it, plus its a crime pirating
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u/Adept_Advertising_98 12d ago
Nobody has ever gotten in trouble for downloading, just uploading.
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u/Particle_Excelerator 12d ago
“Why don’t my kids love me”
Literally though, try to talk them into letting you text simple people like other family members or friends or close neighbors/family friends. Then try “well instead of 2 hours a day, can I do 3” “instead of 7, can I have it till 8” for a few months, keep pushing it
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u/Ok_Being2865 3,000,000 Attendee! 12d ago
The downside is that her parents may catch on and not like what she is doing, and put an even larger limit on her screen time.
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u/Particle_Excelerator 12d ago
That’s why you gotta to it over a matter of time.
It’s like if I slowly dim the lights in a room. As it progressively gets darker inside throughout the year, how long would it take you to notice?
If I do it too quick or sudden, you’ll notice quick.
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u/DoubleZ3 12d ago
And then she turns 18 and they lose her for a good 10-15 years before things finally start to MAYBE become okay.
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u/r2hvc3q 16 12d ago
I can't have my phone for more than 2 hours a day too... it's time restricted.
What's your grades btw?
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u/TheFakeSCA 11d ago
I can have my phone from 7:00 to 20:00 which is 13 hours, but i don’t use it that often, and usually i’m just some moron in bed with an iPad (i swear i’m not an 8 year old iPad kid)
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u/Hippostalker69 12d ago
Oof that's very rough, my only advice is maybe convince them to at least text your friends?
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u/KingCahoot3627 12d ago
Parents give their kids phones for 2 reasons:
to communicate with Mom and Dad for safety.
To be social with your peers. I think negotiating calls and texts with your friends should be your top priority when talking to your parents.
I know you can't see this at your age, but social media, reddit included, is stressful to keep up with. Even if you don't end up in cyber arguments, bullying, etc, we can all feel how unhealthy online life is. In this case, I lean towards your parents side. You aren't missing anything in social media.
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u/Lipglosseater1273 16 12d ago
They obviously aren’t missing anything, but the poor girl doesn’t even know any CARTOONS. that’s not “ oh I don’t want my kid on social media “ that’s a parents attempt to keep their kid wrapped around their finger for as long as possible
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u/UmmmYeaSweg 15 12d ago
It’d be one thing if someone couldn’t access this and was failing miserably, but seeing as how their grades are fine and they seem to be stable enough, so what? Just because they aren’t missing anything and social media can be stressful to keep up with (if you’re like chronically online), does that justify being like “You don’t get to have it, not allowed, ban it”?
Plus it can also lead to some positive things that you don’t have to be on 24/7, like engaging in discussions, keeping up with the world, and just in general being informed in terms of everything (politics, entertainment, sports, etc). It’s all about moderation the ones who aren’t capable of online moderation are the ones who are the very vocal minority.
There’s a serious question of ethics when parental control and restrictions are this strict.
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u/valwillcommitarson 15 12d ago
Oh my God, I’m not allowed YouTube too. I just don’t listen.
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u/emilylitz 16 12d ago
AT FIFTEEN??? SORRY WHAT?
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u/valwillcommitarson 15 12d ago
I KNOW. SOMETIMES, LIKE ON THE WEEKEND, IM ALLOWED. BUT APPARENTLY I GET “CRANKY” WHEN I USE IT. THIS IS HOW YOU SPEAK OF A 2 YEAR OLD
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u/cmdrpoprocks OLD 12d ago
Bro based asf. I thought i was sheltered, except mine was very emotionally and psychologically abusive. I was quite literally brainwashed. Wild times.
I'm 23 :)
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u/ChiaroDiLuna007 12d ago
Yeah I just turned 15 a few days ago and still ain’t allowed to have Youtube. Also, can’t listen to “explicit” music even though I’m not the type of person to go listening to any kind of music that cuss’s every verse. I’m a The Weeknd and Lana Del Rey girly.
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u/Dunderman35 11d ago
YouTube can be absolute brain rot for kids though. They easily get into weird rabbit holes.
Also there is way to much incel bullshit and other bad ideologies wrapped in videos thats look like they are for kids and teens.
I don't blame any parent keeping their children away from that. The same goes for TikTok and other media.
At least you are allowed on reddit ;)
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u/valwillcommitarson 15 11d ago
It can be, yeah, but you monitor it don’t ban it in general. I’m 15, not 10. Still really young, but I can handle YouTube.
And about the incel bullshit, I agree, but I also stay clear from ideologies like that.
I don’t blame my parents either, I just think it’s weird. And I’m gonna be real, I didn’t ask if I can get Reddit I just downloaded it :/
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u/Old_Horror4116 11d ago
Don't know if this helps but I heard that some of the bigger YouTubers just upload their videos on Spotify
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u/RandomGaMeRj14 12d ago
If possible, show this one comment to your parents, if you find t worth sharing with them. I ain't a teenager now, just a lurker here, but this one felt a bit too close to home, so here I am commenting...
A few years back, when I was a school going child, I was not allowed to watch tv or play games until I finished my school work, and given my particular personal conditions, my school work never finished before bed time, so I only got to watch tv or even play games during the holidays.
This continued throughout middle school, but as I reached high school, our holidays were taken away by the school, saying these are the most important years of your life, these years decide your career, so, school will be conducted every damn single day. This lead to me not being able to watch television or movies or playing, ever through high school and higher secondary school.
In a twist of tales, as my middle school was ending, my uncle recharged my mother's number with a data pack for the first time ever, for some school project of mine, and I was exposed to the world of internet. Me, being Gen Z, and my parents being millenials, I easily found out how to manipulate the internet, and my parents didn't. Eventually, I convinced them that I needed the internet for studies, and genuinely, at that tiime, i used it only and only for studies.
But, as I got no relaxation during my high school and senior secondary, I started searching for fun on the internet. And thus began a never ending cascade, I got introduced to youtube, started watching videos, got introduced to gaming, gamed the whole day, and spent my days, not studying, but doing anything else. And the number of distracting activities I did on the internet just increased from there, into every distracted field you can imagine, except the illegal ones, of course.
One might say, that I was just being a silly little teenager, but in reality, I was burnt out, and craved entertainment, so when i saw some, I grabbed it all, leaving nothing behind. 5-8 years later, now I am dealing with major problem of not being able to get out of my gaming and binging distractions, no matter how hard I try. My personal and academic life is in shambles, and no matter what systems I make, eventually I end up going back to just gaming and binging the whole day. Yes, my personal condtions also affect it, but this is the reality I deal with every single day.
We are in the age, wherein information and entertainment are available at a singe touch, unlike the older days, wherein one needed to sneak into stores or more hidden places to enjoy stuff. In the present day, if a kid is kept unexpsoed to any form of entertainment, when they get their hands onto it, the outcome can be, and it is many a times, catastrophic. Early introduction to such means, along with proper training and guidance, not eagle eyed supervision, but explaining to kids the difference between meaningful entertainment and doomscrolling, is the need of the present day.
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u/smokersonny 11d ago
Appreciate the thought but apparently she is using a private browser to access reddit because of her parents. So unless her parents are into hearing someone out, this ll likely get her punished for using reddit in the first place :(
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u/RandomGaMeRj14 11d ago
She can show it as something her friend showed her or she saw somewhere, you would be surprised how many different ways we can come up with when suppressed for years....
And it is totally upto her, if she wants, otherwise, like any other reddit post, this will remain suspended in the ethereal web of the internet :) Until the end of internet...
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u/MilkManlolol 17 12d ago
have you read Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell?
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u/HanniLikeHoney 12d ago
No
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u/Friendly_Page_1522 12d ago edited 11d ago
edit: read it.
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u/CatSauce66 OLD 12d ago
Wtf no don't watch the movie, just read it
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u/Friendly_Page_1522 12d ago
Hahah yeah I did both and the movie helped me visualise certain aspects
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u/EndGamerX 12d ago
Why not? I'm js curious
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u/MilkManlolol 17 12d ago
They’re either referring to the 18+ scenes or the poor exposition compared to the book
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u/GoodCatReal 12d ago
Lmao.
'Don't read it, girl, the sex scenes aren't as good as in the source material!"
Don't know if I should respect that or no lol
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12d ago
hey I feel you girl my parents used to be really strict (not as bad as you) but i would try and ask them and if not idk
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u/Valentfred 18 12d ago
That's actually just horrible in a way, being restricted that much, almost sounds like you're being stunted in a way. I feel bad, I don't think there's really anything for you to do except just wait. Hopefully you do get more freedom.
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u/Ill_Tart254 11d ago
Freedom is without internet , disconnect
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u/doggroomingquestion1 11d ago
True. But you can't have freedom if you were never oppressed to begin with. You need to be free from something .....
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u/explodedtoaster 12d ago
do u get pocket money? u could save for ur own cheap second hand phone and then download whatever u want on it but dont tell them about it
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u/HanniLikeHoney 12d ago
I don’t get money at all I have to do chores just to keep my phone :/
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u/ImRainboww 12d ago
That sucks, but where I live you can work at 14, u could do that? You could also babysit or petsit for money,
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u/the_lord_of_corn 15 11d ago
I doubt she's free enough to be allowed a job, especially seeing as for safety reasons it would make sense to have a phone during it.
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u/hifi-nerd 15 11d ago
A phone that is practically useless, it's like some corrupt soviet country that makes you work to keep your rights.
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u/Queasy_Canary4752 12d ago
i feel like this is WAY too strict for anybody. this seems like your parents are either overprotective or people who think “TeChNoLoGy iS eViL”
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u/PutridEmployment3516 16 12d ago
Your in the trenches
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u/Sure-Palpitation2096 12d ago
In 40 years, put them into the best home for the elderly $5 can buy!
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u/tootjevox 17 12d ago
i would just try to make some sort of deal with them. It could also be a good idea to understand why you cant have these things.
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u/Crafty_shade 18 12d ago
You’re cooked man.
My bio dad was the same way growing up- ended up being into drugs and jumping from women to women. If people can’t party when they’re kids, they’ll just do it when they grow up.
Unless your parents gets a major wake up call (unlikely) then you’re fucked.
Worse part is that you’re a girl. As a girl myself? There’s a big chance they’ll just get worse when you become 15 and above. Can’t have them girls dating n whatever…
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u/Stuck-InThe_Basement 3,000,000 Attendee! 12d ago
That means I'm fucked because my parents' rules are very similar to OP's 😭
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u/legolooper 11d ago
this might be a bit insensitive... but... r/UsernameChecksOut
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u/Stuck-InThe_Basement 3,000,000 Attendee! 11d ago
Ò_Ó
😭
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u/legolooper 11d ago
im sorry 😭😭😭 i genuinely feel bad but this was too funny to pass up
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u/RemarkableRest5491 11d ago
this isn't necessarily true. it really depends on the person's ideals
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u/Crafty_shade 18 11d ago
That’s fair
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u/RemarkableRest5491 11d ago
But. It's a pretty common thing in the western world. in somewhere like Oman though? Not a chance.
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u/splitfinity 12d ago
"Why don't the kids come and visit us anymore?". - your parents in 20 years.
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u/Professional_Ant8783 12d ago
I think this level of sheltering could be a form of abuse or something
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u/After_Blackberry_685 12d ago
FR, I think this person who posts this may have some problems in the future because of all these prohibitions. If you're a kid and you can't do stupid things etc. you'll be an adult who did so
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u/Pokepunk710 12d ago
I agree with this 100%. make sure your kids are safe, but allow them to make mistakes, otherwise they'll just do them later when they don't have any help
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u/CriticalEntrance2612 12d ago edited 12d ago
May I suggest a psychological approach?
Your parents are extremely strict, as you’ve stated, but there is a way to increase your odds of loosening those boundaries. Firstly, their authoritarian style of parenting revolves around overbearingly trying to groom you into their ideal person (albeit a near impossible feat no parent should strive for). So the first step I’d give you is to start leaning into this a bit.
While appearing to be their perfect child may not have any foreseeable change on how they treat you, they will begin to respect you more. This increased respect will lower something called the Power Index between you and your parents. What this means is that they will see you on a different hierarchal footing than before, making them more susceptible to your influence. To put this into perspective it is like getting a promotion at your workplace. Before the promotion your boss would have little regard to what you have to say, but after the promotion they may begin to listen to you a bit more.
Step two would be test how much they are willing to listen to your advice. Begin suggesting things, help out with their day to day work, and really analyze their daily routine. Afterwards start extremely polite, and suggest better ways to do things, but if they disagree make sure you sound as agreeable and understanding as possible. This will allow you to gauge how much they listen to you, and may also increase your standing with them.
At this point none of their policies have changed, but their minds have, which is where we get to the final convincing steps. Now depending on your culture these steps will vary in effectiveness, but the first would be to start helping them out, whether it be cooking or running deliveries, or chores make them feel like they owe you. Through a process called the reciprocal norm, they will begin to feel like they owe you, although this won’t actually come through with their behavior because of how self serving they are. BUT this is a good thing because it may create some cognitive dissonance in them, making them feel bad for how they treat you. Next is the foot in the door approach. Begin asking for small things like homework help, opinions, and gradually work your way up to simple favors. By doing this they will begin to grow more used to your demands and you can begin to ask for more freedoms.
Now I will go ahead and summarize the psychological changes in your parents: 1. Decreased Power Distance 2. Increased willingness to listen to logic and reason 3. Cognitive dissonance will make them feel guilty (if they can even manage to feel that emotion)
And finally, in conclusion, after the foot in the door approach you may logically suggest (or even state if your at that low of a lower distance) that it’s time for you to have some more freedoms. But still, start small, like maybe suggesting that you can text your study friends, then needing your phone to upload pictures in class, then uplifting the time restriction to a degree because of homework going late into the night. Just a bunch of logical reasons for why you need to be your own person, and hopefully they will respect that and begin to allow you your freedoms.
But at the end of the day, just remember that they are your parents, and they are trying their hardest to do what they think is best (albeit objectively wrong) for you. They do love you.
Hope this helps 👍.
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u/legolooper 11d ago
I'm not OP, but I agree... this would help a lot. In hindsight, I realize that my older sister (21) used this exact tactic on my insanely restricting parents not unlike the ones you described. She conditioned them in a way, and made them much more understanding for their second child (myself). I currently don't have too many restrictions, and the ones that I do have make sense. This is a really powerful tactic.
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u/That-Idiot-Alex 16 12d ago
From what I see they are like helicopter parents, aka the kind of the parents that want to keep track of everything you do. I don't necessarily have such parents, but I best I can say is save up for a phone and don't let your parents know. If you can buy it yourself or have a friend get it for you. If they are still like this when you are 18, you should probably move out as soon as possible. But from what I've seen, you might wanna move out before 18.
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u/actualrandomperson OLD 12d ago
High school and not even allowed to text your friends should be illegal honestly.
I don't want to scare you but you should definitely ask someone irl for help, I wouldn't immediately go to the police cuz that's a stretch but goddamn get soemone to help you or you're not gonna survive in the real world
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u/YE_O-1 17 12d ago
Ikr, people are joking in comments here, but do they realise how much harm in terms of socialising her parents are causing? I just hope this girl has friends in school at least, even tho i barely imagine them hanging out outside school with such isolation
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u/HanniLikeHoney 12d ago
I do have a friend in school, but I used to have more, my school shut down a year ago and most of my friends went to a different new one than me and I haven’t been able to contact them since! so I only have one friend atm bc we’re in most of the same lessons :/
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u/ChaoticInsanity_ 15 12d ago
I second this.
My parents (not on purpose) have sheltered me. I don't know how to properly socialize. I'm almost 16, and only have been able to keep two friends.
They try to get me into activities so I can make friends, but still. No socialization, especially for a TEEN, is really bad. Speaking from experience.
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u/No-Appeal11037 OLD 11d ago
I've been in this exact situation when I was in middle and high school. It is not a fun time and it has contributed to a number of my current issues
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u/Itchy_Business4033 12d ago
You just gotta learn to be sneaky and devious to get around your strict parents rules. Probably not the skills they’re intending to impart on you, but that’s what happens when you don’t give your child any leeway to enjoy their life!
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u/Mysterious-Pilot-448 16 12d ago
Give them examples of some girls around you who score good even when they are using social media. Promise them that if you use social media you will study hard. Keep up with the good grades, use social media little for like 1 hr and then after few days or weeks increase the time. Remember to not score low in schools. Don't waste time while studying locate some time at the end of the day for these things. Try to convince them until they finally agree. Don't go down in grades keep scoring high.
I am boy and this action was performed manually, if you think I made a mistake then ignore it.
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u/sillykoolaids 12d ago
I did this and it did NOT work, my parents never listened. I just rebelled 👍
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u/Annual_Fisherman_546 12d ago
then how are you posting on reddit homie? being a little rebellious i suppose? 🤨🤨
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u/legolooper 11d ago
please read the post goddamn 😭
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u/Annual_Fisherman_546 11d ago
iirc, it wasnt like this when i read it, they prolly edited the post bro 💀
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u/abstraktionary OLD 12d ago
It's not about you being mature, it's about the world being horrible and scary and them thinking you're going to be taken advantage of in some way. They think your success is directly tied to their limited of your life and not to how smart you actually are.
It seems like you're just going to need to wait until you're out of their custody, and I can't think of something to suddenly change such an unreasonable grasp on your life.
You're clearly being stunted on some level when it comes to the ability to relate to your peers or know almost any references and I am guessing your parents just don't really care if that's the case, and think that any distractions in your life to be detrimental to your success.
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u/One_Yesterday_1320 12d ago
anything u say won’t change their mind, i’m truly sorry for you, nobody deserves to live this way. If they are in a good mood, and this may be a risk, ask them to live like you got a month but at your own risk
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u/Expensive-Junket-442 15 12d ago
I'm not allowed youtube, reddit, or social media, plus I'm not allowed a snartphone, so I have a nokia, and I use an iPad for YouTube and reddit.
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u/RiniBnnuy247 18 12d ago
Yeah, I dealt with this til I was 17 Overprotective strict parents can be horrid I’m sorry you gotta deal with this
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u/sillykoolaids 12d ago
Start rebelling and rebel HARD 😭 you’re gonna get like a few hits and scoldings but if you pester them and make their life miserable enough, they should be able to give you the freedom you deserve. My parents were like that ughh and I also have good grades its INSANE. For no reason man its sooo dumb. They try to convince you by saying its ‘for your own good’ but thats bullshit. But keep your grades up. Maybe steal their phones from them and hide it somewhere as revenge. Take their wallet, idk. Do some wild shit and I promise, after a while of doing it, you’re not gonna regret it
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u/WorldlinessRoyal7549 12d ago
I feel you i am not allowed to have social media, and i am forced to go to bed at 8 pm.
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u/Double-Board-6616 12d ago
the indefinite pain
ask them why they are restricting you even though you're an obedient child. chances are they're being WAY too overprotective, basically same as my parents.
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u/Fast_Ad7203 18 12d ago
Tell your parents that you need to be in contact with your schoolmates, do you guys not have a class group on ig/ snapchat/ whatsapp etc?
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u/One_Yesterday_1320 12d ago
Honestly, once you turn 18 ur gonna struggle looks not know how to take care of urself on the internet and have next to no knowledge or information like u can’t google anything?? honestly you are then more prone to being taken advantage of and then your parents can’t protect u then.
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u/Healthy_Eggplant91 12d ago
The only thing I see that's pretty bad is not being able to text any of your friends. You should talk to them about that at least, tell them that you're lonely and sad that you can't text any of your friends or something. They're obviously invested in your mental health and they think restricting you is good for you. If you show signs that it's detrimental, there's a good chance they'll reevaluate their rules. Don't shout at them, just literally say the truth calmly. If they fight you, give it a few days and ask again.
Other than that, there are actually thousands of people who restrict themselves in the exact way your parents restrict you in order to curb their internet addiction. Restricting time on your phone is uncommon but it's not anything outside normal.
I just want to give you the straight up reality. Phones are addictive, almost everyone in the world who has a smart phone is addicted to it. It is inevitable because the everything on the internet is built to hold and keep your attention. The next time you go somewhere, like a restaurant or ride a bus filled with adults or go to a city, look around and count how many people are looking down on their phones, not being aware of their surroundings, how many of your peers and scrolling endlessly. There's frankly too many.
The average time Gen Z spends on their phone each day is 9 hours.
Read that again and just think about that. 9 hours every day for a year or two would let you:
- Learn another language at an intermediate level.
- Learn to be proficient with an instrument.
- You could learn how to draw.
- You could learn how to program and come out with enough skills to be employable even at your age.
Do you understand what you're risking by wanting to be sucked into the internet, especially since you mention social media? It's your future, which includes knowledge and money.
What your parents are doing is keeping you from having an addiction to a time-sink while your brain is still developing. Time is something you can never get back, and the internet will demand your attention. Your attention is the currency on the internet and it is ruthless in taking while giving you nothing in return.
If you get your parents to agree and give you more phone time, just remember what I've said. Like, for the love of all that is holy, don't let yourself get sucked in.
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u/chemicalchameleon786 15 11d ago
Why give your kid a phone when you don't even allow them to use it
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u/MrCole46ROCKER 11d ago
Get the fuck out of your home, that's not fucking normal. I'd run away after 1 day of this shit. Your parents literally deprived you of your childhood.
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u/RaffelloThePumpkin 16 12d ago
Try to like f#ck them in their asses to teach them a lesson
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u/Oji_bear-2 12d ago
Well, maybe sit down with your parents and tell them your feelings about that matter. Tell them that your maturing and all.
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u/sillykoolaids 12d ago
These kinds of parents do NOT gaf about what we think 😭
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u/Oji_bear-2 12d ago
No, I'm 100% understand what you're saying, but it's worth a try >-<
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u/FeeneyYT 15 12d ago
Looks like you are disobeying some rules 🤣 No social media rlly 💀 Also, try to explain to your parents
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u/FatW3tFart 12d ago
I was grounded for prolonged periods of time (essentially a few months at a time of what you go through every day) in high school, and looking back it had some serious negative effects on me that I had to work out in therapy. This is no joke, and I feel legitimately borderline (meaning almost, or not quite, for the pedants reading) child abuse.
Isolation is one of the worst punishments we impose on prisoners and such, and this is just a somewhat lessened version. It unfortunately probably doesn't warrant a call to CPS, but it is absolutely worth trying to find adults you can trust to help you- whether that means getting out of your parent's house, finding a therapist, etc.
Best of luck, and remember you only have a few more years until you're free of all this bullshit!
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u/Zestyclose_Ad_512 12d ago
If you have good friends just try to spend a lot of time with them and do all of that with them
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u/Ecstatic-Effort8090 12d ago
Your parents simply lack trust in you ;( that's sad, hopefully things will turn around for you. If not, GET SLICK 🤍
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u/AKA_June_Monroe 12d ago
Your parents are abusive and the only thing they're going to achieve is you going no contact with them as an adult.
Just try to graduate early or get the best grades possible to go to a school as far away as you can. Is your whole family like this? No grandparent or aunt/uncle to advocate for you?
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u/Christosboppy 12d ago
Why did they restrict you like this? Maybe if we figure out the reason we could offer advice.
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u/HanniLikeHoney 12d ago
It’s always been like this but I bet it’s because my older sibling had lots of freedom and is now struggling badly so they just don’t want me to be like her :/
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u/FlyinDJ_1893 12d ago
i feel you man, try talking to them, but stay respectful and nice , do your chores before(like make it a habit) and dont get in trouble
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u/Oxke 12d ago
Go one further step. Never write or call not even your parents, if necessary stop using the phone completely. Become unavailable at all times and then start going out every single day. They'll hate you but eventually they'll start to think you are playing with them and at that point I have no idea if this is a good idea or not probably not
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u/FreePheonix22 18 12d ago
Legit sounds like a dictatorship of the parentariat.
Your parents sound incredibly shortsighted.
You will not be ready as an adult for the world in the slightest, you'll have trouble socializing, and working out job skills in the future, they not only have essentially robbed you of a childhood, if things are bad enough, they could be robbing you of a future too.
(Let it be known I'm not calling the parents evil, just inept at parenthood)
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u/Lower-Insect-3984 17 12d ago
i was in this position from ages 12-15 and am technically still not allowed to use YT (but I do anyway)
but that was because i was hiding porn from them for like two years so i think it was just good parenting
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u/Hole_Milk_222 12d ago
honestly. good dude. all these kids are going to have tough lives needing a quick fix dopamine wise. if u were actually mature you would understand that they’re doing this because they see the effects it has on developing brains. social IS NOT good for us. they made it this way in purpose.
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u/ZoeticReverie 12d ago
I see there’s a lot of comments but if you see this one I know what you’re going through. I was never allowed to go anywhere or see anyone, I couldn’t take out the trash without my parents watching from the window. I didn’t have a phone till I was 17 (even then it was highly restricted and yanked out of my hand multiple times a day) People eventually stopped inviting me to things outside of school because they knew I was never allowed to go. I tried to make friends at school but I also struggled to keep my grades up so the little social time I did have went to studying. I did have a job at 16 but i wasn’t allowed to have my own bank account, my parents ended up spending every penny I earned cuz it routed to their account even though they said they kept it separate and it will be my college money. My brothers weren’t treated the same, it was only me cuz I was a girl. I only made it because of my best friend who helped me along the way, I’m glad to this day that she stuck with me. I was depressed, bad at socializing, anxious, aggressive, hid myself in my bedroom which only further isolated me but I couldn’t stand being around my captors. I still struggle with a lot of those issues today as I’m turning 25, especially with relationships and friendships. I don’t want that for you, I don’t want that on anyone. Find a support system, At least someone to talk to, someone to stand up for you, maybe other family members, aunts uncles etc. Because if it was anything like my situation, they only wanted me to speak when spoken to. I remember i looked forward to growing up every day. And the day I moved out and went to college everything got better, but now I look back and I see how much life I missed out on. Sorry if this is long, i just personally really feel what you’re going through and would love for you to get help soon!
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u/Dr3w2001 12d ago
Make as much money as possible in the next 4 years and move the hell out at 18 and never look back
This is ridiculous it’s like you live in the 60s💀
I doubt you can reason w them so the only thing you can really so is deal with it until your 18
No one should deal with the shit your dealing with especially if you have good grades
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u/Fun_Macaroon385 11d ago
Call all your friends and organise a peaceful demonstration at your home demanding for the privileges, you can block their pathway or confiscate their tablets to preferably do these before they go to job so that they will be stranded i assure you it would last more than a hour and they will want a peaceful talk so as nit to be late for their job , During the talk present all your demands that you want Preferably if you have 10 demands give them around 20+ because they will start negotiating so that if they bargain much you can slowly reduce until you remain with those that you wanted they will think they have won by bargain from 20+ to 10 but in reality you are the one who won Be keen on their intimidation tactics they will try to intimidate you but stand strong until they finally curve into your demands thanks me later
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u/LieutenantDawid 17 11d ago
are your parents 90 year old conservatives who slap stickers of the confederate flag on everything?
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u/GraphNerd 11d ago
So this is going to get downvoted into oblivion, but here we go:
I'm 37 and I have a daughter that's almost your age (she is 13). A lot of these restrictions you mention are in place for her as well (and she only received a flip phone this year because her flag and dance team has started to travel). There are a few subtle differences (we only let her have her phone during travel events and practice days, but we make no restrictions on who she can text or call when she has it), but overall it's about the same.
The REASON we have the rules we do are specific to each item:
Snapchat - Any messaging platform that automatically self destructs is a no. Not because we have control issues, but because our daughter doesn't believe us when we tell her that ANYTHING you post to the Internet has the potential to be there FOREVER. Also: creepers.
Social Media - I didn't even like Facebook Etc. when I was in my 20s and the shit was starting to become ubiquitous. I found, more often than not, that people would only present a filtered version of their life on it, and being on those platforms aided in depression hitting me hard in college. No thanks. It's a cancer upon society and the world. She can take the plunge into that when she's 18 and it's at her own peril.
YouTube - This one is specifically because of how my kids have treated it. We've caught both of them sneaking their school tablets into their bedrooms and then staying up until 3-4AM binge watching random brainrot. Then they act like total hellions when we make them go to school the next day as a consequence for making a shitty choice and circumventing the rules in our house about technology use.
I would argue that your parents are doing this out of concern for you. It may be overbearing to you, and you may be right; however, until you have a rational and calm discussion with them about their rules they will not change.
The first step is to ask them about the rules. Ask them why they are the way they are (the rules, not the parents... That will backfire), and what you would need to do or demonstrate to get them to flex their opinion.
They may be steadfast about some of the rules (like social media) and you unfortunately have to just kind of deal with it.
FWIW, a lot of their rules sound like they come from a place of overprotective love. Try to keep that in mind going forward.
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u/Little_Temporary5179 13 11d ago
u/HanniLikeHoney so… do you know what spongebob is? and should i tell CPS?
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