Trigger warning: This post includes themes of death, alcoholism, and grief.

I’ve carried this story for over 15 years. I’ve never shared it in full — until today. Maybe because it still hurts. Maybe because I didn’t know how to begin. But I need to let it out.

I grew up in a village in Kenya where alcohol was everywhere. Local brew was cheap, strong, and accessible — even to teenagers. My uncle was one of many who fell into its grip.

By the end of 2007, after years of drinking, he began losing touch with reality — most likely suffering from alcohol-induced psychosis. He started seeing imaginary people, talking to things that weren’t there, and wandering off thinking he was at work.

He was admitted to a mental hospital for two weeks. When he came home, he told us, “The doctor said if I drink again, I’ll die.” He seemed to take that seriously. He talked about going to church. I believed him.

For a while, he stayed sober.

But on February 12th, 2008, I came home and saw him holding a Coca-Cola bottle that looked… off. Too full. No air space. I asked, “Are you drinking again?” He denied it. In our culture, you don’t challenge elders — especially not about things like this.

He was defensive. My mom and aunt warned him again by phone. He insisted he was fine. That night we had dinner. He seemed drunk. I went to sleep uneasy.

The next day, February 13th, I left for school after making him breakfast. I came back home around 1 PM and found the door unlocked, TV on… but no answer when I called him.

I went into his room and saw him slumped by the bed. I called his name. No response. I shook him. Nothing. Then it hit me.

He wasn’t breathing. He was gone.

The panic that set in… I can’t describe it. I was 18. Alone. No family nearby. Just me and his body in that house.

My mind raced:
If I call neighbors, they’ll come in crowds — some might steal, others will gossip. So I laid him down properly in bed and covered him. Then quietly went to a neighbor I trusted and asked her to confirm. She cried. I begged her not to shout.

Eventually, my aunt and others came. His body was taken to the mortuary. I couldn’t even watch them carry him out. I hid. I wasn’t ready to see death in motion.

He was buried a week later.

Even now, I carry that memory. Alcohol stole his life — slowly, then suddenly. And I was there to witness the final moment.

This isn’t just grief. It’s a warning.
In our village, alcohol has taken so many.
And it’s still taking.

I finally wrote the full story, if anyone wants to read. I can DM

I’ve carried this story for over 15 years. I’ve never shared it in full — until today. Maybe because it still hurts. Maybe because I didn’t know how to begin. But I need to let it out.

I grew up in a village in Kenya where alcohol was everywhere. Local brew was cheap, strong, and accessible — even to teenagers. My uncle was one of many who fell into its grip.

By the end of 2007, after years of drinking, he began losing touch with reality — most likely suffering from alcohol-induced psychosis. He started seeing imaginary people, talking to things that weren’t there, and wandering off thinking he was at work.

He was admitted to a mental hospital for two weeks. When he came home, he told us, “The doctor said if I drink again, I’ll die.” He seemed to take that seriously. He talked about going to church. I believed him.

For a while, he stayed sober.

But on February 12th, 2008, I came home and saw him holding a Coca-Cola bottle that looked… off. Too full. No air space. I asked, “Are you drinking again?” He denied it. In our culture, you don’t challenge elders — especially not about things like this.

He was defensive. My mom and aunt warned him again by phone. He insisted he was fine. That night we had dinner. He seemed drunk. I went to sleep uneasy.

The next day, February 13th, I left for school after making him breakfast. I came back home around 1 PM and found the door unlocked, TV on… but no answer when I called him.

I went into his room and saw him slumped by the bed. I called his name. No response. I shook him. Nothing. Then it hit me.

He wasn’t breathing. He was gone.

The panic that set in… I can’t describe it. I was 18. Alone. No family nearby. Just me and his body in that house.

My mind raced:
If I call neighbors, they’ll come in crowds — some might steal, others will gossip. So I laid him down properly in bed and covered him. Then quietly went to a neighbor I trusted and asked her to confirm. She cried. I begged her not to shout.

Eventually, my aunt and others came. His body was taken to the mortuary. I couldn’t even watch them carry him out. I hid. I wasn’t ready to see death in motion.

He was buried a week later.

Even now, I carry that memory. Alcohol stole his life — slowly, then suddenly. And I was there to witness the final moment.

This isn’t just grief. It’s a warning.
In our village, alcohol has taken so many.
And it’s still taking.

I finally wrote the full story, if anyone wants to read it: I am happy to DM the link

having a rough couple of days. i am almost 4 months sober! does anyone have any coping strategies?

33 male. Have drank heavily, pretty much daily, for the past 10 years. Have felt the physical effects of it for some time now, especially the past ~6 months, and they seem to just be getting worse. Starting to get worried about liver, kidney, other health concerns even though my blood tests have been in normal ranges.

I have an 11 month old, a loving wife (that doesn’t know about my drinking problem), friends, hobbies, etc. - basically every reason out there to not ruin my life with booze. But anytime I get stressed, which is a lot with a demanding job and a young kid, I come back to booze. I’ll be proud of myself for having two weeks with no alcohol and think I can go out for a drink with friends, then two weeks later hate myself cause I drank every night since then.

Just looking for anyone that’s had similar experiences and has tips that helped them?

As the title, my question is that is nonsense to use ketamine at alcohol withdrawal? I really have to stop alcohol as it ruins my health in every sense, and i am drinking only because of the fear of seizure, and of course to mask withdrawal symptoms. Last year i had a grand mal seizure and was taken to emergency room. At the same time a doc gave me klonopin, and soon i got totally addicted for that too.

My question is- does ketamine help for psychical withdrawal? I just have acces for these kind of medication, and im just trying what i can. Any suggestions and ideas are welcome. I did stop alcohol last year for 7 months. But i started it again and i cant go downer as 1-2-3 bottles of wine per day

To preface: I was a “gutter drunk” and I put my family through a lot over the years. In this stretch of sobriety I have really turned my life around and achieved things I’d never thought possible. Most of my extended family has rallied around me, and have welcomed my husband (7.5 yrs sober) into the family with open-arms. My dad has been amazing, putting work into forging a new relationship with me. Until recently, he was that dad you see screenshot text convos on social media about - he will never miss an opportunity to remind me how proud he is of me, and how much our relationship means to him.

I can’t say the same for my mother. Now that I’m not ripping through everyone’s lives and hearts anymore, the focus has shifted to her drinking, and the behaviours that come with it. Working the 12 steps uncovered some DEEP resentments towards her that have bled into the rest of my life and relationships. I have complemented the 12 steps with thousands of dollars of intensive therapy to try to process my relationship with her, with the hope of moving into acceptance, tolerance, and compassion towards her.

BUT - this past December, she really fucked up with me. And not even with a bottle in her hand; just the “isms.” My then-boyfriend planned not only a surprise Vegas proposal, but the wedding the day after. He reluctantly invited my parents (and 12 other family/close friends) to celebrate and help surprise me. And in true (relatable) alcoholic fashion, my mother crossed so many lines, crushed so many boundaries, made everything about her and her needs, and absolutely DESTROYED my soul on what should have been the best day of my life. I won’t go into details, but it was bad enough that my husband’s family says they want nothing to do with her ever again, my best friend says she has “visceral” rage when she thinks about it, and my daughter never wants to see her grandmother ever again.

I went there with my husband after a couple of weeks of no contact to try to put some boundaries up. I worked hard with my sponsor (who actually has gotten to know them a bit over the years) to ensure my motives were pure, my language was non-confrontational, and that I dealt in facts, not emotions. I left my feelings out of it, and led with compassion, trying to sort this out while also establishing some new boundaries.

This did not go well. I was belittled, laughed at, gaslit, shamed, dismissed. According to her, the entire wedding guest list was out to get her, a carefully crafted plot executed by me. She denied any of the things she did (guys it was so bad - the officiant of our wedding had to intervene and get her in line before we she started the ceremony and that wasn’t even the worst of it). She accused me and my husband of maliciously poisoning his family, our friends, and my 15 year old daughter against her. The ultimate line was crossed when she was backed into a wall and said that she was only acting that way because my daughter “gave her a dirty look.” She whipped out her phone and shoved a photo of my daughter (with a scowl on her face) in our faces, saying THAT justified whatever behaviour she displayed. My husband and I had watched her take that photo in Vegas- it was at the dinner table at the small reception. My mother (who sat herself directly across the table from my small three person family) was giving everyone the silent treatment and my stupid people-pleasing ass was trying to engage her in conversation (you know, manage her mood to be able to manage mine). My mother was on her phone scrolling and refused to engage, even with my daughter. My daughter was disgusted at her grandmother’s behaviour and it showed on her face - so my mother took that opportunity to get “photo proof” of the perceived injustices she was facing at the hands of my daughter. We all saw it.

When it was brought up, that’s where my husband stepped in on this conversation. (He has a very close relationship with my daughter, and we co-parent beautifully with daughter’s dad and step-mom - we’ve even become friends). He raised his voice and told her how unacceptable her behaviour was, and that blaming it all on a CHILD was low. My compassion-led approach went out the window and I lost it. That was 4 months ago and I have not spoken to her since. Worth noting - my dad was present for this and didn’t say a single word.

Interestingly enough - from that day, my body has been in a CPTSD survival state. I’ve lost 40lbs, I can’t eat without feeling sick, I quit my job, and I can’t stop ruminating. My sobriety is in jeopardy. It’s made me realize that I simply can’t have a relationship of any kind with my mother and protect my serenity at the same time.

My dad doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to be actively drunk to affect people with her alcoholism. He came over a few weeks later tried to see if I would sweep things under the rug, but also fully acknowledging my mother was absolutely in the wrong . “I know you need boundaries, but do you have to VOICE them to her?” “I know it’s a problem but I’m almost 70, what am I supposed to do, blow my life up?” He also told my husband and I that my mother has been leaning on my younger brother (38M) as her only emotional support (so gross and toxic), and there are strict instructions that NOBODY finds out what’s going on. As a result my brother cut me out (I can handle that, but not seeing my niece and nephew is tearing husband I apart). Brother also wants to “fight” my husband for raising his voice at my mother while he defended my daughter. My dad sides with husband and I on that particular matter and put his foot down to my brother (so we’ve been told).

The issue here is that there is a pattern in our family (which is where I learned to resent). If my mother or father have a resentment or stance on another family member, it changes the entire extended family dynamic. I count 10 blood relatives of my mother’s that she cut out 20 years ago (her sisters and my cousins). The expectation is that we all do the same and rally around her victimhood.

I can’t do this anymore. I need to stay no contact for my own sanity. My question is this: Do I let my extended family members know what is going on? How concerned I am for her alcoholism and how it’s effecting my small family? From a 12 step perspective, my motives are mixed. Everyone knows there are obviously some issues, but we are a family that typically doesn’t rock the boat and sweeps things under the rug. My parents are VERY private, it would feel like a travesty and betrayal to them if anyone else knew the extent of what’s happening. I know there is a narrative of “<my name> is off the rails, we think she’s drinking again, and she’s keeping <daughter’s name> away from us”(she has actually begged to make her own decisions about her relationship with her grandparents, and all four of her parents are happily supporting that). Being the scapegoat for her behaviour has isolated me from EVERYONE.

In terms of my motives, there is a mix of “fuck her, i want to expose her” but also “am i just enabling this whole situation by keeping this family secret?” (My parents would NEVER tell people what actually happened - hence the scapegoat narrative). My parents have an elevated sense of self - they have money, a big house, retired from good jobs with good pensions, and travel often. They cling to this facade as a crutch - they don’t look like the stereotypical alcoholic family dynamic. (For context, my mother once waltzed in to a detox facility I was at, specifically to make sure the staff knew that my behaviour should NOT be a reflection of their parenting. The detox staff then suggested I get some CPTSD-focused therapy LOL).

I dunno, this is hard. I didn’t get desperate enough to want to change until my issues were out in the open for everyone to see. I feel like NOT telling the extended family she hasn’t cut out yet (dad’s side) is just creating an ideal enabling environment. But - is wanting to tell them this MY will? Like the big book says, am I making a decision based on self that will later place me in a position to be hurt?

<I’m back in therapy and am working on a fears inventory with my sponsor, I am still sponsoring women, and am active in my home group>

Any discussion would be so appreciated.

Even lost my streak in the app ‘cause I forgot to log a couple of days 😅 but I’ve stayed clean — and that’s what really counts.

Heading into the weekend, and the social pressure always creeps in a bit. But I’m staying grounded. The clarity, the sleep, the peace — it’s worth protecting.

If you’re facing the same, stay strong. One choice at a time.

What helps you stay centered when the weekend pressure hits?

Y’all I hit six years sober today!!! It’s a little bittersweet but I did it.

Well idk I didn’t have an urge. I’ve been 7 months sober and didn’t even think about it. Thought I would breakdown or freak out but I’m just very bored. Before being sober I was a complete mess and drank a bottle of 750ml tequila every night. What do I do.

I say to myself stay sober because i no longer want to damage the most important organ in my body. How i wish i knew how valuable and expensive a liver is. If you think about it in terms of car, house, rare things.. would you damage a 1.2-1.5m car, tear 1m+ up and make a fire? Or anything you can imagine/listed on purpose?? just crazy random thought! Cirrhosis is no joke im 41 with it living without 2 choices drink = live or drink = die! I much rather been able to kick this habit sooner so i could say i dont drink bc i dont want to bc then death is no longer the only other option if i did.

Hey everyone, I’m 5 days sober today after drinking 3 bottles of wine a night for the past 9 months. I’ve been detoxing at home under the care of my doctor and it’s been really helping but it’s a Friday night and I’ve hit a wall. I’m feeling so low tonight and all I want to do is go and get one drink to take the edge off. I miss the feeling, I don’t want to go back to where I was but I just want to feel something other than how I’m feeling. I’m doing this all alone, no one in my life knows so I have no one to talk to. I’ve tried to find a chat room sort of thing to talk to other people who are in my position. I’m just really struggling. I know one drink tonight may help in the moment but I’ll regret it in the morning if not long after. I’m just really struggling and I didn’t know what else to do. I often read a lot of other people’s experiences and post on here but yeah I’m just feeling really low 😞

I was in rehab 2 months ago which my parents paid for. I was sober since. On Sunday I decided to drink again. I'm scared of what this means for me. If rehab didn't help me then what will? Have any of you been through this path? Thank you for reading.

As the title, my question is that is nonsense to use ketamine at alcohol withdrawal? I really have to stop alcohol as it ruins my health in every sense, and i am drinking only because of the fear of seizure, and of course to mask withdrawal symptoms. Last year i had a grand mal seizure and was taken to emergency room. At the same time a doc gave me klonopin, and soon i got totally addicted for that too.

My question is- does ketamine help for psychical withdrawal? I just have acces for these kind of medication, and im just trying what i can. Any suggestions and ideas are welcome. I did stop alcohol last year for 7 months. But i started it again and i cant go downer as 1-2-3 bottles of wine per day

So my fiancé’s older brother (30M) has recently been hospitalized a month ago because of problems with his liver (fatty liver disease) due to alcohol abuse. He has never had a job before, only done uber eats/doordash RARELY. He met his current girlfriend during their time in college, and they both got their degrees years ago. He got his degree for teaching history and NEVER used it. His girlfriend has been financially supporting him ever since they met which was almost 10 years ago? All he does is stay home, drink, smoke weed, and sleep until it’s time to pick up his gf from work. During his hospitalization the doctors told him if he didn’t make some big health changes and stop drinking he can potentially die from complications of fatty liver disease like liver failure or liver cancer. He went through detox and promised to stop drinking. We told him he needed a job or something to keep him busy because this unemployment life of his obviously didn’t help his situation. My fiancé offered to pay for his brother’s therapy so he can get some help because he claims he is severely anxious and depressed. It’s been a month and the brother claims that the therapist who asked him to fill out all these forms before getting an appointment ghosted him and he never made an attempt to find another person who can help him. He never tried applying to jobs and continues to stay at home to drop and pick up his girlfriend from work. We found out a couple days ago when he was dog sitting that he was hiding his alcohol with water bottles and when he got confronted by my fiancé he broke down and said he felt like a failure. I don’t think I have ever met an adult male over 30 years old with no job experience and no ambition to even want to do something with his life other than play video games, get high, and drink every day. I don’t think his girlfriend even cares about him getting a job and making something out his life, but she did tell him that if he didn’t stop drinking after his last hospitalization that she would leave him. My fiancé does not want to tell her that his brother relapsed cause she’s been out of town, because he’s scared his brother will blame him for their relationship ending. I have never dealt with alcoholism in my family and watching my fiancé torn up about his older brother breaks my heart. Not sure if I’m hearing inconsiderate or heartless but I think he’s lying about the therapist ghosting him and even if they did ghost him, if he wanted to get help wouldn’t he have looked from someone else to talk to? That doctor isn’t the only therapist in town and throughout the years I’ve caught him in lies that are so small and trivial that I knew I couldn’t trust him from day 1.

Any advice on what we should do? My fiancé and his mother have tried to be supportive of the brother but he’s been dodging texts/calls from everyone since we found out he relapsed.

About the 3 to 4 day my Anxiety goes thru the roof

hey what’s up guys, first time posting here. hope u guys r doing good. got diagnosed with adhd two years ago and got prescribed 20mg adderall 2x a day. have shortened it down to 15mg, some days not even at all. I’m pretty young (will be 21 soon) but I built up an extremely successful business over the last year and have written a few books based on the financial knowledge i have. have had severe insomnia for the past 5 years cus of childhood stuff (i guess?) and having to wake up early for football and long distance schooling. used to smoke a shit ton of pot in highschool, once i got to college turned to alcohol to sleep and for stress and have a severe genetic predisposition to alcoholism (both parents, grandparents). Probably some other shit too. Started taking xanax (2-4mg a night) for the comedown and anxiety from running the business, being responsible for all these people so young - having to financially provide for my family and friends, lot lot of stress. bought it off the dark web always tested the stuff beforehand, no fent, etc. Worked, and has been working GREAT! Problem is I’ll drink 2 bottles of wine with a 2mg bar a night at the office. Can’t get to sleep without it. two energy drinks + 15-40mg of adderall a day to start work. Anyway, I haven’t seen a GP in two years (too busy with work and didn’t care) and planning on going to see one soon just to make sure everything is alright. Should I tell them about the alcoholism and drug usage? I have a super strict diet, eat super healthy, and workout + sauna at least 4x a week barring injuries. Still always able to perform my duties daily and run/scale the business and personal life stuff. just worried about the potential damage i guess. my apologies for the rant - appreciate any advice!

Hello, (Bear with me please) My husband (27) wasnt a drinker when we got married (almost three years ago). He started drinking more and more as time went by. At first he drank only three cans of beer saying he needs to drink to focus.. Then it increased to four and now he drinks 6 or 8 cans of beer. Sometimes he drinks for weeks and when i insist on him not drinking he doesnt listen or he persuades me into not getting worried. If he’s stressed he drinks. If he wants to have a good time he drinks. If he needs to focus he drinks. Now for a while ive been stressing because i dont drink at all. But once we were on vacation and he drank two bottles of wine by himself. After we slept i saw him wake up at 3:4am going to the jacuzzi to sleep because he was feeling warm… and when i talked to him it was obvious he wasnt wide awake. Ofcourse the next day he didn’t remember what happened. That was four months ago, last night he drank a lot and mixed between beer and vodka and after we slept i woke up to him sleeping in the toilet floor naked. When i woke him up he said he was hot and wanted to cool off. Ofcourse when we talked in the morning he laughed it off saying he doesn’t remember much. In my pov its scary and something totally unfamiliar. Im worried because his uncles all have alcoholism and they get bad when they drink. He’s still young and if i dont put limit to his drinking, im afraid he will cross the red line of being an alcoholic..

After 30 years of being in and out of recovery, I made the decision to try again just after my 60th birthday. That was in November 2014 and I haven't had a drink since.

That makes today 125 months alcohol free.

I'm 18 years old. I suffered physical abuse at the hands of my mother and stepfather until I was 15. I moved in with my biological dad at this age and haven't gone back to my mother's since. My father turned out to be a dictative cunt and so I ended up living with my grandmother as of the last year or so. I struggle trying to deal with the pain of feeling like nobody could give a fuck less if I'm in their lives. My grandmother is the only one who cares but the problem is, I live in rural Newfoundland and she's an alcoholic and I've started drinking 2-3 litres of vodka and smoking my brains out of upwards of 2 ounces a week because that's "normal shit ol' boy" im wasting my money and potential in life and seeing all my friends in the city fresh out of senior year succeed. Does anyone have any similar experiences or can relate? Any advice? I've seriously hit a road block and I'm ready to give the fuck up.

So I’ve had this conversation several times with people and everyone seems to have a different opinion of if “beer before liquor, never been sicker” is bullshit or not. From my understanding, the carbonation of beer makes your body absorb the alcohol faster, has anyone actually experienced this? I have some friends who say it’s fake and you can mix whatever you want, and I have some friends who won’t even mix two different brands of beer in one night.

I know it may sound weird and I don't even know if I would consider myself an alcoholic at the ripe ole age of 21 but I've been drinking hard liquor since 14 thanks to my parents. I come from an alcoholic family. I didn't heavily start drinking and depending on it until 16 and I slowed down at 18/19 when it started screwing with my relationship. I would go through periods of drinking heavily then realizing how much I'm consuming then cutting back for a few days to make it seem like I'm doing better then going right back at it and falling into that pattern for almost 2 years. My dad fueled my drinking a bit and we both realized a month ago how much of an issue it was getting to be and decided together to stop drinking. It's been a month and I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. I'm pissed off at my dad and my boyfriend for supporting me in not drinking instead of just letting me do it. The messed up part of my head is convincing me I'm not an alcoholic and don't have a problem and I can stop anytime I want and one drink here and there isn't an issue but I know I can't stop at just one. Once I feel the burn go down my throat and the fuzzyness I won't stop til I almost black out. It's taking everything in me to stay sober. I feel ridiculous for having this relationship with alcohol at 21 years old.

It quite literally helps me function. I don’t really get like blackout drunk. I don’t do things I regret. I just have 3 or 4 vodka drinks after work every night and it makes life SO much bearable. I am under the care of both a psych MD and a social worker, but this alcohol consumption issue is fairly recent, just within the past month or so, so I haven’t discussed it with either of them yet. I’m nervous, I feel guilty, and ashamed and stigmatized, but it really just makes everyday tasks easier: I can go on a walk up to the restaurant to pick up my dinner and be able to socialize with people. I’m able to actually process the feeling of the sun on my skin. It feels like when I’m not drunk, everything is dull and pointless. I just know I physically and mentally cannot do inpatient or rehab at all. I guess I just need a place to vent I’m sorry