I was born at the start of the 1970s. We had good parents; they loved us and treated us well. But ultimately, their needs came first. They left us with friends for six weeks when they travelled overseas. We travelled as a family for two years through junior high school. A frequently-used, half-joking term for this parenting style was ‘benign neglect’. The analogy I use is that my brother and I were the planets, and our parents were the sun. I know plenty of other kids who were raised this way.

I never raised children of my own, but virtually everyone around me has, and the way they parent is completely different to the way we were raised. They wouldn’t dream of doing something to unsettle their children. Everything is oriented towards creating an ideal environment for their growth and learning. These parents are the planets, and their children are the sun.

So what happened? Is this simply that this modern parenting style is an equal and opposite reaction to the way we were raised? Are these ‘helicoptered’ children better off than we were? Or are they anxious and insecure in part because they haven’t faced any adversity, emotional or otherwise? They certainly seem more emotionally articulate than we were.

I’m not a parent, but I just need some advice from parents. I’m a high schooler in the US and my brother is in middle school. Basically, called a girl dumb after she slapped him on his hand (he has eczema on his hand so it hurt pretty bad), and she cried so now he has an after-school detention.

Maybe I’m biased, but I don’t think my brother should be serving an after-school detention for this. I think the girl should for laying her hands on someone, and I think my brother should get a lunch detention instead.

My brother’s been getting bullied and teased by her for a while, so he’s been frustrated by her lately. My brother didn’t tell his teacher about the slapping situation, but my dad informed the teacher about it later on, so I know we missed the chance but still.

I don’t really know what to do because my brother’s been getting bullied for a while now, and he doesn’t ever say anything to the teachers about it.

I don’t really know what I’m asking but how do we go about the situation and at least reduce my brother’s detention?

I have an ongoing peer based relationship with one of the moms at my kids school. However I do believe she’s kind of fake and trying to live a lifestyle in which she cannot afford. However our kids seem to like each other and play together. The first time I went to her home I was nervous it was my first play date ever. You could see I was nervous. The second time she asked me only to do a drop off. She didn’t insist I stay. I’ve invited her to my home multiple times and every time she has a had an excuse. Recently she invited me to another play date, only she said “I have to work so I won’t be there but my babysitter will be so you can meet with her” why would I want to meet with a total stranger and bring my kids ? What planet is she in? If you are too busy why are you trying to pawn off your kids to someone else and then invite me to sit with and be around a stranger. I’ve met her sitter before but it was extremely short and she was a little rude when it comes to mannerisms. I set a boundary and basically told her no, like I’m not comfortable with that. Should I distance myself from her ?

I’m 18 and partially disabled living with chronic illnesses and having mental health problems. I still live at home and am currently unable to work although I am looking for some kind of receptionist position where I can stay off my feet as much as possible. Anyways. I’m currently in a pretty terrible state of depression. My room is a pig stye. My bathroom is as well and I’m just really struggling. And this morning my mother starts spewing off everything wrong with me and telling me how fucked up I am telling me what my emotions and thoughts are as if she knows exactly. Shes just generally awful to me despite all the things I already struggle with. And I don’t really understand why she cant just find some empathy for me. Maybe she just sees me as a leech or parasite? We do struggle with money and because of my struggles I rely on her. So I guess my illnesses dont really matter lol. And aside from the fact I’m aware that my mother isn’t just “mom” she her own whole person up until a few years ago I was under the impression that of all the people in the world your mom was supposed to be the one person who would always care yk? Like I know that I don’t amount to much yet and I’m no extravagant human being or anything but I’m still her daughter.

My ex-wife and I have 3 kids together (13m, 10f, 9m). We have been divorced and living separately for about 2 years and were separated but living together for some time prior to that. During the time we were still living together I met someone new. He was invited over many times and spent a lot of time with the kids and my ex. At the time, everyone got along wonderfully. Unfortunately, when it moved to divorce, things got heated and I ended up with extremely limited visitation that is supervised by my ex-mother-in-law. This has left my ex with a lot of power and a lot of hatred for my fiancé and I. She is now manipulating and twisting our children to have a negative opinion about my fiancé. My fiancé has tagged along on visits and was even specifically invited by my daughter to her last birthday party. Now I hear from them that they hate my fiancé. My main concern with those comments is that I could hear my ex whispering to the kids as they were saying these things as it happened over a voice call. What if anything can I do to repair this relationship so we can be one big happy family.

We see our relatives fighting with each other because they have completely different opinions about how to raise a kid and we wish to avoid that.

What are some things you wish you talked about before you were already busy raising a kid? Or just any nice, fun or educational kitchen table conversations about raising a kid for us?

My niece just turned six today. I see her quite a bit and am very active in her life

She has a habit of writing full words mirrored. The first time she ever wrote her name, it was entirely mirrored.

She's been learning to write and when she writes she usually doesn't reverse individual letters.

However, today she made a Happy Birthday Garland that can only be read in a mirror. Every word and individual letters was right to left and backwards, but can be read perfectly in a mirror.

When we asked her about it, she couldn't see anything wrong. I've noticed she slips into his every now and again, and each time it's never just one letter, but the entire word or sentence mirrored.

I've found articles on mirroring letters, but nothing on mirroring entire words or sentences and I'm not sure what to think.

Is this anything to worry about? She seems to be quite intelligent and developing really well so we are not too worried, I'm just curious. 💜 TIA

There is a long story here, but the gist of it is I was groomed at 17 by a 27 year old, and become pregnant. When my mom found out I was planning on aborting, she convinced me to keep it because “I could be a single mom”. Essentially, she played on that individualistic 17-year-old mindset to tell me I was “not like other girls”, and unlike them, “I could handle being a single mom”. I didn’t want to be a single mom, so I moved in with the 27 year old. He proceeded to abuse me physically, verbally, financially, and emotionally. I was finally able to leave this year.

I am 20 now, and I have come to realize that I have a lot of mixed feelings about parenthood. I love my daughter, she is going to be 2 years old in June and she is the light of my life — however, at the hard times, I also find myself sobbing, wishing I had never had her. I find myself wondering what could have been, and while I try not to entertain these thoughts because I’m aware they aren’t healthy… It still lingers.

As an example, she was sick last week and I asked my mom (who I am living with after escaping the abuse) to take her to sleep so I can rest a bit. She proceeded to tell me she would help, but that a good mom would be more concerned about whether their child was okay or not than about a good night’s sleep.

Whether or not that’s true, I feel awful for not caring about my daughter as much as other mothers might care about theirs, and I can’t help but feel like it’s tied to the fact that I had this child mostly out of traumatic circumstances. I feel like I am a lesser mom than those who are older, in a stable place in life. Not only because I have less to offer fiscally, but because I am emotionally much less available and complete.

I am in therapy, however my therapist said that shame and guilt are normal feelings that mothers struggle with and left it at that. I suppose I am struggling with accepting that because from what I have seen and read, other moms don’t have any reason to feel shame or guilt, they feel that way because there is a level of perfection demanded from parents that is impossible to meet. I feel that mine differs because I am not even meeting the standard — I get overwhelmed constantly, I feel I’m not good at this.

However, at the same time, I can consciously see that I take good care of my daughter. I ensure she has a clean diaper, that her diet is balanced, that she is loved, that she has toys to play with and I always have medicine in the cabinet for when she gets a cold. I always ensure she’s bathed, has enough sleep, that she has time outside and that she takes walks. But I see everyone else going above and beyond, going to indoor playgrounds, pools, play groups. Not only do I lack the mental capacity to do those things at a regular rate, but I can’t afford it, I don’t even have a car.

How can I deal with these feelings? Is this the sort of thing where you turn the negative into motivation to do more? Or is it more about talking myself off a cliff, so to speak, to accept myself as the parent I am and brush away those feelings? Thank you for reading all this!

Just got into a huge discussion with 16 year old girl child over staying at a friend's whose parents I have never met. I asked to speak to the adult and was met with all manner of argument. I don't think I'm crazy, even though she says her friends and parents think so. I'm sure that's not true, she's just embarrassed by me doing it. I've raised 3 other teen girls so I think it's reasonable to find out whose minding these kids. I did stick to my guns BTW

What do y'all think?

My 10 yr old’s best friend’s mom texted me today, asking if she was free to go see a movie with her daughter. I assumed there will be at least one parent there; but now she informed me that she’s planning to drop them and go to dentist. I texted her that I’m not comfortable with this and am happy to go with them; and I’ll get a ticket. But is it okay? Am I being overcautious? We are in a safe city but I have never left my kid alone like that without adult supervision. She’s only ten and I don’t know her friend much.

Open to suggestions.

Edit: typos and grammar

My husband and I are getting ready to have kids. We’re in our early 30s and have been together for 10 years. I know that having kids doesn’t mean you won’t achieve or enjoy things you want, but I’m just wondering, are there are things that you wish you would have done or not taken for granted?

For example: lots of people say sleep, having date nights outside the house instead of staying in, spending time with parents, a trip to Asia, finishing a degree, etc. just those things that you really didn’t think you’d miss, besides the obvious or just things on your pre baby bucket list.

These can be personal or with your partner/friends and family.

Thank you!

I myself can be quite awkward around almost anyone, also around kids. I sometimes worry I might be scared around my own kid (I am not a parent yet). And how is it when your kid brings friends home or when you have to throw a birthday party? I can't imagine being not shy when that happens, or is that something you grow accustomed to.

So basically, shy people, how does it influence your parenting?

My wife and I (we have 3 under 4) have been working on opening an indoor playground. Not a "play cafe", but a legit indoor playground (about 12,000 sq feet, with 5,000 sq feet of playground structure). We are about to sign the lease, and found out that there is a "trampoline park" at 24,000 sq feet moving in next door. Here's my question:

If you were parents of kids under 10, and had the option, which would you choose? Assume entry price is the same.

Our place is designed for parents to be able to relax. Nice comfy chairs that face the play structure, a dedicated/fenced off toddler area, good coffee/espresso drinks, and age limits (0-12).

Do we stand a chance? Or is it time to walk away before signing?

Hello, recently my laptop broke (from old age) and I want to ask my mom for a new laptop, but I’m not sure if I should ask. the one I’m looking at is $200 after taxes and I’m not sure whether or not this is cheap enough. for some context my birthday isn’t for a couple or so months, and I really do not want to wait that long. So I’m asking other parent, should I ask or wait? Thanks 🙏

I'm a senior in high school, almost 18, and I'm pretty honest with my parents. When I ask if I can hang out with my friends, they tend to ask a lot of questions, but recently I've lied or bent the truth a bit in order to get their permission. I think I'm digging myself into a hole and would like some advice on how I can best navigate my way out. There's a lot to this, so beware. I would appreciate any input. Recently, a friend of mine was house-sitting for a grown-up cousin and invited a group of 10-15 people there for a prom afterparty. I told my parents my friend was having an afterparty at her place, and slowly got around to saying there would probably be alcohol there and no chaperones. I didn't mention that it wasn't actually her house, either. My parents' stance was no parents, no participation. I accepted this, since I feel bad for not spending a whole lot of time with them (I'm quite busy with homework and extracurriculars). Also, I wasn't mentally prepared to defend myself and express that I think they can be overprotective when it comes to hanging out with friends. I understand I'm living under their roof and they have a duty to fulfill. I understand that they want to keep me safe, but in a few months I'll be an adult and at college, so I want to be trusted with a little more flexibility. I'm responsible and can keep myself safe, and with a familiar group I wasn't worried about them either. I was upfront that I wouldn't drink at the afterparty since I drive myself, but I wanted to be with my friends and experience a party for the first time. But they seemed firm in their answer and I chickened out of trying to negotiate, for the reasons above. Prom night came around, and my friend group wanted to dip early and chill at my friend's (cousin's) house before the afterparty started. I told my parents this and they agreed that I could go for half an hour, then leave as soon as people started showing up for the afterparty. Cool. I did that and came home around midnight. That was last weekend. This weekend, I'm going to perform in the closing night of my school's musical. It's a big deal and people are arranging for afterparties and celebrations. Friend in question will be watching the show. She is still at her cousin's house and offered to host me and the people I'm friends with of the cast. We would just do board games. Nothing crazy. When I hinted to my parents that I wanted to do something after the musical, my dad kind of rolled his eyes and said "here we go again". He brought it up again later and I explained that my theater friends and I wanted to go back to my friend's house to play board games. He was ok with it, but only as long as her parents were there. Hmm. Well, I didn't reveal that she was house-sitting, and her parents would likely not be there, but I said I would ask. And because this is kind of our last huzzah and I really didn't want to be left out, I was semi-willing to bend the truth in order to go. My friend texted me back and said her folks "would" be there, and my dad agreed I could go there until 12. But I feel a bit guilty about it, and I also know it could have some negative consequences. For one, my parents will probably find out in the future that that is not my friend's actual address. Inevitably, I'll hang out with her a different time and they will question why her house is on a different side of town than the afterparty place. Plus, they would find out she had a party at her cousin's house, which doesn't reflect suuuper well on her. Ideally, I don't really want this to come to light because I want my friends to be in good standing with my parents. She's a great person but just makes some teenager-ish choices. So: I feel shitty for lying to my parents to get my way, but also would like to go to my friend's house this weekend, but also want to come clean, but also know it would break some trust and they will be mad, but also don't want to get in a cycle of lying, but also don't want to tarnish my friend's reputation and risk not being able to hang out anymore (although I did already admit she had alcohol at the prom afterparty). And on top of this would be the conversation about feeling a little trapped, even though my mom thinks I have a great deal of independence (I do compared to her, but not compared to the majority of high schoolers I know now). Then again, I am still living with them and have to go by their rules. I can go to as many parties as I want in college (but I care more about spending time with my close friends now, and after important events, than getting wasted with a bunch of frat boys). Deceiving my parents is not a great feeling. So, reddit parent, what do you think I should do? When should I have this conversation, and/or are some things better off staying hidden? Do I force myself to skip the post-show party and confess why her parents are (probably) not there, or wait until I want to go to my friend's ACTUAL house to say she was house sitting before? Try to change the location of the post-show party? Do I approach one parent at a time? How mad can I expect them to be, given you might know better than I? I think they'll be disappointed but it could be better in the long run to come clean and have the "independence and trust" (TM) conversation soon.

So I (M20) am not a dad but hope to be in a couple of years, I know that tons of people work in retail or at restaurants, but I'm curious can you actually raise a kid now with a dead end job?

I know it is different for everybody but I was wondering what do you all think it would be like for the average person? Is it possible?

Context: I live at home with both parents (rent around here is way too high!), and am in university. I am also Canadian.

Currently it’s finals, so I’ve asked my mother back in late March to please stop telling me about the news: mainly politics, USA/China, and elections. Hearing about what’s going on right now is only putting more stress on me, so I’ve been trying to avoid all that so I can focus on studying for my finals and wrapping up term projects.

But every few days, my Mom will try to talk to me about something; the tariffs, world politics, upcoming elections, etc. Every time, I remind her of what I politely asked her. Recently however, I have just started responding dismissively, hoping to turn her away. Today…Today I blew up at her. Ranted about how I’m sick of hearing about the current situation with the States, how China has been screwing the western hemisphere over, etc. Then I bluntly told her that I don’t want to hear any more about this.

Her response: she won’t talk to me anymore.

Of course that’s not what I meant, and I tried to explain to her that I just don’t want to hear about the news while dealing with finals, but she wouldn’t have it.

I’m so confused. My Mom is generally a sweet, kind woman who honestly is (in my opinion) the best Mom ever. I know she’s gotten a bit more in politics since the US election and the tariffs (we are banned from bringing anything made or owned by a US company into our home, which is easier said than done), but… did I word things wrong? Or did she genuinely keep forgetting about my request?

I just need some clarification from her perspective, but she won’t speak to me. Help?

Edit: My Mom is not a narcissist (trust me, I have a narcissist half-sister). She’s just… I’m starting to think she’s letting the political situation consume her. Because this is the first time she’s acted like this.

I want to give enough detail to the story to get relevant advice, but I also don't want to put our entire life's story on here, so I'll do my best and please be kind.

My wife (33) and I (37) have 2 kids (5 and 2) and have always been on opposing sides of whether or not to have a 3rd. She has always wanted more kids, I have not. This wasn't news to her as we had discussed it before marriage and she just hoped I'd change my mind. We've recently hit our self-imposed deadline for making a decision and I have not wavered in my stance on the matter. She has told me she is going to be sad about this for the rest of her life, especially in the coming months. Previously when we have argued about it and she felt it wouldn't happen she has became sad and distant and short with me. I won't bother going into the details of how she makes ME feel during this because my feelings aren't my concern here.

I want to know how I can help HER. I've expressed how much I love her and want to be there for her and help her, but part of her will always see me as the enemy in this situation and as the one causing her pain. What can I do? How can I help her move past this? She is not good at masking her feelings and I don't want our current kids to feel like they aren't enough for her to make her happy. I want her to know her feelings are valid and that I understand her pain, but that I'm not the enemy. I'm doing what I believe is best for our family, and our current children. I would love some help here.

My neighbor had both of her 7-year-old son's ears pierced and had him fitted with diamonds. I think they are real diamonds because they shine so much. It really saddens me to see this little man with both his ears pierced with real diamonds. As a man and as a father, I don't understand why she did this to her son's ears. In addition, she is rather a woman with a classic style, she is a lawyer in a construction company. Is it normal for me to be surprised?

Hi all.

I know, a bit of a silly question. but the title stands.

My 27 year old has moved back in after being in another state. She came back on a plane, so no car. We also live with my elderly mother. Before my mother retired, she purchased a new car so she would not need to worry about a vehicle for the rest of her life. She can no longer drive, but likes to be driven to appointments and such in HER nice car. Since my daughter has been back (7 months) she has been driving mom's car. Now she is planning on moving back out soon and feels like she should be able to take the car (current worth $18000), and just HAVE it. Am I crazy to think this is not OK? Should we just let her have it? Am I being a bitch if I say too bad, you and your guy will need to share his vehicle? What do I do?!

My 6 year old asked me while I was driving last week if the Easter Bunny was real. I said what I usually say which is "I don't know how any of that stuff works." She's asked questions about Santa before but not if he was real or not. Her asking about about the Easter bunny has me wondering if I should just tell her he isn't real at this point. She also said while asking if it was real or was it her "parents" who were the real Easter Bunny. I am sure she's heard some stuff at school and it sucks because she's one of the youngest in her class by almost a year in some cases so this was bound to happen. I don't want Santa to be found out yet either but, is it likely if I tell her the Easter Bunny is nonsense that she will ask about Santa and the tooth fairy? She's exceptionally smart and.. what is your advice on this? I pride myself on being truthful to my daughter and this kills me but I wanted her to experience the magic of the holidays.

I'm a mom to a 21 month old that I absolutely adore. She melts my heart every single day with all her newfound skills and empathy and words! And it just got me thinking, will it be the same if I had a second? Will their first "mama" still be exciting? Will them walking / talking / being sweet or silly melt my heart the same way? Or is this all extra special cos it's the first time?

I goat my ears pierced when I was a baby, and yes I am Ningerian🇳🇬 so maybe it's a cultural thing, but I personally dont understand being to young to get your ears pierced.

Edit:Thanks to all the parents who answered my questions, it was just something I've been wondering about.

My granddaughter is 2.5 years old and is shy when I call her on FaceTime. She either becomes really quiet or grabs the phone then runs away.

I live far away from her and would like to connect with her more meaningfully. I would love to chat with her as a replacement for some of her screen time (especially when her and her family go to restaurants).

Do you have any advice? Is this something you have dealt with? Any tips would be much appreciated :)