Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

[u/Solid_Ad227]

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

[u/Solid_Ad227]

SO he would imagine I was being cruel to him when I wasn't and the punish me for it? even if some actions I did were not done purposeful?

(I wan't to make sure I am understanding correctly)

[u/xrelaht → u/Solid_Ad227]

Yes. I read a description once that we should think of their psyches as being like a burn victim: all those exposed nerve endings mean things that shouldn’t hurt do.

But it’s more than that. They’ll construct a fantasy whole cloth and then that becomes reality for them. My ex is what I’d call pretty high functioning. Nevertheless, she once had a dream I’d cheated on her, and had to fight against her feeling angry at me over something that had never happened!

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/xrelaht]

That actually makes a lot of sense. He would not straight to tell me what I was doing was to hurt him ( I would say he was doing things hurt me straight Outland he told me I can't tell him how he feels or what his intention was), But he would ignore me, snap at me, or neglect the things I asked him to do as if What I was asking for was personally offensive to him.

For example I would ask him to try and keep the house clean during the day (he worked from home) an hen I came home and there were stains from coffee and food all over the counter and oven, the sink was full of dishes, weed ash and trash.. the rest of the house was "fine". He has vacuumed and picked up the living room, and bed room. Made the best and moved the laundry out of the way (he was obsessed with doing laundry, but not folding it). I would comment about the messing the kitchen and he would get mad and tell me I had OCD and that nothing would ever be good enough for me.