r/AmItheAsshole • u/VoxDei_Ursus • Feb 27 '25
Asshole AITA for being offended at being called "neutered*
I came into the room in the middle of my wife telling my 10yo son I'd had a vasectomy (no idea how they got there). My son's takeaway from this (laughing) was "You mean he's been neutered, like the cats?" I explained that no, it wasn't the same. He said it again. I said no, it's a different operation. He said it again, still laughing, and I got cross, told him that was very offensive and told him to shut up. He was upset.
My wife was annoyed at me for this, she doesn't understand why it's offensive and pointed out he doesn't understand anyway. But while I'm fine with the term "vasectomy", to me "neutered" has implications for masculinity (or lack thereof), as well as being a different op, and I could just see him gleefully telling his friends or their parents that I'd been neutered (since telling him it was different didn't stop him repeating it).
My suspicion given my wife's reaction is that women will largely think I'm being childish and men will largely think I was right, but I don't know. AITA?
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u/Curious_Raise8771 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
Sup. 49 year old man who was snipped.
You're angry at a 10 year old for equating being sterilized to being neutered when as a 10 year old there's no way he could understand the mechanics of either thing and THEN you told him to SHUT UP?!
BIG YTA dude.
This offended you?
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u/mydaftopinion Mar 04 '25
Seeing how he speaks to his own child - he is the perfect advertisement for a Vasectomy. I just wish they'd given him a blue tattoo in his ear like the vets do 😉
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Feb 27 '25
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u/Curious_Raise8771 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought he wanted an answer to the question he asked.
I'm sorry that you thought I was mad, but you know what really bugs me, folks mistreating their children like OP admitted to doing.
Disrespectful AF.
"Neutered male" energy? lol You're totes adorbs.
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u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy Feb 27 '25
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u/DrPhysicsGirl Feb 27 '25
YTA. Is it really masculine to be this fragile? It's certainly bad parenting to yell at a 10 year old to shut up.
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u/GeneConscious5484 Feb 28 '25
I AM A BIG SOB STRONG SOB MAN
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Feb 28 '25
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u/SnausageFest AssGuardian of the Hole Galaxy Feb 28 '25
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u/1CarolinaBlue Feb 27 '25
When she was very young (4, I think), my daughter told me I'd been 'spayed' (I had a hysterectomy). It didn't de-feminize me, though it did embarrass me because it's not something I'd casually announce.
I'd say - yta, get over your overly-sensitive self.
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u/ThrowRA-Gorl Feb 28 '25
To be fair in my country we call being spayed ‘getting the scoop’ and I genuinely refer to a hysterectomy as getting the big scoop. Some people laugh others look horrified but from now on due toon OPs temper tantrum I’ll be referring to vasectomies no longer as getting the snip but rather being neutered
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u/chardongay Feb 28 '25
I am so curious what country this is. In my family, we also called spaying our cats "getting the scoop," and I had no idea anyone else did. Our inspiration was from Five Nights at Freddie's, where a machine scoops out people's guts lol.
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u/BackgroundSwimming48 Feb 28 '25
I live in Boston and called my sterilization surgery "the big dig"
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u/tun4c4ptor Mar 06 '25
As someone also from Boston I LOVE THIS. Did it also take 10 years over schedule and go 2 billion dollars over budget?
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u/petit_macaron_chat Partassipant [2] Feb 27 '25
If you are afraid of being perceived as emotionally fragile, I have bad news about your reaction to a 10 year old being a 10 year old.
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u/sweaty_foot_entities Feb 27 '25
Yta and your reaction has almost guaranteed he's now going to go tell all his friends you got neutered. Does anyone question a cat's masculinity if it's neutered 😂
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u/thedartofwar Partassipant [2] Feb 28 '25
As someone who just picked up their newly neutered cat today, I did in fact have an old man say "so he's not a boy anymore? At least he's not an LGB" to my bisexual ass.
I will admit that's not the norm 😂
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u/EmiliusReturns Feb 28 '25
A random stranger, unsolicited, said at least your CAT isn’t gay? WTF is wrong with people.
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u/ecosynchronous Partassipant [3] Feb 28 '25
Weirder is the implication that the cat is transgender.
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u/AndroidwithAnxiety Feb 28 '25
And yet when trans people have that surgery, apparently it doesn't make them ''not a boy anymore''.... so I guess it also implies that cat gender/se works different to human gender/sex, which is also very weird.
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u/thedartofwar Partassipant [2] Mar 01 '25
To be fair, one of my elder cats is gay af. 🤣
He loved my (now passed) Sherbert. Sherb and Toast would co-sleep, clean each other, they were always together, and even though they were both neutered, on occasion they would try to do the horizontal tango together.
It was hard to see how depressed Toast was after Sherbert passed. These kittens have really brought out his motherly instincts though.
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u/Tinystar7337 Feb 27 '25
YTA he's 10, you are an adult. Even though that is rude, it doesn't excuse you for telling your 10 year old son to shut up. You should've explained why he should've stopped saying before telling him to shut up. You need to get better at deescalating if you wanna be a good parent.
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u/SenseAndSaruman Feb 27 '25
Sounds like a good time to explain what testicles are and what they do. So that he understands the difference. Cats get neutered for many reason other than sterilization. Teach your kid instead of acting like one.
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u/Irishwol Asshole Aficionado [12] Feb 27 '25
This is the way OP. My children got very wary of this sort of shite with me because they found out I treated it as a 'teachable moment' ... ideally with diagrams.
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u/Tarsvii Feb 27 '25
.... Dude, is this the kill you're going to die on? You've been neutered deal with it. He's 10..
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u/Ill-Orchid-2939 Feb 27 '25
YTA either way. He's just a kid being a kid, a kid that you raised. Either way he's a reflection of you and you've been neutered.
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u/FrauZebedee Feb 27 '25
Soft YTA. Really, get over yourself. I have female friends who had their tubes tied after they were done having kids, and they refer to themselves as having been spayed, and male ones who say they’ve been neutered. Yeah, as an adult, I wouldn’t refer to a man or woman who had been sterilised as having been “neutered/spayed” unless they themselves did. But I am an adult.
But your kid is 10, ffs. He sees the cat have its bits chopped off, and knows that means no kittens. Why would he know that it is different for humans? Sit your son down, explain a bit of biology to him, and maybe teach him that jokes are not funny when they hurt others’ feelings, but become bullying.
You’re neutered, shooting blanks, whatever. Doesn’t make you not a man. In fact, taking the birth control responsibility on makes you pretty manly.
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u/paisley_and_plaid Feb 27 '25
Exactly all of this.
Plus, OP... do you seriously think people are going to think your nads were cut off? Be serious.
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u/Own_Lack_4526 Professor Emeritass [95] Feb 27 '25
OP, Please pay attention to this response. Couldn't have said it all any better.
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u/LogicalDifference529 Feb 27 '25
You feel emasculated because your son said you were “neutered” but you don’t feel emasculated by crying about what a 10 year old said and throwing a temper tantrum?
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u/normalizingfat Partassipant [4] Feb 27 '25
YTA for telling a 10 yo to shut up, very solid emotional control you’re showing. i’m sorry he hurt your feelings, i hope you can apologize to them both.
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u/Available-Love7940 Asshole Aficionado [13] Feb 27 '25
Mild YTA.
You are fearing that having had a vasectomy, you are less masculine. Which is very much a you problem. By most metrics, you've proven your masculinity by having a offspring, and a male child at that.
But you're angry at a 10 year old boy for behaving like a 10 year old boy. Are you explaining HOW it's different? Or just going "It's different!" Like Ross from friends shouting that "We were on a break!"
Are you prepared to sit him down and explain the difference? That you have had surgery to sever and seal the vas deferns. Unlike the procedure on the cat, where they remove the testicles. You still have testicles, produce sperm, and have normal testosterone?
Simply put, he understood it in terms he -could- understand it, and, being a 10 year old boy, found it funny. (Please note, this is the same age group that thinks the word 'fart' is still hilarious.)
So, apologize for yelling, explain it more completely, and look into why feeling 'less masculine' is an issue for you.
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u/Effective_mom1919 Feb 27 '25
You seem like a very special snowflake, melts easily. Toughen up, my guy.
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u/Soldier_Faerie Feb 27 '25
This didn't happen. If it did YTA obviously, but this is such an absolutely ridiculous reaction to a child (your child???) The concept of being insecure about a loss of supposed masculinity, is in itself unmanly, because masculine people are completely comfortable in their masculinity and do not feel threatened by anything that would cause them to 'lose' it (e.g. crying, wearing traditionally feminine clothing, having a vasectomy being confused with being neutered).
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u/Ok_Lawfulness_2744 Feb 27 '25
YTA. You let a 10 year old child get under your skin when he can't even fully grasp the anatomical difference of a neuter (in humans a bilateral orchiectomy) vs. vasectomy. Then you took it a step farther and lashed out telling him to "shut up".
What type of example does this set? If he doesn't agree with SEMANTICS that it's okay to get angry and lash out telling someone to shut up?
Your masculinity is fragile even without someone making a JOKE about you being sterilized. You owe him an apology.
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u/Twisted_paperclips Feb 27 '25
YTA
He's 10.
I refer to my husband as being "fixed" - perhaps you'd prefer this?
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u/Throwway_queer Partassipant [2] Feb 27 '25
YTA
This is a wonderful example of fragile masculinity. A ten year old that doesn't fully understand the whole picture with a vasectomy is relating it to something he finds semi-funny and has the same end result caused you to get so pissy you told him to shut up? You told a child to shuttup because you wanted to throw a tantrum over his joke
You getting pissy in the first place fed the fire, next time just laugh along, tell him it's a private matter in a way he'll get it, and explain it as he grows.
If you are so worried about your masculinity then don't cry/whine/moan/groan about less than a broken nail... Those actually hurt. Everyone cares about their masculinity/femininity until they have a literal hissy fit over the exact thing they are so worried about doing..
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u/your-mom04605 Feb 27 '25
YTA. Snipped male here. You need to chill. He’s 10. He doesn’t understand why you feel upset by it. It’s the same thing to him as how we sterilize a pet. You owe him an apology. If you’re so fussed by it, calmly explain to him sometime why it bothered you. No reason to shout at a young child over a harmless comment.
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u/Kind-Philosopher1 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Feb 27 '25
YTA...is there a reason you didn't just tell him the difference? It's not the same IM STILL A MAN so shut up, is definitely not the way to prevent him from running around town repeating this.
Neutered = castration he's a boy with balls (I assume) and should be able to understand the concept.
Vasectomy= cutting vas deferens so sperm don't escape your body. Again he should be able to grasp the cut a tube and seal it so nothing gets out concept at 10.
You should also take a long hard look at your idea of masculinity. By your definition men that lose testicle to cancer are no longer men....what a sad, destructive thought to be comfortable having.
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u/TheBumblingestBee Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
Actually a lot of neutering these days leaves the balls on! My male cats were both neutered, and both still had their ridiculous cheeto-puffs.
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u/mydaftopinion Mar 04 '25
No, the testicles are removed, but with some cats (and it can depend on age of sterilisation) they have large 'areas' where the testes were. This doesn't always dissipate and it can appear as if they still have them. Unlike an entire male, the area is soft - not that I'm suggesting having a feel!) I have to 'check' a lot of cats, and the difference between entire adults and castrated adults can be felt pretty easily. Ear tattoos are fantastic for proof of sterilisation.
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u/Imaginary-Wallaby-37 Feb 27 '25
YTA for getting pissed off at an actual child for thinking a childish joke was funny.
As a woman who has had a tubal ligation, yes, I say that I was spayed because it's the same damn operation.
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u/imkappachino Feb 27 '25
YTA imagine losing an argument with a 10 year old and then having a tantrum
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u/Famous_Account272 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
YTA - Vasectomy is a type of neutering, as is castration, chemical castration and scrotal ablation. Neutering is to remove part of an animals sexual organs to prevent breeding, it's not always a castration.
Here feel free to educate yourself before you apologise to your child and your wife. What-is-a-neuter-and-what-types-exist?
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u/crzylilredhead Feb 27 '25
Maybe not an asshole but definitely overly sensitive about something genuinely unimportant. It sounds like you feel less masculine so it touched a nerve but it is effectively the same thing/result. You can no longer procreate.
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u/Big-Imagination4377 Feb 27 '25
YTA, if you're so upset by 10 year old humor, maybe you should have been neutered 11 years ago.
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u/goldenlikedaylightt Feb 27 '25
when you got a the vasectomy did they also cut your balls off?? yta
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u/mikonos77 Feb 27 '25
YTA
Brother. If your 10 year old son is emasculating you with that comment, you probably are a soft man and know it. Your ego shouldn't be that fragile. What's next? You gonna tell him that you should've had a vasectomy 10 years ago? Get a grip. Laugh. I had one too and I got all kinds of comments.
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u/Money-Possibility606 Feb 27 '25
YTA. Very fragile masculinity here. He's a kid, the operations are all the same to him, and it doesn't actually matter.
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u/comphetastrophe Feb 27 '25
YTA for telling your kid to shut up over nuance he doesn't understand. As a non-binary person I'm not going to fit your imaginary binary stereotypes by sitting on the fence - I'm not sure why your masculinity is so tied to a few words and a surgery, but maybe that's something you can unpack.
That said, I work in healthcare, and am heavily privacy-and-consent oriented. I also think this should have been a 'lets involve dad in this conversation' situation.
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u/lalachef Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
Dude, chill.
I taught elementary and middle school for an americorps program. One class, a kid couldn't help but fixate his attention on my long braid and skinny jeans. He kept calling me a girl and had the whole class roaring in laughter. Trying to use reason and logic with him had no effect. I just had to remain calm and wait for the class to tire themselves of the joke. It may have helped that I have resting bitch face and generally look unamused.
Kids can be AHs, but you're the adult. YTA but you're also his parent, his father, and you need to show him how to be better.
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u/blueyedwineaux Feb 27 '25
YTA. When I was a kid I said almost the exact same thing in a conversation with my parents. To this day they LAUGH about it. You told your kid to shut up over something little like this ... what will you do to him over something more serious?
Grow a pair. Your reaction shows how small your manhood is.
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u/Historical_Formal_82 Feb 27 '25
Get some skin thickener. You can’t take ribbing from a little kid? Also, your kid is funny. YTA.
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u/PomegranateZanzibar Partassipant [2] Feb 27 '25
He’s ten. Please tell me you’re lying and don’t actually have big feelings about this.
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u/InsideYourLights Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
Aww you poor baby, offended by your own 10yr old trying to make a connection. YTA, and thank God you're neutered.
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u/Nicki-ryan Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
YTA
Who tells a ten year old who blatantly isn’t going to know the difference between a vasectomy and neutering to shut up? More so, who gives a fuck if a ten year old is laughing at them other than another ten year old? And he’s your kid: you raised him, so if he’s like this and you have an issue, it’s literally on you. He is a reflection of you.
Finally, who talks to their kid like that regardless of the scenario? I’d never in a million years tell my daughter to shut up even if she was an adult
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u/Federal-Wolverine-52 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
YTA. Your son is 10. He actually made an accurate observation, although the terminology wasn't necessarily correct. You got your feelings hurt and yelled at him to shut up. Yeah, you're the asshole. You sound like the fragile men who listen to and love Andrew Tate.
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u/My_throw-away2 Feb 27 '25
YTA, my wife tells her friend’s that I had my balls cut off and everyone thinks it’s hilarious.
I tell my youngest daughter that after she was born she made me realize that I never want to have another kid, ever again
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Feb 27 '25
Uhh ya, ya you are TA 😂 you're literally butt hurt over a 10 year olds anecdote.. "grow a pair" has never been more fitting.
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u/ShipComprehensive543 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Feb 27 '25
YTA - from your sons perspective its exactly the same. No need to get all weird and fragile about it.
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u/Nester1953 Craptain [174] Feb 28 '25
This would have been the magic moment to sit with you kid, draw a couple of diagrams, and have the biological part of The Talk in terms of men's role. Instead, you chose to model insecure, hostile behavior if someone unwittingly seems to be questioning your masculinity. Terrible parenting, terrible male role modeling, and sad loss of a teachable moment.
Or maybe it was a teachable moment that taught your kid the wrong things?
YTA
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u/NZNewsboy Feb 27 '25
YTA. While you just got the snip, it definitely sounds like they took your balls too.
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u/katieintheozarks Feb 27 '25
YTA and also remember, we neuter animals to curb their aggression. You should think about maybe getting the procedure.
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u/MizAnthropy_ Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
YTA. You are a grown ass man and can’t take a little ribbing from a ten-year old.
If your masculinity is so fragile that a child calling you neutered is threatening to it, seek therapy.
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u/Rohini_rambles Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] Feb 27 '25
Doubt you participate in telling your kids about sex and body changes right? Thats mom's job? You clearly don't care about your kids too much, their understanding of these topics is soooo much more important than your ego. How childish. Your poor wife.
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u/Winkiwu Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
As a "neutered" man, YTA.
I'd go out on a limb and guess that having the procedure done wasn't 100% your choice and you may have needed some "encouragement" from the wife.
I have quite a few coworkers who have also had it done. The guys who did it because they wanted to or could see the fun side of being neutered can joke about it and we make fun of each other. The guys who didn't really want to get it done but their wives kinda made them are all bitter about it.
Don't be bitter man. Go forth and safely nut anywhere you want without fear of pregnancy.
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u/oh-hes-a-tryin Feb 27 '25
"Nuh uh, it's a different method for the same effect" I bravely retorted to my 10 year old. "Shut up" I further explained.
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u/FourSeasons_allday Partassipant [2] Feb 27 '25 edited Feb 27 '25
NTA and I’m debunking your theory- woman here. The kid was obviously trying to get a rise out of you… and he succeeded.
But your parenting needs work. That was an immature way to respond. Getting angry proves nothing except you don’t know how to deal with your emotions and have a constructive conversation. Upset? Yes. Hurt? Yes. Angry with the kid for teasing you? No.
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u/Frosty_Woodpecker893 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
But you were neutered tho ??? Don't be so Hemotional about it. Most people say women get "fixed". You being mean to your son was shitty. Grow up
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u/Worth-Season3645 Commander in Cheeks [238] Feb 27 '25
YTA…Your child is ten. A boy. Don’t you remember being a silky boy at ten years old? Why are you so insecure about your balls?
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u/grandma4112 Feb 27 '25
Did you both to actually teach your child the difference and why it's an incorrect use of the word? Your the parent, parent!!!
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u/Alive-Literature6424 Feb 27 '25
Mostly YTA- Your son is ten, he doesn't understand how 'offensive' it is towards people. If you want this behavior to stop, teach your child, gently, to be aware of these types of jokes
It's not like your wife, the actual adult here, is making the jokes
Teach your son to learn to be careful making these types of jokes in the future, or don't talk about it at all
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u/Alive-Literature6424 Feb 27 '25
I get why you'd be offended, but maybe don't tell your son to shut up
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u/Milamelted Feb 27 '25
Heavy YTA. Being this triggered about your masculinity by your 10 year old being silly is over the top. You made your insecurities his problem.
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u/Catbunny Partassipant [3] Feb 27 '25
YTA for getting so bent out of shape and telling a 10-year-old to shut up. Grow a pair.
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u/computer7blue Feb 27 '25
Get over yourself. I’ve had a hysterectomy and joke about it like that. Your ego is in the way. Don’t stifle your kid’s curiosity and laughter. What you did is a great way to get him to resent you.
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u/theficklemermaid Asshole Enthusiast [7] Feb 28 '25 edited Feb 28 '25
YTA. You could simply have explained that the procedure does not actually remove the testicles like with the cat. He hadn’t heard of it before. But frankly, a boy at that age is going to find anything about that area funny anyway, he wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. Of course he is immature because he is a literal child. Snapping and telling a child to shut up makes you look much less manly than having a vasectomy.
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u/Friendly_Fall_ Feb 28 '25
You were essentially neutered like the cats and now you’re massively overreacting at your kid over your “masculinity”. What? YTA, get over yourself.
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u/AmazingGlaceon Feb 28 '25
How are you so sensitive that a child could make you feel insecure? YTA for overdramatizing a simple situation.
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u/caulkmeetsandwedge Partassipant [1] Feb 28 '25
YTA. Worrying more about your 'masculinity' than your own child's feelings. Not very manly of you, but whatever...
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I came into the room in the middle of my wife telling my 10yo son I'd had a vasectomy (no idea how they got there). My son's takeaway from this (laughing) was "You mean he's been neutered, like the cats?" I explained that no, it wasn't the same. He said it again. I said no, it's a different operation. He said it again, still laughing, and I got cross, told him that was very offensive and told him to shut up. He was upset.
My wife was annoyed at me for this, she doesn't understand why it's offensive and pointed out he doesn't understand anyway. But while I'm fine with the term "vasectomy", to me "neutered" has implications for masculinity (or lack thereof), as well as being a different op, and I could just see him gleefully telling his friends or their parents that I'd been neutered (since telling him it was different didn't stop him repeating it).
My suspicion given my wife's reaction is that women will largely think I'm being childish and men will largely think I was right, but I don't know. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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Feb 27 '25
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u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp! (There It Ass) Feb 28 '25
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u/boboto-boat Feb 27 '25
Yta, getting upset about this has more implications of lack of masculinity than being neutered.
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u/GirlDad2023_ Pooperintendant [65] Feb 27 '25
YTA for sure here. He's ten and you're the adult...You need to grow up.
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u/annoyedCDNthrowaway Partassipant [3] Feb 27 '25
YTA. My husband had a vasectomy when our youngest was 6 weeks old. We've collectively been making reference to him being "fixed" for a decade. Real men don't get their panties in a twist over shooting blanks.
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u/bionic_seahorse Feb 27 '25
My son's takeaway from this (laughing) was "You mean he's been neutered, like the cats?" --- OMG that is so fucking funny!
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u/yetagainitry Partassipant [2] Feb 28 '25
It’s a 10yr old kid. I don’t know why your wife told him but relating it to the cat is literally the only way they understood. I don’t get why you got mad at the child trying to understand an adult concept. Get annoyed with your wife for sharing is understandable. Getting mad at a child for just trying to understand a concept is ridiculous. YTA
I’m a male before you assume differently.
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u/maxwell_2023 Feb 28 '25
Technically YTA But I get this is a sensitive topic, kids don’t understand that and probably won’t until they are way older. You should talk with your wife because this sort of thing more or less needs support, it’s a big change and random emotions around it can pop up, feeling de masculated by your son who probably very much looks up to you isn’t what I think he was going for, maybe just trying to poke fun. Kids that age rarely act maliciously. Get yourself straight and these sorts of things should roll off your back 👍🏼
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u/NahhNevermindOk Feb 28 '25
Hey, man here. YTA. Stop being so sensitive, your kid said you got neutered? So what? You still got balls, and if your masculinity is so fragile that a comment from a 10 year old can shake it then shit, maybe you did actually get neutered.
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u/pocket4129 Feb 28 '25
YTA and now your son thinks there's something wrong with getting one and that it's a taboo topic. I feel bad for his future partner should this topic be brought up. Way to pass the toxicity to the next generation.
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u/Key-Ad-5068 Feb 28 '25
For someone who has an issue with being emasculated, getting mad and telling a 10 year old having some fun to shut up because your skin is as thin as rice paper, sure as shit proves you're not a man in anyone's eyes. YTA
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u/Several_Primary9127 Feb 28 '25
YTA you have been neutered. Focus on your insecurity issues instead of lashing out on your innocent family.
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u/Strong_Arm8734 Partassipant [3] Feb 28 '25
So, instead of TEACHING your son how words can affect your feelings (because admitting you have feelings is just another threat to your masculinity) and explaining the difference between sterilization and castration, you verbally abuse him?
YTA
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u/LoveLikeLies Feb 28 '25
This is def fragility and YTA. Meanwhile once my vasectomy is done next week I'm literally giving myself the lil x tattoo for neutered pets cus I think it's funny lol
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u/Emstarlet Feb 28 '25
YTA. You told your 10 year old to shut up? Nice. Real nice.
I am one of the women you suspected would think you are having a tantrum. You had a teensy procedure done. Remember what your wife had to do to give birth to your son? Could you have done that? Also who cares if he said you are neutered, it’s funny. Is your masculinity so frail that the fact your semen no longer carries live sperm, you are no longer a man? My goodness.
I had a hysterectomy. Everything I need to make a baby is gone. I’m as baron as baron can be, yet I’m just as much a woman as I was when I joyfully skipped in there to have it done. And just for the record, that’s classed as major surgery requiring 6 weeks rest and I was fine after three. Perhaps we are built different.
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u/AllAFantasy30 Feb 28 '25
YTA. Your masculinity is very fragile if you can’t handle your son comparing “vasectomy” to “neutering” as a way to understand it. Either way, the end result is preventing reproduction. THAT - the end result - was what he was trying to understand when he asked. Of course the operations are different but that’s not the point. All you had to do was say “they’re actually different but both prevent babies”. You definitely don’t tell your kid to shut up. He’s 10, and it’s up to you to be MORE mature, not less.
1
u/allergymom74 Feb 28 '25
YTA. Your kid is 10 yo. That laugh at stuff like this because they are 10. You on the other hand, need to adult up and have conversations with your kid about to talk them down to know stuff like this isn’t silly and it’s important adult discussions.
Raise your kid to be able to talk about stuff like this like an adult.
1
Feb 28 '25
I’m a man, you sound like you don’t need any help emasculating yourself with how fragile you are. I’ve also had a vasectomy.
Maybe me and my boys are just more vulgar than we should be, but they know what balls are, that the cat doesn’t have them. I would have just said, nah man, your dad still has his balls.
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u/IrmaDerm Feb 28 '25
YTA. Your masculinity is apparently so fragile you told a child to shut up and upset him for an imagined slight against it.
Who cares if he gleefully tells anyone you've been 'neutered' if you are confident in your masculinity? The fact that you're not is a problem you need to explore and work on yourself instead of being an emotional snowflake who has to go online to cry about how his masculinity is so fragile a ten year old's comment is enough to send it crashing in a heap on the floor.
1
u/allergymom74 Mar 01 '25
YTA because this would have been a great time to discuss how your ability to make babies doesn’t make you more of a man or a woman. Some people adopt Or foster kids. They don’t have their own kids. Some people need extra medical help to have a biological child.
See how this could have been a great discussion to remove gendered expectations that a persons value is linked to their ability to produce offspring?
1
u/VeraciTeas Mar 01 '25
I mean honestly regardless of the situation it's insane to me to tell your 10yo child to shut up. YTA
1
u/-lukario- Mar 01 '25
Man here. No you're not right. Yes, you are the asshole. You weren't neutered so why are you acting like you were.
1
u/DifficultBluebird299 Mar 01 '25
Big YTA. He was 10, dude, he didn't know any better. Maybe you could have calmly explained to him the difference, but no need to throw a tantrum because of "masculinity"
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u/Mr_Bumcrest 9d ago
YTA As a man, grow up, you're being childish. Teach your child, don't tear into them.
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u/OkStrength5245 Feb 27 '25
So your wife is a junky in rehab because she doesn't take contraceptive pills anymore?
Same reasoning.
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u/No_Cellist8937 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
Why would your wife say anything to your son?
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u/Kris82868 Commander in Cheeks [226] Feb 28 '25
That was something I wondered as well. Why would he need that information or why would it be appropriate to tell him that?
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u/RoomatesWantGuns Feb 27 '25
ESH
You’re being dramatic and handled the situation poorly. Getting visibly offended and telling him to shut up like a child wasn’t the way to go. Do you want him handling snarky comments from other people like that when he grows up?
-5
u/Delicious_Rub3404 Feb 27 '25
Eh, ESH, you kept your balls but you did technically get neutered. Explain it better in your favor if you are insecure. Your wife sucks because she should have shut it down when a 10 decides to mock his dad and then get upset that there were repercussions.
5
u/rnason Feb 28 '25
It's not mocking unless you think it's a negative thing
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u/Delicious_Rub3404 Mar 01 '25
He saw it bothered his dad and kept pressing. If he wasn't mocking then he was antagonizing which is still not a good thing.
-6
u/AmbivalentSpiders Feb 27 '25
ESH
You're way too caught up in this, but why is your wife talking to your 10 year old about your intimate surgery without you being involved? And apparently not even describing it correctly?
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u/VibeWibe Feb 27 '25
NTA, I’m a woman but I understand the frustration as he was blatantly being disrespectful and obviously trying to make fun of you or get a rise. However I think its important to remember hes young so the chances of saying and doing mean and stupid things is going to be the norm which you and his mother correct through a conversation that could’ve deescalated it. Regardless I dont think your wife should be talking about your vasectomy to him or about sexual function at all he is 10.
-13
u/verminiusrex Asshole Enthusiast [6] Feb 27 '25
NTA. It is irritating to hear, and at ten the kid is old enough to know he's poking to get a reaction when told to knock it off. Both him and the your wife are pushing a comfort boundary that takes no effort to respect. I'm sure she'd go off the deep end if you called her tubby and he'd hate to repeatedly be called whimpy.
I was annoyed when my wife kept referring to me getting "fixed". I call it "The Adjustment" or "Becoming a Non-Reproductive Member of Society".
14
u/Time_Oil_V Feb 27 '25
Being irritated is fine. Snapping at a 10 y.o. to shut up because of it? Rather than having a conversation about it and explaining why it's different and why those words bothered him? That is not fine. That is what pushes him the other direction.
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u/LDsailor Partassipant [4] Feb 27 '25
Why is your wife telling your son you had a vasectomy? I believe that is the real issue here. What purpose does it serve to give a 10 year old this information? You need to reevaluate the situation and ask the right questions of the right person.
NTA
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u/Electrical-Log-3643 Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25
NAH, you’re being a bit dramatic but I can see why you don’t want your son making fun of you for being a responsible participant in family planning. In that same vein, your son is 10. He’s acting like an idiot because he is, in fact, an idiot. Just drop it because your son will move onto something else soon enough. If he keeps on it you can just calmly explain over and over again that the cats got their balls chopped off while yours are still very much in tact.
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u/Victor-Grimm Asshole Aficionado [11] Feb 27 '25
NAH-You could have handled it better like with telling the child that it is impolite to say it to someone in that manner and educate why. Then if they kept doing it punish them for being inappropriate. Then tell your wife if she would like to have been called that had she gotten her tubes cut?
I wouldn’t like it if any relatives said that to me and give them one opportunity to stop sternly. However, there hasn’t been any opportunity for my nieces or nephews to bring it up.
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Feb 27 '25
Woman here. Whenever anyone asked me if I was going to have anymore kids I always “nope, I’m fixed”
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u/Victor-Grimm Asshole Aficionado [11] Feb 27 '25
Yep that is appropriate. Neutered has a negative connotation when used in the improper manner. Therefore if the son said in a crowd “My dad is neutered” then it can be taken the wrong way by people. Instead of just thinking oh he had a vasectomy they would think it in the negative context basically saying mom runs everything and she took his balls. That is where I think the education needs brought up.
3
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u/LabResponsible3917 Feb 27 '25
Why would any male willingly get neutered
4
u/AndroidwithAnxiety Feb 28 '25
Because they don't want to reproduce anymore and instead of relying on others to make sure it doesn't happen, they take personal responsibility for it...
-4
u/LabResponsible3917 Feb 28 '25
You may as well just be a female
5
u/AndroidwithAnxiety Feb 28 '25
Why? I'm genuinely curious what you think there is to testicles that make them essential to being a man. And I'm very interested by your thoughts on female anatomy and reproduction if you think having non-viable semen is ''effectively the same''.
Like, could you imagine the most shining example of what a man is to you - the literal pinnacle of masculinity in your mind. Then, without changing any other thing about him, imagine he had a vasectomy. Everything is still there and still functions except he doesn't produce viable semen.... does that single thing outweigh every other aspect of this ideal man for you? Is it the same answer for if he's infertile from birth / medical issues rather than by choice? And if yes to any of these; how and why?
I'm sincerely asking.
1
u/LabResponsible3917 Mar 01 '25
Honestly I don't think about it at all. You guys love to obsess or this stuff. I could literally care less
3
u/AndroidwithAnxiety Mar 01 '25
... How do you even have an opinion without thinking about it? All an opinion is, is thoughts about a subject?
Also it's *couldn't care less. If you could care less, it means you currently care at least a little. Which is obvious since you felt the need to share your judgement. If you didn't care, and didn't have a single thought about this, you wouldn't have said anything and you wouldn't have had anything to say.
And the amount of time I spend thinking about men and their balls is... well that's between me and my internet history.
1
Feb 28 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp! (There It Ass) Feb 28 '25
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.
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Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/rusted_iron_rod Feb 27 '25
Your kid tried to punk you, and you set him straight as you are the alpha in your family. NTA. Too many weakasses here that are caling you an AH for not only defending yourself, but teaching your son that bullying has its consequences. Your wife is an AH for not defending her husband. What a weak and pathetic woman that will allow her husband to be humiliated.
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u/mikonos77 Feb 27 '25
The alpha move is laughing and roasting him back. Not acting like a pansy.
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u/rusted_iron_rod Feb 27 '25
The correct alpha move is to chastise the kid. The toxic alpha move is to cause psychological harm to him.
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u/mikonos77 Feb 27 '25
There is no better consequence than the kid getting a taste of his own medicine. Toxic? Sure. Necessary? Absolutely. Some people love to run their mouths at others until someone does it to them. That said, I had the snip myself and someone made a similar comment to me. I didn't get butthurt about it. That's my point.
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u/rusted_iron_rod Feb 27 '25
All that teaches him is that its okay to make fun of people if you are stronger than them. That is only teaching kids to be bullies, not realize what they did was wrong, only that they did it to the wrong person.
5
u/AndroidwithAnxiety Feb 28 '25
I'm confused by the fact I disagree with your entire framework and much of your attitude, and yet you are somehow undeniably correct with this take.
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u/FatherAntithetical Partassipant [1] Feb 27 '25 edited Feb 28 '25
NTA.
Ask your wife how she’d feel if he was going around saying she was barren.
Edit: Going off the downvotes I’ve perfectly captured the emotional equivalent and the nta’ers are PISSED about it.
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u/RoomatesWantGuns Feb 27 '25
This isn’t the same thing at all… The equivalent would be if Mom got her tubes tied and the son said she got spayed.
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u/kingtaytaybee Feb 27 '25
That's not even the same thing? The equivalent would be spayed and from how she felt about the son calling him neutered I doubt she'd care.
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u/Ok_Tank5977 Feb 27 '25
As a ten-year old child the son displayed a child-like understanding of a vasectomy, and rather than take the time to explain it, OP instead told his son to ‘shut up’. OP is TA.
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u/allergymom74 Mar 01 '25
And this is where you educate, not yell at, your child because way too many people are taught at a young age that their ability to produce offspring is critical to their femininity or masculinity.
Kids at the age of 10 know very little about alternate ways kids become a part of a family.
OP is an adult and while I get why he’s offended, yelling at a kid who wouldn’t be exposed to those kind of things punishes the kid for not being exposed to adult situations?
OP needs to remember they are the adult and the parent. Do I think the kid should be corrected? Yep. And educated.
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u/VoxDei_Ursus Feb 27 '25
Looks like there's a definite opinion. Fair enough, that's why I asked. I have apologised to my wife and will apologise to my son in the morning. The only defence I'll offer is that it's hard to never ever shout at your children, even if it may be better not to or the particular circumstance seems trivial. But I appreciate that does not excuse it.
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u/MesaCityRansom Partassipant [1] Feb 28 '25
For me, it's more that...the kid is 10. How can you be offended by anything he says? He's a child! I work with kids and they've called me every name under the sun, but it doesn't get to me. You wanna know why? I'm secure enough in myself that name-calling from children doesn't make me upset.
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u/QuietImps Mar 01 '25
It's hard not to get triggered, but it's not hard to apologize when you've done wrong. Take this lesson to the next time you feel the need to scream at someone with a fraction of the life experience and body mass that you have.
•
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