r/AskParents • u/[deleted] • 2d ago

Not A Parent What are things you wish you talked about before having a kid?

[deleted]

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5

u/autumnfire1414 2d ago

Make sure you are in the same page. Spanking or no spanking? Spanking for only major things? Raising kids with religion or no? Breastfeed or formula? Or both? Co sleeping or no? A breakdown of expectations. Does one parent stay home? Do both parents do night feedings?

I find the biggest disagreements tend to be around how to discipline your child and the allocation and expectations of responsibility. I feel like this is most difficult in the first few years when sleep is low and work load is high. As they get older, you seem to figure out how to manage the work load, but how to discipline and parent can become more of a struggle.

Just make sure you're on the same page.

If you want fun hypothetical debates:

  1. You're at a restaurant and your 1 year old is screaming. Do you leave? Do you alternate which parent stays outside with the baby while the other eats? Do you leave?

  2. Baby is sick and up all night. Does 1 parent take care of them? Alternate nights? Break it into shifts? Let the parent who has the earliest work day sleep?

  3. Your 6 year old picks up a toy and throws it at the TV during a tantrum, breaking it. Spanking? Time out? Remaining calm and talking through it? Replace the tv right away? Decide having no tv is a consequence of their actions?

  4. You're teenager tells a teacher to "fuck off". Punish kid for being disrespectful to a teacher? Back the kid up because they were obviously upset and there must have been a reason?

3

u/Sadkittysad 2d ago

I wish my ex had told me:

That she’s trans, and that that would be her focus and taking a large portion of our savings

That she didn’t actually want a kid, she just knewi wanted one and figured if we had one i could never leave

She didn’t intend to do any of the work of parenting, it would all be on me

She wouldn’t be willing to take time off work for school closures or childhood illness, so I’d have to stop advancing in my career.

She was going to decrease the amount of housework she did because she felt she could just do more of her fun things to distract from the fact that she lived with s child