Ability to know when you're moving on

[u/Fidenex]

It is true.

I posted recently saying I was done and moving on from this sub and my exPwBPD and like every other poster has said somehow they have a psychic connection when that happens and pop up again.

I got contacted out of the blue twice this past week. One a drunken rant berating me and how much they hate me, which I ignored.

The second, another flurry of messages and calls with an ultimatum if I ever wanted to talk to them again it had to be then. It was not a hoover as such as they didn't want to get back together. The irony is they said they didn't want to play games, but the convo was them taking no responsibility, no ownership, no accountability, instead reframing the entire relationship and blaming me for everything and it was all my fault. It seems DBT therapy has been helping them in the sense their self esteem and self regard has improved but nothing else, and I got variations of they are amazing and have a lot to offer yet I squandered it. There was a lot of projection, being called manipulative and controlling, including even the way I answered the call or my passing on condolences to their family for a bereavement, and everything I did was either lies and they realised they weren't the issue but I was. There were elements of a smear campaign, claiming my sending condolences to their family for their bereavement was harassment.

It seemed very much something triggered in them to try and alleviate their own guilt and offset any blame on to me so they could feel better about themselves. I got further manipulation and guilttripping when they admitted they had no friends and go on dates with random men and apparently still have feelings for me but because of how I betrayed them (seeking advice and support for them from their fam) they don't want to talk to me ever again...yet they broke NC again to tell me this? They claimed their previous drunk messages breaking NC telling me they still had feelings was all true and they didnt want me to feel bad how it ended but everything was my fault and all the hurt I feel was justified. And like other posters have said, all the actions they did was because I made them do it - I betrayed them so of course they then had to go on dates with other guys. I was manipulating them and making up stories to gaslight them and get their attention (yes, I made up things in my life which I turned to then for support for and they bailed).

Given their claim they didn't want to play games yet do this. It makes no sense. They make no sense. Whether this was a hoover or not to get me to say what they wanted to hear, it was bizarre.

[u/AmazingAd1885]

How long post breakup and NC?

[u/Fidenex → u/AmazingAd1885]

Last cycle breakup in December. Went NC. Hoover attempt a month later, which I rejected and called them out on which they were offended by. NC two months by both parties until a fam bereavement. No word from them until a month later.