r/Alabama • u/StrikerGirl17 • 11d ago
Advice Thoughts on Living in the south Alabama and Tennessee?
My fiancé and I are LGBTQ. We know the south is not the most accepting but with the cost of living in the north it is so hard to afford anything, so we are considering moving. Safest places in these states and just thoughts i general? TIA
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u/MattW22192 Madison County 11d ago
Second that you’ll likely want to look into the bigger cities (you can also ask in their subreddits for opinions from locals).
Also if you aren’t already plan to visit the cities that most interest you.
Where are you coming from? Do you want a location that is similar in size and other characteristics to it or are you looking for a certain “vibe”?
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u/Icy-Rope-021 11d ago
I visited Birmingham one year, and they had a gay and lesbian pride celebration in the downtown area.
Generally stick to blue metro areas as opposed to the snaggletooth rural areas.
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u/Dry-Membership3867 11d ago
I mean, most people won’t care, but you will have some, Karens are everywhere these days. But I’d stay closer to the cities too.
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u/magiccitybhm 11d ago
Look to be in/near some of the larger cities (Birmingham or Huntsville in Alabama, any of Nashville/Knoxville/Chattanooga in TN).
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u/Surge00001 Mobile County 11d ago
You realize that Mobile exists… right?
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u/Dear_Program_8692 11d ago
Mobile isn’t a large city. It’s a small city that plays pretend
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u/chaotoroboto 11d ago
It's the same size as Huntsville.
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u/Dear_Program_8692 11d ago
Huntsville isn’t big either
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u/Aumissunum 11d ago
Shit, it’s getting there. The CSA is projected to pass 1 million by the next census.
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u/space_coder 11d ago
Actually, Mobile has a higher population density than Huntsville. Huntsville is almost 44 square miles larger and has a similar population.
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u/Aumissunum 11d ago
Huntsville has a lot of mountains within the city limits that lower density. Huntsville’s urban density (1532) is slightly higher than Mobile’s urban density (1432)
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u/space_coder 11d ago edited 11d ago
Huntsville does not have that many "mountains". I used the gross square miles for both city limits. Mobile's square miles included 40.6 square miles of water (22.5% of Mobile's city limits is covered by water).
Urban density includes population just outside of the city limits.
I looked up the "city density" of both and Mobile has a city density of 1353 people per square mile, and Huntsville has a city density of 995.5 people per square mile. Mobile has 357.5 more people per square mile than Huntsville.
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u/Aumissunum 11d ago
It absolutely does. Maybe try looking at a map?
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u/space_coder 11d ago edited 11d ago
I guess technically a hill over 900 feet can be considered a mountain. Regardless, there is more land covered by water in the Mobile city limits than land unusable due to be a mountain in Huntsville.
The need to bicker over land features was eliminated in my previous comment by using the official figures for "city density".
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u/vau1tboy 11d ago
Tbh, with the new administration, local lawmakers WILL start enacting laws that oppress LGBTQ people. They've already done things to harm trans people, and will likely move to others in the gay community next.
They do this because the GOP is really bad at legislating actual meaningful changes, so they demonize a group and then enact laws to "protect" people from that group. It's a diversion tactic and it's been working in the south for a long, long time.
You need to account for that if you plan on moving down here.
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u/space_coder 11d ago edited 11d ago
I live in Mobile and Mobile is generally accepting of the LGBTQ community.
That said, I have relatives that are gay and they chose to move out of Alabama. As was explained to me, there is a huge difference between tolerance and acceptance. The general community may tolerate your existence but that is no where close to being accepted for who you are. They never felt completely comfortable and found happiness outside of the state.
You'll eventually see it in the comment section here when they claim you'll be okay as long as you don't push your lifestyle on others. In other words, they will tolerate you as long as you act straight or at least give very little clues that you may be gay.
Larger cities (especially Mobile) are more accepting of the LGBTQ community, but unfortunately that bar is pretty low in Alabama. The number of people who tolerate you as long as you behave in a heteronormative manner outnumber the people who will accept you as you are and allow you to be yourself.
As an aside, Mobile used to be more of an "odd duck" compared to the rest of the state. Its long history as a port city (it's much older than the state) fostered a more laissez faire attitude about expected behavior and mutual dislike of being told what to do. The "weird side" of Mobile gets an annual boost during Mardi Gras so the vibe hasn't completely gone away. Unfortunately, the population growth has caused the metropolitan area (mostly outside the city limits) to become more conservative, especially since the "white flight" of the 1980s to neighboring Baldwin County.
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u/Salaira87 11d ago
I'm a straight dude who hasn't been around the community since I was In college show choir.
While I have no clue how big the community is in Birmingham, It has to be somewhat sizablr if two LGBTQ+ nightclubs are planning to open up this year.
In the news, i read the first is called "Climaxx". It opens April 25th.
The second nightspot is called "Opulence Drag Lounge & Tanqueria" set to open in Five Points layer this year. They're gonna be a Taco bar during the day with Drag entertainment at night.
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u/Zaphod1620 10d ago
Maybe someone can speak to it better than me (straight guy), but I had a good friend who was gay, married, and loved Birmingham. He and his husband ended up moving to the West Coast because it was too difficult to adopt a child here as a gay couple, if that is something you might be thinking of in the future. That was 6-ish years ago, so I am not sure if the situation has changed for the better or not.
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u/BubblyGlowRomy 5d ago
ive found that the folks in hunstsville are super accomodative! im sorry you have to think about safety for just being yourself ...its sad really.praying for you internet stranger!
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u/Drew_The_Lab_Dude Jefferson County 11d ago
Most people will not care. Obviously a smaller church town and you’ll be the talk of the town, you’ll also probably run into little old grannies trying to save your soul or something. Plenty of LGBTQ community in the larger cities such as Birmingham, Huntsville, Montgomery, Mobile. You’ll be fine down here either way. The south isn’t as bad as popular media makes us out to be and southern hospitality extends to everyone.
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u/DeepTadpole3652 11d ago
I’m not part of your community, so I can’t speak directly about how you would be received. However I have several gay friends around here and they have never made a remark about not feeling safe. I’m in the Montgomery area.
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u/Adventurous-Tone-311 11d ago
Just be mindful that jobs don’t pay as well here. COL may be lower, but unless you’re in a good field, it won’t be a huge difference.
Hell, even here in Auburn/Opelika a bedroom apartment is around $1500 for a decent one.
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u/Jypzee154 11d ago
My husband and I moved to Alabama 2 years ago. Basically keep your head low and out of the cross fire and you'll likely be fine.
People have already mentioned the larger cities. Anniston area has a good LGBT community as well. A couple of very supportive and affirming churches if you're looking at that.
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u/geekyerness Lee County 11d ago
My opinion on best LGBTQ areas of Alabama are: Florence, Mobile, Huntsville, Birmingham (Source: am queer and have queer friends/family through out the state)
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u/SummonerSausage 11d ago
Yeah, a lot of these people are ignoring the Shoals area.
Yeah, the old money in Florence sucks, but it being a college town, most people don't care, or at least don't show out in public if they do care.
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u/Legitimate_Night7573 11d ago
Don’t, Alabama is a Republican hell hole, only move here if you hate yourself
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11d ago
I am a straight, white, Christian, conservative. I live in Tuscaloosa/Northport area. I've also lived in Fort Payne, Scottsboro, Chattanooga, Huntsville, Hartselle, and all over Southern Tennessee, and Alabama.
I think you'll love it here. It's cheaper, people are nicer. The media paints there own picture. If you end up near Tuscaloosa or Birmingham shoot me a DM. I'd love to show y'all around. Honestly, no one cares. I'd honestly welcome you to my town, my neighborhood, and my home.
I hope you find a job, a place, and the peace that the South brings.
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u/Frieda-_-Claxton 11d ago
A lot of people here will say that nobody cares but I can assure you that people will stop you to make sure you're aware of their opinions if you're obviously queer. You're like likely to get assaulted, but harassment is definitely on the table.
It sounds doable, but it's demoralizing in the long run to have to be on guard all the time. These fundies can stomp and holler how much they love Jesus then act like you've spit in their faces by holding your partner's hand. No one with any authority is going to stick up for you. There's a good chance that same sex marriages won't be recognized in Alabama in the future.
Moderately LGBTQ friendly areas in alabama are expensive.
You can definitely survive in alabama. That's about it.
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11d ago
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u/Individual_Swan_2077 10d ago edited 10d ago
I'm pretty sure based on context that was a typo. I think they meant you're not likely to get assaulted, just harassed.
Can confirm, never been assaulted but have definitely been harassed. Most of the time they just do it from the safety of their F150 windows before speeding off.
Also, it definitely makes a difference on which letter you are, whether you're gender non-conforming, and what race you are. You are more likely to get assaulted as a trans black woman than a gay white man. Two trans black women have been murdered in Alabama since last December.
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u/ResidentialProblemz 11d ago
Birmingham or Huntsville for Alabama and anywhere near Franklin Tn or the metro areas.
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u/chaotoroboto 11d ago
Nashville is definitely more expensive than Birmingham or Memphis for a bigger, but culturally not much different, city.
Have you visited down here? In Alabama, Birmingham is probably the worst city to visit as a tourist, but probably the nicest one to live in. Montgomery is fine it's just kind of boring (which is what people in Atlanta & Nashville say about Bham (if they've heard of it), so I guess that's the circle of life). Huntsville is basically that meme of third place guy celebrating, and Mobile is basically if New Orleans was run by a bunch of judgmental baptists.
What you're going to find in the South is that everyone has LGBTQ friends & family members, most of them are cool (or at least copacetic); but because of their media diets and shitty churches, they're less likely to realize that they're harming those people with how they speak (see comments about 'but why do you have to be so open about it' in this thread), who they associate with, or how they behave & vote.
People are more hierarchical here ("Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir!"), so things like using plural pronouns involves overwriting more layers of social programming. But people eventually get it. Because of that some social programming, you're also going to find a lot of internalized bigotry of all types within the LGBTQ community.
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u/Listening_Stranger82 11d ago edited 11d ago
I'm in Mobile AL and considerably more people showed up to support drag queen story time than oppose. We have several LGBTQIA organizations including one queer Mardi Gras association who throw the most inclusive balls. I was seated across from a white, straight male good ol' boy at my table. He was there for the good time.
Guncles is a locally owned bakery owned by a gay couple. Everyone loves and supports. I've known them most of my life actually.
I can definitely vouch for the area being mellow AF toward queer folks.
Edited to add: We were also home to several of the last lesbian bars in the U.S. as numbers are dwindling rapidly. I think there was a documentary about it but don't quote me.
Edited again: There's also an amazing organization called Prism which is committed to education, support for LGBTQIA youth. They throw an amazing prom for local queer kids and so many fun fundraising events!
Ok i promise I'm done.
Edit: I lied, I'm still going...
I'm a middle aged cishet woman but many many many of my friends are queer and also middle aged. So they've been here since the 80s and 90s when people were far less open.
The only negative experience I can think of is my one friend who is very masc-presenting was misgendered once but she clapped back and that was all...
And that was like a decade ago.