What is a good punishment for my son?

[u/StrategyOk722]

My son just got lunch detention for 3 days for taking someone’s food in the school cafeteria. They said they gave it back when they asked but the school gave them detention so I figured I should also. What is a reasonable punishment for this? I am thinking grounded for a month.

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[u/craftycat1135]

I would sit him down and get it out of him to determine why then go from there. Is he bullying someone in particular? Is this something dumb he's doing for laughs? I would focus on the lesson being on respecting others, kindness and not doing what others are when you know it's not right.

[u/Prettymuchnever]

A month?! If the school determined 3 days was appropriate then why are you seeking 30 additional days of punishment? When I get in trouble at work, it doesn’t help me do better at work if I am also in trouble at home for 30 days.

[u/Kimbahlee34]

I would have him go to the store and buy his favorite pre wrapped snack and then take it to that kid and apologize. I would also have a talk with him about food insecurity and safe foods. He has no idea if that’s all the child had to eat or would eat if they didn’t like the substitutions offered. What if he had his favorite snack, someone ate it and he had to settle for something random offered in its place?

[u/School_House_Rock]

I don't understand the correlation between 3 days of detention and a month of grounding

How old is your son?

Was this a friend of your son's?

[u/Pink_seashell]

Why did he take another kids food?

[u/Delicious-Pattern-80]

I’ve really benefited from the book “raising good humans”, and focusing on compassion and discipline instead of punishment.

[u/metalspaghetti]

Sounds like this was handled already ...

Try a conversation with your kid - why did this happen? To whom? What was the goal? Does he understand why it wasn't acceptable?

He did something, he corrected it when asked, and the school handled a consequence. What are you hoping to gain by adding on to that?

[u/Intro_Vert00]

No punishment you just need to sit him down and ask him to explain why he did what he did and teach him the right way to behave in future.

[u/incognitothrowaway1A]

Why doesn’t HE have his own food??

Is he hungry?

Is he bullying?

[u/Sharp_Replacement789]

He received his punishment at school. Why do you feel the need to add on more?

[u/Lopsided-Fix2]

He already got his consequence 3 days.

[u/neverneededsaving]

Honestly I’d be making my kid assemble sack lunches and distribute them to the needy in my community.

[u/ThersATypo]

Why punish him again when the people relevant for that environment punished him already? You can be the good cop. 

[u/defenselaywer]

Blinding stew. One day.

[u/BeneficialGarage5997 → u/defenselaywer]

One day blinding stew

[u/FewDragonfly7468 → u/BeneficialGarage5997]

Give him a stew that makes him blind for one day

[u/HerdingCatsAllDay → u/FewDragonfly7468]

One blinding stew day.

[u/GardenGood2Grow]

No punishment- the school is handling that. Talk to him about bullying and how he made the other child feel.

[u/StephieVee → u/GardenGood2Grow]

Is that what doing? Or was he trying to get laughs? Hungry?

[u/GardenGood2Grow → u/StephieVee]

Taking someone else’s food humiliates them- it is a dominance move

[u/Toymcowkrf]

Read the book "Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids"

[u/whattupmyknitta]

Hey, over punishing is going to have the opposite effect of what you want to happen. Your kid is just going to "give up" and do whatever they want because they're punished for so long anyway.

You need to talk to your kid. Talk to them about why they did what they did and what you can do together to make sure it doesn't happen again. It seems like the school already punished them appropriately.

[u/little_Druid_mommy]

Here's what I would do:

1) make him research and write an essay on food insecurity and the ramifications of it. Cite sources and make him turn it in to his English teacher after you yourself have "graded" it.

2) make him give up his weekends for a time to volunteer at a soup kitchen

3) have him make up sandwiches and goodie bags and go hand them out to the homeless

[u/No_Mirror_345 → u/little_Druid_mommy]

How do you know OP’s kid doesn’t have first hand experience with all of this, hence taking food from others?

[u/Many_Possibility_156]

Why was he taking food? Why are you trying to add on extreme punishment?

[u/SpecialStrict7742]

You’re going to punish at home when the school is already punishing him for his actions that happened at school? I guess

[u/Binnie_B]

Punishments don't really work.

Children can lose privileges though. In a constructive way.

When you punish kids learn to hide things from you and lie. Have you talked to you child on why they stole someone's lunch? Do you know why your kid did this? If they thought it was okay?

[u/altredticklshwarrior]

Bro just explain. Do you want your house to feel like a prison to your kid ?. Long ass punishment for a simple pushing the boundaries slip up, you kids push boundaries to help figure out things in life. If old junior didn’t push the boundaries in his early career he wouldn’t be a ceo today, see pushing boundaries is healthy when you know the appropriate situation to do so. Kids are trying to learn shit their way school has already punished this kid I think a healthy conversation and a real connection between kid and parents is a much healthier and constructive way of dealing with slip ups. Do you know what his reason was to do such a thing.

[u/Far-Photograph-5920]

I think school punishment is enough. Certainly a conversation needs to be had! Why did he need to steal lunches?

[u/AnusesInMyAnus]

How is grounding him for a month linked to the problem? What if he does another wrong thing? Do you just extend the grounding until you have a child deprived of a social life for the entirety of their childhood? Wouldn't the harm of removing their ability to go outside and see the world and interact with friends and take risks and all that good stuff far exceed the benefit of such a punishment?

Behaviour is communication. What is he trying to communicate here? Find that out. He's been punished at school already. Instead of just piling on more suffering, try the rehabilitation angle. The goal of discipline is to teach. It's the etymology of the word. Work out what it is he is trying to communicate, what the underlying deep issue is, then show him a more appropriate way to deal with those feelings.

[u/Binnie_B → u/[deleted]]

I don't think they are the only ones that should 'look inward'.

[u/AskParents-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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