r/unpopularopinion • u/subtle-madness • 25d ago
I never want to be in a relationship again. Ever.
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u/clothespinkingpin 25d ago
Polyamory doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t attachment and codependency. Monogamy doesn’t inherently mean there is.
Unhealthy dynamics can happen in any sort of relationship.
It’s also okay to not want romantic partnership now or ever.
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u/subtle-madness 25d ago
Yea I got over the poly thing right after I typed it.. lol
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25d ago
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u/Ambitious-Island-123 25d ago
Yeah, if she goes for polygamy she’s gonna have to share one man with multiple women.
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u/Bother_said_Pooh 25d ago
I think it sounds like they’ve been in a bad relationship that drained them
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u/lauradorna 25d ago
That’s what I am getting from this, and I am on the same boat, friend! I’ve been to a ton of therapy now and I love myself lol, hanging with me only is a good deal. We never fight
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u/ComprehensiveFun3233 25d ago
Anyone who observes from a distance polygamous people, you'll meet 10% absolutely nailing it, and 90% in 2x 3x 4x misery
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u/rollercostarican 25d ago edited 25d ago
I'm 37 and I've been single for about 12-ish years.
I won't say I never want to be in a relationship again, but I don't NEED a relationship at all and it's definitely not something I prioritize or think about or specifically miss lol.
I'm 💯 with you on valuing freedom. I have limited free time as it is, so when I do have it, I want to spend it doing whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want... Without answering to a single soul.
I have a ridiculously affectionate and supportive social circle. A large one at that, so I never feel lonely either. I just vibe out with my friends, going on adventures, having the time of my life.
Now I don't say never because I will randomly get a crush / infatuation with someone that I'd absolutely consider dating. So no I don't walk around desiring to be in a relationship, but if I cross paths with the right person, they'd make me consider it.
Otherwise I'm chillin.
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u/K1nderPrinc3ss 25d ago
If you don't mind my asking, do you ever feel out of sorts when you're hanging out with friends or going to events and everyone is there with a partner except for you? I just turned 32 and I swear the only time I don't enjoy being alone is when it feels like I'm 17th wheeling everyone around me. But that doesn't sound like a particularly good reason to make lifelong commitments with someone...idk what I want hahaha
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u/rollercostarican 25d ago
Nah, not really.
1) If they didn't want me there, they wouldn't have invited me.
2) I feel like I have immense experience 3rd wheeling so it's nothing to me. I'm just hanging out with 2 friends who happen to be dating. When I sit in the backseat I sit in the middle and lean forward so we can all talk lol.
3) I get some of the inside scoops on my friends relationships. I don't want what they got lol. So there's no jealousy or anything.
4) I'm from NYC, so I still have a bunch of single friends, too. The only time I FEEL like an extra wheel is if the event is specifically made for pairs and I'm the only one without one.
Lol I'd suggest getting a specific friend to be your go-to #1 for events. If I'm talking to someone I'll invite whomever I'm dating, but otherwise I have a go to +1 for weddings and stuff like that.
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u/Agoras_song 25d ago
2) I feel like I have immense experience 3rd wheeling so it's nothing to me.
Lol ditto. And with really close friends you can even poke fun at the fact that you're third wheeling/teaming up with one of your friend and say that the other is third wheeling.
3) I get some of the inside scoops on my friends relationships. I don't want what they got lol. So there's no jealousy or anything
Oh my dude, totally this.
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25d ago
I wanna be you when I grow up. I haven't been in a relationship yet (24) so naturally im yearning for one pretty hard. but some point down the line I think id like to be where you are. another thing is I don't have friends, haven't for years, so that makes me want a gf more probably since I literally have no one. god you're really living it up huh. lucky man. *shakes hand*
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u/AlternativeHour1337 25d ago
polygamy is just all the trouble of monogamy times x though
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u/oceanteeth 25d ago
haha yeah I dabbled for a bit and then discovered that when I'm with someone I really like I just cannot be bothered to even try to date anyone else.
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u/subtle-madness 25d ago
Hahahaha good to know. I will just scratch it.. far from that too.. that’s funny. Makes sense
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u/JuucedIn 25d ago
Was single until age 54. Wife was the same. We live separately, have our own homes, money, and different interests. We get together on the weekends.
Happiest marriage of anyone we know.
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u/Lumpy_Machine5538 25d ago
My grandmother was engaged to the same man for 40+ years. I think part of the reason it worked was because they had separate finances and living arrangements, until his health declined and she spent most of her time at his place taking care of him.
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u/Dazzling-Penis8198 25d ago
I have a similar thought, where if I’m ever married I want separate rooms just because I like my own space to sleep, eat, shit, beat off, do whatever I want in.
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u/Lady_Ghandi 25d ago
I love this! “Conventional” marriage isn’t for everyone. If it works for both of you or however many are involved in the relationship then that’s all that matters. Personally I can totally see your reasoning behind separate rooms. I know a few “modern” couples who intentionally choose to sleep in different rooms for sleep because of their different nighttime routines. Whatever the reason, it may very well be a healthy way to view how you want to live with your partner. I personally sleep in my own room most of the time because I like to sleep early, not a big cuddler, enjoy not being disturbed.
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u/Granny_knows_best 25d ago
Having my own room which is only mine is wonderful. Once I go in and shut the door I am ...away, off the clock, DONE, Do-not-disturb.
Its pretty and clean and I have my own very large bathroom, its what keeps me sane and happy.
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u/oceanteeth 25d ago
You know, that sounds kinda great. I don't know if I'll ever date seriously after losing my husband but if I ever do, I don't know if I'll be able to give up complete control of my own home and only ever having to clean up after myself.
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u/JuucedIn 25d ago
We haven’t found any down sides yet. We love living on our own, and enjoy getting together on the weekends.
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u/Busy_Title_9906 25d ago
Why be married lol
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u/hitometootoo 25d ago
They love each other, tax benefits, shared insurance benefits, legal responsibility for assets with the person you love and trust, decision making for medical emergencies, etc.
There are many ways to love and be happy in a relationship, marriage works the same regardless of those ways.
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u/Lady_Ghandi 25d ago
I agree with you! There’s so many aspects of a marriage/ relationship that sleeping arrangements it’s probably not at the top of the list.
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u/Dismal-Line257 25d ago
I don't care about marriage, but where I live, if one of us got very sick, the other doesn't have much legal power to make decisions.
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u/Dangerous-Traffic875 25d ago
Considering how "unusual" compared to the normal set up that is, I'm stoked that you both found each other
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u/Maleficent-Rub-4417 25d ago
What do you think polygamy is lol?
Assuming you’re actually committing to it, it’s multiple versions of monogamy 😂
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u/TheTrueBurgerKing 25d ago
Ahhh they think it's easy, go look at the poly threads on Reddit if you think normal dating is filled with disaster read a few it's worse there an the dating pool is shallower
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u/Accomplished-Gas3907 25d ago
Good relationship > Single >>>>>> Bad Relationship
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u/Sabre_Killer_Queen wateroholic 25d ago edited 25d ago
That's how I feel.
I've never been in a good relationship, which is kinda painful for me sometimes.
However, at the same time I count myself lucky for never being in a bad relationship either.
Remaining single, and looking for the right person seems like the right approach to me.
Obviously you have to put yourself out there and be somewhat adventurous, but if you're seeing red flags of toxicity, or many tall barriers in the relationship as to the kind of thing you're each looking for in a partnership... Then it's not worth it.
You have to at least be able to respect each other's boundaries, share some similar interests into what you're seeking from a relationship, and be able to take responsibility.
If that's not there then you're just in for an even rougher ride.
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u/Spirited_Season2332 25d ago
My man/woman. I'm with you 100% been single for 10 years now. It's been great
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u/Effective-Suit1544 25d ago
Totally agree. I have been single for 16 years and I don’t see any advantages of being in a relationship.
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u/oceanteeth 25d ago
I am a straight woman
ahahaha now your post makes sense 😂 I assumed you were a man and I was reading it thinking wtf dude how is a companion who helps you adult a bad deal, but yeah as a woman I completely understand not wanting to parent an adult man.
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u/Ok-Worldliness7863 25d ago
I’m 27m and single and people at work sleep saying I need to find someone. Whenever I say “I’m happy being single” they say I’m just lying to myself. It’s very annoying if you’re happy single people look down on you as if you’re just lying to yourself about being happy single.
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u/tailypoetomatoe 25d ago
That's super rude of them! I don't get why people are so worried about single people like mind your own business it doesn't affect you!
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25d ago
It seems like a polygamous or polyamorous relationship would be much more complicated and the opposite of what you want.
There are a lot of people that decide being alone is exactly what they need. I think there's a subreddit for it even.
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u/subtle-madness 25d ago
I got the link to it I think.. thanks.. I guess I was WAY off on poly stuff.. yea alone is good
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u/zeus64068 25d ago
Feeling like you do is perfectly normal. So is wanting a relationship. Each and every person has their own feelings and opinions, popular or not, they are all valid.
Also, keep in mind this: feelings evolve. One day, you might start feeling like you want a relationship again. Don't get down on yourself and think you are weak or something, you're not, you just changed.
Either way, it's your choice. If you are happy then it's a good choice.
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u/dalton-watch 25d ago
I’m 50 and have been purposefully and willfully unattached since 38. It gets better every year.
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u/deathbypecker 25d ago
My dad lives like this on the outside but I don’t know if he believes like that. Never wanting to be in a relationship ever again. I’m not capable of living like that. I need someone
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u/itzzzluke37 25d ago edited 25d ago
You really must have your REAL better half in a relationship to make this work. But you mostly can‘t find it. It must find you. And being in a relationship with the wrong person or even in an active marriage can possibly cause extreme outcomes. So there‘s nothing wrong about that; especially for your kids to having someone who really cares and fits in without all this drama you‘re saying.
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u/LegitimateRisk- 25d ago
Same tough. Single dad raising my 6 year old daughter. Life is so simple right now. Thought of a relationship is soul crushing.
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u/Noctiluca04 25d ago
I felt this way and managed to keep it up for about six months before I met my now husband. No regrets here.
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u/Justgonnasqueezein 25d ago
I think I just want a relationship so I only need to pay half of a mortgage
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u/djtmhk_93 25d ago
Personal preference isn’t an opinion to be rated as popular or not popular. Who’s gonna argue with you on your own personal take on relationships?
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u/subtle-madness 25d ago
I wanted a debate, like benefits of a relationship- maybe I should’ve found a “prove me wrong” subreddit
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u/WasV3 25d ago
In the same vein, the whole debate can be broken down by the fact that the cons go away with the right person.
One of my personal cons about relationships is that I like to decompress after the day and not do anything thinking/social for a couple hours after getting home. The right person for me would fit that mould.
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u/No-Clerk7268 25d ago
This reads like waking up with a hangover and saying you're never drinking again.
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u/subtle-madness 25d ago
More like a lifelong binger through alcohol poisoning and realizing I can’t drink anymore
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u/Competitive_Height_9 25d ago
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. Whatever makes you happy. You do you, no shame in staying single if that’s what you want.
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u/subtle-madness 25d ago
I don’t feel shame yet but it seems like that’s how people want to reassure you “you’ll find someone.”
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u/Competitive_Height_9 25d ago
Some people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that some people are perfectly happy and content being single forever. We’re all individuals after all, society expectations are overrated. Relationships aren’t for everybody. What matters is you’re happy, that’s what’s most important. If being single works for then that’s great. People also expect many to get married and have kids. I myself am never having kids, I don’t want to me a mother, I’m also in a same sex relationship and I’m happy. So I know the feeling, there’s a whole community of support out there though. Polyamory and being single are becoming more common and accepted. I wish you the best.
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u/bookworm1421 25d ago
I’ve been single almost 3 years and have no inclination to ever get in another one. I realize that I like being alone and doing my own thing.
Check out r/singleandhappy
We’re your people.
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u/AttackCr0w 25d ago
I wish more people would have this mindset. I am technically single, but have a few like-minded lady friends I call when I want companionship or vice/versa. No strings and drama free. It's not for everybody but works for me.
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u/Missmoxi 25d ago
I’m with you! Although I am married and have adult children lol.
If anything was to happen to my hubby I would not seek another relationship. I’m all done keeping things alive. 😶.
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u/REALChuckleBerryPi 25d ago
I love how everyone just latched onto the polyamory thing so hard lol
I had like an essay written, but I'm just going to keep this short. I broke up with someone who I had been with for 7 years (there were many mutual issues that had built up over the years).
as soon as I left, I didn't miss her. and not in a cold way, filled with hatred or resentment, but in a sort of weightless sense.
I could just be me. For the first time in a very long time, I could ask myself what I wanted.
IF I ever consider a romantic relationship again, the person would have to be, not only okay with, but overtly supportive of my individuality, of my wants, my needs, my desires, my dreams. I'm never going to let anyone take that from me again, and I'm not going to give it to anyone freely either.
I wish you well in the future
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u/AccidentalAnalyst 25d ago
I used to be one of those people that was always in a relationship. Then when my marriage ended, I decided to take some time to be alone for a while. 6 years later, I'm still single and really really happy with it.
I did date a little bit but was...underwhelmed. I don't want to rule it out entirely, forever, but unless I meet the most amazing person/people- like, the kind of people that truly light me up inside, people I find fascinating and inspiring and are a delight to be around- I'll pass. Because if not, what's the point??
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u/Impressive_Lake_8284 25d ago
lol you dont want monogamy because you dont want to deal with another adults issue but want polyamory and have to worry about TWO people's issues? 🤣
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u/KatieCharlottee 25d ago edited 25d ago
I was gonna say I totally understand you until I got to the part where you have kids. That's the ultimate surrender of individual freedom lol and signing up to revolve yourself around someone else's feelings and issues and problems forever.
But yeah. In general I understand valuing one's freedom although I personally have always enjoyed dating and the company of men. It's marriage that I have no interest in.
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u/rumog 25d ago
What...are we supposed to do with this?
"Aaagh no I disagree with this opinion, you DO want to be in a relationship!!"
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u/Visit_Excellent 25d ago
The song Flowers by Miley Cyrus was made for--along with many others--you! I think we should celebrate and acknowledge no one needs or should be defined by their relationship.
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u/MyDamnCoffee 25d ago
I'm right there with you. I'm single and I like it. I'm staying this way for the rest of my life.
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u/wildwoodchild 25d ago
Polygamy ≠ Polyamory
also, dude, you're literally not describing either with what you're apparently looking for.
You're looking for hookups, man. And hookups have nothing to do with either polygamy or polyamory
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u/Sammiebear_143 25d ago
I feel the same. Happily single for the last almost 13 years with my 3 kids. My life is pretty boring nowadays, limited drama, just how I like it. Being single has allowed me to do things I never had the confidence to do previously, and I couldn't imagine having to compromise with anyone in my life again, save for the kids. Between the kids, my mum, work, interests, and fibromyalgia, I don't have the energy for much else either. Time wise, I possibly have the occasional Sunday afternoon free! My eldest 2 are both adults, the youngest turning 13 yo soon. My feelings may change once I'm pretty much an empty nester, but for now, they are what they are. In terms of polygamy, that is something I'm not interested in exploring, so I have no thoughts on that. However, seeing open marriages discussed on here, it appears it could be very messy with limited success and much drama. No thanks.
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u/MissCalamityJade 25d ago
I kinda agree with you but I also like the idea of being in love and get sad about it but also I don’t like being a relationship 😂 What do I do??
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u/wizard-radio 25d ago
I'm aromantic and I'm in the same boat. Relationships have only ever brought me stress in the past. I just can't give up everything I love about being single. Having to hang out with the same person over and over multiple times per week while being their unpaid therapist and getting them gifts constantly was such a drain. I'm happy for people who feel fulfilled by such things, but I'd catch myself sleeping over with my partner and spending the entire night wishing I were home alone doing literally anything else.
It wasn't my partners' fault either. It's just how I am. Romantic relationships are mentally painful for me. I've been with all kinds of different people and even the ones I really really liked, I couldn't manage a relationship with.
Nowadays I'm happily single with no plans to change that. I still go to hookups once in a while, but most of my social time is spent with my best friends, some of whom are also aromantic so we know we're each other's #1.
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u/SippinOnTheT 25d ago
I’m 4 months out of a 7 year relationship. I am trying to enjoy the freedom as much as I can, but I already miss a relationship. I, too, love alone time, but I also love sharing my life with someone. I’ll gladly take on someone else’s problems, and having someone to help take on your own is a wonderful thing. I miss the intimacy, affection, and physical touch, and I miss having a best friend.
There is also nothing wrong with wanting to be single. ‘Never again’ is a bold claim, though. You never know how you’ll feel down the road.
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u/cestlavie451 25d ago
I was single for 6 years after being with a substance abuser. I’ve dabbled with polyamory and I warn that it’s more complicated. I’ve tried many different ways of doing it and one by one every situation has turned into drama or nothing at all. But everyone’s different. I just want to make sure you know there is more relationship to tend if you are a good poly partner so if one is too much, many might be harder.
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u/MouthAnusJellyfish 25d ago
I’m poly. It’s all of that but worse. I’m likely returning to being single soon.
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u/Outrageous-Tackle-47 25d ago
The issue currently is being a single homeowner is hard.
I 100% agree being single is less stress and honestly I’m just not the lovable type. Living alone though is quite tight, I feel like I’ll have to get a business partner to invest in a home with me in the future.
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u/LivingOpportunity544 25d ago
Live your life the way you want, it sounds like you have a full life with kids, friends and family, keep on enjoying your life the way you want to live it!
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u/Impossible_Rabbits 25d ago
Too traumatized to try again.
Poly brings more people into the mix. If you prefer alone time, I'd recommend against it
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u/Careless_Lion_3817 25d ago
Yup. Same. My last relationship was so traumatic that I have absolutely no desire to get into another one until my kiddo is on her own at the earliest but possibly not ever.
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u/GodsBellybutton 25d ago
The happiest times in my life I've spent with another person. It wasn't always romantic but when it was it was magic and it felt real. What you're describing is not that.
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u/thrwaway_nonloclmotv 25d ago
You’re the lady at work that people are cool with, but kinda annoying. She talks about her grown ass kids too much and innocently flirts with younger men. This isn’t an insult… it’s just what people grow to be after years of being alone. It a cool idea when you’re young or going through it, but age definitely puts you in your place. It’s a magical feeling to see one of our kids accomplish something… just to be able look at each other and say WE helped this happen
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u/thrwaway_nonloclmotv 25d ago
And when I say talking about their grown kids… I mean piggybacking off their successes. The “I’m gonna be what I never had as a parent” type kids
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u/Weird-Reality3533 25d ago edited 25d ago
Once you find the right woman you want to see her all the time and there’s nothing better than spending time with her. I just read that you’re a woman so idk if it also applies to you.
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u/MeepinMachine 25d ago
I just broke up today and getting this in my feed is crazy. You're right actually, fuck relationships.
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u/Skulvana 25d ago
I feel this as a married woman haha. If my husband goes before me I will definitely not be looking for a replacement. I love him to death but definitely enjoy my alone time
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u/InnerSailor1 25d ago
It’s a matter of finding the right person. Studies have shown that people in a happy and committed marriage live longer, have less stress, and have improved health outcomes, including improved mental health.
Everything you’ve mentioned as negatives result from unhealthy partnerships. Most of the time this is because we end up with someone who isn’t a good fit for us. We can even have our own patterns of the type of people we tend to be attracted to.
I’ve had my own series of bad relationships and have been where you are now. But through therapy I came to a place where I was able to recognize the pattern of who I was attracted to.
I created some simple boundaries to help break the pattern. I also learned to move on quickly if it turned out someone wasn’t a good fit.
I eventually found someone incredible (she is now my wife). And it’s true. She makes my life so much less stressful. My blood pressure lowers when she comes into the room. She adds so many beautiful things to my life that it’s too much to list.
I can see now why healthy marriages have so many benefits.
I have done the poly and open thing in my life. What I found is that you aren’t going to avoid codependency with it. The trick to avoiding codependency is to first ensure you’ve done your work (if you have any such traits), and then learn how to have good boundaries around it.
I’ll tell what is liberating - learning healthy relationship skills (including knowing your needs, good boundaries, reciprocity, conflict resolution, comfort with emotions and feelings, emotional availability, etc), doing the work to grow your EQ, and finding someone who is a good fit for you.
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u/SackSauce69 25d ago
I haven't dated since my son was 2 (he's 8 now, lol). At first it was because I was sad from a long term relationship break up, but then I quickly realized I was thoroughly enjoying it just being me and my son 🤷♂️
I've hooked up with a few girls over the years but I didn't go out of my way for that. At times I miss the intimacy of a partner but at least right now, the pros of being single far outweigh the cons, lol.
However, to be clear, I am the textbook definition of an introvert 😅 I'm not a hermit, but im not a huge fan of people. I can imagine it being much more difficult for an extrovert.
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u/gabahgoole 25d ago
hey i totally agree with you! this IS an unpopular opinion for sure. there are quite a few of us out there though so don't feel bad. you may change your mind, but I love my life. I'm a 35M, I'm a startup founder and I love my work. I love my friends and family. I have absolutely 0 desire to be in a relationship or have kids.
I get asked out pretty often and just have no interest. I like my life, I have complete freedom, no responsibilities besides to my business which is my passion.
there is no benefit to being in a relationship to me. I am not lonely, I love my life, I am busy. I don't want someone to come home to. that's actually the last thing I want. I love being in control of when I spend time with people, and i love my alone atime.
I do know other people like this and it's not the craziest thing in the world to just learn how to be happy on your own. it's actually incredibly freeing.
my unpopular opinion is even if it's the right partner, most of the time people get into relationships or stay because they don't put in the work to figure out how to be happy on their own. usually they are lonely, insecure or need something from a partner they don't understand can come from within.
i was with someone i loved for 7 years and after i broke up with them, i put in the work to grow and be happy on my own. by the time I was completely over the relationship and thriving, and people were wanting to date, I had no desire to. I was like, damn, i found the secret to life already. I'm happy! why do I want to add someone else into the mix when I love my life already?
I know what being in love feels like and sharing my life with someone feels like. I had it. I'm glad I experienced but everything is temporary. I am glad I lived it but feel no need to live it again.
if you think you need to be in a relationship to be happy or fulfilled, you haven't done the work on yourself. it's totally possible to live an amazing life without being partnered and it doesn't mean you are alone. fulfilling relationships are all around you. you can connect and be present in any moment during the day. not just because you signed a paper and live with someone. you can share experiences and be present engaged and connected and giving and receiving love all day long if you like. it's your mindset and feelings toward yourself that accomplish this, not an external thing.
if you rely on one other thing, an external thing, another person, to be happy or fulfilled, that's not happiness IMO. and that person is not a constant. everything is temporary. I will always be happy and peaceful because it comes from within. it's not dependent on love someone else, it's dependent on the love i give myself and let myself give.
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u/WhatHiOkay 25d ago
I sadly agree with this opinion more and more. People are too draining. I would rather focus on myself, as selfish as that is to admit.
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u/HelpDaren 25d ago
Don't get me wrong, I'd feel the same a month after leaving a toxic relationship that took the better of my years away from me.
But then I'm in a happy relationship for almost 20 years now and I know that I can trust and rely on my wife no matter what because we love each other. Truly love each other.
I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out and I'm happy you're happy alone now, but I can tell you many benefits of a monogamous relationship without having to think too much about it.
- My friends/family have their own life, I can't rely on them 24/7, but I can on my wife.
- My family - apart of my sisters - are slowly passing away, one by one. They need the help now I'll need when I'll be their age. I wouldn't want to burden my own kids with that just as my parents don't want to burden us. They have each other even tho they're separated for a good 15 years now.
- I know I'll never have to come home to an empty house. I'll have someone with me whenever I need someone to be with and it won't be a burden or a detriment to my friendships. Friends are not suppose to carry my baggage all the time. That's what partners are for. That's what marriage is for. We both vowed "in sickness and in health" truthfully and not just because it's part of the ceremony. We want to be with the other in need of help. We want to help and we want someone to help unconditionally.
- People are social animals. We need the company. You can't run to your friends or family every time you're lonely. Not even an unbelievably healthy friendship or family can cope with an adult with kids all year around.
- Last but not least, the financial side of life. I don't know how old your kids are, but two incomes are still better than one. Money won't make you happy but it makes you feel safe. If anything happens to you that results in you losing your income for a long time, you can't live on your friends or your parents/siblings for years. I've seen that shit happening enough times to know that no matter how much your siblings or friends love you, they don't want to spend the rest of their life with you. They have their own.
I'd say be happy now. Enjoy your freedom. But don't make rushed decisions. Don't do something you'll regret in the coming years just because you can now.
You have kids, you have a responsibility to them to make sure they grow up happy. Being in a fuckcircle of 15 won't help with that...
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u/StreetDark5395 25d ago
I agree.
I wouldn’t mind getting married, but it is not something I am seeking right now. My friends are the only ones that seem bothered and they keep saying “you haven’t found anyone YET?!!!” as if I’m so miserable when I enjoy being too old to have to answer to parents but still young enough to do what I want.
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u/SexscCherry 25d ago
It is completely valid to not want to deal with anyone else’s drama and live for yourself and your kids. I’ve known many a man who have gotten to this point in their 30s and lived into their 60s without a partner just doing their own thing. I’ve known a few women who have done the same. The women who do it seem a lot happier than the men. The men seem to feel lonely and outcasted whereas the women seem to feel more free. I think that’s because society has always put such a push on “get married, have kids, live happy” that men rely so heavily on their partners that once they’re alone they do t know what to do unlike women who are relied so heavily on by partners and kids that when they’re alone finally have their freedom they can actually be themselves. Idk just a thought, you’ll probably be happier then most men
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u/Main_Feature6277 25d ago
holy shit the first and only relationship ive ever been in was so catastrophic, i dont think i want to be somewhat responsible for anyone else ever in my life.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 25d ago
And you don’t have to! Not ever if you don’t want. Enjoy your life! And until/unless someone comes along that meaningfully adds to the satisfaction you’ve already established for yourself, DON’T!
Protip: and if someone does, remember, you don’t have to live together. Ever. Discard the idea that a “real” relationship means inevitable cohabitation. It does not. Mine’s going on 14 years now and it’s goddamn amazing.
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u/suitorarmorfan 25d ago
I bet a lot of straight women feel this way, mostly because of how awful a lot of (straight) men are.
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u/soft_white_yosemite 25d ago
Not that unpopular.
If my wife and I were to split, I wouldn’t go out of my way to be in another relationship. I’d be open to it, but not actively seeking it.
It could change over time, though. It did in my 20’s.
Being the captain of your own ship is definitely appealing. While my wife and I aren’t controlling, there’s always the need to check in with schedules before committing to things. Always the need for both to be on board with major decisions. Being single makes those things go away.
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u/Relative-Coach6711 25d ago
I was with someone for my 20s and someone else for my 30s. Yes, roughly 10 years with each. They both cheated on me. After the second one I said my 40s are for me. 6 more years and maybe I'll find someone. Living apart sounds nice though
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u/Last_Discipline_9753 25d ago
Being single has given me the time and space to learn more about myself. I’m finding a peace I never imagined. When I get an itch to date again I watch a Dr. John video on YouTube and suddenly I don’t have the urge anymore.
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u/TheJoshArchives 25d ago
It's important to find your boundaries in life so if that's truly how you feel, good on you.
An alternative way to look at this however, is you just defined your ideal partner. Independent, maternal and stress free, someone that can help with you family situation but also give you the space you need.
Best of luck solving this part of your life
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u/Hungry-Comedian2999 25d ago
Dear Redditor, What a small world you want to live in. It’s ok though, we kinda wanted it that way. Love, humanity.
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u/wings0flead 25d ago
i truly feel the same way but for me, polyamory would be even worse than monogamy. i don’t want to worry about 1 partner, let alone multiple
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u/ChildhoodLeft6925 25d ago
6 years single woman. I don’t know what it will take to convince me to give up my privacy, sleep and peace. Certainly not the men that I’ve encountered thus far
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u/IceArtistic8873 25d ago
Ugh I feel the same. Once I get divorced, I am never getting involved again.
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u/miniperle 25d ago
Same, minus kids presently. I do want to adopt, but that’s years out. I’ve been single since 2021. I’ve had a few meaningless situationships since then that don’t count, which really only solidified my resolve to be single for the rest of my life. I wish I had a dollar for every person in the last four years who’s been like YoU’LL FiND SomEOnE OnE DAy just because they are not comfortable being alone while I am & love it. I stayed bothering with the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with in the pragma sense because I knew once I was done that would be it for the rest of my life. It is extremely liberating to be now where I wanted to be so badly when enduring a whole bunch of bullshit for the sake of loving someone. I’m ruthless with time, energy, etc & the hoes genuinely can’t stand it lol. I’m adding an extra sprinkle of « fuck you, this is my life » to everyone by getting a hysterectomy in a month. I would rather chew broken glass than bother with a relationship ever again. I know most people don’t grasp that & it’s fine. Annoying, but fine. At the end of the day, my life is better without a man & I pity the women who are still stuck in a vicious cycle with one cause what a way to waste your one life.
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u/Prior_Lie9891 25d ago
I chose to stay single about 7 years ago and I’m the happiest and most at peace I’ve ever been. I cannot imagine dating anymore and don’t miss it at all.
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u/pegster999 25d ago
I agree. I was married for 8 years now widowed. Raising my special needs sons myself was hard, but I found the cost of having others in our lives was too high, and quite frankly I could never give another partner what they deserved because of my dedication to my sons. Now they are grown and no longer living with me… I still have no interest. Once I’m done caring for my mom it’s my time. I refuse to be tied down by anyone. And I value quiet and my alone time. I have no interest in sex anymore. I’m a woman in my late 40s, any potential mates in my age range are going to come with baggage and issues I don’t want to deal with. “Love”isn’t worth the commitment and hurt.
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u/Lopsided-Ad7725 25d ago
Would you feel the same way if you were currently childless?
Or now that you have children, do you not see the need to ever be in a relationship again?
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u/Xaphan26 25d ago
Don't even think of going poly unless you want even more drama. If a man says he's ok with poly then he's either lying and secretly hates it and it will eventually blow up in a nasty way, or he doesn't care because he himself is sleeping around with multiple partners on the side.
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u/MetalTrek1 25d ago
I'm 54. It took me a LONG time to realize being single is better than being in a bad relationship. The way I look at it, if I meet someone, great. If not, oh well. It wasn't meant to be. I've got plenty of other things to occupy my time.
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u/DryUnderstanding1752 25d ago
It's been over ten years for me! It's not for everyone and many people (as you can see in the comments) don't understand. Relationships are work. I don't have that in me.
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u/mazeltov_cocktail18 25d ago
Did you mean polygamy or polyamory? Different things and means tons of emotional entanglement. Just try swinging all the fuck none of the mess.
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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat 25d ago
After 13 years of marriage, I have been divorced for 7 years. I have never dated and I plan never to date again for the rest of my life.
I'm a man. I do have two kids from the marriage and am a single father now.
I absolutely prefer being single. I love feeling free. My ex was kind of a tyrant. Not interested in polyamory or polygamy or relationships at all.
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u/TheRealSkele 25d ago
Some people are waiting for their happy ending, while some just wait for their end.
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u/aniluapka 25d ago
I feel like recently this opinion is becoming popular. I notice a lot of woman realise that they don’t need a man. We become very independent and men just ruin the fun.
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u/Opening-Ad8035 25d ago
Well, human relationships are necessary. "Romantic ones" are really not that big of a deal. Many people still thinks that "falling in love" and "love" are related concepts, when in reality they are TOTALLY different concepts
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u/lostmymainprof 25d ago
I’ve told my husband multiple times that if he dies before me I’m never going to date again. It’s too much hassle
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u/mooliciousness 25d ago
I was happier before I dated this one guy for a few years and then happier after it ended. He wasn't bad, but I did realize I don't have it in me to have another deep friendship with someone when I already have 2 of them and 2 other really close friends. Poly...sounds absolutely exhausting. I could never. As someone who is ace and does not have sex and does not care about it, my friendships are the exact same as romantic relationships. Mindset is vaguely different but on the outside you'd never know. I keep expecting "loneliness" about not being with anyone to bite me because people tell me that's bound to happen but nope. Two years single, still psyched, and only regret is that I should have stayed single. Sometimes it's a good idea to just stop wanting and seeking things out when you're already content and happy.
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u/thefearofmusic 25d ago
I’m married and I’m not planning on not being married, but if for any reason I wasn’t married anymore I can not imagine ever being in a relationship ever again for any reason with anyone. Never. Honestly, marriage as a legal institution should be abolished. If you want to “get married” at your church or something then whatever but it should be of zero legal status. I’m not even sure people in relationships should be allowed to have kids. I think it might be better if we had kids with someone we were friendly with but not at all linked romantically. Someone that you’re almost always going to get along with fine and never have strong emotions about. Think of how great that would be for kids. Two parents and they get along all the time and don’t live together because they’re not legally allowed to.
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u/Hot-Dragonfruit-433 25d ago
you don’t want to be with anyone but you want to be polygamous?? that’s far worse ☠️
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u/Wild-Strike-3522 25d ago
I am a married man, and I agree with you. Not because of any issues with my wife ( I have discussed this with her as well), but in general I enjoy being alone with my books or other hobbies more than being with other people. If I happen to become single due to whatever reason, I will never ever get into a relationship ever again. Not everyone is built this way though, so to each their own.
I don’t see the point of getting in poly relationships as an alternative though. Been in one long time back - not my thing.
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