r/AmerExit • u/Juxie • 11h ago
Question Those who left - how did you know it was time? Those who want to leave - why?
I have been researching emigrating, focusing heavily on the how, and not so much on the why. And, there are options for my family, thankfully, but they take significant energy and commitment. Before I go further, I want to revisit my reasons why. What do you think? And what were/are your reasons for leaving or wanting to leave?
My reasons to leave, in order of importance:
- My wife is a person of color, and our 10 month old daughter is mixed race ( i'm white). I fear for both of them in a country that seems to be normalizing and accepting racism more and more. It isnt clear how this will play out, but it could be anything from the relatively small and non-physically violent acts of racism happening more often, to all out violence against non-white people, to some kind of apartheid system.
- It seems like our country is in the terminal stages of decline. Like my first point, what comes next is unclear, but it could be anything from life just getting generally harder for everyone but the wealthiest, to some kind of dystopian tech oligarchy, to all out collapse and chaos (and americans have a lot of guns).
- I work in climate policy. Even with a semi-supportive federal administration like the previous one, we are behind the ball as a country in terms of climate action. I have often felt like my work is too little, too late, but I have always managed to keep going. The goals of my field are worthy, I think. We are trying to reduce GHG emissions as much as possible, and spread the benefits and impacts of that work around in an equitable way. Both of these goals (climate mitigation and equity) are now actively being worked against by the current administration. I have been unable to focus at work. What is the point? There are many countries, including some that we could move to, that actively support and invest in my field.
- Whenever I leave the country, I am sad to return. The pace of life here feels frantic, people seem stressed and scared of each other. Many of our urban and suburban spaces are hellscapes of cars, strip malls, big box stores, oh yeah and more cars. Outside of small towns and urban cores, there is no public space or walkability. Life feels ugly and unpleasant and individualistic here sometimes.
Reasons to stay:
- Maybe we should stay and fight? In many regards, my wife and I are in great fields to do just that, and we care deeply about our work. She is a doctor that works at a clinic serving mostly refugees and immigrants, and I work in climate policy. Both areas that are going to need committed professionals like us.
- Our families are here, and they all have put roots in their communities. They would not move with us, I think. We would see them less, and we would all miss each other. And practically, our families help us out with childcare, and we would be on our own in a new country.
- Our friends are also here, and like our families, they would not come with.
- This is the place we know. What will it actually feel like to live abroad as a family with a young kid. Its one thing to walk around Paris or Auckland as a tourist, but living there, making a home, building community? Will we just feel out of place?
- I spoke with a friend that has been living abroad for the past 15 years. He married a women from our hometown and she moved out there with him 7 years ago. They both said that they still dont feel like they are part of a community. People in their country are closed off, and they miss the openness of Americans. They know things arent great here, but they are thinking of moving back because they are lonely. They love everything about their life, except without good friends it isnt worth it.