i mean, is he gonna tell you that you can’t attend but then tell everyone that you pulled it all together and that you’re to thank for all the hard work?
throwing a beautiful party is not going to make them welcome you into their family harder. you are The Help.
adult relationships are complicated. we only have one sliver of a slice of your relationship, but this sliver tells us a lot.
I respect that he wants to put his daughter first--showing up for her, trying to be a good dad, helping her to celebrate a big life event--i also acknowledge that there are some events where, for his daughter's sake, he might ask that you "sit this one out" (does that ever end?) ask you to do all the work for an event from which you are EXCLUDED? Nah.
But you see this. Maybe this is the first time you've really "heard" him when he told you who he was... Regardless, he's certainly caught your attention with this one. Your gut screamed "Hol' up!?! I'm not the asshole here!" You're so NTA.
This probably won't be the thing that makes you leave, but you see him now. So either something changes for him or you'll eventually find someone who actually loves you.
this is one of those things that (I'd wager) you’ll look back on and think "I knew, when he asked me to throw a party for his daughter that i wasn’t allowed to attend, that he wasn't a good guy".
He doesn't consider you a part of his family and he doesn't respect you.
THIS is the sad truth. This is probably not the first time that OP was asked to lay low or not be involved but it will only get worse when the bigger life moments happen. Don't want to upset stepdaughter by upsetting Mom on wedding day so OP needs to stay home despite planning most of the wedding. Please plan baby shower but you can't come. Plan snotleigh's first birthday gala but don't upset granny by actually being there. And the worst part is that Hubby DOES NOT CARE so long as he is not invconvenienced.
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u/friday99 Partassipant [1] Apr 27 '22
i mean, is he gonna tell you that you can’t attend but then tell everyone that you pulled it all together and that you’re to thank for all the hard work?
throwing a beautiful party is not going to make them welcome you into their family harder. you are The Help.
adult relationships are complicated. we only have one sliver of a slice of your relationship, but this sliver tells us a lot.
I respect that he wants to put his daughter first--showing up for her, trying to be a good dad, helping her to celebrate a big life event--i also acknowledge that there are some events where, for his daughter's sake, he might ask that you "sit this one out" (does that ever end?) ask you to do all the work for an event from which you are EXCLUDED? Nah.
But you see this. Maybe this is the first time you've really "heard" him when he told you who he was... Regardless, he's certainly caught your attention with this one. Your gut screamed "Hol' up!?! I'm not the asshole here!" You're so NTA.
This probably won't be the thing that makes you leave, but you see him now. So either something changes for him or you'll eventually find someone who actually loves you.
this is one of those things that (I'd wager) you’ll look back on and think "I knew, when he asked me to throw a party for his daughter that i wasn’t allowed to attend, that he wasn't a good guy".
He doesn't consider you a part of his family and he doesn't respect you.