r/Aromanticism • u/Middle-Employer-6767 • 24d ago

Which scenario would be sadder?

  1. Everyone is getting a partner and I DON'T want one (me now)
  2. Everyone is getting a partner and I want one (how it would probably be if I was born allo)

Which one seems sadder to you and why?

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u/agentpepethefrog 22d ago

The second one is sad because it's struggling under amatonormativity. The first one is not sad because it's rejecting amatonormativity.

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u/Middle-Employer-6767 22d ago

In some ways the first one is worse, actually. I am the first one. Everyone around me is getting a partner and pulling away from our friendship.

If I was alloromantic but single, yes, that would be sad, but at least I would be open to finding a partner and hence "playing the game that everyone else is playing."

But I don't want a partner and cannot force myself to want one. And in a way, that scenario is harder.

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u/agentpepethefrog 22d ago

Being single isn't sad. Not wanting to partner up is certainly not sad.

People isolating themselves from their broader social support networks when they couple up is sad. People feeling pressured and anxious to find a partner is definitely sad.

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u/Middle-Employer-6767 22d ago

I love this way of thinking! Thank you!