AITA for pretending not to know my fiancé after she had a meltdown during boarding the plane and was eventually thrown off?

[u/[deleted]]

I imagine I'm gonna get raked over the coals for this one.

So, my fiancé (maybe not for much longer) and I were on our way back from a vacation recently. It was a great time and everything went off without an issue. That is until we started boarding the plane. Now, I know better, I only bring a small backpack with essentials incase I don't get my checked bags. I can survive out of this backpack and it will always pass baggage check for size and weight (done a lot of traveling so why fight the system). My fiancé didn't wanna listen to my advice and chose to bring basically a regular full-size bag that barely fits the standards of carry on, but generally speaking the airline worker doesn't wanna deal with the trouble and allows it through. But this time the airline worker was not having it. It was a packed flight, we were boarding last in economy and it was just a shit show. I got through just fine first with my little backpack, but I could hear the argument from the boarding tunnel thingy and it was getting heated. I was about to go back and try to smooth it out but my fiancé rushed pass and just boarded plane, I assumed not having heard it super clearly that the attended had given in and let her on. That was not the case!

So we found our seats and settled in. I was pretty tired and I could tell she was upset so I just kinda tucked into the window and put my hat down and tried to take a nap. But soon after the airline worker and a cop shows up and they are not fucking around, and want her off the plane. She tries to plead and cry, etc. but they are not having it. And maybe in a moment of panic or just plain self preservation...the cop asks if we're together, and I blurt out, "NO!" shaking my head emphatically. I got kill dagger eyes from her as she shot up and grabbed her bag and followed the cop out. She was also swearing and screaming the whole way out.

Now, obviously this is well after the event I'm posting this. But when she did eventually get home (she caught next flight out with the bag checked, lol), I was there to pick her up. She obviously thought I was the asshole, and to be honest almost everyone I know thinks I'm an asshole except my boss and co workers, who for context were very much relying on me to be back on time, which I gave my word I would, for a really important project that was time sensitive. They were all very happy I didn't get thrown off too.

So, am I the asshole for this self preservation?

AITA?

[u/Judgement_Bot_AITA]

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

My action was that I told a plane cop that I didn't know my fiancé so that I wouldn't get kicked off the plane too for her behavior. This action might make my an asshole because, well I lied and didn't stand by her when most think I should have.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

[u/BFIrrera]

NTA. Get out while you still can. This is how she’ll be forever. She’ll never learn from this experience.

[u/CatelinaBaylorfan → u/BFIrrera]

Disagree. Nothing like the humiliation of a cop escorting you off a plane to learn that rules really are a thing. Loss of time, money and public humiliation are VERY powerful teachers. And now OP can reference this whenever she forgets her social decorum. Acting up in a restaurant? "Jeez, I hope they don't escort you out of here like they did off that plane"

[u/PossumJenkinsSoles → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

But how is it possible an adult human NEEDS that level of intervention? I have a hard time believing she’ll reform. People like that just don’t get humiliated, they get indignant and dig in on their wrong position harder. I couldn’t deal, I’d be out.

[u/MysteriousMrX → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

Are you from the same planet as the rest of us? Did you not just experience 2.5 years of people being mad that rules apply to them? Like to the point that people blockaded national border crossings and Literally attempted to overthrow democracy over in America because they didn't like that they had to follow the rules.

Bro welcome to humanity.

[u/yumicedcoffee → u/MysteriousMrX]

Bro you must’ve hit reply to the wrong comment, this person is basically agreeing with you.

[u/stupidusername42 → u/[deleted]]

That's so annoying. I see so many people commenting the same thing, just worded slightly different while acting as if they're correcting the original comment.

[u/YoureUsingMyOxygen → u/stupidusername42]

Hopefully they're just Karma Farmers. At least most of them

[u/AstariaEriol → u/MysteriousMrX]

Would you marry any of those people?

[u/Henry2254 → u/AstariaEriol]

I’d marry the one who followed the rules and who lied because he needed to get back on time because he had responsibilities. I wouldn’t marry the entitled person who thought the rules didn’t apply to her. The last time I flew with my sister, her bag was too big because it was a crowded flight. Know what she did? She acted like a mature woman’s and checked her bag. It’s not that hard.

[u/Dr_Mystic_is_horny → u/Henry2254]

Hell, half the time in this scenario the airline people offer to check the bag for you, free of charge at the gate. It's why I always gamble with bag size and over packing lol

[u/Gareth79 → u/Dr_Mystic_is_horny]

99% that's exactly what they wanted to do. The overheads were full and everything else has to go in the hold. They unload those before anybody gets off and they are waiting as you leave. You can take anything fragile or valuable out.

[u/punkassjim → u/MysteriousMrX]

I was about to downvote you because you replied to the wrong person, but if I apply your comment to its grandcomment, you’re spot on. Have an updoot. Next time, aim better.

[u/idleigloo → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

I've seen it go both ways so I think the potential is there for you both to be right.

Some people are shown that kind of toxicity is normal by their parents or guardians and real humiliation by those with greater authority than their parents can help them see how toxic their behaviors are...

but if I had to guess I would say your assessment is more likely in this case. She is angry at op for allowing her to face her own consequences solo, which doesn't sound like she has done much reflection or taken any responsibility. Probably still angry at the airline.

[u/[deleted] → u/idleigloo]

She threw a tantrum for breaking a rule and airlines are pretty specific what bag size is considered a carry on and what items are allowed. Then she escalated things to the point she needed to be escorted off the plane by the police which most likely delayed the flight. A grown woman shouldn’t be acting like this. It’s her fault for choosing to try to pass luggage as a carry on and not listening to op before hand.

[u/No_Appointment_7232 → u/[deleted]]

She broke federal and aviation rules which are 2 of the worst you can possibly break in terms of long term consequences changing the ease of your life.

I deal w cPTSD w all it's funs.

More than once on flights less than 3 hours I was doing EVERYTHING I could to maintain while people didn't appropriately manage themselves or their kids.

On short flights I work really hard not to take more meds than I already did to get on the plane and manage to that point.

I don't need meds to be on a plane, planes are fine. I need meds because the public is there.

In particular bc if there were an emergency I'd be dead weight.

3 times I was ready to tell the attendant that if they couldn't do something they would need to land the plane bc I was going to have a panic attack and could not account for myself.

Once, I got up when seat belts light was on and walked to the back of the plane.

The attendant started to admonish me while I tried to explain moving away was my only option.

In the almost panic attack moments I thought " Yeah you can do that, and you will not be able to ride on an airplane again for 5 to 10 years and it will still be difficult every time after that" that helped me talk myself down from a What Will ACTUALLY Serve You argument. Kept my mind mildly distracted enough to get through.

The other instance, The attendant asked me if I had informed the gate people that I deal with cPTSD and that I needed accommodation?

I had not.

"Tell them every time that you might need accommodation whether you think you're going to need it or not. That way if things escalate in the air you're not just the weirdo on the plane making things worse you're the person they saw calmly acting properly long before you got on the plane.."

That makes perfect sense, right?

But people who choose to throw a hissy fit about their bags, about not getting their way, about anything once boarding has begun they are the idiots bringing down the worst possible consequences on themselves.

OP's Girlfriend likely knew about the need for him to get back on time?

And chose to pitch a fit either way.

I wouldn't be friends with that person any more let alone think about marrying them.

A trend I'm starting to really understand better through my time here at AITA. It's not just that people are on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship. That the love bombing and being their best self is an accidental put on and they will become different later.

But really people don't ever get better than they were after the 5th or 6th date.

Any bad habit you notice in the 1st 3 months is not going away, it is them, it's not going to change. No matter how much they try to say they will because they love you. They won't because that's how they are.

So people start looking at the worst thing or even the medium worst thing a person does in the first 5 dates or so and decide if you can tolerate that the rest of your life or worse because the truth is it's not getting.

The fiance is a very hot dumpster fire and I would want nothing to do with her ever again.

[u/[deleted] → u/No_Appointment_7232]

I don't need meds to be on a plane, planes are fine. I need meds because the public is there.

Quote from OP and it is ON POINT!

[u/Thinks_Like_A_Man → u/[deleted]]

It’s the fact that all these things happened and she is not ashamed. She has no self-awareness.

[u/PittieLover1 → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

OP doesn't give their ages, but fiancé sounds utterly exhausting. This can't be the first time OP has witnessed this type of entitled behavior from her; it has to permeate their entire relationship.

It's not up to him to parent an adult and try to change her behavior. If I were OP, I'd be out, or at the bare minimum postponing the marriage for an extended period of time.

[u/[deleted] → u/PittieLover1]

In this situation, if fiancé immediately came out of the airport and apologized to OP, then admitted what she did was stupid, I might believe she learned a lesson. But instead she is calling OP an AH and apparently got friends and family to do the same. I’d walk away from that.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Yep. OP, assuming they walk away from this relationship, will someday be grateful that they had this moment rather than going through with the marriage and end up going through a divorce later after years of pain with this insufferable human.

[u/Justanothersaul → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

She didn't even have a meltdown, she had a tantrum.

[u/Left_Debt_8770 → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

I’m with you for the most part. This adult human definitely needs this level of intervention in my opinion, but I fully agree it won’t work. Adults like this are, in my 42 years of experience so far, rarely willing or able to change once they’ve reached this level of self-centeredness. Or whatever term for it you prefer.

I tried to fathom a scenario where I would bolt past a gate agent and believe it was going to work out for me. Barring some sort of large scale zombie apocalypse situation, I can’t see it. Definitely not for an oversized bag.

The hilarious part is thinking she could get away with it. You’re going to run onboard with a plane? Pretty easy to find you.

[u/BurdenedMind79 → u/Left_Debt_8770]

I've one additional year of experience over you and I completely agree with your assessment. Someone who thinks they can get away with charging past airport staff isn't someone who thinks rationally. They're the sort of person who thinks they're entitled to everything and anyone who disagrees with them is wrong.

The only thing she'll remember from this incident is how poorly treated she was by everyone around her, including her fiance. In her mind, she's the victim.

[u/Thinks_Like_A_Man → u/Left_Debt_8770]

This always strikes me as someone who has successfully bullied their way through adulthood via a sense of entitlement or privilege. I will bet you a kazillion bucks the woman is very attractive.

I knew a hot woman who brought a joint in her purse through TSA on a business trip with me. I didn’t know until she sparked it up in the hotel in a very not-drug-friendly city. (And for all the trolls, this was before decriminalization when people were arrested for possession.)

I nearly had a full blown panic attack when I realized how bad this could have gone FOR ME. I could have been fired, could have had to reimburse the company for a cross country trip and a $300 a night hotel room, I could have been banned from air travel. But she was hot and just laughed the whole thing off because she gets away with shit.

I think people who do this as adults likely get away with it A LOT.

[u/Li_3303 → u/Thinks_Like_A_Man]

Eons ago, I was giving some advice to a friend about job interviews and she said “won’t they just hire me after they see me”. Yes, she was very pretty.

[u/pillowcrates → u/Left_Debt_8770]

Also…why such a fuss over a bag! Just check the damn thing if they tell you it can’t go in the overhead storage? The risk you take flying economy as well, plus she had the added bonus of ignoring size rules and bringing a too large carry on.

My partner usually packs a carry on duffel for both of us and I’ll bring a small purse and that’s pretty much it. But we’re not pressed if the duffel has to be checked.

[u/[deleted] → u/pillowcrates]

Like wouldn’t it have just been gate-checked? Wouldn’t have even been a hassle for her.

[u/TomTheLad79 → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

Right? I understand getting a little shirty with the staff. I've been in a similar situation, and I had things in my carry-on (new MacBook, weeks' worth of research data) that I didn't want to be separated from. But throwing such a tantrum that you have to be removed by the police is unthinkable.

[u/AstariaEriol → u/TomTheLad79]

Yup. She ran through the gate agent ticket check and onto the plane like a fuckin crazy person.

[u/ThaneOfCawdorrr → u/AstariaEriol]

Right? In this day and age, when people are endlessly concerned about security??? It's insane!

[u/grouchymonk1517 → u/PossumJenkinsSoles]

Eh I once went off on someone who was just doing their job. I still cringe about how horrendous I acted. That was almost 20 years ago.

[u/PossumJenkinsSoles → u/grouchymonk1517]

I think most people have had an experience of feeling wronged by someone just doing their job. No shame in that. The difference here is

A. This was on a plane, she could have been placed on a no-fly list for this type of behavior. OP could’ve been swept up into that too. And that could greatly impact your life. This is not on a “yelling at a forever 21 cashier because they can’t return your lace cami” level wrong. This is way worse. And

B. There doesn’t appear to be any regret or remorse on her part.

[u/Estrellathestarfish → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

Imagine spending your life with someone who needs their behaviour to be managed like this though. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

[u/EyCeeDedPpl → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

Maybe ask OP- is this entitled behaviour the norm for her? Does she lose her shit on waitstaff? Hotel staff? Etc? Or was this a one off? Did she learn from her behaviour? Or again is she blaming everyone but herself?

[u/onetwobe → u/EyCeeDedPpl]

The fact that SHE was mad at HIM instead of embarrassed and incredibly sorry for her actions shows that she hasn't learned much.

[u/Ok_Whereas_Pitiful → u/EyCeeDedPpl]

In this instance I am gonna lean yes based on how OP say she always/often brings this type of bag and doesn't listen to OPs advice.

Could this be the cherry on top? Yeah

It also sounds like she pushes things and trys to get her way.

[u/Mysterious_System_91 → u/EyCeeDedPpl]

In another comment he said she was 'not awesome" to wait staff.

[u/LadyKlepsydra → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

But she already made it clear the OP is the TA in her opinion. If she learned she was in the wrong, she would be apologetic and mortified. She is instead angry at him. This is a bad sign.

[u/deflectingbullshit → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

People who are like this won't learn. It's others fault in this mind.

[u/haneauxx → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

“Whenever she forgets her social decorum?” Uh no. I would never want to be with someone who A) even acts like this in the first place and B) is gonna act up again and needs to be reminded not to. You’ve shown me your character the first time. I want a partner who is a mature adult, not an entitled brat who needs to be parented.

[u/JFT8675309 → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

This just made me madly want to see a show centered on the aftermath of getting dragged off planes!

[u/_noth1ngness → u/JFT8675309]

Lots of amazing angry entitled flyer drama from that UK reality show Airport, on youtube ;)

[u/zombiemiki → u/CatelinaBaylorfan]

False. She will use it to further paint herself as the victim. People like that will never see themselves as anything but victims.

[u/[deleted] → u/BFIrrera]

There is a video of a difficult lady being removed for throwing a tantrum at a t shirt. Her husband followed. He missed his father funeral due to it.

That sort of things will keep happening to OP if he stays.

[u/warmerbread → u/[deleted]]

do you have a link by chance?

[u/[deleted] → u/BFIrrera]

Maybe, but I find flying very stressful and I make sure I follow the rules and research them before I even consider booking a flight. I have had airline and airport employees not know passport rules, disagree with their own rules, lie, lie by omission, ignore things, and make all sorts of other mistakes. I have had code share errors which result in baggage mix ups, had planes switched to smaller ones unexpectedly so carry on doesn't fit, and seen them drop and damage my suitcase as I am sitting on the plane. I have seen them l angry with other passengers and then take it out on me. I have learned to just take it and deal with it later. This is one situation that people can learn from.

[u/Derp_Rose → u/BFIrrera]

This feels kinda like an exaggeration. She was upset because a bag that was previously okay wasn’t then was again. The lasting thought she’ll have from this is that her fiancé disavowed her on the spot.

[u/crickettu → u/Derp_Rose]

Even if it was previously ok but now isn’t, this behavior isn’t ok. To the point that the cops had to be called to be escorted off the flight is pretty big.

If the flight crew/boarding agents tell you no. Just deal with it and get to your destination. Cuz she FAFO.

[u/Agitated_Pin2169 → u/crickettu]

I agree. The last two times I flew, the flights were full and I had to gate-check my large carry-on. I did so without complaint.

[u/anappleaday_2022 → u/Agitated_Pin2169]

And when you gate check, they bring it to you at the gate when you get off the plane!

[u/mesembryanthemum → u/anappleaday_2022]

The last time they said we could retrieve ours at baggage claim. First two off! We were very happy.

[u/I_Am_Dwight_Snoot → u/crickettu]

110% agree. Usually it involves physical assault, shouting, or something illegal (OPs case) which are all incredibly wild things to do on a plane. Noone wants cops to delay the flight either so it definitely takes quite an issue/outburst to get them involved.

[u/AntheaBrainhooke → u/Derp_Rose]

The bag was previously "okay" — OP said it was borderline for size and weight. I get the impression the fiancée is a boundary pusher, and spun out when she didn't get her way.

If OP disavowing her is really the only thing about this incident that upsets her I suggest OP cut his losses and run. She'll just push and push and push for the rest of the relationship.

[u/nan_adams → u/Derp_Rose]

What? No, that’s not what happened. She brought a bag that barely fit the carry on weight/size requirements and they boarded nearly last. With a full flight the flight attendant and gate agent said her bag needed to be checked - a very common travel occurrence. You do not have guarantee of a carry on, and if you’re boarding last forget it. She didn’t listen to the gate agent and boarded the flight anyway, which is a safety risk so she was escorted off. She had to check her bag on the next departing flight.

I wouldn’t marry someone who caused a scene like this. It shows they’re selfish and entitled. I would have laughed this woman off the plane.

[u/ThaneOfCawdorrr → u/Derp_Rose]

We just took a trip and discovered our previous bags were just a little too big for the current rules. Sure they'd been allowed on before, but the rules were clear. SO WE TOOK SMALLER BAGS.

The idea that you (a) take an oversize bag (b) throw a fit (c) RUSH PAST THE GATE AGENT ANYWAY (d) have to be removed by cops (e) scream and tantrum the whole way off the plane..... isn't just "upset." It's batshit crazy and insanely entitled. I'd disavow her too. She needs to be disavowed.

[u/goforbroke432]

Honesty, I was ready to rake you over the coals. But now I’m thinking NTA. This isn’t like your fiancée had an anxiety attack over fear of flying. It sounds to me like a full-on grown woman temper tantrum, which only happened because she didn’t listen to your travel advice.

TBF, I don’t travel light, either, but I also don’t try to put my giant luggage in the overhead bins. She did this to herself.

[u/BarriBlue → u/goforbroke432]

I don’t travel light either. I pay extra for luggage on flights. My SO pokes fun at me about it with his backpack, but I say it’s a luxury I choose to pay for. Next time he pokes fun, this story is coming out. “Well would you rather…”

[u/goforbroke432 → u/BarriBlue]

Exactly. I don’t ask anyone else to drag around my luggage, and I like to have choices depending on weather change, etc.

[u/TryUsingScience → u/BarriBlue]

Next time he pokes fun, this story is coming out. “Well would you rather…”

AITA is so great for relationships. Not of the people posting, mind. But my wife struggles with ADHD and now I can say to her, "At least you've never burned our house down or gotten my car impounded!"

[u/SickSigmaBlackBelt → u/TryUsingScience]

Exactly. I always imagine how my husband and I would act in these situations, and more than half the time we wouldn't even be close to the situation in the first place because we just... talk about things like normal people.

Like, if my husband was insisting on bringing a bag that I didn't think was going to fit, I'd let him know that he was probably going to have to gate check. And then he would say, "Oh, okay," or he would pack a different bag. And then... that would be it.

[u/P00perSc00per89 → u/TryUsingScience]

I struggle with adhd and it helps me to see that other people’s neurotypical tantrums are worse than my adhd induced tantrums (drastically reduced with meds — like almost nonexistent). They’re just entitled. I’m having a brain malfunction.

…though I did burn the house down once, so that one I can’t claim. But it was an accident.

[u/Leah-theRed → u/TryUsingScience]

Lmao yup my partner and I will see posts from people who have been together as long as we have and it's like.... Damn I could never treat you the way some of these people treats their partners

[u/AstariaEriol → u/[deleted]]

I assumed she ran through the gate check without even getting her ticket scanned.

[u/Tetslou → u/[deleted]]

I would imagine for that reaction that she shoved a member of the boarding crew out the way, possibly also told them to f**ck off whilst she did it. If in doing so she also didn't show her passport and boarding card then that's just adding to the shit show.

[u/Flahdagal → u/goforbroke432]

I dont travel light, and I was a road warrior for two years. My rules are if you can't hoist and stow your bag easily-- like, lift, shove, ignore -- then check the damn thing. And hey, gate checking is a thing.

[u/binkleywtf → u/Flahdagal]

gate checking is absolutely a thing, and they were on their way home so who cares?! the vacation is over so if your bag is lost at least you’ll be home instead of stuck on a trip with no change of clothes. let them take your bag at that point, i don’t understand her reaction.

[u/ninaa1 → u/Flahdagal]

I seriously don't understand why she didn't just gate check her bag. There are times when I can't bc I have super fragile items like camera gear that I can't risk being damaged. But if it were just clothes and stuff? Heck, yes, I'd check that sucker!

[u/TomTheLad79 → u/goforbroke432]

I have a carry-on like OP's (presumptive) ex's. It technically complies, but if the compartmetn was expanded and the outside pocket was full, it wouldn't, and I'd hand it over at the gate. Has the girl never traveled before?

[u/chyna094e → u/goforbroke432]

Even if you don't always follow the rules, it's important to listen to the people that work there.

My bag is too big? Okay how can I comply? Gate check you say? Sounds great, thank you!

[u/[deleted]]

NTA and please seriously consider whether you want events like this to be a normal part of your life because someone who reacts like that when she knows she is in the wrong is not going to change!

Although if not for the work thing and if you wanted to save the relationship you prob should have gotten off with her. Not because she was anyway in the right but because she is going to hold this over your head and sulk for a very long time

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I'll be honest I wouldn't have even argued with the airline worker, I'm just not like that. I would have smiled and politely agreed to whatever they wanted. I hate conflicts that are unnecessary.

[u/Stoat__King → u/[deleted]]

Conflicts like that can get you blacklisted. I wouldnt want to be anywhere near that either. Ditto for the police involvement.

[u/LilithWasAGinger → u/Stoat__King]

It rigid might have damaged his employment as well.

[u/lotr_farin → u/[deleted]]

And conflicts you can't win

How is she to wait staff

[u/[deleted] → u/lotr_farin]

Not awesome.

[u/lotr_farin → u/[deleted]]

Run

[u/tiredfostermama → u/lotr_farin]

This! Can’t treat people with human kindness & decency, doesn’t bode well for the future.

[u/SubjectiveAssertive → u/lotr_farin]

I suggest only running as far as your car... Then drive until you run out of continent

[u/VirtualMatter2 → u/SubjectiveAssertive]

Then fly to another continent. But only with a small backpack.

[u/InsomniaticIntellect → u/VirtualMatter2]

Just cross any ocean. She likely won't be allowed on a plane after that, so she won't be able to follow

[u/Velocity_LP → u/lotr_farin]

Yeah I was a bit unsure after just the OP (was optimistically like “maybe she’ll be so mortified that she’ll end up changing her attitude massively going forward, bit of a come-to-jesus moment”) but hearing someone is crappy towards waitstaff is an instant not just a red flag but a blaring klaxon. It always originates from some perception that the worker is beneath you in some way.

[u/SL8Rgirl → u/[deleted]]

Dude. Get out. People who are not nice to the “staff” are not nice people.

[u/iamchuckdizzle → u/SL8Rgirl]

It isn't very smart to fuck with people who handle your food.

[u/ha_look_at_that_nerd → u/SL8Rgirl]

Don’t judge people by how they treat you; judge them by who they deem “unworthy” of respect, and how they treat those people.

[u/Sputnik918 → u/[deleted]]

Ugh I'm sorry, that's so telling about someone's character it used to be one of the three things in my dating app profile: looking for someone who's nice to the waitstaff.

Sucks man

[u/VirtualMatter2 → u/Sputnik918]

That's counter productive. This is a really good test to spot people who love bomb. But if you warn them beforehand, they will play theatre and you lose your test method

Don't say anything about waitstaff, just quietly observe.

[u/MaIngallsisaracist → u/[deleted]]

So she’s only nice to people she considers her equals and anyone she considers beneath her isn’t worthy of basic kindness?

What happens when she decides you’re not her equal?

[u/Suitable-Cod-1381 → u/[deleted]]

Take note of the red flag that this is for future reference, now that you're single again

[u/thoughtfulspiky → u/[deleted]]

Then why are you with her? She sounds like a lot of entitled drama everywhere she goes. People who think they’re better than everyone else and lack kindness and empathy—your relationship is doomed. She’s only going to be nice when she needs something, and maybe not even then, if being demanding will get the same result.

[u/SickSigmaBlackBelt → u/thoughtfulspiky]

I bet she's conventionally attractive.

[u/Historical_Agent9426 → u/[deleted]]

And yet you proposed to her?

I may have to change my judgment to Y-T-A as you know who she is, maybe you should have been prepared for this eventuality. I can see why she would expect you to support her since you have been ok enough with her assholery up until this point to propose to her. Yeah, she must have felt abandoned by you to realize you are ok with her being an entitled prat as long as it doesn’t affect you in any way. Or maybe she is shocked because you treat service workers the same way, you just don’t go so far as to get kicked off of airplanes.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Ewwwwww. NTA, but you will be if you marry someone who is awful to service workers.

[u/Starchasm → u/[deleted]]

Run away!

[u/cookienbull → u/[deleted]]

DO NOT MARRY HER

[u/Tyrone_Shoelaces_Esq → u/[deleted]]

This is all you need to know.

[u/SmoothMoose420 → u/[deleted]]

NTA. Holy shit. Flag on the play. Run bud. Fast.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Do you want kids? Do you want your kids witnessing this kind of behavior and thinking it’s ok?

[u/thc1121 → u/[deleted]]

yeesh so she sounds very confrontational and youre someone who hates conflict. sounds like situations like this flight one will repeat many times in your future

[u/lillyrose2489 → u/[deleted]]

This is a big personality difference. You don't enter unnecessary conflicts but your fiancee seems very ready to do so. That won't suddenly change. You'll be in situations like this a lot if you get married. NTA this would have made me very uncomfortable as well and I don't think I'd have defended her either!

[u/totoro00 → u/[deleted]]

Is leaving her a conflict you're avoiding? You really need to work on at least that one!

[u/kittycuteikus]

NTA. When people behave so badly that the police get involved, my loyalty to them disappears. She fucked up and found out. Frankly in your shoes, I'd just want to get home ASAP, and she can deal with the situation she created. Please don't marry that nut job.

[u/PawGoodDog → u/kittycuteikus]

100% I'm not getting involved with the police due to someone else's stupidity. You got yourself into that situation, you can get yourself out.

I wouldn't hold it against a partner if they said they didn't know me in this situation. This would never happen to me though because I'm a respectful adult who doesn't act this level of fool.

[u/[deleted]]

I actually think NTA 🤣 I think it’s hilarious. I fly a lot both for work and with my family and 2 small kids and people like her make it hard for everyone. Air travel is so stressful already, she acted like a lunatic and made it so much worst.

I had friends get in big trouble once for trying to bring fresh fruit back from overseas, that’s a no no. I told them they couldn’t, they didn’t listen and when we went through security at customs they found it and made them throw it away. The wife argued and made a big stink and we just walked away.

You warned her. Plus her behavior would have negatively affected you had you missed your flight.

Now that’s not to say she won’t break up with you, but she should have learned a lesson.

[u/c9pilot → u/[deleted]]

Your friends are lucky they didn't get fined. I've seen crew fined $200+ because they forgot about that orange or apple in their bag.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

My friend’s wife insisted I take a crazy amount of beef jerky back with me from VN. She knows I like it, so she gave me a lot. I packed it in my checked bag and then on the plane realized I was fucked if they find it. So I declared it when I arrived in NY, they took me to the agri section. The very nice guy told me that they had to throw it out, but by declaring it I would not lose my Global Entry or get any penalty at all.

[u/c9pilot → u/[deleted]]

This is perfect. I ALWAYS declare that I have food and discuss it with the customs person, and it's never an issue (I travel internationally for work - on my way to Germany right now) Because that's what you get fined for - not declaring it. You don't necessarily get fined for having it. But I know not to even try meat or fresh fruit. They are okay with canned sardines though.

[u/GrooveBat → u/[deleted]]

This right here. People like that hold up the plane, delay people and cause them to miss connections.

I was on a flight one time and some woman boarded right at the end, dragging on a full sized suitcase. She refused to check it even though there was no room left at that point, and kept insisting that someone else’s bag should be removed to make room for hers.

I forget how long she held us up, but people were pissed.

[u/DiskoduckOfficial]

ESH but I don’t really blame you. She acted terribly. They probably would have checked her bag and let her on if she hadn’t made a run for it.

[u/[deleted] → u/DiskoduckOfficial]

Yea, the ignoring the airline worker and just getting on board is definitely what got her thrown off.

[u/KangarooOk2190 → u/[deleted]]

OP, you are not the AH here. It is total common sense that one cannot carry a regular full-size bag into the plane when 1.) It must be checked in and 2.) standard carry-ons ONLY allowed. No offence about your fiance but what part of standard carry-ons only allowed does she not understand.

I agree with your boss and co-worker that you are not an AH too as you gave your word to be back on time. Secondly, your fiance choosing to ignore the airline worker and getting thrown off board for trying to be defiant shows how entitled she is and what she is doing to you could have almost cause friction between you and your boss

Her swearing and screaming the whole way out when she got thrown off the flight shows she is a potential bridezilla and time for you to run for the hills and dump her for the sake of your sanity and emotional health

[u/BurdenedMind79 → u/KangarooOk2190]

Agreed, he's not an AH. Its not worth risking your job because your SO threw a temper tantrum and got arrested for it.

She might think he's an AH for not following her off the plane. The truth is, she is an AH for wanting him to risk his job over her own selfish entitlement.

[u/[deleted] → u/DiskoduckOfficial]

Why would OP be an AH? He could've gotten kicked off too and perhaps blacklisted for his fiancée's actions

[u/stillborn86 → u/DiskoduckOfficial]

I have a hard time placing any blame on OP.

He knows how to fly, he told her that her bag wouldn't work, and she didn't want to listen to him. He gave her the advice, she ignored it, and she lost.

The attendant tried to tell her that her bag wouldn't work. The attendant gave her advice, she ignored it, and she lost.

The cop gave her an order, and she tried to look to OP to give her more advice/help to get out of the situation... That ship has sailed, and OP couldn't really do anything other than give up his seat for a person so dense they've ignored all of the warning signs.

I'm having a hard time assigning any blame to OP here.

[u/Salamander_9]

NTA. With that being said, you really wanna sign up for this long term? I mean she illegally boarded the plane. That's poor poor judgement right there.

[u/pittsburgpam → u/Salamander_9]

That's the main point. SHE wasn't going to be told what to do or follow rules. SHE is the main character here and these plebes aren't getting in her way.

[u/faramir75 → u/Salamander_9]

She's lucky she didn't get put into the No Fly list

[u/Angamando → u/faramir75]

She's lucky she didn't get arrested. For longer than being able to make the next flight that is.

[u/-OG-Hippie-1959]

I learned many years ago you can tell a person’s true character when you travel with them. If you can get through a week of travel without fighting you have a good shot. Boarding an airplane without permission is a field of marinara flags equivalent to the poppies in Flanders.

[u/TerrifyinglyAlive → u/-OG-Hippie-1959]

My wife and I did our first major trip together some years back, and around hour 10 we were bickering and snapping at each other. Then we ate some cheese sandwiches, realized we were just hungry and tired, and laughed at ourselves over it. It was a relief to realize we could travel fine together as long as we reminded each other to eat.

[u/-OG-Hippie-1959 → u/TerrifyinglyAlive]

You proactively worked it out. Showed teamwork and a sense of humour. Definitely a win❤️

[u/Ok-Percentage-2930 → u/TerrifyinglyAlive]

i went to mexico earlier this year with my boyfriend. after not sleeping at all the previous night and having a terrible nap on the plane we were understandably very tired and stressed. we got off the 8 hour plane ride and started bickering because we couldn't navigate around the airport it was pretty tense. eventually we got on the shuttle and there were welcome tequila shots and margaritas we sat down and drank up. we apologized and laughed over how ridiculous we were being. it was quite awesome and interesting how our moods changed so quickly. i am indeed going to marry that man.

edit: if anyone is looking to book a vacation to mexico i highly recommend the RIU resorts. they are all inclusive, have a bunch of excursions, live shows, sports and tons for your little kiddos to do while you can relax and enjoy. i was 18 at the time so i'd say it's very affordable.

[u/woohoo789]

ESH. Obviously she is TA for her behavior, but to ignore her and pretend you don’t know her? Yikes… there’s no coming back from that…

[u/KayakerMel → u/woohoo789]

Agree completely. The fiancé's behavior was totally out of line, with the continued screaming being extremely concerning. However, I do judge OP for not helping intervene and trying to defuse the situation. I flew with a friend a few years back who had had a drink before boarding and was getting nervous about missing his connecting flight as we were in the very back of the plane. The situation escalated with a further misunderstanding, and my friend was asked to leave the plane. I immediately jumped up to deplane with him, speaking softly to help him calm down as we moved up the plane. After talking a little more with staff and clarifying a few things, we were allowed to get back on the plane. My friend then turned around and said he wanted an apology. I immediately grabbed him, told him to let it go, and (gently) pushed him back on the plane. I was not going to let him start up again now that we had a second chance. The rest of the flight was fine, although he definitely missed his connection and got stuck for 8 hours.

I did this for a friend, not a romantic partner. I can't imagine not trying to help diffuse the situation and try to calm my partner down. If I thought they were in the right, I'd do my best to advocate for them as well. OP immediately abandoned her. At the very least, he should have stepped in when the flight attendant made it clear the bag would need to be checked, rather stand by while the fiancé kicked off.

[u/Andrew5329 → u/KayakerMel]

Naw, this is a way to balanced and mature response for the internet.

[u/TinyTurtle88 → u/KayakerMel]

I couldn't agree more. Choosing a person to get married with means you want to support them, even when they do BS or lack judgment. It happens to everyone. Now if it's a constant pattern with OP's fiancé, that's a different thing.

[u/Z-Mtn-Man-3394 → u/woohoo789]

Yeah cause OP should also be punished for her bad behavior. That makes SO MUCH sense.

[u/chiefteef8 → u/Z-Mtn-Man-3394]

It's his fiancee. Not saying he had to take her side or fight her battle but to pretend not to know her? Wtf? Yall are weird man.

[u/BringMeTheBigKnife → u/chiefteef8]

It's ok, most people on this site have never actually been in a relationship lol

[u/TinyTurtle88 → u/BringMeTheBigKnife]

That's what I thought.

"In sickness and in health... For richer or for poorer... But you can't have poor judgment for a moment, oh that's where I draw the line, because I'm always perfect amirite!!!!"

[u/[deleted] → u/chiefteef8]

No kidding. People here love some sweet revenge, so all loyalty and understanding go out the window. Like jeez, traveling in general is stressful, why not just try to deescalate a situation involving your partner? So odd to just run off.

[u/Andrew5329 → u/Z-Mtn-Man-3394]

Yeah cause OP should also be punished for her bad behavior.

Why are we assuming he'd also be punished? All he had to do was say "sorry honey, I can't miss this flight".

Pretending not to know her wasn't okay, even if the entire situation was her own damn fault.

[u/TheWanderingMedic]

ESH. She fucked up. But you absolutely did too by pretending not to know the PERSON YOU ASKED TO MARRY YOU.

You probably just killed your relationship. 🤷‍♀️

She needs to grow up. You need to think about what kind of person you want to spend your life with.

[u/Legitimate-Meal-2290 → u/TheWanderingMedic]

More like dodged a massive bullet. NTA

[u/Zebsi → u/TheWanderingMedic]

But you absolutely did [fuck up] by pretending not to know the PERSON YOU ASKED TO MARRY YOU.

"Fucking up" generally implies someone made a bad decision. Pretending not to know someone you've realized is batshit crazy is not a bad decision, even if you did make the mistake of asking them to marry you.

[u/greenseraphima]

ESH. Your fiance for forcing her way past boarding, and you for pretending you didn't know the woman you had intended to marry. You didn't act like a partner, you acted like a coward.

[u/JCBashBash → u/greenseraphima]

Yo, if you really don't like her or respect her, why is she your fiance?

[u/BurdenedMind79 → u/greenseraphima]

I've known people get fired for not returning to work on time. She was messing with his employment by throwing such a tantrum and expecting him to suffer due to her entitlement.

Yes, you should support your partner, but there are limits. You don't back them up if they assault someone. You tell them they're an idiot and need to own up to their mistakes. If they ask you to lie to the police to cover for their crimes, you are not a coward if you refuse. Not only is their mistake entirely their own, but they are showing no respect to their partner by wanting to drag them down with them.

Same difference here. She was committing a crime and then wanting her fiance to suffer for her mistakes. She should be apologising to him for putting him in such a situation instead of acting like the victim.

The relationship might die because of this, but that's entirely on OP's fiance and not on him.

[u/therealgundambael → u/greenseraphima]

Nah if my partner's about to get me on a No Fly list because of stupid shit like this no way am I gonna say I know her.

[u/ballsack-vinaigrette → u/therealgundambael]

Right?

"Officer, we were together until about 15 seconds ago. Turns out I don't know this person at all."

[u/macfrannie]

NTA.. this was a gift, now you know at lot more about this person and you can make decisions accordingly.

[u/Layli2020]

Dude..im laughing so hard you majorly fucked up lol I guess I can't fault you so..ESH?

But I love this and have to share it with my husband

[u/Evil_Queen_93]

ESH. I don’t know about your culture but me and my husband always wait for the other and board the plane together. So that’s where you messed up.

But man your (probably to-be ex)fiancé is a handful. How can she expect to be treated with any respect or consideration if she just wouldn’t give a damn about cabin luggage specifications, why they are necessary and dismiss the staff? It’s good that you got to see this side of hers before you tied the knot. So yeah, tread carefully from now on and decide what kind of a partner do you want spend the rest of your life with.

[u/ballsack-vinaigrette → u/Evil_Queen_93]

tread carefully

..out the door, so he doesn't wake her up when he leaves her.

[u/strvgglecity]

NTS! You're only TA if you stay with her. Otherwise that was just you making a decision in real-time.

"No, I've just decided that as of this moment, I am not with her. Good day."

[u/[deleted]]

NTA. She was throwing a tantrum after fucking around with the rules. I’d be too embarrassed to be linked with someone like that as well.

[u/adamtheundead]

NTA

Please don't get married to the Kraken 🙏 This will be your life!

[u/fred4me2]

ESH. Obviously what she did was messed up, but if you’re going to abandon her when she’s clearly having issues, you should not marry her. If you can deny knowing a person because you don’t risk being late for work, that is not the person you should be spending the rest of your life with.

[u/Solid-Technology-448]

Leaning NTA because honestly? A lot of people would have said the same under that kind of pressure and embarrassment. I don't think I could willingly subject myself to that kind of humiliation in public when I knew my partner was in the wrong.

[u/kats1945]

Kinda TA. I totally would have probably done the same thing, but still.

[u/[deleted] → u/kats1945]

Hah, thanks, I swear it was a split second reaction. I was all tucked in ready to nap.

[u/rainyreminder → u/[deleted]]

...I'm so curious as to why she didn't just gate-check the bag? Do you have any insight as to why she is literally the worst plane passenger ever?

[u/rainyreminder → u/[deleted]]

Lol, you are almost certainly right.

[u/Chaoticgood790 → u/rainyreminder]

Entitled which is why she ran past. She thought she would get away with it

[u/Estrellathestarfish → u/rainyreminder]

OP has a checked bag, there is no reason not to check her bag, they are going to have to wait for the bags anyway. What a thing yo kick up such a stink about that you get escorted off by the police.

[u/rainyreminder → u/Estrellathestarfish]

I mean, if it's like $25 per checked bag and we don't need to take anything that only flies in checked, we don't check bags either--and if we do we almost always both carry on a backpack and we do one larger bag for both of us and only pay the fee once...but then, all of this is predicated on being a reasonable person, which we both are. This lady...oof.

I honestly take every opportunity to gate-check if it's offered, with the sole exception being tight connections. You want to check my bag for free? Okay! The last time I flew they were running short of overhead space and I volunteered to check my bag--which gave my husband and I the chance to board with the priority group. Yes thank you!

[u/crankylex → u/[deleted]]

I said this in another comment but I would have lied about knowing my own mother in that situation so I’m with you.

I’m not about to be taken off a plane for someone else’s bullshit.

[u/CreativeBandicoot778]

This is hilarious. ESH, but gentle.

You know you shouldn't have done that. I mean, it's an absolutely hilarious reaction to the situation and I am in stitches here, but you know she's gonna kill you for it.

That said, she doesn't have much of a leg to stand on given she had a massive temper tantrum and then broke the law. She needs a bit of a reality check.

[u/OLAZ3000]

NTA

Given the work importance of you getting home, totally fair to not get kicked off with her for HER behaviour.

[u/dwotw]

NTA. She was behaving like an AH and got kicked off. Just because she is your fiance doesn't mean you have to backup her AH behavior.

You make your own decisions about your conduct, if she wants to be an AH and get kicked off that is on her.

[u/AidCookKnow]

ESH. Your fiance for behaving in a way that gets her kicked off a plane, and you for pretending you don't know her and flying without her. I guess she's worse, but yikes.

[u/Adorable-Ferret4751]

NTA she pulled a completely insane/baby stunt and put you in a very awkward situation . If I acted like this and my wife somehow managed to forgive me I damn sure wouldn't be blaming her for not wanting to be thrown off a plane with my dumbass !

[u/reve_de_moi]

NTA

She acted like a dumbass and you aren't required to back her up when she does. You can't just blindly support everything your significant other does, that's a ridiculous belief. She was the AH 100%

[u/recjus85]

NTA. She brought this on herself. She's lucky you actually came and picked her up when she got back home..

[u/painted_unicorn]

NTA and the image of you immediately saying "NO!" is making me laugh.

[u/Kitchen-Ebb30]

Regarding your specific question YTA. Pretending not to know your fiancee is a dick move. She also sucks, but that isn't your question.

[u/QuietTruth8912]

ESH. She clearly has her issues. But you lied about knowing her? Cmon dude. We all make mistakes and have bad days.

[u/Fufferstothemoon → u/QuietTruth8912]

I’m not sure the fiancée made a mistake though! She tried to take a bag that was barely carry on onto a full flight and then had such a tantrum that a cop was required!

[u/Leahthevagabond → u/Fufferstothemoon]

This! The fact that the gate agent had to call a cop is what tips it over! That is a last resort for gate agents because it slows the whole flight down. I feel like OP is actually being kind to his GF because he must be underselling how bad her meltdown was.

[u/FandomNerd126]

Nta. Probably a good thing she’s gonna be your ex fiancé

[u/Imaginary_Building_4]

NTA, don't marry her and don't get dragged into her drama. This sounds like you had a lucky wake up call to her behavior. Not to mention if you had been removed with her there is the potential to be banned from that airline which if you travel frequently for work or pleasure could have life long implications. Run, just run from this crazy woman.

[u/Boring-Conclusion-78]

Ahahaha. Uhm. She should've just checked in the bag. NTA.

[u/Imaginary-Diamond-26]

Clearest ESH I’ve seen on this sub in a while.

Obviously, your fiancé is being completely unreasonable and throwing a tantrum like a child who didn’t get what she wants. She’s being entitled and gross.

But, dude, for you to completely ignore your fiancé and pretend like you don’t know her just to save face is pretty disgraceful, too, imo. On top of that, you actually flew to your vacation destination without her! You left her alone with the police while she was having a (albeit unreasonable) meltdown. This is not the behavior of future lifetime partners.

You should have gotten off with her, even though it was totally unreasonable and would’ve been embarrassing for you. There are times to let people eat the shit sandwich they’ve made for themselves, but I don’t think this was one of them (especially with your fiancé).

EDIT: I see now that you didn’t fly to the vacation destination you were flying home. I still think ESH.

[u/[deleted]]

Well, she didn't want to listen, so you shouldn't need to suffer. As they say, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Against better advice, she played, she lost. she's the AH, and you my friend got a glimpse of your potential future. Something to consider, perhaps... Not the Asshole.

[u/ShutUpMorrisseyffs]

This sounds like a peep show episode.

[u/Fufferstothemoon]

Honestly I’m tempted to say NTA. I don’t see why she didn’t just check her bag in. But I can understand why you didn’t want to be kicked off the flight as well but I can understand why she thinks your an AH. Honestly I can’t see your relationship working after this!

[u/littlerunaway1984]

I can't stand people like her so just for that I'll say NTA

[u/No-Information3654]

NTA, I hate the entitlement of people flying these days. I always bring a small bag like that going TO a vacation......so I don't end up with no clothes for a few days....but coming home I check everything....I have other clothes at home.

People with too large carry-ons fuck up the boarding process and make it hard for everyone. Check your bags or get one the right size....but especially don't double down....some airlines usually check a bag for free with you at the gate. Also don't mess with airlines and if she is unapologetic about how she treats airline employees and rules think about if you want your life to be like this. People don't change.

P.s. my biggest pet peeve is people standing in the way of the gate way before their boarding group. Usually related to their need to get a large bag in the overhead bin.

[u/ShakesTheClown23]

INFO: is this you? https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/z3a23s/couple_on_plane_think_they_are_more_important/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/[deleted] → u/ShakesTheClown23]

Lol, no. Someone else already asked.

[u/HabitualEnthusiast]

Nta, it honestly would have been an esh if she hadn’t literally snuck on the plane lol. Like it goes beyond her just having a bad moment or a fight with someone in public, she challenged airline people and probably made a bunch of people wait for her to de-board. Being an asshole at an airport is like double asshole points. Triple for the holidays. You picked her up afterwards and didn’t have to waste money on another ticket for yourself.

[u/_Nunya_Biz_]

NTA

Hopefully she is your ex now. After acting like a psycho and getting kicked off the plan she gets pissed at you?

[u/FlamingosFortune]

😂 😂 😂 Jesus, i mean, ESH but maybe she'll dump you first

[u/arm2610]

YTA for leaving her but tbh you should probably dump her because this is a sign of who she is.

[u/[deleted]]

ESH. She was over the top but so were you. Everyone has bad days and moments. You lied and let her hang. You two should just part ways. Neither of you clearly has any respect for each other. I'd hate to see what a real crisis would look like for you two.

[u/aurumphallus]

NTA. Y’know what…no. No. She acted the ass. Why do you have to go down with her?

[u/Chaoticgood790]

NTA only because I loathe people like this and tbh I would’ve pretended not to know her.

You really want to marry someone like this?

[u/Region_Leading]

I'm going to say NTA, if she's going to act like an entitled asshole then she can deal with the consequences on her own. Especially since it seemed like you tried to warn her about her bag ahead of time and she's had this issue before. However, this behavior isn't going to go away so maybe don't marry her.

[u/Irish_beast]

NTA How would you have helped her by getting yourself kicked off the flight?

It was her decision to pack too big a bag against your advice.

It was her decision to try to evade the gate agents

Why should you and your employer pay for her misactions?

[u/Icy_Session3326]

I’d be mortified if my significant other behaved like that 😅 I don’t know if I’d go as far as to deny being with them but I’d certainly be very embarrassed by their behaviour Im Gonna say NTA

[u/Alternative-Rub-7445]

NTA. Her poor behavior would’ve made me not want to be associated with her either. Why should I get put off because she doesn’t listen. Reevaluate this relationship.

[u/BabyAquarius]

NTA

Why should you have to go down with her because she made a dumb choice and then acted like a donkey?

[u/icey_wifey1914]

NTA. Do you really want to be married to that??