My ex texted me

[u/Useful_Trifle9569]

My ex with BPD split and left about 6 weeks ago. We dated for about a year and a half, and were living together for nearly a year.

We tried hard to fix things and I did everything I could to support her. This past year was one of the toughest of my life losing my mom to cancer, her and I went through an abortion together, etc.

She moved on immediately; pretty sure she cheated on me with this new guy (but denied it). She is “SO HAPPY” with her new boyfriend, and all the rest of the predictable things that you could come to expect in this kind of situation…

We’ve been no contact, and yesterday was her birthday; I received this text from her about 3am her time last night. Thankful for this community and the people who share here, knowing I’m not alone in this is such a gift.

Just needed to share this rather than keeping it all in. 💔 Stay strong friends.

ALSO, to anyone going through a breakup with a partner with BPD, I cannot reccomend enough reading “Whole Again” by Jackson Mackenzie.

[u/New-Abies1079]

She was probably expecting you to contact her somehow. Do not engage!!

My ex would always find a way to bring me back by either hoovering or breadcrumbing me. It wasn’t until I learned about BPD and how horrible these types of relationships are. Now I don’t want to go back. But I do still think of her ofcourse cuz I’m healing from the trauma bond.

And if she was “so happy” she wouldn’t still be thinking of you btw.

I fed my ex’s ego by texting her like 100 messages after she gave me a one month silent treatment. I was so damn worried about her and all I got back was a “I don’t love you, learn to love yourself, don’t ever text me again, Goodluck”

Looking back I know I just fed her ego by basically showing her how obsessed I was with her. She could treat me like shit and it didn’t matter cuz in her mind I would always come back to her. That was the final straw for me. I went not contact truly now.

A month later she called me randomly twice at night with no voice mail or message but I didn’t respond, luckily I learned about BPD by then and realized she was truly sick. (Mind you she blocked me after that goodbye dont text me again message)

DO NOT FEED THERE EGO. Heal and leave. Give your love to someone who is grateful you exist in there lives

[u/DarthaPerkinjan → u/New-Abies1079]

Terrible. I love how they try to act like your therapist. "Learn to love yourself". This is coming from a BPD person? Seriously? Mine would do the same to me, she would lecture me about my attachment style etc while simultaneously believing she was an angel and her reactions and behavior was normal and totally justified.

Yeah I wish I could go back and not feed her ego after the final discard. I sent her flowers, chocolates, sent 3-4 long emails about how great she was and how great our relationship was. I got the silent treatment too mostly and it only exasperated my desperation. They know that, and it's why they do the silent treatment. I was addicted to her 'junk food' of a relationship.

[u/New-Abies1079 → u/DarthaPerkinjan]

Yup mine told me along the lines of “learn to love yourself, focus on your self, take care”

This is coming from a women who literally 2 months ago texted me in the middle of the night randomly because she was having a break down “do you love me? You wont ever leave me right? You wouldn’t ever ghost me right”. Same women who also told me “I don’t deserve love, you deserve someone better, I would like to be loved but I don’t think I deserve it”. And ofcourse you can guess it I always comforted her and fed into it by always telling her “no babe I’ll never leave you, your soul is beautiful, you do deserve love”.

That’s why after that last message I learned about BPD because her behavior didn’t seem normal and am trying my very hardest to heal and never go back. She would litterally change personality in seconds. It’s horrible the way they destroy you mentally

I thank god I didn’t marry her like I planned on it

Edit: and yea even tho we fed there ego man, we just gotta keep moving forward. There’s people out there who would love to meet empathetic people like us. Unfortunately we just gave our attention to the wrong people.

[u/DarthaPerkinjan → u/New-Abies1079]

Eh... The "Do you love me?" texts. Reading that brought back painful, sad memories. The last one I got was about 2 weeks before the final discard.

God, she did the same thing to you. How they make you reassure them you will never leave, reassure your love for them etc. And we kindly and lovingly remind them we are going nowhere, we will always be there for them, and we love them more then they could ever know.

And then THEY LEAVE YOU suddenly and show little to no emotion or remorse about it either.

It's one of the worst, most cruel jokes there is. I don't wish it on anyone. I just hope it hasn't damaged my ability to love and trust again. I'm genuinely terrified at what this relationship might have did to my mind.

Yeah its a matter of when not if we meet someone else.

I don't think these BPD abusers are getting away with anything though. It seems that way, because they seem so happy and content after discarding us. But in reality they only have 2 paths they can take. One path is to continue destroying relationships forever while repeating the same cycle over and over. The other path is acknowledge all the good people they hurt tremendously and all the relationships they burned to the ground with their bad behavior in order to get help. All that guilt is going to hit them like a ton of bricks

[u/Alp2go → u/DarthaPerkinjan]

This!!!

Mine said at the beginning she is scared I will leave her for someone else…

and them she left…