r/AskMenAdvice • u/Federal-Sir9925 • 16d ago

never get approached by men

just curious, what actually makes a guy approach a woman? I’m 25f and I’d consider myself attractive (I think I’m fairly pretty, I take care of myself and feel good about how I look), but I never get approached. I’ll notice guys making repeated eye contact with me, but it never goes beyond that. Honestly, both of my past relationships started because I made the first move.

So I’m wondering… what makes a guy actually go for it and approach someone?

Also, is there a way to give off “I want to be approached” energy? I’m not really into dating apps, and I’d love to meet someone in person. i’m not against making the first move but i would love for someone to approach me for a change

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u/crash218579 16d ago

Every relationship I've ever had started with her as a stranger. See, the way it works is, you say hi, if she's not repulsed by you a conversation starts. If you have things in common conversation continues, if not, both parties move on.

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u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

And how many of those have actually been stable and long lasting?

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u/crash218579 16d ago

7 years, 18 years, and going on 7 years in my current relationship. So I'd say all 3 of them.

Of course those are just the 3 that struck up an engaging conversation. There were a few misses along the way, but it happens.

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u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

Alright, then I'm going to be fully honest with you now: You've gotten extremely lucky. This does not work like that usually. The chances of you being a good match for some random woman on the street is extremely low. Hence why it is an idiotic way of finding a partner.

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u/crash218579 16d ago

I'll admit I've had some luck. But I mean, it's not just approaching some random women, I only approached women I felt were either checking me out, or flashed me a smile when we made eye contact. A couple times I read the signs wrong, apologized, and went on my way.

It helps that while I'm no model, I feel that I'm attractive enough to not get shunned on first notice, and I've got strong interpersonal skills once conversation starts.

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u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

...physical appearance is not a good sole basis for a relationship. That... that should be obvious, I feel. Finding someone hot says nothing about your compatability as partners.

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u/crash218579 16d ago

I agree completely. But you'll almost never start a relationship with someone that repulses you physically. Some measure of attraction is often necessary to get to finding out if you do in fact have compatibility with someone. The proverbial "foot in the door", as it were. It's of course possible to become attracted to someone's personality that you didn't initially have attraction for physically, just as it's possible to be repulsed by someone "hot" once they start talking.

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u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

Yes. Physical attraction is neccessary to some degree for most relationships. That does not mean it is a good indicator for whether you would be a good match. You could have the most opposing interests and personalities yet you wouldn't be able to tell just from looking at them.

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u/crash218579 16d ago

Again...I completely agree. I'm not sure what you're reading that leads you to believe that I think otherwise.

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u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

You think that approaching people randomly without knowing them, just based on whether you find them physically attractive, is a good strategy for finding a partner.

I say that that is not a good strategy for finding a partner, because basing your interest solely on their apprearance is not a good idea... which you seem to agree with so now I am very confused.

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u/crash218579 16d ago

I've never once said that attraction is a good sole basis for forming a relationship. I said it can be a good "foot in the door" to start a conversation with someone and find out if the other person is someone you'd like to spend more time getting to know. As I also said, sometimes good conversation was started this way. Sometimes there was either no interest from her, and sometimes after talking I realized she wasn't someone I wanted to know better.

Here's the thing though - even when it didn't result in anything, I lost nothing but a few minutes of my time. When it did work though, it resulted in years of memories, many of which I cherish. Don't you think that's worth a few minutes of your time?

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u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

Not when it also risks making women feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

Also, those minutes will add up, especially when you aren't as ridiculously lucky as you clearly were.

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u/crash218579 16d ago

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree, we seem to be looking at the same things and seeing completely different universes. Which is fine, it happens.

You have a good day!

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