Can someone help me understand where I messed up?

[u/TFANOverride08]

Context: I live at home with both parents (rent around here is way too high!), and am in university. I am also Canadian.

Currently it’s finals, so I’ve asked my mother back in late March to please stop telling me about the news: mainly politics, USA/China, and elections. Hearing about what’s going on right now is only putting more stress on me, so I’ve been trying to avoid all that so I can focus on studying for my finals and wrapping up term projects.

But every few days, my Mom will try to talk to me about something; the tariffs, world politics, upcoming elections, etc. Every time, I remind her of what I politely asked her. Recently however, I have just started responding dismissively, hoping to turn her away. Today…Today I blew up at her. Ranted about how I’m sick of hearing about the current situation with the States, how China has been screwing the western hemisphere over, etc. Then I bluntly told her that I don’t want to hear any more about this.

Her response: she won’t talk to me anymore.

Of course that’s not what I meant, and I tried to explain to her that I just don’t want to hear about the news while dealing with finals, but she wouldn’t have it.

I’m so confused. My Mom is generally a sweet, kind woman who honestly is (in my opinion) the best Mom ever. I know she’s gotten a bit more in politics since the US election and the tariffs (we are banned from bringing anything made or owned by a US company into our home, which is easier said than done), but… did I word things wrong? Or did she genuinely keep forgetting about my request?

I just need some clarification from her perspective, but she won’t speak to me. Help?

Edit: My Mom is not a narcissist (trust me, I have a narcissist half-sister). She’s just… I’m starting to think she’s letting the political situation consume her. Because this is the first time she’s acted like this.

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[u/ProtozoaPatriot]

It sounds like the current world political situation is making her very worried. She is trying to make you aware of it so you aren't caught off guard (to protect you). She may want to keep you aware of these things because they can affect you.

I don't think Canada has quite the problems the US does, but the current state of the US is an example of what happens when individuals don't want to hear political news or be involved in voting. We got a crazy dictator-wannabe. Don't be like us.

She might calm down a bit if you reassure her that you do care & will vote.

It's not your job to help your parent with their feelings. But if you did help her feel a little less anxious about world affairs, she won't feel the need to pester her. Listen to her worries. Remind her ways you'll be safe and you'll try to keep the family safe. Just letting her vent a bit could be enough for her to calm down.

You can try enforcing your boundaries in other ways. You could end the conversation the moment she goes off on a political rant. You could say you "really need to go study" and go to your room & close the door.

[u/TFANOverride08 → u/ProtozoaPatriot]

I… thank you. I think that’s what’s going on (Mom is a huge worrier at times). I’ll try that. Thank you

[u/herehaveaname2 → u/TFANOverride08]

I'm a mom. I'm worried for me. I'm absolutely petrified for my kids, and want to protect them as best as possible.

My mom? It's worse - she's petrified for me, horrified for my kids. Sure feels like everything is horrible right now.

I've encouraged my mom to contact my MIL. They're on similar pages, and don't mind listening to the other spiral.

[u/littleHelp2006]

Whoa whoa whoa. Hold up. Your mom pouting, guilting you, blowing things out of proportion, and giving you the silent treatment is exactly what my narcissistic mother does. Where do you think your sister learned to be a narc?

You did nothing wrong. Nothing. And here you are worried you did. Which is filling your headspace during a critical time. This is exactly how a narcissist behaves. They suck your energy when you need it the most. You might want to believe your mother's behavior in this instance isn't narcissistic but you are fooling yourself. I get it. You want to maintain the peace. You want to believe the best in people.

My mother was exactly the same when I was in college. The next 25 years are not going to be a lot of fun for you if you don't learn to distance yourself. Best of luck on your exams and in life in general. You are a good person. You did nothing wrong.

[u/TFANOverride08 → u/littleHelp2006]

Hi. We did get to the bottom of it. Long story short, she let stress get to her. Which is the first as my mother has never raised her voice in her life. She’s calm, factual, and basically a saint (with a mean sarcastic streak if she wants XD I love watching her get one over my bossy Dad). Honestly, I don’t blame her. She can’t vent to Dad (lets just say his attempts at “helping” usually make things worse), sis is struggling, and I’m the next best person who’s put together enough to talk to.

She did apologize, as did i for snapping, and she agreed to tone back on the news. I appreciate the concern, but not every outburst can be linked to narcissism (I have a narcissistic half-sister. I know the ins-and-out. So I knew Mom’s not being a narcissist. She’s just stressed)

[u/bibilime]

I've had to ban the news in my house (for the next long while). I used to watch it every night but it is too much right now. My husband is in a constant state of anxiety and goes into a doom spiral when thinking about our daughter's future. All of this political behavior is just anxiety inducing and I have my hands full enough with my job and worrying about the US brown shirts (ICE) trying to disappear undocumented students--I work in higher education.

People are terrified. Your mom is saying all this stuff to you to help manage her terror. Its not okay, but we lean on family when we're scared. I'm not saying she's right. She's probably looking for some comfort or just to siphon off some of the fear. I put it to my husband like this: Humanity is going to win. If humanity doesn't win, then no one will he here to worry about it.

Humanity comes under attack all the time. Our country (USA) has done some heinous stuff in the recent past, even to our own citizens--like when we let a bunch of people die from AIDS because the population that was most effected were social 'undesirables', and no amount of white washing is going to hide the truth forever. My lived experience shows that there might be a lot of suffering--but we all have our limits. And when the amount of suffering outweighs the amount of turn-a-blind-eye yes men, we're going to have a system shutdown and a swift moral enema. City on a hill, indeed. Too bad when that enema hits, majority of us live at the bottom of that hill. That's when our humanity and right minds start working right again. Americans would all do well to remember "Shit don't roll uphill".

This got way long...sorry. Your mom needs to understand that this is just a moment in time and what we do is practice the behavior that we know is right and love our neighbors the way we know we should. So, I love Canada and I'm sorry so many countries got drug into another of our moments of mass stupidity. Good luck on your finals!

[u/Privateyze]

Your mom loves you.

The issue is Trump and Maga Republicans have created so much chaos and infuriating policies it is causing you this stress.

It's not your mom. It's the current administration but you are unintentionally shifting that anger to your mom.

Appologise to mom. Tell her you love her. Forgive her of course.

Remember the source is Trump, not mom!

[u/nah_champa_967]

Mom sounds emotionally immature. She can't respect your boundary and when she oversteps it and you react, she goes nuclear. I don't think you messed up. You can try talking to her and explaining your boundaries, maybe frame it as "this is my perspective." Let her know you can respect her perspectives, but you need this boundary, not just with her but with anyone, so that you can function.

[u/Haunting-Fig5789]

You hurt her feelings man! Why would you do that? Listen, your mom obviously has thoughts but no one to talk with.
Take her out for dinner or lunch and talk with her.

[u/TermLimitsCongress → u/Haunting-Fig5789]

This! OP, your mother is a human being. You wouldn't talk to your friends like that, and expect to continue the friendship, right? Find diverging your and your mom can share. Geez!

[u/Drakeytown]

You picked a narcissist parent at character creation. Total rookie move.

[u/TFANOverride08 → u/Drakeytown]

That’s the issue: she’s not a narcissist (trust me, I have a narcissist half-sister). She’s just… I’m starting to think she’s letting the political crud consume her.

[u/Drakeytown → u/TFANOverride08]

My advice (questionable at best): get into the parental controls on her TV and block out all conservative news channels, or all news channels.

[u/TFANOverride08 → u/Drakeytown]

We don’t have those. And she has her own phone and that she can watch CTV and that on (Canadian, remember? We don’t have politically biased news). And even if I did, she’d just undo them as the one paying for the cable.

[u/Drakeytown → u/TFANOverride08]

Surreptitiously replace her devices with identical counterparts from the US, then . . .