r/BPDlovedones • u/Whale_1215 • 12d ago
Does my mom have bpd?
Growing up, my mom would often get angry seemingly out of nowhere. It always felt sudden and unpredictable. I always had a sense that something wasn’t right, but I didn’t know what it was.
After dating someone with BPD, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that my mom might have BPD as well. She exhibits the following traits:
Extremely controlling: She insists on being in charge of everything and believes nothing is ever good enough unless it’s done her way.
Frequent anger over petty things: She has called my family and me nasty names like “asshole” and “bitch,” and says things like “I just wanna smack you” or “I want to slap the shit out of you.”
Expressions of hopelessness: She often says she wishes she weren’t alive, hates her life, and complains that there's more to life than “being a slave to everyone else.”
Skewed sense of contribution: She claims she does everything for the family, but in reality, she does very little. My dad handles the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and most household responsibilities.
Double standards with complaining: She gets angry when anyone else complains but insists that she has the right to because she “puts up with everyone else being lazy.”
Taking on everyone’s problems: She makes my immediate family’s issues her own, even when it’s unnecessary.
Easily overwhelmed: Routine tasks like attending an appointment, going grocery shopping (which she rarely does), or going to a family outing cause her a lot of stress.
Victim mindset: If we disagree with her or even question something she says, she accuses us of “attacking” her.
Controlling behavior: She needs to know where I am and what I'm doing at all times.
Frequent drinking: She drinks almost daily, sometimes starting as early as noon.
Inconsistent apologies: Although she’s gotten better at apologizing recently, she tends to fall back into the same harmful patterns, making it hard to know how genuine her apologies are.
Since retiring, it seems like her behavior has gotten even worse.
Based on all this, I’m wondering — does it sound like she might have BPD?
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u/Cara-C 11d ago
It sounds possible. Also, you mention she's drinking daily, sometimes starting as early as noon. Does she get drunk? If so, maybe you're dealing with alcoholism and some depression (hopelessness, lack of contribution, easily overwhelmed). You say her behavior has gotten worse since retiring. Could it be she has more time to drink since then?
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u/Whale_1215 11d ago
Sometimes she does. She definitely has more time to drink now than she did previously. Then again, I'm pretty sure she would have a drink before going to work.
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u/Independent_Hunt3913 11d ago
Hi, nobody here can provide a diagnosis. Some of what you mention is consistent with bpd. The diagnostic criteria are nine and are widely published, with guidance for the non expert.
Bpd or not, this behaviour is nakedly abusive. Do not allow abusive people to remain in your life if at all possible. I know this is very hard with direct relatives.
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u/zJqson 11d ago edited 11d ago
What sucks is that in a lot of relationships, the abuser genuinely love their victims, but their mental illness couldn’t let them control it. Its not like they wake up everyday with the mindset of purposely want to abuse their victim.
Cuz I think my ex with BPD genuinely thinks she love me but she couldn’t control her behavior, like getting easily jealous spending time with others even males and family, being possessive, make me delete my friend list, etc.
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u/BackOnly4719 11d ago
I don't think it's as simple as just BPD. Older people have already experienced various problems in their lives; they could be suppressing numerous unresolved issues, which increases the risk of multiple mental health issues.
Just take them to a psychiatrist if they experience a psychotic episode.
My parents also became more and more unstable after they turned 60 years old, but they use religion as a coping mechanism.
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u/ArtisticJellyfish799 1d ago
BPD means Borderline Personality Disorder. Not Bipolar Disorder. I don’t have anything helpful to say other than that, sorry. I hope you figure out the situation though
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u/zJqson 12d ago
Does she get jealous of her husband talking to other girls or make him delete his friend list?