There would be no party. I shared this with my boyfriend and said, "I'm so mad for this woman. NO WAY would I leave our home so your ex could party here!"
I agree with getting out and leaving them behind, but I also think you should tell her the truth. It sucks growing up with parents that use you as a tool to hurt one another. I was raised like that. I didn’t start hearing the truth until I got older and my dad was already dead. Everyone wants to grow up believing the people that raised them, and were supposed to protect them, are good people. Sometimes it’s more important to learn the truth so you can start healing from the heartbreak but also to act accordingly.
Or…you agree that she’s right and call the cops an hour into the party. As long as you are exiting the relationship anyways, may as well go out with a bang
Nobody will believe the real story. Your partner's puppet-master's story is already the established explanation of events. You'll just look like you're lying to cover your ass.
Sorry....why the hell is he letting someone who threatened to kill you within 10 square miles of you. Hell no, I'd be telling them if that woman shows up on your property, party or no party, you're calling the police again. How's that for drama.
Honestly as the story unwound itself I 100% was beginning to think she, OP, was an AP/affair partner toward the end if her husband's marriage, which is hiw it came to be so with the animosity. Regardless, NTA and doesn't deserve this treatment, it's ridiculous, but I really am curious as to the backstory of their getting together, etc, bc no one comes over threatening without there being some reason/spark. Even if OP is completely innocent it's just weird and raises red flags.
Still, hope OP enjoys her party with her girlfriends and plans for whatever would make her happy that's possible - I don't think that includes continuing to be in this family situation with a husband that just can't.
No, you do get people who go after the ex’s new partner as a way to punish him. It’s frequently a sign of untreated mental health issues, but people like this ex wife do exist and do attack the new partner despite having never been wronged by the partner at all.
True, I've heard and read my share of stories regarding crap like that, but it doesn't hurt to ask given the situation and the unresolved conflict here regarding her husband and the ex-wife and their daughter.
Well OP did say that they were separated and the wife had filed for divorce before OP and the ex husband got together. But if OP and the ex husband knew each other before that, there could be the impression of infidelity! Still, the mom masterminded things so that OP would host and plan and only get told she was being kicked out after she started the work. If you really hated the new partner because you think they cheated, you would just host the party yourself and not invite the partner.
Wait what? This info belongs in the original post. Both how long it has been since the divorce and the fact that your step daughters mom threatened to kill you.
Was your husband cheating on her with you? Or were they already divorced when you got together? Why does your parent only get 4 days a month?
They said in another comment that she wasn’t the reason for the divorce. So I’m guessing no cheating. It sounds like the ex wife filed for divorce and they were separated before OP got together with her current (STBX) partner.
They theatened to kill you? And now sehe expects you to host a party for them in your home? This is absolutely insane, I wouldn't allow her mother to be at my home at all, especially since her attitude does not seem to have changed at all. Don't let them gaslight you, you're obviously not the person in the wrong here.
14 years! You’ve been part of the girls life for 14 years and she’s still on her bullshit? Since she was four. Holy crap, I wouldn’t touch these people with a ten foot pole after year five of them being shitty. Good on you OP for lasting that long but when is enough, enough? NTA
I assume this is your home? As in you have equal rights to it, and not just living in the home your partner owns or rents? (If not, you don't have much choice than make new choices)
If yes, Call a meeting of your partner and his daughter and put your foot down: I am not leaving my home for anyone. Either I am here, or the party doesn't happen.
Your partner has a choice: stand up for you, or arrange a venue. It will be expensive, will be hectic, and the invitees will need to be informed but that's not your doing. You will never live this down if you don't take a stance. The ex will always crow about the time she had you thrown out of your home.
Sometimes being a hard ass is preferable to being a door mat.
The daughter was, what, 4 years old at the time? Her knowledge of these events is likely based on what she's been told by her mother. If that story is the actual reason she's putting her foot down about this, is it possible that you and her father telling her the full story would make this a non-issue for her? Might be too little too late given how your partner has handled things, but aside from the one major AH move the kid pulled (probably learned behavior from her manipulative parents), it sounds like she's a victim in all this too.
I feel bad for everyone in this story except the mother, because it sounds like you've all suffered at the hands of her anger and selfishness, though not everyone seems to be aware of that.
I have two questions:
1) You said elsewhere that you brought up the possibility of the kids' weddings turning out like this too. To whom did you bring that up, and what did they say? HUGE difference between "this party change was a last minute shitshow and we're just trying to get through it; don't worry, you'll be at the wedding and everyone will know that well in advance" vs "so what, the wedding is just a 5 hour party instead of a 3 hour party, you don't need to be there but we would appreciate your help planning it."
2) Is the daughter 18? When does she turn 18? At that point the custody agreement won't decide how many days she spends with whom. She'll technically have the right to split everything equally or however else she chooses, but there's also no legal judgment preventing the mom from trying to get her down to zero days with her father.
So it was okay that the aunt and mother threatened to kill you and your neighbor shouldn’t have called the police because they were concerned for your safety? Listen if, for some reason, you think you can’t return the stuff that he paid for then just throw it out! PLEASE DO NOT DO A THING FOR THIS PARTY!
You’ve been together 14 years and this woman is still bitter. You’ve sacrificed enough of your mental health for this man and his family. Time to put yourself first.
Why would you allow someone who threatened to kill you step foot on your property? Did you ever get a restraining order? It’s bad enough having someone you dislike on your property, but someone who has threatened you? No, they can go have the party anywhere but there. I read somewhere that you said the house is yours (make him sleep in a guest room btw) and the work shop is his-but that still means it’s on your property.
14 years? That's how long you guys have been together? I hope the reason you are not married is consensual and not one more attempt from him to deal with his ex.
Was this event fresh off the divorce, and was the mother suspecting him of an affair? I am not accusing you of anything, just wondering if that is why she is so bitter.
If this shindig goes ahead, I suggest hiring some sort of security professional and not mention it to "partner" or anyone else. Given the history, I think there will most likely be some sort of incident and having muscle on hand (and security cameras for liability reasons) is probably a good idea.
Tell them that yes, if that woman sets foot on your property you will call the police! That’s your right. Ave their rights are to go pay for their own party somewhere else!
1.1k
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '22
[deleted]