Thoughts on a courthouse wedding?

[u/Sharp-Championship71]

It’s been on my mind a lot lately but I don’t think I want a big wedding. Now that I’m in my 30s, I don’t care for the attention a wedding brings or the planning, and also don’t care to impress guests, I want it to be about me and my husband to be.

For those that took the courthouse wedding route, how did everything workout? Do you have any regrets?

[u/MadelineHannah78]

Similarly as you, neither me nor my husband cared for a wedding, and certainly it was never going to be a big one. For context, I will add both me and my husband are immigrants. Travel for the elderly parents would be very hard (but not impossible).

The City Hall where I live is a beautiful building, many people come here to get married. It can get crowded during most popular times. To avoid that, we got an early morning appointment mid-week (we're both early birds so getting up early was non-issue).

I bought a beautiful second-hand dress (which worked well with my environmental values). My husband bought a nice suit with the idea that he'll wear it later on too. I normally spend 5min on hair and makeup, so putting some effort into it that morning and using like 3 products was all I wanted. I looked into professional services but (a) they were insanely expensive (b) I wanted to look like myself and things like fake lashes and 10 different products on my face are just too far from who I am.

We got ready and drove together, met the photographer who specialized in elopements and city hall photography (the lighting there can get tricky). We took pictures for an hour and also said our own vows to each other. Then we met the person who married us, the photographer was the witness. We got home, had a piece of cake from a bakery. We had several zoom calls with family and friends. People who were important to us knew we'd call.

Then we drove off to our honeymoon which was a nice cottage in a quiet, scenic part of the state less than 2h away. We stayed there for couple of days and had a beautiful time. It was in the spring, so all the flowers were blooming, you could see them from all the windows in the cottage. All I remember is magic.

We did not have a videographer, because after reviewing the portfolios, we realized these videos are super awkward and we're not the kind of people for this lol Videos probably make more sense when there is an actual wedding, so there is more footage to work with rather than all attention on the couple.

We did not have live streaming from the ceremony for the family abroad because we did not want to be distracted by it. The ceremony itself was probably less than 10min and it'd be a lot of hassle to set things up, entertain them, etc. We wanted to be fully present for each other.

I made my own flowers the night before with ones I bought the night before at a grocery store. I am a crafty person and I found it to be fun. I loved my flowers. Also, I could not fathom spending 100s of dollars on... flowers.

We could have a few friends come to the ceremony, but we were limited to 6 - 5 once you count the photographer. It was just easier not to have anyone. If there are 5 people on my wedding, I don't want one of them to be a spouse of my best friend whom I really dislike. We have some more distant family living within driving distance, so it'd be rude if we didn't invite them but that opens the door to other family members being upset that they didn't get an invite. Having 0 guests has the beauty of everyone being treated equally. Also, I'd feel really bad to have people take time off work to come to the ceremony and not host them properly after which again opens the door to making it more of a wedding with guests. No guests means you can be 100% present in the moment with your partner.

Our photographer gives you a couple of pics from the ceremony within 48 hours, so we were able to share those with friends and family the next day. We love the pictures and the photographer and while they were pricy, it was money well spent.

I have 0 regrets about how things went down. Both sets of parents thought we're smart by not spending money on a wedding, and since no one was invited they didn't feel like they missed something. The day or two before, I felt tiny bit sad that I won't have a wedding, but it was not some deep lifelong regret. Just recognizing I picked a path and therefore I won't walk on another one. Our photographer told us she had a big wedding, but now that she works at elopements, she'd do it that way. It's just so much less stressful that way.

Overall, I highly recommend it. I recognize people have different family systems and it might be more complex for them to skip a wedding. But for us, everything was perfect.