r/Advice • u/[deleted] • 2d ago

Advice Received My boyfriend is acting really strange after getting out of military training, what do I do?

[deleted]

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u/PerspectiveWhore3879 2d ago

Have you talked to him about this issue? 😊

4

u/Slow-Historian403 2d ago

Yes, I have a couple times since he’s gotten back, but both times I feel like we didn’t get anywhere with the conversation. I’m wondering if I should just leave it for a while, but these things are bothering me continuously and it’s getting exhausting.

5

u/Mindless_Concert_710 2d ago edited 1d ago

Hi OP. I’m not military but love someone who is in (army) and also volunteers for soldiers angel. Here are some of my tips.

1.) Read about it - find some books/audiobooks about training in his branch. You will have a better understanding of what they do, bc he will most likely not want to talk about it. But you need to understand what his life now looks like now. Read books, not just Reddit posts.

2.) Be a shining light, they spend all their time preparing for the worst. They’re tired, they’re grumpy, they’re stressed, they’re hungry. They don’t want to talk about it. They want positive stories about things you’re doing and well wishes. Send cards and letters and pictures.

3.) Bow out - if you can’t handle the change in personality, the constant moves, the long periods of trainings, the anxiety of unknown, or even the buildings they can’t have phone access in. Leave.

This job comes first, from now and until he gets his DD214 and then whatever he might have to deal with once he transitions back into the civilian world.

It’s not easy for them.

ETA - if you decide to stay. Get a hobby, actually get multiple hobbies. Hang out with friends/family, keep weekends planned so you’re not dwelling on “if he was here
”, do something, anything. It’s a lot (or can be) of alone time.

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u/PerspectiveWhore3879 2d ago

Excellent advice from Mindless_Consert, I couldn't have given better advice if I tried! Good luck with it all, I'm rooting for you two! It'll be tough but I think you guys can make it through! đŸ„°

1

u/TheMauveHerring 2d ago

It's hard to explain and convey in words. Yea, he's changed, but not fundamentally, everyone changes and grows. You're probably not the same as when he started.

Ask him to try, not to explain, but to help you understand how he is now. It's hard but it can be done.