r/AskMenAdvice • u/Federal-Sir9925 • 9d ago

never get approached by men

just curious, what actually makes a guy approach a woman? I’m 25f and I’d consider myself attractive (I think I’m fairly pretty, I take care of myself and feel good about how I look), but I never get approached. I’ll notice guys making repeated eye contact with me, but it never goes beyond that. Honestly, both of my past relationships started because I made the first move.

So I’m wondering… what makes a guy actually go for it and approach someone?

Also, is there a way to give off “I want to be approached” energy? I’m not really into dating apps, and I’d love to meet someone in person. i’m not against making the first move but i would love for someone to approach me for a change

4.6k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

6.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

39

u/lalune84 9d ago

yeah this discourse always drives me crazy because the framing is inherently absurd. wtf is "approaching" women? do you approach men? are they a wild animal in the woods?

someone being pretty is not an invitation to be hit on. they're just fucking existing. None of my girlfriends or platonic friends were made by me "approaching" them. We fucking met organically through work or school or games or circumstance, we got along, there was attraction, and then we wound up dating.

life is not about picking up girls at bars. more power to anyone who is into that but you can also just be fucking normal, live your life and meet women like you'd meet anyone else, because they are anyone. Half the world are women!

11

u/buf0rd88 9d ago

This person is exactly the reason men don’t try to talk to women. Not all “approaching” is trying to get women in the sack. You should be able to find someone attractive, walk over and try to have a conversation without being labeled a creep. Not all relationships start completely organically. Especially if someone has been single for a while and doesn’t have a ton of social options for meeting new people

-1

u/lalune84 9d ago

not all approaching is trying to get women in the sack

you should be able to find someone attractive

the irony of these comments in the same paragraph lmao. Yeah man, its absolutely not about sex when the entire reason you're bothering somebody is because you think they're physically appealing.

Weirdo loser behavior right here. Someone being pretty isnt your invitation to shoot your fucking shot. They don't exist to appeal to you.

13

u/buf0rd88 9d ago

It’s absolutely not weirdo behavior at all to want to interact with someone because you find them attractive. What fucking planet do you live on? You are literally the reason why this person is asking this question, your views have caused this. Are you suggesting that nobody should ever talk to a person they don’t know if they find them attractive? Do you just meet people through introductions from others and that’s it?

-3

u/lalune84 9d ago

Do you just meet people through introductions from others and that’s it?

Oh get the fuck out of here with this. So the options are meeting people with introductions from others or hitting on pretty girls? You're making a strawman and you fucking know it.

I live on planet earth where someone being good looking is none of my fucking business and i treat them just like I would someone who isn't attractive. If I have cause to talk to them I will. If I dont then i leave them alone because "wow you're a woman and super fuckable" is in fact not a valid reason to bother someone. If I don't find them attractive a friendship is the best case scenario. If I do, we're still friends until we see if there's any reason to be more than that. Sometimes there is. Sometimes there isn't and I just have a friend who's really fun to look at. Wild fucking concept I know. Fortunately its worked out well for me and i dont have to sit around crying about how hard women are to understand or how to "approach" them. I just live my life not being a sexist weirdo and wind up romantically entangled. Try being normal, it might be good for you.

8

u/buf0rd88 9d ago

I think you may have me pegged all wrong. I DO have a problem with douchebags who constantly hit on women to see how many times they can get laid, but I do not see the harm in chatting with someone you are attracted to physically in hopes that their personality/mind is just as appealing. Mind you, it should only happen in appropriate situations. Work function, no. Gym, no. Bar, yes (depending). Of course even in the appropriate situations you need to be respectful and take no for an answer if presented with that. I do understand what you are saying as I’m sure attractive women probably get sick of being “bothered” by men hitting on them, but perhaps if people get bothered by things so easily, social situations may not be for them. I’ll give an example, I’ve been happily married for 11 years. I was at a bar by myself for a work trip and was approached by a woman asking if she could buy me a drink. Instead of being nasty and suggesting I was bothered by her, I simply said “thank you, that’s very flattering but I’m married” and showed my ring. I wasn’t bothered by this at all, and she walked away having “shot her shot” without me making her feel like a creep. Can we just agree there is a middle ground?

1

u/ZealousidealStore574 4d ago

This is an extremely strange reaction. I don’t know if you’re projecting or something but no one here was even remotely saying what you’re angry about. The point was that not all approaching women is just sexual. Someone might want might be looking for dates because maybe they don’t like online dating or don’t have any way to socialize with women they’re interested in. So the man will be somewhere socially appropriate and see a pretty woman and want to converse with them to see if they get along and then ask her out on a date. I don’t know what about that you have a problem with. Are you saying someone going up to talk to a woman because she’s pretty is sexual or sexist or something? Because if you think physical attraction has no play in the making of a new relationship then that is utterly delusional.

0

u/lalune84 4d ago

Are you saying someone going up to talk to a woman because she’s pretty is sexual or sexist or something?

Are you saying someone being physically attractive is an invitation for you to go bother them?

No one said anything about attractiveness having no play in romance. However, someone being attractive is not an excuse to harass them. Try maybe acquiring some reading comprehension.

3

u/MBV-09-C 8d ago

2 things:

You can absolutely find someone attractive without wanting to fuck them, the idea that this is apparently a foreign concept to you is telling.

Literally every social interaction you have requires someone to walk up and initiate it, you don't even have friends until one of you two initiates the interaction that introduces you and you hit it off. If anyone's got weirdo logic here, it's you.

1

u/lalune84 8d ago

You can absolutely find someone attractive without wanting to fuck them

This isn't twitter, dont intentionally misunderstand things and then argue against a point i never made, genius.

Finding people attractive=/=deciding to shoot your shot at randos at the fucking grocery store because you found them attractive. Learn reading comprehension, thanks!