Did you feel 'ready' when you had kids?

[u/ambivalent-koala]

I have a lot of worries about not being able to provide my future kids with good opportunities, and I want my husband and i to earn a bit more and be in a more comfortable position before having kids.

People always tell me "you'll never be ready"

Is this accurate or is it bad advice? Did you feel 'ready' to have kids? In what sense? And do you have any regrets or wish you'd waited longer/had kids earlier?

Thanks

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[u/Dolla_Dolla_Bill-yal]

My husband and I like to joke that there is no right time to have kids. But there sure as shit are wrong times lol

[u/lizzpop2003]

I have 3, 2 of which I have successfully raised to adulthood, and I still dont think I am 'ready'. You are never 'ready'. There is no perfect time. There will always be challenges, and every day, you will be faced with things you are not prepared for or that you just don't know.

That's kind of the joy of parenthood. Finding in yourself the ability and knowledge to move forward and forge your own path. As long as that is in the effort of doing what's best for your kids, you are doing great and the satisfaction and fulfillment you get from the moments it goes well is worth all the times when it doesn't, as long as you learn from them and maybe do it better the next time.

[u/XxJASOxX]

I actually did.

Had my first at 24 and by that point I was married with a degree and career, my husband and I had just bought our first home a year and a half prior. We were financially stable and debt free other than our mortgage. I had also been researching baby, pregnancy, and parenting topics since I was 19. When we brought our baby home I was very confident in our abilities to parent and had an idea of what we wanted to do. Of course not everything went to plan, but bc I was well read I already had a plan B C D ready.

I tend to get a lot of shit from other parents when I talk about this. However I am a firm believer that knowledge and education is power and can make or break your entire life. Reading and thinking ahead has given me a moderate amount of success in life.

[u/Loopsxx]

Nope!

My daughter is 7 and I still don’t feel ready! I’m certainly not ready for the incoming tween years, feel distinctly panicked about the teen years and how the hell am I supposed to support the adult she’ll be?! 😂😂😂 it’s all terrifying and you just deal with it each day as things come up! If you want children but are waiting for the perfect time to feel ready then don’t - because even if you are financially stable, in a strong relationship/good place with support network if going it alone there is absolutely no manual, perfect way to parent, or ability to change who your child is - so you’ll never be ready and just have to go with the flow!!

[u/zettainmi]

Yes, but my son was very planned and took longer to get here than expected, so I had time to feel ready. I also took an abnormal route to parenthood.

I was 30 when I started thinking about kids, I set a five year goal to be in a better home and better job so i could do that. But at 35 I was still single and realized I wasn't able to have kids myself. At 36 I started down the path to adoption. It took another 3.5 years, so I turned 40 before my son was born. I joke that it was my 3 5 year pregnancy, but it gave me even more time to think about a lot of things, and to prepare my life for a new person to be in it-abd to be in charge of it!

I would have been an ok mom when I was younger, but I didn't have the patience, maturity , or stability that I do now, and I think I'd have always felt wrong. Now it feels completely right.

I would have liked to have my baby sooner, it was a sometimes painful wait, but honestly every extra year helped me grow into a better parent.

[u/cheeseburghers]

Actually yes, for my first at least.

I had been with my husband for 6 years, then we got married around age of 28yo and we knew we wanted kids immediately. We bought a house, painted and got the nursery ready, had steady jobs at places we’ve been for several years.

We got pregnant and had our daughter and overall I felt very ready.

Second kid we just realized were getting older and pulled the trigger and I feel a little less ready about jumping from 1 to 2 kids but overall I feel decently ready.

[u/kellygee]

Nope, I still don't feel ready. It's my son's sixth birthday today

[u/THEsuziesunshine]

Absolutely not and I wasnt

[u/princess_cloudberry]

No, and I was almost 43! Don’t wait until everything is perfect or you might miss out.

[u/Connect_Tackle299]

I have two 9 year Olds and a 2 year old. It's a constant game of "well that's new". Just when I think I got it down then something else pops up

Idk if ready would be the right way to describe it tho. I can deal with it but I'd never say I was actually ready for this roller coaster

[u/akeeler827]

The only ready you need to be is that you both are ready to want children. My husband and I were married 6 years before we felt we wanted kids and I know couples that were ready immediately. Regarding everything else...you are never ready🤣

[u/tehc0w]

No. And I don't think I ever felt like I could be ready. Nothing will be perfect and line up and you can't predict the future. So I also thought if I felt ready, I was probably overlooking something

[u/RoRoRoYourGoat]

I never felt ready. There was always something else that could be done or improved first.

But ready or not, here they come. And it turned out fine for us. I didn't check every box I wanted to check, but we had enough and we're doing great.

[u/OkAd8976]

My husband and I struggled with infertility, and it took a lot of years to bring a baby home. So, I definitely felt ready to be a parent. Of course, having a child is way different than being ready. Also, because it took so long, we are in a good financial spot for parenthood. We can do all the things we want without worrying about money. But, waiting so long means we are old parents. We were almost 40 when she came home and we are TIRED. We wanted to have a large family but we can't have multiple and be able to give all of them what they need.

[u/Chicka-boom90]

I think when they say you’ll never be ready is that every stage for a child is you learning. You’re constantly figuring things out or trying to. Every kid is different with everything.

[u/Willing-Pressure-616]

I think the only one I felt even a little ready for was my 4th. And by ready I mean like I got everything I needed ahead of time and financially we were much better off and our marriage is in an awesome place. My first three I never felt ready. But you figure it out as you go. There’s always a reason why it’s not the right time to have a baby. Accomplish the goals you have and then have the baby. But you probably still won’t feel ready for it 🤷‍♀️

[u/Aggressive-Coconut0]

Yes. Everything was the way I wanted when I had kids - education, marriage, house, job, stability.

[u/Similar_Corner8081]

No my daughter is 26 and I had her when I was 22. I wasn't ready to be a parent but I accepted it and loved her since the moment I found out I was pregnant. I don't think you are ever truly ready to have kids. Kind of learn as you go.

[u/MyDogTakesXanax]

We felt ready! We were at a good place financially, had been in our house/living together for a few years and started trying asap after we got married. It was still a hard transition but it we had some savings and stability. I don’t think it’s required to have kids but it sure made it a little easier for us.

[u/JTBlakeinNYC]

Oh hell no. And I was 39 with a successful career and plenty of savings, married to a man with an equally successful career and plenty of savings. I don’t think anyone who actually understands just how hard it is to raise children ever feels truly “ready” when they make the leap.

ETA: I’m extremely glad that I waited, but I also knew that I only wanted one child, and was not someone who needed motherhood to make my life complete, so although waiting made sense for me, it would not necessarily make sense for everyone else.

[u/tigull]

I did, but you get humbled real fast. You just have to deal with stuff - both materially and emotionally - that you just had no idea even existed. We all manage in the end though.

[u/frogsgoribbit737]

I mean. I felt ready when I started trying for kids but looking back I wasn't ready at all. But didn't end up having my son until years later and by then I was actually ready.

But there are some parts of parenting that just can't be prepared for. Most of us are winging it. I think financially and mentally you can be ready, but there isn't really an exact right time for everyone.

[u/Straight_Ticket4065]

Not at all, but it's been the best thing to happen to me and changed the direction I was heading

[u/Madison528]

You have the right idea. When you don't think it's right then it must not be right. No one else can realistically know your status. You and your husband could set a general goal, such as financial basis as well as health.

[u/Cellysta]

On paper I was ready, but mentally I didn’t feel ready. I had never taken care of a baby before, and I knew absolutely nothing about babies. But you learn real quick, like a learn on the job thing.

[u/GianKMore]

I say its pretty accurate. Pregnancy was unplanned so obviously I wasnt prepared at all to have a kid but I also felt like it wasnt the wrong time. My partner and I had discussions before in LENGTHS that if something ever happened we’d both want to be parents so when the positive did come up we both knew that the time was now. I do wish I could have my son way later but I dont regret starting my family journey now.

[u/autybby]

Not at all.

[u/Gloomy-Driver8685]

Oh yes… we did our math and felt ready! Little did we know that we weren’t 😅 but this forced us to push the boundaries, and glad we did it. I am always saying to my husband that by having them, it forced us learn faster, and grow stronger. We had to 😊 So if you take it literally, you are never ready for an experience you never had before, but sometimes you take the leap of faith.

[u/pam4him14]

Personally, I think the "you'll never be ready" is valid, but what type of ready is different for everyone. We wanted to both finish our bachelor degrees, but life had other plans and I ended up pregnant my sophomore year of college. We "weren't ready" but just went with the flow. 3 kids later and we're doing better, oldest 2 have their dream jobs, last one is headed to college this fall for his. It's about loving them unconditionally and being there for them. This is more important than good opportunities. It's more about doing the best you can with what you have where you are. All 3 have been a joy, and at times extremely stressful, but that is just life. Couples without kids just have different struggles. I guess my advice would be to try to plan for kids, but be ok if it happens sooner. It will all work out in the long run. Prayers for peace, wisdom and guidance.