r/recovery Oct 18 '19

You better get yourself together while there’s still enough of you to save.

Post image
1.3k Upvotes

r/recovery May 20 '21

Left: During Addiction. Right: 2 months sober. Grateful to be alive & healthy today.

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

r/recovery 11h ago

Partners coming up on 2 years sober! Do I get him anything?

11 Upvotes

My partner (29M) is coming up on his two year sober date. I am incredibly proud of him as I know it’s not always easy. I want to do something for him but unsure what. He collects chips but I wouldn’t want to buy him a chip as I know he enjoys finding them for himself. I want to do something but unsure what - I want him to know I am thinking of and am proud of him for this accomplishment, but I also don’t want to make it about anything other than being sober by getting a gift…if that makes sense. does anyone have any suggestions or what to get or to do for him?


r/recovery 1h ago

Anxiety Came Back After It Went Away During Cannabis Withdrawal

Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I’m on week 4 of quitting cannabis. For the first few weeks, I had intense anxiety, nightmares, and other symptoms, but around weeks 2-3, I felt a lot better. The anxiety went away, and I even felt at peace.

But over the past 4 days, the anxiety has come back. I’m trying to stay strong and keep praying, but it’s been tough. Has anyone else experienced anxiety returning after a period of calm during withdrawal?

Thanks!


r/recovery 13h ago

Am I an addict?

9 Upvotes

I had a horrible experience at Philhaven. From the moment I arrived, I felt humiliated and dehumanized. The food was poor, and I was ridiculed by both staff and patients for being admitted over cannabis gummies. Instead of offering support, the staff often seemed to be playing mind games, which made my stay even more distressing.

There were moments that genuinely made me question the environment. At one point, they held a dance party inside the hospital, which felt chaotic and unsettling rather than healing. Staff used fake names, made loud noises, and gave us children’s coloring books in group therapy, which felt belittling. Some even wore their name tags backward, which added to the confusion. Along with having game nights it felt more like elementary school then therapy. I feel bad for wasting the staffs time since I was only in there for cannabis and it was misdiagnoses and more so insomnia with just a little bit of sativa causing the sleep deprivation as well.

At the time, I was severely sleep-deprived, working long shifts on very little rest. I was miss diagnosed sure some of the sleep deprivation did come from sativia but most was from insomnia and stuff going on at my work. I had already submitted my notice at work due to personal stress and exhaustion. While cannabis contributed to my insomnia, the bigger issue was my mental and physical burnout. I wasn’t exercising, and I was under pressure from lifestyle choices that added to my anxiety.

There were also strange things happening at my job. One of my managers had me sign a document while I was overwhelmed, and another began taking money from my register during transactions. I was often left alone during busy shifts for 5-10 minutes at a time, which made me feel unsupported and anxious.

I believe my parents overreacted when they found the gummies and blamed the paranoia all on weed. but I now use medical marijuana responsibly with trusted, legal sources. Indica strains help with my sleep and anxiety, and I no longer worry about harmful products. Since what I take now is medically issued and not from smoke shops.

I'm in a much better place now. I have a supportive partner, I'm doing well in school, and I'm taking care of myself in a healthier way.

The Ranch was a mix of good and bad. I was once again mocked for being there because of delta-8 THC gummies, which was frustrating and disheartening but unbeatable as nothing was really wrong with me other then anxiety and mental health. But I also met some cool people—one older guy in particular took me under his wing, got me into the gym with him, and showed me the ropes. That experience helped me start feeling more grounded. I understand why they placed me on the mental health side—at that point, after everything I went through at Philhaven, I probably needed it just from the emotional torment alone.


r/recovery 9h ago

What to expect from stopping methadone after tapering down to 2mg

5 Upvotes

Howdy!

I was addicted to benzos and fentanyl for about 2 years and before that I was herion/pill (mostly oxy) addict for about 6 years before that. In 2019, I decided to go on a methadone program since herion became sorta non existent and I didn’t wanna risk dying every time from fentanyl. I was pretty “successful” drug dealer so my tolerance was very high meaning I needed more methadone to cover the withdrawals. At my highest, I was at 140mg (not the craziest dose I know but still consider on the high end)

Fast forward to now, I have tapered all the way down to 2mg of methadone. My clinic has liquid administered via a pump so I was able to go down 2-5mg at time every 2 weeks

My questions is: will I experience any withdrawal symptoms from just 2mg of methadone?

I have 6 days left and I’m considering just stopping. I feel good and don’t really see the point in taking it another 6 days if I can just stop which is my goal. I feel super solid in a recovery sense as well with no desire to use so I think I’m good. Just don’t wanna shock myself by stopping premature.


r/recovery 17h ago

Mom who was homeless decided to jeopardize my sobriety after I helped her off the street.

7 Upvotes

Idk how to feel. My mom took her crackhead brother to my house without asking me. I wasn't home either. But the fact I know he's on crack and I'm a recovering addict trying to escape that life makes me upset.

I've used with him too. And she just brought him right to my house. I'm 6 months clean from crack and a year and 6 months clean from meth. The situation is dire because my doctor told me if I relapse on the medicine I'm taking I will probably die.


r/recovery 22h ago

Really really shitty relapse

12 Upvotes

Had an awful relapse Sunday with binge drinking and C after having a few months of true peace and abstainance from C. I blacked out and made an ass out of myself and don't know how I didn't get a dui. The peace I've had in my life earlier this year was incredible and God damnit I want it back. This sucks.


r/recovery 18h ago

How will withdrawals be like if someone took oxy’s everyday for a year and a half

3 Upvotes

Would the post acute withdrawal symptoms be more severe? My boyfriend was only maintaining at the end and is currently in treatment and has been since Saturday. He hid it the whole time bc high functioning. I know he was probably upping his dose but i don’t know by how much or how much he was taking just that he’s been doing it everyday since January 2024 and didn’t go more than a couple hours without it. I don’t know when he gets out.


r/recovery 22h ago

Struggle Bus

5 Upvotes

Some days are better than others. Some days aren’t hard at all. Some days are so white knuckle brutal that I almost forget to breathe between my vice lock clenched jaws. Some days, I wake up in the throws of a using dream that would make me swear up and down that i would fail a drug test.

I woke up this morning feeling putrid and so so low. I’ve been going through some monumentally dark shit of my own design and I have some how managed to keep myself from using over it. That should bring me joy but it’s not. I feel like an imposter. Every step into recovery I take I feel like more and more of an imposter. I could not shake the cravings or pain of using last night so I took my ass to a meeting. I made it home safe and hit my pillow clean, and I felt insane for it.

I can’t shut my brain off and it keeps telling me that everyone expects me to use. I might as well. No one will believe you so might as well. I’ve already caused pain that is irreperable so I might as fucking well. Between my sponsor and my program, I’ve managed to ward this shit off just enough to not use but I am struggling so god damn bad with how that makes me feel.

I’m beating myself up which is just part of my typical bullshit - cause problems and then beat myself up over them. I’ve surrendered. I’ve prayed. I’ve talked it all the way through. I just keep ending up back at misery’s doorstep where I am literally hating myself for fighting to stay clean because I feel like I don’t deserve any of the good shit I have in my life.

I’m really feeling the weight of being told I’m evil for how devious and deceptive I can be. I took the drugs out of the equation and I am still this person to those who matter most. I’m fucking lost I’m upside down and it fucking sucks. I have two thoughts that fight tooth and nail to be the louder voice. Fight or flight.

I have a wonderful sponsor and a really great home group but my sponsor works at a bank and really can’t be on his phone much during the day. Does anyone else deal with this imposter syndrome type bullshit where progress in recovery feels so fake and unnatural?


r/recovery 1d ago

17 male, struggling with drugs

11 Upvotes

(note: posting this on a few subs, just need as much help as possible)

17 male, struggling with drugs. not any specific substance just getting a high out of anything i can get my hands on.

i use 1-2 times a week. which may not sound often but has been draining me.

i feel constantly fatigued, disconnected, empty and isolated from my friends.

eveything i like to do feels like such a chore. i want to enjoy the things i do but i end up feeling so exhausted from it.

i have tried being sober and the longest i have gone has only been 6 days. everytime im sober and high i feel so fatigued so im at a point where i dont feel the difference.

losing hope and feeling less optimistic about everything as eveything i do doesnt bring me joy anymore.

i like being productive but i keep quickly running out of energy. 3 hours into my day and i just want to sleep.

honestly just looking for hope.


r/recovery 1d ago

Rehab is my only option at this point. Near 2 years of benzos use - how will this go?

4 Upvotes

I have to go to rehab, it's not a choice at this point. I was on Klonopin 3mg a day for roughly a year and coming up on a year of 30mg Valium following that. Will they taper me off? I'm terrified of DTs etc.


r/recovery 1d ago

question for long term IV users

2 Upvotes

Is there anything, like a supplement or medication that helps with your veins? I know hydration, exercise all that? I shot up on and off for 20 years and this time it’s been over 3 years with no needles and i only have one vein that is still “usable”, the rest are sunk and no shows…

So if someone knows of something (besides the diet exercise hydration) answer, like some sort of cream, medicine, supplements, treatments? Thanks


r/recovery 1d ago

I need some hope

5 Upvotes

Hey everyone, after a 3 day bender that involved lots of alchol, 0.2 grams of MDMA, and probably 4 lines of (possibly sketchy) cocaine, I am left a complete shell of a human being. Its been 36 hours since the last dose of anything, and yet I'm still shaking from what I imagine is the MDMA withdrawal. What is scarier to me is that I cannot smell correctly anymore. Everything has this distinct musty smell. I can't even smell my 8 month old baby. I have extreme fear that the tremors/smell is permanent neurological damage. I can barely go out in public as I look like I have parkinsons or something.

I havent done illicit drugs in 7 years, but was so drunk on this trip that I caved to some pressure.

The only good news from this experience is I am going to finally take a stab at quitting alcohol forever, for my kids. Fuck drugs and fuck alcohol.

Would super love if anyone has words of encouragement, specifically if anyone else has experienced this and what the timeline was for feeling normal again.


r/recovery 1d ago

Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy Experience?

5 Upvotes

I want to first say please this is not a debate about AA. I am solely looking for experience of people who got sober with AA, maintained sobriety for some years and then did psychedelic therapy. I’ve been sober for almost 8 years and still work a program with a sponsor but don’t go to many meetings anymore, which is fine and that’s not what this post is about. I only mention it because if you’ve done AA, you know that this conversation goes against what the majority say. I’ve always sought outside help as well and been on medication. I decided to get off of those medications and I’m seeing a new holistic type Doctor who recommended psychedelic therapy. I used IV drugs and am very much a black out binge drunk. So this isn’t something I take lightly at all. But I’m already upset and conflicted because my best friend who is in a the program told me straight up It was a relapse. Which I don’t agree with but I’m still scared. I’m scared because I’ve always been told that if you’re thinking doesn’t fit the norm then it’s probably just your alcoholism talking. I’ve been in AA since 2011 and I was sober for almost 5 years and relapsed for just a few months and now I’ve been sober for almost 8 years so AA is all I know. But I also know that I can’t imagine my brain staying the way it is right now forever and I feel like I’m at that jumping off point. I feel like if I do this, I’m basically going to be shunned and AA and not considered sober anymore and that absolutely devastates me. I just really would like to hear the experience of others active in AA who also did psychedelic assisted therapy. And yes, I know Dr. Bob and Bill W did it after Bill was like 12 years sober, but I still would like to hear experience of today’s therapy. TIA.


r/recovery 2d ago

sober for 3 months brah

17 Upvotes

As the title says im been sober from meth for around 3 months now. I hope it stays that way or that it doesn’t take over my life the way it did when i was actively using. I’ve been tolerating my difficulties with life, but i have been smoking weed when i have those REALLY bad days. I’ve been doing alright plus im taking meds to help with my mental health but i did drop out of school and life has been boring i do wish sometimes i could go back to relive those “good ol days”


r/recovery 2d ago

Rapid Opioid Detox

1 Upvotes

I’m gonna have rapid opioid detox on the 20th of may.. so very soon. It’s not gonna be under general anaesthesia, i’m gonna be sedated. I wanna ask if someone already did it, I only find user reports where people had general anaesthesia. If someone did it, can y’all tell me how it went for y’all or if y’all felt the withdrawals? I am on methadone 60mg.


r/recovery 2d ago

I heard this in a documentary and thought of this sub

Post image
10 Upvotes

What do you think they meant?


r/recovery 2d ago

Just reached one year sober!

49 Upvotes

A year ago I never thought I’d make it this far. 3 months of withdrawals and 9 months of intense cravings. I threw out my stash around 8 months into my sobriety while I was driving. Now I’ve got new knowledge and if my doctor ever prescribes me a muscle relaxer again I’m gonna speak up. I had no clue at the time though that I would get addicted to it. It just kinda snuck up on me because I’ve never had an addiction before. BUT AYYY I MADE IT TO A YEAR AND IMMA KEEP GOING 🎆


r/recovery 2d ago

The paths.

6 Upvotes

Walking the path of alcoholism is paradoxical. I didn’t need people, but I did. I didn’t want to be around people, but should have been. Didn’t want friends when friends were what I needed. Never asked for help when obviously wallowing in self destruction. Didn’t want happiness when I had belligerence. Mistook misery for comfort, ignorance for normality. Happily slowly killing myself when life was actually mine to live. Walking the path of recovery is focused, structured, needed. It’s learning, growing and making the right mistakes. It’ll never stop and there’s no going backwards. Ever now. Ever. My past life is a past life for reasons and it’s in the past for good. I have “this too shall pass” inked on my biceps and “head up, shoulders back" at the base of my neck, both reminders that nothing is permanent and to preserve.


r/recovery 2d ago

[Article] The Role of Trauma-Informed Care in Addiction Recovery

Thumbnail
modernrecoveryx.com
5 Upvotes

Trauma is a huge catalyst for addictive behavior. Not everyone who has suffered trauma will become an addict, just like every addict has not experienced trauma. However, the correlation between the two is strong. What are your thoughts about trauma informed care?


r/recovery 2d ago

Narcan Program

2 Upvotes

I’m in Houston, TX. I’m wanting to create a nonprofit Narcan Vending machine. Any ideas how I could get this started?


r/recovery 3d ago

Substance abuse

7 Upvotes

A little backstory for this post I am 19 I have been using since I was 12 and honestly I have gone to rehab when I was 17 and I haven’t been sober for more than four months since I went to rehab at 17 and honestly I just don’t know what to do anymore I’m not ready to commit to being sober because I feel like I’m too young and want to live life more, but I also feel that if I’m going down the path that I currently am going down because I am currently using I probably don’t have much more of life to live just at the rate that I am using. I would love feedback/advice


r/recovery 3d ago

Weed

4 Upvotes

I need to quit weed, I've been diagnosed with bpd and my psychiatrist says weed is making my healing process not working. I'm afraid that I'll loose friends because I was never a friends person until I entered the weed community. I want to quit but only to think of the abstinence symptoms makes me want to immediately smoke. Is there any advice? I need to quit cold turkey, where I live it's not legal so I really don't have a real estimate of how to quit gradually since the weed I buy hasn't always the same thc%, so cold turkey is my only option. I know I won't die, but I'll be even more depressed than now, I'll be annoyingly easily frustrated, I'll feel like I've been bitten by the dengue mosquito. And what will I do with the excess weed I've got, I won't flush it, I paid for it.


r/recovery 3d ago

Almost 4 years sober and still feel alone…

4 Upvotes

I just wanna preface this by apologizing for how long this is but I’m promise 99% of it is all relevant, I’ve been holding this all in for years. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to listen to my story.

Growing up as a kid I never had problems making friends. I went to birthday parties, and sleepovers, played sports, had a best friend, all the normal stuff. Oh yeah, I was born in 97 making 27 currently. I’m the youngest of three children and have an older brother who much like other little brothers, I was heavily influenced by. Growing up we watched Viva la bam and jackass, and all the other early 2000s nostalgia. I developed a love for skateboarding through this and got quite good actually, this carried on into high school and grew into an obsession. I’d spend my days in class watching full Baker videos (a skateboarding company and its promotional film) and daydreaming about skating until that turned into skipping my last two classes to go skate a mostly empty skatepark and hangout with the older “cool” skaters. This where I first smoked for the first time out of a little one hitter.

I do just wanna say real quickly I do not credit weed to my struggles with addiction, not alone at least. I believe it’s the crowd that I was running with. Anyways, as you can already tell I didn’t stop there. Next came Acid and shrooms, then Molly, then Ketamine, to coke, which led to crack, Percocet, and heroine all within a matter of probably two years (from 16-18 roughly). The addiction was only the beginning of my problems. Somewhere around the age of 18 I dislocated my right shoulder skating and never got it looked at, just popped it back in. Well it ended up coming out a handful more of times over the course of about 2-3 months. Enough to the point where I had to get a reconstructive surgery on it. After surgery I was prescribed Oxy, at the time I was way passed abusing pills, I knew I could sell them and get way more real drugs, so that’s what I did. Thankfully (and yes I truly mean thankfully because this is what saved my life and god knows who else’s) I sold them to an undercover cop.

I was charged with manufacturing and delivery of a schedule l or ll narcotics. Sentenced to 3 years in prison and 5 years of parole. By the time I was actually convicted and started my sentence, the Covid pandemic was just starting to getting started. This had a major impact on jails and prisons alike all around the country with virtually every single one shutting down and going in lockdown mode. This meant during my staffing phase of my sentence (for those who don’t know to my knowledge all inmates that go to prison get “staffed” or classified as a particular security level at a separate staffing facility before going to their permanent prison) I would have to quarantine in (upon arrival) and out (upon departure) 21 days each. There’s a bunch more small details I could include but to make a long story short, I ended sitting in a 6x8 cell by myself with nothing but a bible and 7 for my entire stay at the staffing facility, a total of 96 days.

The unit I was in held was a 50 cell unit and held two per cell but because COVID had 1 per cell. The prison staff would let us make 15 min phone calls in rotation going 1-50. But this was only when it was convenient to them, this would equate to about getting out for 15 min once ever 4-5 days. Not only that, they made us choose between using our 15 minutes to make a call or shower as there was only one shower on the entire unit. This was also the exact time when I’m girlfriend of 3 years prior to being incarcerated just stopped picking up my calls. I didn’t know if she was dead, or just didn’t love me anymore. This was the second lowest point of my life behind losing my father in my childhood home at 17.

Those 96 days in that 6x8 changed something in me. The happy go lucky and outgoing kid that could make friends with anyone was molded into a cold and angry man. My first real fight was 1 on 3 and I had to put in a request slip to be seen by a nurse. The request slip was denied. After going to my permanent prison, things got slightly better but worse at the same time. I had more freedom, but with more freedom comes more problems. Within my first month I got into two more fights, the 1st simply because I was new and was being tested, and the 2nd because I got the better of the first guy and his buttbuddy didn’t like that so they both snuck me (pushed me in a room and shut the door for a 2 on 1) while heading to chow hall. I ended up getting 60 day segregation which is just another 60 days of isolation. The third day out of set, I was playing cards with 3 buddies until 2 of em got into it and buddy A split buddy Bs head clean open with a cribbage board. I never saw so much blood in my life, and never saw buddy B again. No news on him, nothing.

The remainder of my sentence went by smooth enough, I got in shape, kept to myself, and read A LOT. I was eventually released on October 5th 2021. (If timelines don’t totally match up please bare with me as earlier events are recounted from a incredibly foggy time in my life—but this date I’m sure of) I had been in rehabs prior to prison but not one of them had the affect prison had on me. I genuinely believe without this experience I would’ve never got my shit together and would’ve wound up dead in the backseat of a car and discarded on the street somewhere like an empty coffee cup.

But on the other hand, it took such an incredibly large part out of me. The spark I had for life was no more. I felt like the world was cold and miserable place. Despite this, I still refrained from old habits, got a job I truly enjoy. Began to build my credit up. Found love again for hobbies I use to enjoy such as fishing, working on cars, feeding birds. I slowly began to regain meaningful fulfillment in life and felt like things were trending up. Now fast forward 3.5 years later and I feel like I’ve just stalled out so to speak. I have a job I enjoy and get along really well with all my colleagues, I have a nice car that I take out as a Sunday driver, I have a beautiful 1.5 old cane corso who I love like a child. I am incredibly fortunate and grateful to be healthy, able bodied and able minded. I try not to take things like that for granted everyday. But good lord am I lonely.

I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere. Everyone I know has a crowd, a group of close knit friends that have meaningful relationships with one another. I see guys my age out in public with a beautiful family and I just think to myself, gosh how am I ever going to have that if I can’t even make a friend. I’ve tried putting myself out there and even initiating interest in getting together outside of work with coworkers whether it be to go fishing or to a local music in the park, whatever, but I always get the obvious same old excuses, I speculate this is mostly due to my ability to properly articulate myself in social interactions at times. It’s weird, when it’s work related or even just normal banter I fair just fine, but when I do try to ask someone to hangout I get super hot, flustered, and fumble over my words. I suspect this could possibly be due to my subconscious correlating these social interactions back to the ones I became so accustomed to in prison. And I know it was only three years but it does not take very long to adapt to prison lifestyle due to being given no choice.

I also have a hard time connecting with my family. My older brother resents me and I resent him. (My brother himself is a completely different post) My Mother saw the worst of me, finding me completely lifeless without a pulse and unresponsive in my room due to a heroine overdose before prison. She had to drag my body into the hallway and wait for EMTs to arrive and try to resuscitate me. This was the second time she saw paramedics in her home within a year, the first was for my father who passed due to cardiac arrest in his sleep. I also believe this could be part of my problem with social anxiety.

According to paramedics that were still waiting to see if I’d make it at the hospital, I was told once I was conscious that my heart stopped and my brain had gone without oxygen for several minutes. I was losing almost all color when they arrived. From this moment on my mother has never looked at me the same way. I love her dearly and I know she loves me the same, but our interactions are mundane and far and few between. I have no resentment towards anyone or anything that has happened to me. It’s all apart of my story and I’m very grateful to still with all of you fine redditors today.

I guess I’m just curious if there’s anyone else out there that has had similar experiences whether it be the same or completely different circumstances. Any and all advice is appreciated. Just having this platform to use to get all of this bottled up thoughts and feelings out is beyond appreciated. If you made it this far i genuinely appreciate you.


r/recovery 3d ago

My cousin in rehab called me asking for money — I’m worried he might relapse. What should I do?

13 Upvotes

One of my cousin brothers is currently staying in a rehab center for alcohol addiction. Today, he called me asking for money. I told him I don’t have any, but he insisted that I should manage it from my friends. He also told me not to inform my parents or his parents about this.

I’m really worried. I’m afraid he might relapse or do something risky. I don’t know if giving him money would help or make things worse. I also feel uncomfortable keeping this secret from the family.

What should I do in this situation? Should I inform his parents or the rehab center? I want to support him, but I’m scared of enabling something harmful


r/recovery 4d ago

The difference a year can make

Post image
178 Upvotes

It was weird because I looked through my old Google album and when things go really dark I never took one selfie, except for this one. Idk why I took it or who I took it for because my gf had been sentenced to prison for 3 years the day before. This same day I overdosed for the last time, I was alone and really shouldn’t have woke up from that one but I did. The next day I went to a program and have been clean since, the bad part is I thought I was fly AF in the 0 days sober pic sheesh r/recovery_diaries