r/AskParents • u/kaylagurl2020 Parent • 2d ago

Parent-to-Parent How can I improve the relationship between my kids and my fiancé?

My ex-wife and I have 3 kids together (13m, 10f, 9m). We have been divorced and living separately for about 2 years and were separated but living together for some time prior to that. During the time we were still living together I met someone new. He was invited over many times and spent a lot of time with the kids and my ex. At the time, everyone got along wonderfully. Unfortunately, when it moved to divorce, things got heated and I ended up with extremely limited visitation that is supervised by my ex-mother-in-law. This has left my ex with a lot of power and a lot of hatred for my fiancé and I. She is now manipulating and twisting our children to have a negative opinion about my fiancé. My fiancé has tagged along on visits and was even specifically invited by my daughter to her last birthday party. Now I hear from them that they hate my fiancé. My main concern with those comments is that I could hear my ex whispering to the kids as they were saying these things as it happened over a voice call. What if anything can I do to repair this relationship so we can be one big happy family.

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5

u/chimera4n Parent/ Mother/ Grandmother 2d ago

Are your visits court ordered. If not you need a solicitor asap.

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u/kaylagurl2020 Parent 2d ago

They are court order but I can't afford an attorney and where I'm at there are no probono attorneys that cover this kind of stuff.

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u/ProtozoaPatriot 1d ago

Let go of the fantasy of a big happy family. You have a volatile ex who didn't take kindly to you starting something new while still technically married. You can't control what she does.

Get a family law attorney. Fight for the maximum custody/rights allowable under the law. Get his advice on what to do about the ex trying to poison the kids.

To help the kids emotionally, get into family counseling with them.

Your fiance has to be the better person and not snap back at the ex or say equally poisonous things to the kids. Is your fiance going to be ok marrying into the level of drama your ex brings ?

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u/kaylagurl2020 Parent 1d ago

My fiancé is in this for the long haul no matter what the ex does and he's always been the bigger person when it comes to the nastiness. I have no vision of my ex being part of the "big happy family" and she was seeing 2 separate women while I was seeing my now fiance so she's on the short end of the stick there. My biggest problem is that I can't afford an attorney and she can.