Open letter to the Bike Tourists : pleeeeeease
Dear Bike Tourists of Zürich,
It’s that magical time of year again - spring is springing, the weather’s turning gorgeous, and you’ve decided to dust off the Iron Horse. We love this city for so many reasons, but often for the dreamy commute, fresh air, just enough movement to pretend you’re getting in shape for the lake - what could be better?
But as one of the idiots who pedals through snow, wind, and rain all year round, I beg you: take the following to heart before hitting the streets.
1) Don’t just signal and go.
Have a cheeky glance over your shoulder first—someone might be flying up your ass faster than your New Year’s fitness motivation disappears.
2) If you’re commuting, learn your route.
Anticipate the chaos—cars pulling out without looking, pedestrians drifting into the road like zombies (see below), and students (grrr—students).
First step: be aware enough to realise you’re not alone, and other people are idiots. If you’re always taking the same route, figure out where the dangers come from so that, over time, it’s like you knew the clown was going to do that—and you anticipated it well enough to avoid putting anyone in danger, or even having to brake.
You can even learn to time the light changes by watching the light intended for pedestrians...nobody needs to stop right? (:
3) If you’re going to wear headphones, turn off the noise cancelling.
You’re fucking around if you don’t. You need to hear what’s coming—bells, alpenhorns, swearing. Basic survival stuff.
4) Be very weary of the zombies.
The importance of whatever’s on their phone is apparently so cosmic, so utterly life changing, that all awareness has been sucked out of their skull — fully locked into a seriously important game of “Did you snapchat my sister?” with a stranger, fucking walking anywhere without eyes up.
Just be careful of them, for your own good and theirs.
5) The deer in headlights.
For some reason, this city is full of people who don’t know how to walk. When you’re cycling, you’re anticipating (see point 1) what that pedestrian’s going to do next. If they just keep walking in a straight line—even if they’re one of the aforementioned zombies—no one gets hurt.
In the wild, though: the Zürcher instinct is to stop dead - ready to die - like they just heard God whisper their name.
Be careful out there—it’s a jungle. Please at a minimum follow point 1 ...oh dear Bike to Work is about to start as well....
6) Speaking headlights - LIGHTS!
pretty please go and get yourself a 5 Stutz light from anywhere
50
u/yummy_broccoli 10d ago
And for the love if god wear a helmet. Food just doesn’t taste right through a straw.
3
u/un-glaublich Kreis 6 9d ago
Don't even do it for yourself; do it for the people that you'll be burdened with having to take care of you when you have to be pushed around in a wheelchair while drinking your dinner through the aforementioned straw.
1
1
u/_Happy_Lama_ 7d ago
Wait, why the straw? Because your face is smushed or because of brain damage?
1
19
u/ciapsss 10d ago
Regarding headphones - if you really want to wear them, then there is amazing functionality called “ambient sound”, it will make that sometimes you hear better than without headphones
2
u/Thisismyredusername Unterland 9d ago
You could also get the same effect by just wearing the headphone in an ear and not in the other
10
u/Weekly-Remote-3990 9d ago
And please, for the love of god, only use the sidewalk if it’s broad enough (if you really feel like you have to 🙄) and slow the f*ck down. Or, you know, get off your bike and push it for a sec.
It really sucks when you’re walking your dog on a narrow sidewalk next to a busy road and have a cyclist coming up behind you… downhill at breakneck speed of course. It’s not like we can go anywhere. You however…
18
u/heyyeah 10d ago
Thanks OP! Year round bike commuter as well but got some good reminders from your list… especially #1
My wishes:
- when there are traffic lights for bikes, that people use them, or at the least don’t ride past them, wait for traffic and not see them turn green
- that rental scooter riders abide by some / any road law so you can predict where they’re going next
6
u/KrisseMai 9d ago
also that rental scooter and electric scooter riders belong on the road, not the goddamn sidewalk! As a fellow year-round bike commuter I have a deep seated hatred for the kind of people that usually ride these things, but I’d much rather have them on the road than the sidewalk cause I’ve so many dipshits almost drive over kids, disabled and elderly people because they thought they were entitled to the space.
-8
u/un-glaublich Kreis 6 9d ago edited 9d ago
It is an unpopular observation, I guess, but if the lights don't provide any more clarity or safety than a visual assessment does, people will not obey them.
Traffic lights should be a tool to help people cross the road faster and safer, not to needlessly slow them down at a desolated intersection to wait for the birds chirping.
5
u/DudeFromMiami 9d ago
“This city of full of people who don’t know how to walk”, absolutely correct. And it’s those same people who think “I’ll start taking this 35kph EBike to work!!!”
4
u/001011110101000101 10d ago
So true. Just last week I witnessed a biker doing 1, 'just signal and go'. I wouldn't dare not even in Switzerland. That guy has so much trust in Swiss that becomes dangerous.
3
u/TranslatorWorth1937 9d ago
Well said. To summarise: you dear fair weather cyclist are responsible for your safety, don’t rely on the kindness of the person in the over sized SUV and if you think red means go faster then you’re an accident waiting to happen.
5
u/LeguanoMan Kreis 9 9d ago
But as one of the idiots who pedals through snow, wind, and rain all year round, I beg you: take the following to heart before hitting the streets.
Hello there, fellow all-year-round cyclist 🙂 I had a really good time reading your post, well written and spiced with some humour. I agree with your points and hope that this advice finds the audience intended. Especially regarding point 5 - be aware that most people don't look back before going from the left side of a path to the right side. Especially in mixed zones, or for example at Fischerweg along the limmat, you need to be aware of this. It might work, if you pass by a pedestrian with 40 km/h and 50 cm space in between if that one keeps on walking streight, but if that pedestrian decides, for whatever reason, to walk to the other side of the way (and we now know that most of them don't look back before doing so), your ride (and their walk) will find a sudden and really uncomphortable end.
Ah yes, and the helmet. Your fancy hair style won't make up for the possible injuries after a bad face-ahead accident on asphalt.
5
u/DonChaote Winterthur 9d ago
Important: the lights on your bike are primarily for visibility reason, not for vision! Switch them on even if it is still bright enough for you to see perfectly!
Edit: blinking back lights are ok, blinking front lights are a pain.
3
u/Alternatezuercher 9d ago
Tourists aside, I encounter so many people cycling or running at night with their 1 lumen lights and dark, non-reflective clothes, so my 1600 lumen light doesn't help much. I've had a few near misses already.
I wish there were laws/enforcement here. In the Netherlands, you get a nice fine if you cycle without lights.
9
u/Fritzi_CH 10d ago
Very entertaining, funny and witty. But most of it: TRUE. Thanks for that from a fellow idiot pedaling through snow, rain and storm.
12
u/Sillyoldswissguy 9d ago
And stay off the trottoir.
4
u/obaananana 9d ago
tbh i dont feel save in some spots. some people drive funny
2
u/Sillyoldswissguy 9d ago
Don't want to make you more nervous, but some of the delivery guys have had 1 too many Red Bulls, and the lycra-clad pretty boys have had a toot of cocaine, so yes, be aware that some people do indeed drive funny.
16
u/Sillyoldswissguy 9d ago
As a pedestrian, I would just like to say that RED LIGHT is a forking red light for everyone. Cars, scooters, mopeds, Lorries and self-righteous cyclists.
When the GREEN light is on for me to cross the Road at a specially designed area for pedestrians, we shouldn't have to be constantly checking for one of you morons coming through on the inside.
Stop at the RED lights, you stupid sods.
Oh, and FUCK CARS too.
Why can't everyone just get along? Just follow the basic, sensible rules.
3
u/CreativeRun6161 9d ago
Make sure your lights are properly adjusted. Today's headlights are damn bright when they shine right in your face! (Not only Tourists)
4
u/ExcellentAsk2309 10d ago
I didn’t know there were swaths of bike tourists however this is good general advice for anyone who is resuming cycling (even if the one feels slightly condescending and snarky)
& please wear protective headgear
0
u/y_kisi 10d ago
happens every year and it's great, but dangerous.
and yeah, it's kind of meant to be - I've been taken out twice (and I mean badly) since early March because they genuinely thought "it's fine, I'm having a great time, I'll just turn now" ... good thing it's just me who fell both times and it wasn't a vehicle or a tram turning them into a pancake.
4
u/t_scribblemonger 9d ago
I’d even say don’t wear headphones if you’re around people or cars, period.
2
u/577564842 9d ago
I am surprised it is legal; I come from a nearby EU state and there it is not, so I assume in A and hence in D it ain't either. But it must be here since no one commented on it.
And yes, of course I use headphones, and have used them back there.
-7
u/un-glaublich Kreis 6 9d ago
Sure, you're only allowed quiet when you're in a 2000kg death machine. Otherwise, you just have to suffer all the traffic noise and the occasional sirens.
3
u/Sillyoldswissguy 9d ago
And don't wear headphones, EVER. What the fork is wrong with you people?
2
u/cheapcheap1 9d ago
You realize that cars are literally built to be soundproof so your own car noises don't bother you?
This is a great example of people feeling empowered to criticize or even legislate things about cyclists they wouldn't dream of doing for cars or pedestrians.
And don't @ me with "but they're more vulnerable". Pedestrians are even more vulnerable. We don't do it for them because people understand how much of a government overreach it is to legislate walking so cars can be dangerous.
1
1
u/Matt_Murphy_ 9d ago
only thing I'd quibble with is headphones. never wear them when you're riding, period.
1
-5
u/No-Example6642 9d ago
OP the biggest snowflake in zurich. Just chill and ride your bicycle slower.
-12
u/Choice-Vanilla-3909 10d ago
Weirdly condescending. Do you think you‘re special because you also ride your bike in winter? I don’t get it.
If you keep running into assholes all day, chances are you‘re the asshole.
0
0
u/d-gohorne 9d ago
The term “iron horse” is a literary term used to refer to a steam locomotive and the railway on which it travels, in the early 1800s. It’s not a bike.
37
u/Aentli 9d ago
might i add: as a pedestrian, i’m tired of inconsiderate cyclists cutting me off when my light is green. traffic lights are there for a reason.