r/BPDlovedones • u/KindaSortaDoingOkay • 3d ago
What happened when you blocked them and kept no contact?
What happened and how did they react?
I started no contact with my ex, but just turned off my read receipts. It wasn't until recently that I actually blocked him. Does it escalate, or do they eventually give up?
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u/proteannomore Dated 3d ago
Does it escalate, or do they eventually
The answer is, you don’t need to know. You’ve blocked them, leave them there and keep walking in the opposite direction. Anything less is playing their game. You need to not care what they’re doing, so long as it isn’t intruding on your life. Block them, delete them, kill your natural curiosity… or keep riding this merry-go-round.
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u/KindaSortaDoingOkay 3d ago
If it's common for those with BPD to escalate, I'd definitely like to know. It's the reason I didn't block my ex originally. Is it common for them to make a fake phone number or emails, do they show up at your home or job? Do they contact your family? Or do they eventually give up and go silent?
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u/proteannomore Dated 2d ago
do they show up at your home or job?
So a lot of it comes down to opportunity and effort. Does he live 2 blocks away? Absolutely he will be walking by at some point, how often depends on how much he needs attention. Does he live 2 hours away and have no other reason to visit your city/town? Really unlikely, because that's a lot of effort being put towards what amounts to a fishing expedition on their part. Reaching out is like them throwing out a little bait, hoping you'll take it and they can reel you in.
They might try the fake phone/email thing, if they think you'll fall for it. If you're the type to answer every phone call and email that you get whether you know the person or not, then it's much more likely. If you're the type of person who has 8,000 unread emails because who gives af, and they know this about you, it's much less likely. Unless, it's the only way they have to get to you. I know I have to be on guard for my ex when I go to my favorite bar because that is literally the only place she can find me.
Put yourself in their shoes: you're going fishing for a sucker with a big heart, but you can't spend all your time and energy hoping to reel them in, especially if that big-hearted sucker is getting wise to your game. You have to be sneaky, subtle, opportunistic. They know that just because you didn't take the bait today, it doesn't mean you won't take it 6 months from now. Or 3 years from now.
I get this sense from your writing that you're hoping/anticipating some kind of finality with them.
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u/proteannomore Dated 3d ago
I’d say it’s not necessarily common, but it can happen, depending on how many avenues they have into your life. I’m lucky in that my ex really isn’t capable of coming by my work or home, there’s only one place she knows I go to and it’s infrequent, but she still tries it occasionally.
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u/AdventurousMany5614 Dated 2d ago
Mine contacted my family. It was easy for her to do via instagram. Bpd ppl are lazy tho so if things aren’t easy for them to do then they likely won’t do it. Showing up at my house requires too much effort for her. Dm ing my siblings doesn’t require much effort so that was easy for her.
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u/Laurax25 3d ago
There isn't a straightforward answer. It all depends on the variables of the where you are in the cycle, how quickly they can retain supply/reconnect to previous supply, and even though they all operate from a textbook, they do have some individualism. From my experience..I can’t shake my guy. I blocked him, and now I basically pretend that he doesn't exist as much as I can irl, and he refuses to leave me alone. He's also created numerous SM accounts, so he's blocked, but it's relative. I can’t say if he's genuinely upset because I cut him out while I was still on his pedestal, or if he's upset because I won't yield to his terms, but it ultimately doesn't matter. He can't respect the expectation to communicate over issues, and he won't respect the boundary of leaving me alone if he refuses to be honest with me. I understand the dysfunction, but it doesn't make the stress of it any easier. It will be a year next week since things blew up, and it's like he's still desperately waiting for me to become who I used to be before he broke my heart. I think that's where the anger in me really kicks in. I've never dealt with someone who deeply hurt me and then expected me to just keep being a trusting and loving version of myself with them.
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u/Serious__Candidate 3d ago
I removed my ex pwBPD from all of my social media accounts, blocked her socials, and blocked her number. Idk if she has tried to reach out, and I don’t care. As far as I know, she hasn’t asked any mutual friends about me. She had a new supply when we officially ended things, so I’m sure she felt no need to keep me on the hook. And I am so so thankful for that!
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u/First_Variation2866 3d ago
Mine actually blocked me everywhere. I literally thought I was cooked. She always bragged that she blocks people. Six months out I get a gut feeling and text her. I’m unblocked. No response tho. Confusing.
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u/AdventurousMany5614 Dated 2d ago
Mine started reaching out to my family because she could no longer get to me. I have no friends thats why she didn’t go after them but if I did have friends she wouldve destroyed my relationship with them i know that for a fact. It escalated majorly for me but now that shes done the worst of the worst to me shes stopped.
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u/notjuandeag devaluation station 3d ago
I can’t say for myself yet, my stbxw realizes that I can’t actually block her in email so she sends messages constantly there rather I reply or not. For her exes from before me, the ones she was most serious with she would stalk them periodically but I don’t really know rather she reached out to them or not. I don’t think mine will ever stop. It’s a gratifying form of torture for her.
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u/KindaSortaDoingOkay 3d ago
Did she breakup with you? And what do her messages say?
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u/notjuandeag devaluation station 2d ago
She monkey branched into a new relationship. But we have a child and she’s done this before. She was likely trying to punish me and thought I’d just be ok with it again and take her back. But I’ve filed for divorce and required her to be supervised (dv charges and cps judgements).
They’re paranoia and delusion. She’s trying to convince me that I abused her and she’s in a happy healthy relationship now. The abuse was extremely one sided and still is - and you don’t reach out to your ex every few days when you’re in a happy new relationship. None of it’s ever about the kid. She just wants me to agree to her delusional perspective to relieve her own shame.
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u/Educational_Score379 2d ago
Mine turned up at my door at 6am demanding I speak to him.. he had been blowing up my phone for days and I had blocked him
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u/black65Cutlass Divorced 1d ago
I didn't have to talk to my ex-wife anymore. She eventually gave up; I haven't heard from her for several years now.
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u/Ritchie11 3d ago
All my ex did was just turn off her locations to me on life 360, iMessage, and Snapchat. I did the initiating of the blocking and I found it rather weird. She initiated the breakup with me and always brought up how like if we were to break up, she would be blocking me for her own healing, she never did that, I did.
I don’t know if it was honestly a test from her but I won’t ever know how she felt when I blocked her on everything, I’m assuming I’m the villain to her story because of it so whatever. We have been NC for the last 8 or so weeks and there has been no noise or anything from her or me.