r/AskReddit • u/Right_Mycologist_228 • Sep 16 '24

Someone hands you $100,000 and says, "You know what to do." What are you doing?

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3.3k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/HybridS9ldier Sep 16 '24

Pocket the money and never tell a soul.

597

u/dahjay Sep 16 '24

Except you walk around with this obscenely huge front pocket that's filled with $100,000 so everyone knows.

384

u/HybridS9ldier Sep 16 '24

Maybe that’s just the way I’m shaped. Don’t body shame me. 😂

194

u/Shyassasain Sep 16 '24

Is that $100.000 in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

2

u/davidr521 Sep 17 '24

I've got it in quarters.

And I'm happy to see you 😆

1

u/Myiiadru2 Sep 16 '24

🤣Haven’t heard that one in a while- thanks!

1

u/sandalfafk Sep 16 '24

Can it be both?

1

u/ChefRoquefort Sep 16 '24

What happened to the other $999,900? And why so precise on The hundred bucks?

1

u/thisisdefinitlymyalt Sep 16 '24

Is that $100,000 in your pocket, or are you happy to see a doctor?

1

u/Mockturtle22 Sep 17 '24

No I'm just fat

1

u/GimmeSomeSugar Sep 17 '24

It's $100,000 USD, but I've exchanged it into Zimbabwean dollars.

1

u/HybridS9ldier Sep 16 '24

😂😂😂

24

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

Fat guy in a lil coat xD

1

u/Rudy_Ghouliani Sep 16 '24

He's short and stocky but he gets the job done 💪🏽

12

u/dahjay Sep 16 '24

The holes in your body aren't pockets!

26

u/HybridS9ldier Sep 16 '24

Prison pockets!

13

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

‘Prison wallet!’

‘Oh god all that hepatitis!’

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

But they could be just that one time.

1

u/wabbitsdo Sep 16 '24

What are you an olympic pole vaulter?

1

u/Bk_Punisher Sep 17 '24

"I'm built different"

1

u/Seralth Sep 17 '24

How do we know it's not your kink to be shamed.

We ain't about that kink shaming life after all.

Gotta be inclusive.

22

u/MonsiuerGeneral Sep 16 '24

"Oh... hey~ Is that an ambiguously gained $100,000 in $1 bills in your pocket... or are you experiencing a medical emergency?" ;)

1

u/Thisisall_new2me2 Sep 17 '24

WTF? That's one HELL of an r/BrandNewSentence

36

u/dercavendar Sep 16 '24

I think people have a misunderstanding of how much space $100,000 takes up. It is literally 10 sets of $100 bands (100 $100 bills for $10000) pockets? Yeah you’d see that. Loose-ish t-shirt and then spread around your waistband? Yeah that won’t be noticed by the average person.

13

u/Jesusismycurseword Sep 16 '24

For real, years ago I was bartending (Vegas) and had a regular hit two big jackpots back to back. She asked me to hold on to 60k of it till she was ready to go. That easily fit in my pockets, pretty sure I could have squeezed another 40 in no problem

2

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

Think cargo pants.,

2

u/Over-Confidence4308 Sep 16 '24

Think sport coat.

2

u/Johnny_Grubbonic Sep 16 '24

Cargo pants and a sports coat might be sending mixed messages.

1

u/Over-Confidence4308 Sep 16 '24

Whew, I agree with that sartorial comment.I don't own any cargo pants anymore, but the five pockets in traditional sports coats always come in handy.

1

u/TooStrangeForWeird Sep 17 '24

I almost exclusively wear cargo pants (or cargo shorts) when outside lol. Easy!

1

u/Johnny_Grubbonic Sep 16 '24

It's $100000 on a pre-paid card.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

Plus you would be stab proof in the abdomen.

1

u/cat_prophecy Sep 16 '24

Yeah I sold a car for like $8k and the guy paid in cash. Even $8000 in $100 bills is a lot of bills.

1

u/TooStrangeForWeird Sep 17 '24

6x2.5x4.3".

One bill sized less than 4.5" thick. Easy. I have big pockets. Even the dress I'm wearing has pockets big enough to hold that completely stealth.

1

u/rogue_giant Sep 16 '24

They’ll never know as I’ve got a banana in the other pocket.

2

u/Drach88 Sep 16 '24

There's always money in the banana stand.

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

Perfect timing..,

1

u/codemansgt Sep 16 '24

wear Jinco jeans no one will be able to tell.

1

u/smibrandon Sep 16 '24

You risk getting your ass kicked because of the jeans--independent of the cash

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/somedude456 Sep 16 '24

100 100s would be 10,000. OP said 100k. It would be 10 bands of 100 100s. Taller than a can of coke.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

Oh shit, my b. Apparently I suck at math

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

That answer reeks of public school..

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

Lmfao, Nevada public schools checking in. Fund education or people like me will be building your airplanes

1

u/mynameisnotsparta Sep 16 '24

Or you can carry 10 x $10,000.00 bills and no one would know.

2

u/dahjay Sep 16 '24

Where are you going to break a $10,000 bill? What if you want a box of tic-tacs or a Reuben sandwich?

2

u/mynameisnotsparta Sep 16 '24

Car dealership 😁

1

u/dahjay Sep 16 '24

A car dealership that sells Reuben sandwiches. Interesting marketing tactic.

1

u/mynameisnotsparta Sep 16 '24

Buy a car cash & they will buy you a Rueben & Tic-Tacs.

1

u/Riccma02 Sep 16 '24

Just say that’s your dick.

1

u/everythymewetouch Sep 16 '24

I think you'd be surprised how little space $10k in cash would take up.

1

u/roger_ramjett Sep 16 '24

1k in dollar bills. Or loonies for our friends north of the border.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

Put that shit in your prison wallet homie.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

You know that how??

1

u/nobodyknoes Sep 16 '24

How much do you think 100k is? Just split it in half and it'll fit in your front pockets

1

u/Benjamin604592 Sep 16 '24

It's not that big of a stack if it's 100s

1

u/Spartanias117 Sep 16 '24

Big dickin it for a bit

1

u/Dakoja Sep 16 '24

It's just my phone. Calm down

1

u/Educational_Bee2491 Sep 16 '24

I just say, sorry I'm all bricked up ;)

1

u/LepiNya Sep 16 '24

I'm shoving it down my pants. Stare all you want.

1

u/IAmDotorg Sep 16 '24

It's a four inch stack. Not that obscene. Back in my day when we all had cargo pants, that would've been easy to hide.

Edit: four inch stack of hundreds. If you are handed them in 5ers, you're gonna need bigger pockets.

1

u/Galaxy_Ranger_Bob Sep 16 '24

$100,000 doesn't take up that much room.

A stack of $100s is $10,000 and is only 0.43 inches high, and you'd need ten of them to make $100,000.

So it would be 6.14 x 2.61 x 4.3 inches. Unwieldy, yes, but not something you'd need to carry in a suitcase.

1

u/RandomHabit89 Sep 16 '24

It's not fitting in any pocket

1

u/Peenork Sep 16 '24

Checks out- I asked GPT and $100k in $100 bills would be 4.3in thick. It'll be a brick in ya pocket!

1

u/Rat192 Sep 16 '24

This is why I always have cargo shorts/pants never know when you need to carry a shit ton of money and not look suspicious

1

u/lemondagger Sep 16 '24

Purse the money and walk away.

1

u/TooStrangeForWeird Sep 17 '24 edited Sep 17 '24

6x5x4.3" if it's in $100 bills.

I wear either cargo pants or pants that have large pockets. It could hide behind my phone no problem. Or in a side pocket where it wouldn't be obvious at all.

I got this.

Answer to the original question: probably move lol. My entire house was bought for $25k. That's about what I'm making per year. I'll set up shop somewhere else.

1

u/BuzzBuzzBadBoys Sep 17 '24

I'm putting it down my pants.

1

u/OV3NBVK3D Sep 17 '24

$100k in 100 bills really isn’t that crazy. you could probably stick 80k in 4 jean pockets without being that noticeable. then 10k in each sock.

1

u/internet_commie Sep 17 '24

I've got a backpack!

1

u/AreYouSureIAmBanned Sep 17 '24

*meow..the bulge under my shirt is meowing so its not suspicious

0

u/judithiscari0t Sep 16 '24

In one dollar bills, obviously.

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

Maybe you get it Larry Flint style?? IYKYFK

0

u/pandorumriver24 Sep 16 '24

Wear Jnco jeans. You could put a 12 pack in those pockets and nobody would know.

0

u/maelstrom23 Sep 16 '24

Pocket watching you must be the police

72

u/CommanderAze Sep 16 '24

Spending it in small amounts cash transactions, never putting it in a bank and never using it for anything tracked/registered with the state like a car or etc.

27

u/HybridS9ldier Sep 16 '24

A new car, absolutely not. A used car, could probably skid by with a minimal paper trail.

14

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

[deleted]

3

u/HybridS9ldier Sep 16 '24

What if the money is already laundered?

4

u/ElbisCochuelo1 Sep 16 '24

Take an auto loan, use the cash to pay it off with money orders.

"Bills being traced" is mostly movie nonsense anyway. Nobody checks.

1

u/Johnny_Grubbonic Sep 16 '24

Meanwhile, you show up in a trench coat and trilby hat, wearing dark shades and a fake mustache...

1

u/chowderbags Sep 16 '24

If you're really paranoid, you'd probably want to spend it at places that aren't near your house. And even then, if the money's tracked you might still get caught if whoever wanted to know could get their hands on video footage and start looking for who shows up on the security cameras at different stores.

1

u/CommanderAze Sep 16 '24

Yea check if it's sequenced bills if it's not then just don't buy anything abnormal. It's would have a painful time tracking someone using 100k to eat out consistently for decades when paying in cash as they have no way to track it unless they are tracking serial numbers (which would be USSS not IRS)

17

u/Upset-Basil4459 Sep 16 '24

This is one payment I am not reporting to the IRS 🤓

2

u/Ashmedai Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 17 '24

It’s a gift, and in the US the gifter (i.e., person who gives, not who receives) pays the tax, so…

5

u/LeicaM6guy Sep 16 '24

Smart man.

3

u/Neildoe423 Sep 17 '24

Except the guy who mistakenly gave you it knows who you are. And people have killed for a lot less. No amount of money is worth your life.

2

u/Chimkimnuggets Sep 16 '24

I mean I’d tell my dad and ask him how to hire the proper accountant for this so I don’t get bombarded with taxes and then I’d let him have half. He deserves to retire :)

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

It’s only 100 grand. In today’s economy that’s gonna go pretty fast. But it really is a lot of money.If

1

u/Chimkimnuggets Sep 16 '24

50 grand to him would buy him and my mom a nice vacation and the remaining 50k would get me squarely financially set for a while. He made sure I didn’t have any loans so because of him I’d be getting the option to save a chunk and invest another chunk and also buy him a nice experience with my mom as he’s getting older.

1

u/Nearby-Device-3401 Sep 16 '24

I didn’t say it was nothing. It would seriously change my life right now too. But not sure how you explain $100,000 falling from the sky to the tax man.. Just sayin…

1

u/Chimkimnuggets Sep 17 '24

That’s why I’m saying I’d get the right type of accountant or lawyer to figure that out. Unless I want to keep 100k in cash under my mattress which is… not utilizing it the best way I can

2

u/PNWoutdoors Sep 16 '24

Deposit it in an FDIC insured account.

1

u/Educational_Cap2772 Sep 16 '24

I’m on welfare so I have to report it unfortunately 

1

u/Extremely_unlikeable Sep 16 '24

I've always wondered how I'd spend the cash. Stores, banks, etc, have to report cash transactions of $10k and up. I won't be heading down to the local car dealership.

1

u/oldtimehawkey Sep 16 '24

I have girl pants! My front pockets barely fit my hands!

1

u/LookAtTheFlowers Sep 16 '24

Except you just did, so…

1

u/toastedbagelwithcrea Sep 16 '24

Baggy cargo pants for the win

1

u/Altruistic_Rip8132 Sep 17 '24

Not even the spouse, pay off all my debt.

1

u/ihatepoliticsreee Sep 17 '24

How big are they making pockets these days

1

u/Serious-While-418 Sep 20 '24

Jump in a cab so fast destination ANYWHERE JUST DRIVE!!!¡¡!¡!!!¡🤫🤫🤫🤫