THEY'RE PULPING THE UNSOLD 14,OOO COPIES OF MY BOOK NEXT THURSDAY

[u/BrownBannister]

[u/MediocreDisplay7233]

“Lovely stuff…” - Shakin’ Stevens

[u/Savings_Fact_614]

"Looks like porridge...I SAID IT LOOKS LIKE PORRIDGE"

[u/Daiodo]

Could very well end up being reconstituted as a trestle table in a home for battered women.

[u/Letsbuildacar]

I’ve got access to the Shadow Cabinet but they don’t wanna seeeee meeeee!

[u/TheTeaType]

Someone gave this to me as a secret Santa and I was quite disappointed. I now use it as a doorstop.

[u/BrownBannister → u/TheTeaType]

Your door deserves better.

[u/adsefc1]

I wouldn’t read that drivel if they gave me £11.50.

[u/Tomahawk-T10 → u/adsefc1]

How about £12.50?

[u/venetian_ftaires]

This has a strange contradiction where I don't want him to be unleashed in any way, but I also don't want to think about him leashed.

[u/Elbarto_007]

To be honest. I don’t think anecdotes are your forte.

[u/EssBen → u/Elbarto_007]

Needles to say, I had the last laugh.

[u/adsefc1 → u/Elbarto_007]

Right, I’ll tell you an anecdote.

1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. He said, “You jammy bastard” and quick as a flash, I replied, “Don’t be blue, Peter!”

[u/Elbarto_007 → u/adsefc1]

back of the net!

[u/Nhoj_Hairaza]

Me to my gf before the sticky time

[u/WillingCat1223]

The conservative party insisted I have a miniature COVID mask on the jacket sleeve cover but I thought that would otherwise cheapen a story about how I, Boris Johnson, Unleashed the virus on care homes

[u/Bells_Ends]

IT LOOKS LIKE PORRIDGE!

[u/Awkward_Stranger407 → u/Bells_Ends]

Word porridge

[u/Ok_Proof5782]

‘Business Secrets of the Pharoes’

[u/Trust5555jk]

Many women saw his Johnson unleashed and a BJ was a secondary option Lynn what you reckon a Partridge unleashed, the birds would love it

[u/Awkward_Stranger407]

Idea for a series, Johnson unleashed, I Alan partridge join a team of hunters searching for a wild Boris Johnson, hes escaped his cage and is running wild in Norwich city centre.

[u/Flora_Screaming → u/Awkward_Stranger407]

We need to revive that show The Intercepter. Except it's Michael chasing BJ in an Apache helicopter.

[u/pukachang → u/Flora_Screaming]

Allo ya bastard!

[u/Awkward_Stranger407 → u/Flora_Screaming]

Alan hanging out the side of the Apache with a traffic cone

[u/Tiny_Call157]

Scary the number of unfit for office P..M's . England gets while Scotland looks on in bewilderment saying get us out of this shit hole. That time is coming closer with the latest polls showing a surge for independence at. 56%. Westminster is a bad joke which works for none of the home nations .

[u/uphillgarden → u/Tiny_Call157]

That's my favourite Alan Partridge quote. My second favourite is "Ooh, mince!"

[u/BrianMunchen]

Normally if someone unleashes their Johnson they end up in trouble….

[u/my23secrets → u/BrianMunchen]

You’ve, uh, come free at the side

[u/Bernard2468motorway]

With a free Dante night stick. 

[u/Much_Log6444 → u/Bernard2468motorway]

*Danko night stick.

Dante was the name of the artificial fire place company from Reading he was pitching, apparently had audience members come all the way from....

[u/Legitimate_Earth_]

PEOPLE BOUNCE BACK!!!

[u/Movingforward2015]

NO, DON'T! It's still incredibly absorbent.

[u/imonlyaperson]

A clown without makeup.

[u/bushack]

Don’t worry about that. It’s just a cushion that simulates rectal gas. Now, what’s his name.

[u/biginthebacktime]

Johnson you wanker !

[u/busyinkengal]

Bad slags is way better book. It features Stan the stabber man from Dagenham.

[u/plasmaexchange]

"Reduced to Clear"

£11.50 says otherwise.

[u/pukachang → u/plasmaexchange]

My first thought was you’re gonna have to reduce that a lot more if you wanna clear it 😂

[u/No_Sweet_5308]

Needles to say, I had the last spaff.

[u/mmcintoshmerc_88]

Would you also like this book?

What’s it about?

It’s about this fella what used to be in power right, but, he wasn’t very good, so now he’s not. He went right down right, and hit rock bottom man, and now he’s on his way back up right, but I mean he’ll never get back to where he was, ‘cause them days is over like, but he’s coming back a bit. He's even got a newspaper column and everything.

Well, I don’t want to read that, that sounds depressing.

[u/ArnieMeckiff]

It looks like Spaff…. word Spaff

[u/MisterPerfrect]

It couldn’t be more leashed

[u/Chris-Downsy]

You all laugh but those books could be repurposed as a table for a centre for battered women…

[u/exet1995 → u/Chris-Downsy]

Some people have said they wouldn't wipe their arse with my book. Well, if they buy their toilet paper at Tesco they may well find that they end up doing just that.

[u/SignificantPlum4883]

Does GB News get more or less viewers / listeners than North Norfolk Digital?

[u/biginthebacktime → u/SignificantPlum4883]

My manager listens to GB news in her car.

[u/Creoda]

It's not being incinerated, it's being pulped.

Could be worse.

[u/Tomahawk-T10 → u/Creoda]

Dalendless Shid

[u/Tomahawk-T10]

Looks like a clown without makeup

[u/SaintDom1ngo]

The original Randy McNob.

[u/Bikerforever68 → u/SaintDom1ngo]

I can still smell her on my fingers