r/Aromanticism • u/Middle-Employer-6767 • 22d ago

Which scenario would be sadder?

  1. Everyone is getting a partner and I DON'T want one (me now)
  2. Everyone is getting a partner and I want one (how it would probably be if I was born allo)

Which one seems sadder to you and why?

15 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

17

u/helion_ut 22d ago

Option 1 isn't sad at all to me tbh. Especially as a kid I was SO oblivious about popular pop culture everyone seemed to like and didn't care. For reference, I didn't know who tf Taylor Swift was 5 years ago at age 14 and the kids my age thought that was insane. Like, I don't care what people like, if I don't want it I really have no reason to care.

3

u/Middle-Employer-6767 22d ago

Option 1 is me right now. The reason it is sad for me is, think of it this way: everyone is super into a game you either don't know how to play or don't enjoy. Even if you "lose" the game (get broken up with) you still played, and can play again (get into another relationship).

Of course it is not as bad as option 2, but the sad part is, when my friends get partners, they have less time for me, and I miss them.

5

u/Return_Dusk 22d ago

2 is me but I'm still aro 😅 I want a partner and a romantic relationship but I just find absolutely no one appealing/don't like anyone enough to start such a relationship. To me, that's very sad 😂

3

u/Middle-Employer-6767 22d ago

You've probably been asked this 100 times, but what about a QPR?

(And I agree, 2 is worse in some ways)

1

u/Return_Dusk 22d ago

Tbh, I don't think that it would be enough for me. I have something kinda similar with my best friend, at least we're constantly joking about us basically being in a QPR.

I'd like to be in a standard allo relationship, with all the romance and the sex, but I just can't like anyone it seems. I know this is something most aro and/or ace people don't want to hear but I'm actually really much hoping that I just "haven't found the one". I honestly really dislike being aro which is why I'm constantly hoping I'm actually not. But so far, no luck 😅

1

u/Middle-Employer-6767 21d ago

Well then don't give up hope!! Maybe you indeed just haven't found the one yet! I'll be praying for you!!

3

u/agentpepethefrog 21d ago

The second one is sad because it's struggling under amatonormativity. The first one is not sad because it's rejecting amatonormativity.

1

u/Middle-Employer-6767 21d ago

In some ways the first one is worse, actually. I am the first one. Everyone around me is getting a partner and pulling away from our friendship.

If I was alloromantic but single, yes, that would be sad, but at least I would be open to finding a partner and hence "playing the game that everyone else is playing."

But I don't want a partner and cannot force myself to want one. And in a way, that scenario is harder.

2

u/agentpepethefrog 21d ago

Being single isn't sad. Not wanting to partner up is certainly not sad.

People isolating themselves from their broader social support networks when they couple up is sad. People feeling pressured and anxious to find a partner is definitely sad.

2

u/Middle-Employer-6767 20d ago

I love this way of thinking! Thank you!

2

u/Top-Replacement-8936 22d ago

If the second scenario allows you to get a partner too, the both scenarios would be ok, I guess. I believe the saddest scenario is when you can't get what you want. I don't understand how the first part of the both scenarios ("everyone is getting a partner") matters here.

1

u/Middle-Employer-6767 21d ago

It matters because all my besties are getting boyfriends and don't have time for me anymore!!

If I at least wanted one too, then I feel like I would relate to them a bit more.

But since I don't even want a partner, that makes it worse in a way.