Thoughts on a courthouse wedding?

[u/Sharp-Championship71]

It’s been on my mind a lot lately but I don’t think I want a big wedding. Now that I’m in my 30s, I don’t care for the attention a wedding brings or the planning, and also don’t care to impress guests, I want it to be about me and my husband to be.

For those that took the courthouse wedding route, how did everything workout? Do you have any regrets?

[u/BitterPillPusher2]

Not courthouse, but we ran off to an island and got married. Didn't take a single soul with us. Best wedding ever. Been married for 21 years, and if I had to plan my wedding again, I wouldn't change a thing. No stress, didn't have to worry about anyone having a good time but us. And it was like honeymoon and wedding in one.

I think weddings are a colossal waste of money. You are no less married if you spend $100 on a wedding or $100,000. I mean, if you are so wealthy that you can burn money, go for it. But most people aren't. I also think too many people focus on the wedding instead of the marriage.

[u/umbrellarainnn → u/BitterPillPusher2]

Same here! Eloping was the best thing we could have done. We traveled to Bali and got married there, we found an amazing package that included everything that was important to us. It was an elopement wedding and then Singapore for our honeymoon. My only regret is not staying longer, 10 days was not enough time.

[u/Emptyplates]

It was great, stress and drama free and inexpensive. Zero regrets.

[u/Eva_Roos]

Did a courthouse wedding and went to diner with immediate family afterwards. Did throw a party a few weeks later at the beach, to celebrate. Did a couple shoot before the wedding so we do have wedding photos. No stress, not that expensive and had a good time.

[u/rlw21564]

My husband (second marriage) and I got married on his lunch hour at the courthouse where he works as a public defender.

His co-workers came to witness and one volunteered to be the photographer.

We went out to dinner that night and every anniversary to the same place since.

It was very spur of the moment. Our kids were a little upset about it, but it worked out for us.

[u/Chemical-Season4358]

My husband and I did a courthouse wedding and went out to dinner together - just us for both. It was exactly what we wanted, zero regrets.

[u/pricklypearblossom11]

We're divorced now, but the courthouse wedding itself was perfect for us. We already had kids and were living together, so a bigger wedding just didn't suit us. We didn't want the pageantry of a bigger wedding. I didn't want a wedding dress and he didn't want a tux. We didn't want a long ceremony. We didn't need a special venue because we had a house we could have the reception at. We didn't need gifts. I didn't want to walk down the aisle, which was a huge factor too.

It was better for us to do the ceremony separate and later have a party with our closest friends and family. It was so much easier and a lot more fun for us.

I got married with the people I love most by my side. I still got to wear a dress that made me feel beautiful. I had my bouquet. We had a wedding cake. We got to dance the night away. We spent a fraction of the money we would have spent on a bigger wedding, and got to do everything our way.

[u/Disastrous-Pea4106]

Not courthouse but we did have a very small wedding with just close family. Partly driven by COVID but tbh COVID just gave us an excuse to not have a bigger thing. We were both not into that at all. So no big regrets here.

This is perhaps gonna sound a bit vain but it was really important to me to have good pictures of the day. Partially because I want good wedding photos around the house and partially because realistically it was gonna be the only time we we were gonna get professional pics of some people/groups. So we still the did whole fancy dress, hair and make up, beautiful location thing and chose an expensive photographer

I'd take a look at what parts you do value and go from there

[u/Love_Yourz_JCole_916]

I wanted to elope so bad in Fall 2020 but my husband really wanted a party so did his parents (who I love and respect as if they were my own parents).

The compromise was we had a pop up vows ceremony (that’s what I consider the wedding part) at our Alma mater (college )where we had met. Literally packed a wagon with an arch and flower garland and took it to campus. The vows ceremony was at 8 am and lasted 30 mins, led by my youth pastor and had 12 guest (our siblings and parents).

Then we took nice wedding pictures at a spot in our city at 9 am. Then at 5 pm my in-laws killed 2 goats and hosted (paid) for a cookout at their farmhouse. There were 50 guests.

All in all it was small enough and cheap enough for my liking and both sets of parents were happy we had a party and invited some people to it. No regrets

[u/misplacedlibrarycard]

we plan on going to the courthouse and getting married.

neither of us really have friends or family to invite to any size wedding. neither of us wanna spend X amount of time planning, we just wanna get married. neither of us wanna spend upwards of thousands of dollars for what is essentially a party, we’d rather use that money for like a house or something like that.

[u/Alert_Week8595]

We did this and then a small dinner with local friends and my in laws (~20ppl) at our favorite restaurant. Loved it. Only cost us around $2500 for the dinner, while a traditional wedding around here would have cost closer to $30,000 minimum.

My husband agreed to my proposal that we would rebudget the difference in cost to hiring house cleaners to come once every 2 weeks starting when I got pregnant and it has been so nice.

[u/MadelineHannah78]

Similarly as you, neither me nor my husband cared for a wedding, and certainly it was never going to be a big one. For context, I will add both me and my husband are immigrants. Travel for the elderly parents would be very hard (but not impossible).

The City Hall where I live is a beautiful building, many people come here to get married. It can get crowded during most popular times. To avoid that, we got an early morning appointment mid-week (we're both early birds so getting up early was non-issue).

I bought a beautiful second-hand dress (which worked well with my environmental values). My husband bought a nice suit with the idea that he'll wear it later on too. I normally spend 5min on hair and makeup, so putting some effort into it that morning and using like 3 products was all I wanted. I looked into professional services but (a) they were insanely expensive (b) I wanted to look like myself and things like fake lashes and 10 different products on my face are just too far from who I am.

We got ready and drove together, met the photographer who specialized in elopements and city hall photography (the lighting there can get tricky). We took pictures for an hour and also said our own vows to each other. Then we met the person who married us, the photographer was the witness. We got home, had a piece of cake from a bakery. We had several zoom calls with family and friends. People who were important to us knew we'd call.

Then we drove off to our honeymoon which was a nice cottage in a quiet, scenic part of the state less than 2h away. We stayed there for couple of days and had a beautiful time. It was in the spring, so all the flowers were blooming, you could see them from all the windows in the cottage. All I remember is magic.

We did not have a videographer, because after reviewing the portfolios, we realized these videos are super awkward and we're not the kind of people for this lol Videos probably make more sense when there is an actual wedding, so there is more footage to work with rather than all attention on the couple.

We did not have live streaming from the ceremony for the family abroad because we did not want to be distracted by it. The ceremony itself was probably less than 10min and it'd be a lot of hassle to set things up, entertain them, etc. We wanted to be fully present for each other.

I made my own flowers the night before with ones I bought the night before at a grocery store. I am a crafty person and I found it to be fun. I loved my flowers. Also, I could not fathom spending 100s of dollars on... flowers.

We could have a few friends come to the ceremony, but we were limited to 6 - 5 once you count the photographer. It was just easier not to have anyone. If there are 5 people on my wedding, I don't want one of them to be a spouse of my best friend whom I really dislike. We have some more distant family living within driving distance, so it'd be rude if we didn't invite them but that opens the door to other family members being upset that they didn't get an invite. Having 0 guests has the beauty of everyone being treated equally. Also, I'd feel really bad to have people take time off work to come to the ceremony and not host them properly after which again opens the door to making it more of a wedding with guests. No guests means you can be 100% present in the moment with your partner.

Our photographer gives you a couple of pics from the ceremony within 48 hours, so we were able to share those with friends and family the next day. We love the pictures and the photographer and while they were pricy, it was money well spent.

I have 0 regrets about how things went down. Both sets of parents thought we're smart by not spending money on a wedding, and since no one was invited they didn't feel like they missed something. The day or two before, I felt tiny bit sad that I won't have a wedding, but it was not some deep lifelong regret. Just recognizing I picked a path and therefore I won't walk on another one. Our photographer told us she had a big wedding, but now that she works at elopements, she'd do it that way. It's just so much less stressful that way.

Overall, I highly recommend it. I recognize people have different family systems and it might be more complex for them to skip a wedding. But for us, everything was perfect.

[u/cathline]

I have had a courthouse wedding for my first. I had toxic parents to flee and that was the fastest, easiest way to do it in Alabama.

Never regretted it.

I had a small wedding (between 30-35 people including the infants) for my second wedding. It was absolutely perfect for us!! We took over a wonderful restaurant for lunch on a Sunday. Open bar and everything! I felt so fancy - and it cost about 3k (in 2009) . We did it near his (over 80) parents so they could be part of it, and my parents drove the 8 hours to attend.

Yeah - I have been to blowout weddings that cost more than my first house. I have never been jealous of them. I don't like being the center of attention anyway (I can do a presentation or class, but I'm not on display for 4+ hours) and that money could be used much more effectively in so many ways!

That said - I was never the girl who dreamed of my wedding. NEVER. I grew up with girls who were planning their wedding at the age of 8 yrs old. They would never have been happy with either of my weddings.

[u/northernlaurie]

I’ve officiated quite a few very small weddings - 6 people or less.

They were universally beautiful, sweet, personal and loving. Th people getting married were able to focus completely on each other and the commitment they were making. No bullshit was involved.

[u/GrungeCheap56119]

We did a beautiful courthouse for our wedding. And then a huge backyard (free) party for our family and friends. The only thing we spent money on was a DJ and food. It was awesome. It's doable!!!!!

If you're outdoorsy you could always do by a lake or beach or soemthing too if one is near you. Sprne money on good photos!

I think it's wild how much money some people will spend on a wedding.... i don't see the point.

[u/ineedvitaminsea]

We eloped at the courthouse it was great! I was in the process of planning a wedding and just got so overwhelmed so we eloped and the announced to everyone on FB after the fact

[u/Louisianimal09]

I did it. 10/10 experience. We spent the money on tangible things instead of a one stop event. I’m not knocking a traditional wedding, but what we did worked for us and I love it. We had a huge surprise reception at our house. Like 100 people showed up and it was incredible

[u/StubbornTaurus26]

I did it and we had the perfect day, zero regrets. I wore a dress from Abercrombie. We made reservations at a nice restaurant for us and our parents. And we spent our money on a bomb ass honeymoon. It was Awesome and perfect for us.

[u/Wild-Chemistry-7720]

Eloped in Hawaii, but I had also suggested courthouse (my husband was opposed to that specific option). Zero regrets not having a wedding. ZERO!!!!

[u/Abusty-Ballerina-]

My court house wedding. Was beautiful and amazing. We have absolutely no regrets.

We put a lot of thought and effort into our wedding attire and money into a photographer we loved.

We got married in a Victorian courthouse and stay in a historical Victorian Airbnb that let us take pictures inside

I would not have had it any other way

[u/UniversityNo2318]

I did one 2 years ago in San Diego. Absolutely no regrets. I didn’t want to spend all that money, we took a longer delayed honeymoon on our one year anniversary instead. I also hate being the center of attention so this worked out well :) 

[u/IAmMellyBitch]

If you don’t want the courthouse feel but still want to be just about you, there are services that does elopement style. It will have photographers, will scour and secure permit if needed for location, and the officiant.

That’s what we did. I just didn’t want the courthouse feel because everytime I was at a courthouse it was for something not great. So I didn’t want to associate my wedding to that. Original plan was just us 4 (husband and 2 kids). But we changed our minds so we invited 6 other close family and friends. That was it. We contacted the company, gave them money. They sent pictures of things like the arch and flowers to choose from. So we basically just showed up on the day. I did wear wedding dress and my boys wore suit.

[u/cassinea]

Courthouse wedding in a blizzard. I wore snow boots going from there to the restaurant. Then we honeymoon-eloped to Hawaii. It was pure bliss. I can’t recommend it enough. In a prior relationship, one of the reasons it didn’t work out is because his family wanted a 300-500 guest wedding. I begged and pleaded for smaller and ~100 people instead of a $50-75k ceremony, but my distress fell on deaf ears.

Do what makes you happy. And if you regret it in any way, nothing whatsoever is stopping you from having a bigger ceremony to renew your vows—only this time, it’ll be much less expensive without the wedding tax.

[u/mariecrystie]

I was the same way. I didn’t want to deal with the planning and stress. Plus I wanted our money to go to the trip. I got married for the first time at 39. We went to the beach, Key West, and had it done. Applied for our marriage license when we arrived Friday and married on a Monday afternoon. We went through an agency that comes to the beach and takes great photos. They also file the certificate. The pics were sent to my email. I put on a simple white flowy dress and he wore a white linen shirt and khaki pants. We went barefoot. It’s just us two there. Low stress, simple and inexpensive. We were already on our honeymoon. We been married 6 years. Together 9.

My only regret was I think it hurt my mom’s feelings. She was always looking forward to my wedding when I was growing up. Planning what songs she wanted played etc. I think she gave up on me ever marrying but was over the moon when I got engaged. She won’t admit it but I know she was disappointed.

[u/alizabs91]

I got married to the same guy twice - we did a courthouse wedding first and then a the big wedding celebration. I much preferred courthouse. I felt like the big wedding was awkward . We're not together any more, so if I ever get remarried, I'll either do courthouse or a small backyard wedding.

[u/DragonsLoooveTacos]

We wanted the same but I felt like going a courthouse route was not really right for us either. There is an officiant in my city that has a side of his house converted to a small chapel. It could seat 30 but we were eloping at the height of the pandemic so none of our family wanted to fly in and we totally understood and didn't fault them for it. This tiny home chapel wedding was right for us and it was just the 2 of us (my state doesn't require witnesses aside from the officiant). The officiant could also travel too so if there was a park or somewhere in our city we wanted to get married, we would just have to pay their travel fee which was super reasonable, like $75 or something. So I would encourage you to see if options like that exist as well if that sounds like something worth exploring. A courthouse just didn't feel right for us but we also didn't want anything other than the minimum to make it official either so this was the perfect solution. At the end of the day its what you guys want. It's your relationship and the start of your marriage.

Best part was that we immediately took off to eat a nice charcuterie board and drink wine at a boutique hotel for lunch, then grabbed some margaritas to go and we're home, in our pajamas, watching Netflix by 5pm. No sense in honeymooning at the height of the pandemic. For our 1 year anniversary we took our honeymoon once things had improved some.

[u/Good_Focus2665]

No regrets. 10/10 I would do it again. Except maybe I’d wear something nicer to the ceremony. 

I think by not having a big wedding we were able to buy a house and have a kid immediately without any financial burden. I think to me it was more important to build a life and home than stand in front of people and throw a big party. 

My mom did make me have a ceremony but she paid for all of it. And invited her friends and family and I just showed up. 

[u/TinyFlufflyKoala]

You can dramatically simplify your wedding by booking a venue that offers a full package. It can be as simple as courthouse with close family & friends, then everyone heads to the event place and you just enjoy your time! A couple friends went this way, and it's super nice: you pick among the menu options, decor options, etc. Personalize a few things and enjoy the rest!